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Found this text and am paralyzed. Need advice (self.asktrp)

submitted by scottredler

I am a 35 year old male with a partner who cheated on me who is 32. -I am a psychologist myself so have the ability to have great insight. Doesn't mean in my own life I always do but with help of my own therapy through this I will add insights that are not soley based on my un-insightful thought process but will add the benefit of the insight I later gained which was often after the fact.

I found a phone bill that she had asked me to print out. I noticed a shit-load of texts and calls to a phone number that I asked her about that night. It turns out it was her ex-bf.

Now she broke up with her ex-bf 3 months before meeting me. I had also known openly that she remained in contact as she would travel often for work and she would leave her 3 dogs at his house to watch them for this last year of the relationship. I was fine with that, never jelous and she told me they remained friends. We almost lived together after 2 months so I wasn't even worried remotely about them spending time together as we spent almost all the time together unless she was out of town.

Well when I found this phone number, I went back and looked at the last 12 months of phone records and saw an insane amount of calls and texts to her ex for the past 12 months-since we had been together. Way more than any normal ex relationship. I read her texts on her phone and she was still sending him pictures and found out she had lied and met up with him on her birthday a few months back for lunch. She told me she was going out with a friend.

She confessed she had remained friends with him, never told him she was dating/living with a new guy and simply wanted a friendship with him. I was pretty upse. Here is the text

Her-Happy birthday-I cant believe it is a year since I have seen you

-Him-I still miss the way you taste-

-Her-Did you like my pics?

-Him-I want one of your pussy

-Her-That is for in-person only. I am still waiting on out second date-

-Him-well last time you met me, you left me for some other guy

-Her-lol-you know that's not true-I explained the situation

-Her-Don't worry I will send you more pics.

I about died.


[–][deleted] 112 points113 points  (11 children)

Hard next no contact. If she lives with you (your post is unclear) then be prepared to pack your shit and move out because she probably won't.

Sorry man. Any kind of contact with ex's is a giant red flag. Especially leaving her dogs with him every weekend and texting on the reg. This has basically been happening since you two first met you just didn't want to acknowledge it for what it was - she wanted his committment but couldn't get it, so she got yours instead and kept fucking him on the side.

[–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. OP is the Beta Bucks, ex is the Alpha Fucks. That text--

I am still waiting on out [our] second date-

That's the whole AF / BB dynamic right there.

[–]minuscipher 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This.

[–]SoRedSuchAlpha 13 points14 points  (0 children)

she wanted his committment but couldn't get it

Not necessarily; could be he was her dirty little secret (that is, someone she's hot for but would not want to commit to). Doesn't really matter, in the end.

[–]play_time_is_over -1 points0 points  (7 children)

Stop ard nexting gf's. Just plate them and emotionally nuke them.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

A lot of men are to the place where that is impossible, especially if they are emotionally invested.

So, your advice would end up with many men back with them.

Edit: typo (possible to impossible)

[–]play_time_is_over 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I have one friend who gets consistent sex because he is never emotionally invested in women.

His 9/10 GF breaks up with him and goes fucks another guy. Realises it was a mistake and comes back to him. Only now she is plate, and he's already been sleeping with other women. Just got a "get out of jail free" card on his relationship and still gets to have awesome sex.

He just doesn't care, in fact he takes it as a compliment that she slept with this guy but said he was much better at it. He's a man-slut though.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, your one friend. Doesn't translate to most guys in most situations. Especially as described in the OP.

[–]MikeAlphaGolf 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Why would you want to fuck someone who's disrespected you like this? I'm not sure you're speaking from a position of experience. I suspect not. Your advice is poor.

[–]play_time_is_over 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because they are hot and good at sex. "She hurt my fee-fee's so Im not going to talk to her anymore" sounds kind of gay.

[–]Endorsed Contributorseattleron 83 points84 points  (19 children)

Break up with her immediately. Do NOT give her an explanation. I repeat, DO NOT GIVE AN EXPLANATION. Just say, "It is time."

You need to get out now before this gets any worse and you're raising someone else's kid and on the hook financially with her for the next couple decades.

[–]thisornothing 18 points19 points  (0 children)

EXACTLY THIS.

[–]Dio_Brando_Joestar 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I did this with my ex last October. The whole No-Contact thing drove her nuts and really fucked her up emotionally. The way she explained it to me made it sound brutal. I wasn't sure if that was my intention but I thought it would help me get over her (she fucked up). Somehow we are fucking again.

