Why is it old friends become new enemies? (self.asktrp)

submitted by Bshenron

Ive been swallowing the pill since Dec. Interest from girls has increased greatly and my physique is improving regularly. Something ive found is that people i have been friends with for quite some time have changed from those i would talk to, to those who now talk about me.

Why is it that when you focus on yourself people change how they act? Especially girls you were seeing back in your blue pill days.

[–]re1ser 80 points81 points  (1 child)

1) Your behavior changed towards more edgy and assholish, which is perceived badly between your acquaintances.

2) They're bitter because they see you improving.

It's either one of these two, or both.

[–]ppanthero 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would even say most of the time its option 2. Many others don't like to see improvement, especially when they have a fixed picture of you.

[–]1redhawkes 34 points35 points  (1 child)

Crabs in a bucket mentality. Keep improving yourself dude.

[–]Bshenron[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Definitely been a surprise when friends go from "Dude you're looking so good now from the gym!" to " Why do you want to look good? It's so vain and pointless."

[–]Magnum994 13 points14 points  (0 children)

The change in their behaviour is the indicator of you improving. There have been numerous moments where I just knew people are trying to put me back down. There was one time when a girl in my study group made me a big favour and I didn’t even ask for it (probably due to social proof I had displayed earlier that day) and then another one said later to her far away from me, thinking I don’t hear her: “Why did you do that for him? - You shouldn’t have done that.” - Translation: We’re trying to put this male back where he belongs, you aren’t helping by doing him favours.

But the funniest thing is that sometimes it is old friends and acquaitances acting like you are still the same guy, just trying hard to be something that you aren’t, trying to make you think you didn’t actually achieve anything and should return to the old paths, while new people react worlds apart differently to you. The friends and colleagues should never be exclusive, because if you are trying to become better in life, they are the first who are going to try to stop you, because they are going to “feel” pathetic when they see a guy who they always have seen as a loser, become a winner.

Just imagine what would go through your head, if a loser guy who you could mock easily, would suddenly be able to make a fool of you in front of others.

[–]VikkBlack 12 points13 points  (0 children)

People love to make an opinion about something or someone and they refuse to change it. They are close minded and dont like that you are changing, they want to keep how they think about you.

[–]cappadocianhawk 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Classic slave morality. They don't want to put in the effort for one reason or another, and feel incapable of bettering their lot in life. So in order to prevent existential breakdown, they need to morally justify being the way they are.

Then there's you, making the transition from slave to master, showing them it can be done. You would think this would inspire them, but no. They've told themselves lies about success and happiness, they can't take such a blow to their whole moral structure. They've lived all their lives bound to that code, after all.

This is why red pill is very hard to swallow.

[–]Peter_B_Long 6 points7 points  (2 children)

They've just been seeing you at a certain SMV so when you improve yourself and "change" they can't just accept it and be happy for you. They internalize it and self reflect on themselves but can't agree with it so they take it out on you. Only ones that will be genuinely happy for you are your parents (if that) and your dog.

I learned this very quickly when I dumped an LTR of 5 years last year. All of our friends that we shared together ghosted me after that. It was surreal and it stung a bit. Even the ones who stuck around gave me shit tests and probably couldn't understand how I was okay after the breakup. They expected to see me in pain and in regret.

It was better this way. I found new higher quality friends who I enjoy much more. I went from having pothead / drunk / loser friends who hangout in backyards every weekend to friends who make plans to travel, friends that have a huge social circle and are known in different states, even friends with couples with a confident alpha man and a supportive woman.

Learn to let go and build anew.

[–]Bshenron[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

How do you even make a new group of friends? I have a group of friends i enjoy spitting shit with but they rarely do anything other than get wasted on the daily and i can feel it pulling me down.

For context I am in my last year of uni, so I spend a lot of my time at the gym or studying alone.

[–]Peter_B_Long 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's different ways. It starts with your state of mind. You need to feel social. You need to feel like you're someone people want to be friends with. Daily meditation and books help me with this. I'm currently reading "The Machiavellian Guide To Charm". Your presence needs to display friendliness and invitation with body language.

Practice linking. Linking is when you meet someone you don't know through someone you do. Let's say you go to a party and you see an old friend from high school with a group of people you don't know. You go up to that friend, do a quick catch up, and introduce yourself to his group, "Hey who are your new friends?" New potential friends right there. Linking is a good skill and gets easy really quick. It gives you a reason to talk to strangers and you automatically have something in common. "How did you meet Peter_B_Long?"

Example of linking: I just moved to a new state 2 months ago and have a good idea of who the regulars are at the gym I go to every morning before work. I noticed a small group of lifters always working out together. I noticed that there was one buff strong dude that looked friendly and was leading and training his group. I approached this guy, complimented him by asking if he was a professional fitness trainer. He started saying hi to me every day whenever I walked in. I noticed his group constantly glancing at me and moving out of my way whenever I walked by (example of gaining social status by being friends with someone with status). I decided to approach that group and met everyone in it (remembering names is gives you a ton of social points). Now whenever I walk into the gym, I have this group of 5-6 lifters who greet me with respect and any new cute girl who comes in will notice that.

Cold approaching is harder and it's not just for girls, but it can help get you girls if you talk to the right people. Let's say you go to a bar. You spot someone who is observing the crowd in an authoritative manner. You assume he's the owner so you approach him and ask if he's the owner. If he is, you can compliment him for the great night your having and the awesome crowd he's able to bring in. Maybe if you make him feel good he'll hook you up. Getting hooked up by the owner of an establishment is major social points and everyone is gonna want to be your friend.

