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I always lose attraction to my LTRs and end up cheating, dumping, or pushing them away. Why does this happen? (self.asktrp)

submitted by LiveAFTSOV

I'll be spinning plates or riding solo, meet a great girl I get along with- we compliment each other, fuck ... then 9 months later I start craving other women and end up cheating or dumping. I always lose attraction to the poor girls too, we end up heart broken.

Guess it's an aspect of sexual nature

I now always make any girls wanting LTRs from me that I will never be tied to one woman.

But why do I lose attraction? How can I prevent it?


[–]Corvus_Uraneus 46 points47 points  (9 children)

Its called the honeymoon phase, usually fades at 6 months. Perfectly normal.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (5 children)

aka the coolidge effect

it's your body telling you to diversify your sexual partners in order to guarantee survival of your genes (girls have this too but not as bad as guys)

[–]TheReformist94 6 points7 points  (4 children)

I actually think they have it worse than guys

[–]kaazsssz 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I think you’re right and wrong. But it’s just an idea I have tell me what you think?

OK, so the guy you replied to is right, it’s to diversify your genes. But that only applies to males who can consider themselves able to diversify their genes. A beta male will be more willing to settle down with one female because the odds of him reproducing again within a LTR is much higher than him riding solo...in an evolutionary sense. This, more men are willing to settle than women. Because most men are stuck i the beta category. Only the top percentage of men can be alphas who can fuck whoever they want. Meanwhile females really never have to ride solo, they are always desired. The only thing that keeps females from forever fucking every male possible, is the fact that they must raise children, and it’s evolutionarily advantageous to settle with a beta male who wants to settle as well, and care for the children. The female keeps her edge though, by sneaking off and mating with an alpha male, and having beta male raise the children. But this is like, pre-cognition humanity. Nowadays we know pretty often if the kid isn’t ours if it comes out a different color or looking crazy like someone else. But many animals do this kind of thing and the beta male never knows his kids ain’t his. He doesn’t have the Maury show to go do a dna test on lol.

So us males we have two strategies depending on our stance in the sexual market place. Either find someone to settle with for the long haul, or fuck as many females as we can because well...we know we can.

I’m not sure if this is common knowledge or if I’m talking out of my ass or what, but this is based on what I’ve learned from biology about different mating strategies with animals.

Chimpanzee females choose who to mate with by which male dominates all the others. The female must raise the babies by herself. The alpha male mates with all the females and only his trusted friends and family members are allowed to mate as well (because being the only alpha who mates is dangerous he would get ganged up on and killed, thus he must play a game of it and promote lieutenants and such.

Bonobos (I think it’s bonobos) females choose their mate based on how similar in size and appearance he is to her. Meanwhile she sneaks off and fucks other males, and leaves the first one to raise other males babies.

Humans are a mix of these two mating strategies.

So basically, yes, females have it worse than guys because all females are inherently desirable (except those few at the very very bottom). Whereas like 80% of guys are basically the equivalent of the bottom.

[–]TheReformist94 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I largely agree with you, and see where youre coming from. Of course.

However, I still think the coolidge effect affects women the same amount as it does men. THe factors that would lead scientists to believe the female is less promiscuous ( risk of childbirth egg sperm etc) most of these reasons are economic, so no longer valid.

This sub likes to think women chase commitment, but the reality is we now have the CC on steroids, women frequently incapapable of monogomany beyond 2/3 months, and typically having harems from tinder.

Alot of women are commonly fucking 3 to 5 men concurrently, and when they get bored, the change some in their rotation. Make no mistake, if you are spinning plates, you are getting spun as well.

I have heard from girl friend's mouths that they simply get bored of the same cock like we get bored of the same pussy

[–]markinsinz7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The theory is solid here and definitely explains the basic mechanics of how our mating goes about.

The thing is while alphas do get to Chad it up and fuck quite a number of girls most don't. All my buddies who are naturals and almost never been single(qctually single not fuckboy single) more than 2-3 months they have n counts of 20-30 on average

Alphas?They fall in love and shitt and get beta-fied atleast 80% of em(applying paretos). Thus resulting in being cucked themselves.

The guys I see slaying hard POST COLLEGE are dudes with missions, or know the game n hyperglycemia of women(fuck boys red pillers etc) or just not into marriage n all that

But MY MAIN POINT is most guys who were fuckboys chads and even Redpillers do wife up sluts cause they give in n well what else they gonna do. The lone life is hard.