Whats the benefit of hard-nexting this way again? (besides the zero closure and having her hamster her thoughts way)

[–]Endorsed Contributorseattleron 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Because her mind is an ocean of waves when she doesn't get closure. You did not give her a reason, therefore she could not hamster away that it was your fault. You did not feed her ego, you crushed it. You showed her you can get a new bitch and don't need her. You showed high SMV and abundance mentality because you cut you regular supply of pussy loose. In her mind, only a real man, a guy with frame like an oak tree, a regular supply of bitches, and goals to focus on would be able to dump an attractive woman in America/the west.

In her mind: OMG LOOK AT HOW MANY GUYS LIKE MY FACEBOOK PICS AND TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL AND HE CUT ME OFF COLD. HE MUST HAVE FOUND SOMEONE PRETTIER THAN ME, OR MAYBE IM GETTING FAT, OR MAYBE HE DIDNT LOVE ME, OR MAYBE I FUCKED UP. OR MAYBE....

And that makes you stay in her mind even more, and she has more feelings associated with you.

Remember, it basically doesn't matter what kind of feelings a woman has about you, only that she feels; and ghosting chicks makes them feelz go 100 MPH 24/7. Plus, so few men dump women that it's odd for her, she probably had no idea how shitty that felt. Again, more feelz.

And it musta worked.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]Endorsed Contributorseattleron 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Read the replies to my post, it's explained perfectly there.

    You're thinking logically. When it comes to women, don't fucking do that, you're 100% working against yourself.

    [–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (12 children)

    Everyone has you covered here. I'll add you need to start getting in contact with your bros and/or your family. You're going to need a support system, and it's better to arrange that before you break down too hard.

    Never cry in front of a woman. They usually won't understand why, but they'll despise you for it either way.

    You're a therapist (I'm actually kinda jealous because that sounds awesome), but you need some bro therapy of your own from your circle. You have additional reason to look out for yourself and to be insanely selfish. If you're having a hard time, how the fuck are you supposed to help others? Take a day or two off if you can afford it. (I took a week, and I don't deal with the public in my career.)

    Delete Facebook, hit the gym, block her number, and avoid her and mutual friends like the plague.

    She used you. That text convo had to be tough to read. She wasn't yours, it was just your turn.

    [–]Yashugan00 20 points21 points  (10 children)

    Never cry in front of a woman. They usually won't understand why, but they'll despise you for it either way.

    This!

    [–]GC0W30 11 points12 points  (4 children)

    Can confirm. Loved wife's little brother.

    Cried at his funeral, still got stink-eye.

    Reality bites, sometimes.

    On the plus side, am now fucking two chicks a decade younger than my now-ex-wife, so there is that.

    Save sadness for your brothers, not your women.

    [–]Yashugan00 15 points16 points  (1 child)

    You know the one piece of red pill I dispense freely is: don't cry in front of a woman, don't show weakness. And I get the roll of the eye as reaction. I don't care, I know I'm right.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Yes. I joke it's only ok to do so during the death of family or a friend, but in reality even that isn't ok.

    [–]GC0W30 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Man hugs or kissing your sister are okay during weddings and funerals.

    Tears aren't, I guess.

    [–]thisornothing 8 points9 points  (2 children)

    So many times this.

    [–]fakeplastictrees87 9 points10 points  (1 child)

    I once cried in front of woman. She almost laughed at me.

    [–]Yashugan00 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Oh don't worry, sho did with her girlfriends later

    [–]postreformedpua 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    So I don't know about this. I teared up in front of a plate while talking about my cheating whore of a wife. Still fucked. YMMV.

    I think there is middle ground between being a whiny bitch and actually being a robot.

    [–]sd4c 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I will add that you might want to move in with family, or a friend, if possible. It can be hard to be alone after a breakup.

    That being said, the only cures are no contact, lifting, bro time, meditation, and sleeping with equal or better-looking chicks.

    [–]Thewelshpill 26 points27 points  (10 children)

    leave her stuff on the doorstep, don't even tell her why your breaking up just tell her to get out.

    [–]RedHatStocker -1 points0 points  (9 children)

    I think he should leave evidence of the call logs/texts so she'll know exactly why he's leaving her and that he's not going to tolerate that bullshit. Women need to be called out more on this shit.

    [–]soootrp 24 points25 points  (2 children)

    Nah, let her hamster eat her up inside. Him leaving evidence will just allow her to rationalize it in some twisted fashion.

    [–]bigk12345 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Exactly this.

    But if you give her closure, she will justify it as there must be a reason she cheated/treated you like shit.