[–]Thrawy124 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My two best friends who I had known for 10+ years suddenly became very distant from me when I started to act more alpha.

I was always the socially awkward punch bag, and when one of them heard that I was talking to a girl he flipped his shit and hates me. The other one is alright, to afraid to say shit to my face though, he also told me "He is mad that you can live without him" weird shit.

[–]CypressSmallz 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Because you’re fucking up the power structure of the group and they want to put you back into you place. People always remember you as how you were when you first met.

[–]Cloudsurf89 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There's an element of this in what I've been going through. (Have been low-moderate level RP for last 7-8 yrs but have been loving this sub since finding it a month ago). Saw some of my friends this weekend with my LTR, an old friend tried a couple of times to undermine me - under the guise of joking around but there seemed to be an edge to it - LTR tried to join in with him so I went cold on her while keeping frame and just spoke to others.

She quizzed me about it on the way to the next bar so I gave off indirectly that I wasn't impressed with her behaviour (kept my cool and frame though). Immediate apology which I escalated in meaning that any apology would need to be physical too and not just words - pupils dilated and complied straight away. Shit test passed but not as convincingly; we're human, I'm still learning. She pretty much jumps me once we get home though and fully initiates.

Next morning - I'm up and about with headphones in, stuff to do, focused on getting my stuff done. She picked up that I'm distant from her, dances around the subject most of the morning, we finally get round to talking. She's acknowledging that she's messed up and wants help to 'unpick what happened'. I say that I'm not upset or angry as she suggested (and I'm not to be honest) - I explain that Friend has tried a couple of times to undermine me in the last couple of weeks, I've given some leeway due to his recent break up from 4yr gf (unexplained but on her terms) but that it will be coming to a head soon - either he'll back off, I'll have words and he'll sort his behaviour out or I'll drop him.

I then say that I won't be undermined by anyone I'm close to as I don't see any reason to tolerate it. Dread game kicks in, gf hating the idea of being dropped, her parents due any time but I say I'll be expecting the blinds shut and her waiting naked on the sofa by the time I've finished making a cup of tea. She eagerly complies and actually thanks me.

TLDR: Old 'friend' undermining me - will need to come to a head soon. Gf tries same (as shit test?) - I eventually clarify my intentions and am able to hold frame.

[–]wolframheart90 3 points4 points  (0 children)

sometimes you outgrow people or they outgrow you. not everyone stays in your life forever

[–]Zanford 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Crab in bucket mentality.

For the girls, they're testing you. A girl seeing you go from blue to red / weak to strong is not nearly as good as one who meets you red (this is why it's almost always a lost cause to get out of the friendzone). So these girls, they may feel some interest in you now, but will shit test you hard to see if you are the real deal. Much harder than girls who didn't meet you until after you got fit and learned TRP. Maintain iron frame and keep improving that physique.

Or they are ugly/fat girls with no hope of getting you now, they'll be bitchy just as a sour grapes / crab bucket mentality. Just ignore those.

[–]markinsinz7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's NOT FULLY crabs in a bucket mentality it's also cognitive dissonance. Once people have slotted you into a category or status particularly that is lower than them then they ARE OKAY with you improving your life and 'changing' becoming more 'masculine' etc AS LONG AS you don't become BETTER than them or are too masculine (alpha ish assholish watever ur word of choice). Their subconscious has trouble adjusting to the new status quo so they reject it.

This is not just status but the game of life. If you get rich then u jump the status ladder n all ur friends will also be well to do in similar levels as u. If u lose ur money you'll lose your friends.

Overall it shouldn't matter to u - get better you'll attract new people. Sadly these days with all the media around people are getting less social so even if u do improve it may still be hard to become good friends with new people equal/lower in status to you.

Only solution if u want to keep ur friends is too each time you meet them you inject a little bit of ur new behaviour into everything however be ready to back ur shit up cause you'll be shitt tested be ready to fight even. But most of all be ready to walk away if they choose the higher status guy who u end up fighting with.

[–]PhaedrusHunt 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Being popular and being well liked are different. Welcome to being popular!

[–]Bshenron[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Wow, what a way to literally change up the way I've thought for the past 21 years!

[–]PhaedrusHunt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

;) Not a bad feeling is it my man? It's better to know your measure with these people.

When your value was lower they felt no need to test you.

[–]trp_nofap_rewire2018 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Crabs in a bucket. You’re improving, they’re not, which is an indirect message that they are mediocre.

Also you’ll have to (or not if you cut them out) hear shit like: you’ve changed so much, stop being XYZ, youre faking it blablabla

Disregard and keep doing your thing. Replace shitty people for like-minded friends who want to grow WITH you.

Best regards bud

[–]haunted123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

they have more to prove

[–]MeetCake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. Show up.

  2. Fuck.

  3. Clean up.

[–]ComfortableBowl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Came here to double what everyone else says. The moment your behavior shifts from what they have learned to expect from you is when they start moving your "zone of influence" smaller and smaller.

But that's one version.

The other version is that this was always the case and getting redpilled has only made you grow aware of how they were treating you but you were too "romantic" to notice.

Regardless of which case is real in your scenario, the outcome doesn't change: Display abundance and make new friends who will be more supportive with your goals and treat you in a manner you deem respectful. And always remember that friends aren't only toxic when they push you towards hazardous activities but also when they're neutral. Neutral isn't good, good is good.