It's easy to say here but not building a family is fuckin hard. Having a kid and progressing your genes is as basic as you eating food. This is why we wanna fuck so much. To reproduce.

Our society is headed for a standoff, the decline is going to be a fun ride for true redpillers

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

easier than...

[–]AshyBoneVR4 2 points3 points  (1 child)

That or OPs afraid of commitment. Also could be that after the honeymoon phase, when the work starts, OP doesn't want to put in the work because the chick isn't actually worth it.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't see fear in anything he's written. Commitment isn't a default state, it's a choice.

he fears commitment no more than he fears having a burger for lunch when he's having a salad

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

pretty much. You don't want commitment, and don't have to in order to get sex.

it's a good place to be, don't worry about whats wrong with you, wonder why none of the chicks have been able to keep you around.

[–]boy_named_su 66 points67 points  (14 children)

You might have killed your ability to pair-bond by banging too many broads

Or you might have ADHD

[–]prankster999 35 points36 points  (8 children)

This. As much as us men criticize women for their inability to pair-bond, we're also just as bad in sowing the seeds for our own destruction.

[–]Ramp_Up_Then_Dump 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yes, you are right. But female end game is way better with companion. Male's end game is not that bad without one. Inability to pair bond may benefit pua too. Natural oneitis repellant.

So this is a trade off. Rip society tho.

[–]Morphs_ 5 points6 points  (2 children)

That means the best would be two virgins, right? Unfortunately not. My first gf was a virgin like me and it still didn't work out..

[–]prankster999 8 points9 points  (1 child)

That's not the point. You can't criticize women for being sluts if you're no better. It makes you a hypocrite.

Also... Law of attraction. You attract that what you are.

[–]Ramp_Up_Then_Dump 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Trp dont care about hypocricy. When I learnt it, it annoyed me but thats the way it is.

[–]mywifeson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wish the soys of reddit can see this and realize this sub is just as critical of itself as they are

[–]ioncehadsexinapool 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think gender really matters tbh. However I would say the only difference in this context would be the capacity to do such things.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is 0 evidence of this in any study on the matter. in fact, it's found to have 0 correlation at all.

Even side pieces had no bearing on it.

Know what did? Cunty behaviour from a committed partner over a sustained period of time, manifesting in either learned helplessness, or the loss of aspirational attachment (wife goggles slapped off)

[–]I_love_you_broskis -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

No. As women age their testosterone levels keep increasing and they get more and more horny. In their thirties they need a wild fuck as her husband gets older. Women just can’t help cheating

[–]Nitsujsith 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I have ADD, its basically the same thing. Anyways, how would ADHD effect not being able to do LTRs

[–]boy_named_su 2 points3 points  (1 child)

One of the main symptoms is novelty seeking

[–]Nitsujsith 0 points1 point  (0 children)

aaah, this explains a lot haha

[–]Auxfite -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I know women suffer this. But men too? Damn.. well having sex with multiple partners is a sin maybe that’s why it happens. You reap what you sow.

[–]oytrp 45 points46 points  (0 children)

How can I prevent it?

Stop getting into LTR. Just spin plates.

[–]MisplacedSanityP 23 points24 points  (2 children)

Just do an LTR where you fuck other chicks and don’t allow her to do anything else with anyone. You’d be surprised how many girls would allow that if you’re high value enough.

[–]handfulofnuts 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This. When my girl and I first started dating, she said she was cool with me seeing other women, but that she wouldn’t be seeing other men. Perfect.

Then a few months into it, she said she didn’t want me fucking anyone else any more. But if I do, just don’t let her find out. But please don’t. But if I do, just use a condom.

Oh, and threesomes are ok.

And also any time I get a chance to do anything I haven’t experienced before. Including new girls.

So it’s basically a free pass to get some strange. She just doesn’t want me to get attached to someone else, and her hamster is doing backflips to try to make it acceptable to her.

So as long as she doesn’t know and I stay with her, I can do what I want.

The other day she came over and saw some stains on the bed. Asked if someone had been there. Accepted my “no” and proceeded to take her panties off so I could rail her.

Good girl. Go for one of these, OP.

[–]Anasthaesium 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is inevitable.

[–]Endorsed ContributorWe_Are_Legion 9 points10 points  (5 children)

You have a deeper well of need that a woman cannot fulfill.

It is as simple as that.

A woman can distract you from the dissatisfaction you have, perhaps even for a while, but she cannot truly fulfill you.

The dissatisfaction will continue. This well cannot be satiated. Yet your desire to satiate it leads to suffering.