    The verbal closure of the break up is for HER, not you.

    You already know she is not worth your time. Time to move on.

    In TRP terms, she is repulsed you are the beta bucks.

    Her hamster won't be able to justify her wrongdoing in any way and will eat her up inside if you just hard next.

    She will feel like she failed as a woman and left the door open on her past.

    She is not your problem anymore. I went through the same shit and wish I knew the principle of hard next .

    [–]WillWorkForLTC 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    What sick and twisted payback the unknown really is.

    [–]omega_dawg93 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    if you REALLY want to hurt a woman...as a matter of fact, the ONLY way to hurt a woman is to leave her with a "blank piece of paper."

    they need closure to move on. do NOT GIVE her closure. let this episode sit in her mind for the rest of her life! make her wonder why you left...don't ever disclose why.

    just go.

    [–]sd4c 14 points15 points  (2 children)

    Nope. Let her wonder. By calling her out on the texts you just teach her how to be a better thief.

    [–]blackhawks93 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    This.

    [–]antariusz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Exactly, fucking hell.

    All you're doing is fucking over the next man that she is going to try to dupe, because she'll know better how to hide the texts.

    Don't tell her shit. End it. Move on. Read the sidebar. Lift.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    She knows why...

    [–]Yashugan00 25 points26 points  (2 children)

    Hard next. Don't give her closure, she's not entitled. If you're angry and you want to vent, do it in therapy. Dont show any emotions, she'll be looking to leverage any reaction you give her, and build on that link to try to backtrack out of the situation or use it to make you the bad apple to other people.

    I've never done this myself, but I really like what I read in a previous post her:

    hand deliver her box of stuff to her mom. (You've been together over a year I presume you're on first name basis with her family) and tell her calmly and composed you're sorry it didn't work out. What a shame, you thought she was the one, etc.

    Her mom will know what's up, or force a confession out of her daughter (humiliating), and then do your work for you for many years to come (let's be real, women never forget, it'll be till the end of time she'll have to hear about that one who got away and look what you're stuck with now)

    Change the locks.

    [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    This should be a copy pasta for any cheater posts

    [–]-Canonical- 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    This. Odds are you will have to fight her to get her to leave on her own. Either this or you personally pack up her shit and make her leave.

    [–]MrBowlfish 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    Everyone posting here is right and we are serious. You need to hard next her and no contact. Move on. Anything else is a mistake. We speak from experience. I've been EXACTLY where you are before. I tried to rationalize it, stayed with her a few months longer and she DID IT AGAIN. This relationship is over. Not to fret, however. Luckily for you there are 4 billion women in the world.

    [–]redditatt 16 points17 points  (3 children)

    This may come off as harsh, but if you want to maintain any credibility as a psychologist, you have to end it with a HARD next. If I found out my psychologist was putting up with this level of bullshit and utter disrespect in their own life I would demand every penny of my money back.

    Good luck man, I hope you get on board with some TRP-style self improvement and start spending time with women who value and respect you.

    [–]SoRedSuchAlpha -1 points0 points  (2 children)

    How the fuck would you ever learn that?

    [–]redditatt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    it's a hypothetical scenario designed to make the point that psychologists are obligated to have their head together. You can't help others until you help yourself.

    [–]JamesSkepp 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    She's using you. You're her wallet, her financial supportive bf. She's fucking him, or will be as soon as she's sure you will marry her.

    This is CLASSIC BetaBuX/AlpahaFux.

    You can try to argue with us, her, try to fix the LTR, confront her. It will not work, whatever you do.

    We've been there, done that, million times.

    Dump her immediatelly, give no specific reason, start lifting and meet new girls.

    [–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (2 children)

    All of her shit goes out ASAP. Block and delete everything from her. Change locks.

    This woman is not your ally. No contact, do not fight, you'll lose.

    [–]sd4c 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    do not fight, you'll lose.

    This. Don't be around her alone. Have a family member or friend go with you, or better yet, don't see her at all. She has control over your mind no different than Invasion of the Body Snatchers and you must avoid her at all costs.

    [–]Stron23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I wonder the percentage of people that actually do this after being cheated on

    [–]Docbear64 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    In my experience anytime a woman won't openly tell other guys that you exist that lets you know exactly where you stand in her life. A nice little time filler in private but not someone worth committing to or openly acknowledging your existence around other men .

    If you have any self respect I would releive yourself of this woman and pursue someone new , not just because she texted an ex but because your relationship has been a lie up until this point . She has not devoted the time ,energy , or emotion to it that you have .

