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Women in a workplaces often act touchy-feely, light flirting with all the male employees. That's beneficial for them (being likeable, betas doing work for them etc.) Now, what is the most beneficial type of behaviour towards female employees as a male? (self.asktrp)

submitted by studentAskTRP

I'm not really asking how to have sex with female colleagues...

I'm more focused on gaining power, respect and being likeable.

Obviously I know, the higher my SMV, the easier the manoeuvring is, both with males and females.


[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 49 points50 points  (11 children)

Well, insofar as I have been summoned....

This is going to be a relatively basic answer, but a lot depends on the office environment and political culture where you work. There are two types of women in the office: Pre-Wall and Post-Wall.

For the Post-Wall/Mother Hen types, utilize "classic" Western chivalry. Hold doors, offer help if they are carrying something heavy, etc. They've become (or are in the process of becoming) unused to attention from men. You aren't gaming them, at all but just being helpful & nice, like your mama taught you. Like a bluepill. But you don't care about banging them, you just want them to like you, and say "He's such a nice man" and such.

Ex. Years ago, at a different gig, I happened to come into the office in the early evening as I sometimes do - nobody around to pester me, so you can get three hours of work done in an hour - and the HMFIC's admin was working on some huge project. So after just dropping buy to alert her that I was on the floor--women working alone at night can be a bit jumpy -- and exchanging pleasantries. so I wouldn't scare the shit out of her accidentally, I went about my business.

As I was leaving, I noticed she was preparing what appeared to be a rather heavy box, so without really thinking about it, I offered to carry it down to her car for her. Turns out it was a really heavy box, but I hoisted it on to my shoulder and off we went. Anyway, that was enough to get me onto her VIP list, and I didn't realize the extent that she had the ear of her boss, the HMFIC. Also, although I didn't know it at the time, as I was still something of a plebe at that point, she's a an office politician in something of a "Griselda Blanco" kind of way, and good at rewarding her friends and punishing her enemies.

For the Pre-Wall/Baby Chick types, you you want to run light game, but never give the impression that it's anything more than "in fun". Because HR doesn't have much of a sense of humor. Keep it light and fun, and stylish, not overt. A lot depends on who you are. I had a former boss who was a total perve towards women in the office, but he would get away with it b/c he was a white-haired, grandpa type. You could see women doing the math in their heads and he always fell above the age line; i.e., a younger guy would have gotten nailed for it. I'm late 40s so I can easily camouflage myself as a "Kindly Uncle" {N.B. as opposed to the "Creepy Uncle; it's important} when need be. Also, at this point I've been a "known guy" at work for nearly a decade.

There are of course, exceptions. If the young chick is an SJW or otherwise psycho, maintain a perimeter.

Also I work with an older lady, in her 50s who you can tell was smoking hot back in the day, and who many guys in the office would happily bang now. Even one of the gay guys. Or so he told me. Anyway, she and I have a very friendly relationship as we're both natural extroverts, and I'm good at greasing her deals through. A lot of the younger women in the office look up to her as a role model, thus she provides me with a TON of social proof as she's very flirty, touch feely with me in social (like after hours) situations.

Similarly, I used to work with a woman named "Maria", who was well-past the Wall, had four kids and had never lost the baby weight and had packed on a bunch more besides, and likely hadn't been railed out by her hubby since the first Clinton Administration. So as it turns out, I'm a singer, and she walked into the coffee room one day while I was pouring a cup and I sang the first few bars of "Maria" from "West Side Story". Now, clearly I was just being amusing, but it did make her whole day.

Do I do this from a Machiavellian perspective? Not really. I was happy to make Maria smile, and I enjoy the sales chick's company, in addition to the social proof she provides. Life is short and work sucks. Why not have fun? And if the fun pays dividends, so much the better.

[–]JamesSkepp 8 points9 points  (1 child)

For the Pre-Wall/Baby Chick types, you you want to run light game

And no kino at all. Physical touch at workplace = rape if it means saving her face vs being perceived as flirty.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For the most part yes, good policy, but this is also situational.

I feel another "CorporateLand" post coming on....

[–]killm3throwaway 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Top reply here. Though I'm not OP, i have a follow up question for you - as a person mid 20s bouncing between offices how do i easily suss out the SJWs in the work place? Because in these westernised pussy offices i seem to be jumping into the workers suddenly put on a white knight hat seemingly at random just in normal conversation.

How do i spot those people quickly so as to not say anything to piss them off and maybe get my job taken away?

I only ask this because in my previous job i had a scare where i could have lost my job over a comment that made me seem, at most, mildly sexist (which i wouod absolutely not describe myself as) due to a HR report.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 3 points4 points  (2 children)

When you're the FNG, keep your mouth shut until you learn the terrain. These things will be revealed over time. Some people leave obvious clues in the cubes/offices, others do not.

Listen more than you speak, and proceed from there.

[–]Zaorish9 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What does NB and FNG mean?

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 0 points1 point  (0 children)

N.B - Nota Bene. How the Romans said, "Pay attention to this bit."

FNG - Fucking New Guy.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[deleted]

    [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 6 points7 points  (3 children)

    Avoid having a female boss if possible. If not, an older one who gets it is ok. There is a very senior lady boss where I work who I would go to war with 7 out of 7 days of the week.