This cycle will continue until you either die, or you become aware of and decide what to do with your ego. This second outcome is called wisdom.

EDIT disclaimer: (And no, my friend, this is not a moralizing post. I use the word "ego" in the way that the Old Masters of the meditative and stoic disciplines used it. Though I also accept that my words will be summarily ignored or forgotten by you, though I wrote them very carefully. What I allude to is a far deeper wound than can possibly be fixed in a reddit thread. The dysfunction I am pointing to will become defensive and voice something like "ignore this asshole. what does he know?" But the other answers in this thread you will believe don't feel right too. You know they are wrong. I only hope to plant the seed of wisdom in the part of you that knows I am right.)

[–]Bshenron 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is this an elaboration on not making women your mission?

[–]LiveAFTSOV[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Everyone else says its natural, done worry about it.

You say it's an issue of trying to fill a bottomless pit within me.

Damn. The search for self continues. Thanks

[–]LiveAFTSOV[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

figured out what u were talking about. thanks you were so right

[–]rebuildingMyself 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Novelty wears off.

You'll fuck a hot new gf/plate five times a day, but do you really expect to be doing that with the same chick a year from now? Two years? Five?

[–]LiveAFTSOV[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I have no issues getting into long term relationships and having them last for a long time in fact that long as relationship lasted for years my problem is that I lose attraction to these girls and I start to fuck other girls

[–]rebuildingMyself 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I lose attraction to these girls and I start to fuck other girls

Therefore, the novelty wears off and you're strung out like a junkie (not for sex, but for NEW sex).

Like others said, you may have pair bonding issues at this point. Thousand cunt stare?

[–]freew33zy 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Honestly I find this too and am in a 2-year LTR rn. I get around it by having side plates (openly) and doing 3somes. Her ability to get me other hot girls definitely makes me more attracted to her--perhaps it's some sign of high social value. Also maneuver it by changing things up a lot--have had sex anywhere, anyhow, anyway, and on every drug or drunk imaginable.

[–]BluntMFer 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Nice, how did you get her to be so open about it and into that?

[–]theubernoob 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Talk. Confidently. Don't approach it as a taboo subject, approach it as a fun activity to do together.

[–]freew33zy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not entirely sure. Combination of the right girl and thinking what I want is completely natural and fine even if society doesn't, mixed with high perceived value. Also it's easiest to make this transition when the girl still has something to gain by it--a.k.a. she was my plate for a long time and I fucked other girls then too so this is still better than that.

[–]I_love_you_broskis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re an MGTOW who knows truth

[–]CalvinRichland 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Obviously you can't have it both ways.

[–]Peter_B_Long 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try LTR'ing someone a higher HB. Someone who can keep you at your edge.

Or, get into an LTR where she is open to you sleeping with other girls.

[–]Vulgar_Professional 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Avoidant attachment. Go read about it.

[–]Derfaust 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If your goal is to start a family then this is a legitimate concern.

You need to start connecting with women on a deeper level. Not just any woman though, you gotta find some girls with depth and intellectual compatibility. (Without losing yourself and giving away the power).

Alternatively as others have said, try to negotiate an open relationship that suits you.

[–]furcryingoutloud 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But why do I lose attraction? How can I prevent it?

Why on heaven's earth would you want to?

[–]Musicgoon -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

You're a man. Dominant men are made to spread their seed.. Spin plates. I agree with everyone else. Don't get into any LTR's. And don't justify it to any women.

[–]nummas -1 points0 points  (1 child)

"How can I prevent it?"... Why would you want to? You can't force yourself to remain attracted to someone. Specially when there is so much choice....

I'm the same. Back when I use to date exclusively, I was bored within the first 12 months.

I don't even entertain the idea of an LTR anymore. I'm man enough to know I'll probably cheat, so why bother being exclusive.

Spinning plates is it now, and honestly, I'm much happier this way. Don't have to answer to any woman, don't need permission to do anything. Fuck several girls with no guilt of cheating. Don't have to spend time with gf doing shit I don't want to do. Just set up play time and have fun. Then go do what you like. Much easier to soft next a plate and find another than be sent on a bullshit guilt trip when you end it with a gf.

[–]SilkTouchm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can have stuff like MLTR's or OLTR's.

[–]lovs2spuge -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Probably sounds harsh but better you be the one that does this than them.

[–]sobrage -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Happens to me as well but after one fucking month. Everytime. Don't really know how to deal with this shit I don't want to be in this cicle of getting bored of a girl after a month. What will I do when it's the right time for a LTR? Hope you (and me) can learn something useful