    The real problem is communication style. Women tend to be more obtuse and say things like "Oh whenever you get to it", when they really mean "By noon, tomorrow." So with a lady boss, emphasize clarity. Ask for specific milestones/deadlines/etc., and things will go more smoothly.

    Oh, and it's not just us. You know who else prefers having a male boss? Women. More than we do. By a lot. Why? Because women understand other women, and they hate each other. And male bosses are more predictable, mood-wise, etc.

    Regarding direct reports, women are going to have more problems/drama, come in later, leave earlier and take more sick days. Those are just the facts. It's part of the reason we get paid more - when we do get paid more.

    From the "hire" side of the desk, I will hire old, ugly and skilled over young & big tits, because Y&BT, even if she has talent, will have DRAMA. You will wind up doing, or delegating, Y&BT's work.

    Incidentally, this is another reason why you want to cultivate the Hens. I had a CA once who was a total pain in the ass. She'd had her last boss wrapped around her finger, and was lazy as fuck. Always agitating for more $ -- she knew that the last woman who had the job before her got paid way more. Of course that woman had a shit-tone more talent. So this chick was also rocking the 'rocker chick slut look', and she did have a nice body, but was something of a "butter face", etc. If you ask me, she needed a good scrubbing.

    She would complain a lot and I finally told her if she put as much effort into doing her work as she did trying to get out of it, she wouldn't have any problems. So when we hired her - it was the HMFIC's call, not mine - the Hens thought I would go easy on her, but when I didn't they were happy. And when she tried to make a move on me with the Dept Chair, the Hens locked themselves into a phalanx around me, and totally had my back. Verdict: The Rebellion was CRUSHED, mercilessly.

    You are going to find some good citizens, though. You just have to understand who you're dealing with. If you think someone is a bit sketchy, leave the door to your office open or have a 3rd person present in the meeting, if possible. Or meet in a conference room, preferably the "fishbowl" kind. Anyway, that's it for now.

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Happy to help. I think I will expand my replies on this thread into a "CorporateLand" post. Depends on how much free time I have.

      [–]InscrutablePUA 6 points7 points  (5 children)

      [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 8 points9 points  (4 children)

      "Look! Up in the sky! It's the VZ signal!"

      Thx for the heads up; I will reply in an independent comment.

      [–]InscrutablePUA 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      I have you to thank for the Stanley Bing recommendations! How to Relax without getting the axe should be required reading for office drones

      [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      Yeah. Bing wrote about what I was doing, in effect. I would have adiosed CorporateLand long ago, but when I get paid bank to basically have a lot of freedom, how can I say no?

      [–]InscrutablePUA 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Do you have any experience with the management/strategy consulting field? I'm about to get into it post-grad school and have some questions about it.

      [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      PM me. Not my particular field, but I will see if I can help.

      [–]The__Tren__Train 10 points11 points  (2 children)

      you have to be extremely careful with women in the workplace

      if they flirt, and you simply respond in kind, expect to hear from HR.

      women wield ungodly levels of power in the office, and they know it.

      [–]TRP_Fraternity 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      You'd become a social outcast at work immediately

      [–]genx_rp 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Be confident in your ability, make eye-contact,

      Give them credit when it's due but don't flatter.

      Make small talk and smile. Don't ever disagree about things not pertinent to work. Don't bitch about your job but if they bitch about theirs listen. Don't acknowledge their complaints if you can't do anything about it, instead tell a joke. They just wanted to feel better anyway.

      Dress well and groom yourself.

      You do everything you'd normally do to build attraction but draw a line at being overtly sexual. Women treat men better when they're attracted to them.

      They're fine if you're a player outside of work, don't tell them, they'll sense it. They'll even suggest this but I never give them anything more than a smile. Just don't bring that game to the office. Women talk more about make coworkers than men talk about women. If you disappoint a lover things can go rocky or get dramatic. That shit at work can be career suicide.

      [–]FrameWalker 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      Be high smv and exude power and warmth. Form little social cliques and only include those who do your bidding.

      [–]nubfilter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      That last part is the key. Particularly if you are a source of information or a "mover and shaker".

      [–]batfish55 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Lol, if you want to keep your job, you avoid anything personal with women (well, everyone, really, but especially with women) at the office. One comment taken the wrong way is a quick trip to HR. Which is also run by women.

      Sigh. But you're not going to listen to logic, are you? You still want to risk it.

      Fine.

      Don't be alone with a female in the office. If she talks, be a therapist. Listen. Don't judge, don't offer opinions, other than, 'that sucks' or 'that's great' when those are obvious responses. You have no opinion. You offer no advice. You certainly don't subscribe to any misogynist ideology like TRP.

      [–]1oldredder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Being flirty near the line for what's safe works well for me. Maybe a little over, maybe a little behind the safety line. When I've had women managers this works well with the exception if they are more bitchy. Generally I also can't genuinely push the flirt-vibe ahead for one who I think is very far from attractive. I've been when I've used it I've had female managers who are attractive.

      [–]mrust 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Holding frame.

      You will get shit tested more initially, but if you make it through to the other side, the women will start deferring to your judgement. They will start doing favors for you, taking your side in arguments, and following your lead.

      [–]1BrunoOh 0 points1 point  (0 children)