    I imagine you were much more open to others asking if you were seeing someone ?

    [–]sd4c 7 points8 points  (2 children)

    and found out she had lied and met up with him on her birthday a few months back for lunch. She told me she was going out with a friend.

    Calling an ex-boyfriend "a friend" because she damn well knows you wouldn't approve of her seeing him is deceptive. It is a lie of omission. You do not want people in your life who decieve you.

    By decieving you, she demonstrated that she is not your friend. By deceiving you, she created a false reality that you depended on to make important decisions- like who to live with and who to love. It is no different than finding out she is stealing from you. Because by lying, she was, in effect, stealing your love.

    You may be tempted to demand an explanation, or determine whether or not they have slept together. Don't. Trust me, it's better to move on not knowing. You think you will feel better, knowing- you will feel worse if you try and find nothing (because you will still wonder, since you can't prove a negative and her word is no good anymore). And if she confesses to sleeping with him, or you otherwise find out- you will feel worse.

    Do not attempt to rationalize that maybe they didn't hook up. It doesn't matter if they did! She stole your love. And wasted your time, months that you thought you were a TEAM. She is a time-thief.

    Start by gathering all your things and getting them out. Hire movers if you have to. Put them in storage if you have to. Find a new place, somewhere you have no memories of her. Move. Don't explain anything to her. No call, no text conversation. No revenge. Just leave a note on the wall saying "it's over". She will know why.

    When you break up with her, she will chase you. Don't accept. If you even give her 20 minutes of your time to fuck her in a motel, she will weasel her way back into your life. TRUST ME. You might think you can keep her on the side as a fucktoy, and have no feelings. It is too late.

    I'm very sorry that your relationship is over, but you will be OK. You will be OK. I promise. But right now, you have to take actions to protect your heart from further abuse.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I wish I could upvote this multiple times. Will save comment.

    [–]practicalpor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I think that is a pretty much open and shut case. He was asking for pictures of her pussy, while she was inquiring as to the second date....what more response do you need?

    Hard next the hoe and move the fuck on STAT

    [–]RedHatStocker 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Dude, get the hell out of there NOW. I don't care how invested you think you are with this woman - she's blatantly going behind your back and is showing the most disrespect she possible could. You cannot tolerate that. No self-respecting man would. I know it's a bitter thing to realize and it feels like a punch to the gut, but this is perfect Alpha Fucks/Beta Bucks to the max, you see it for yourself now. Listen to the guys here and dump that bitch today.

    [–]InformalCriticism 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Everyone is giving you some good 2¢ options, but what I haven't really seen is anyone addressing how devastated you are right now.

    DO NOT, DO NOT get emotional with her, do not confront her, don't sort it out. Understand and accept that it's over. These people saying ditch her aren't so much giving you advice as they are explaining what must happen; this isn't salvageable, and you can only make it worse.

    Have your exit strategy and do not deviate from it when you communicate to her on no uncertain terms that it's over. Cut her out of your life.

    Every second you take keeping her in your life, or imagining a future with her, is incontrovertibly wasted.

    [–]sd4c 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    He's right. No one's addressing your serious and very real pain. We're sorry you are going through this. Nothing we say is going to fully ameliorate the pain you are going through. That's why you need someone in person to help you. A friend, a colleague, even a neighbor or paid-by-the-hour "life coach" from Craigslist. This is the time to remain calm. Don't reject the pain but do what you have to, to GET OUT and away from her ASAP. Then the hard work of staying away begins, and it won't be easy but it'll get better every couple of days.

    Update us here on your progress- please

    [–]thisornothing 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    Walk away now. Completely sever contact and stand tall, knowing that you fought for yourself. You have value, and she's an idiot if she can't see that.

    Don't give her an explanation, don't fight, just walk away. Tell her it's over and then just ride the fuck off into the sunset and have an amazing and awesome life.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    The sunset riding is critical.

    [–]thisornothing 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    There's a reason we ended so many of our movies with the male hero riding off into the sunset. We've got our own shit going on. Whilst you may have considered that an action-packed adventure, I call that Wednesday.

    [–]fakeplastictrees87 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    if home is yours, throw her stuff out and lock the doors. forget about that bitch. omg it makes me so furious just reading it. want to throw up. finish with her, that's the biggest form of disrespect in life.

    [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    I am a psychologist myself so have the ability to have great insight.

    If your "insight" isn't telling you that you need to dump this bitch, like, yesterday, then I am calling bullshit on your insight.

    She's lied to you (a dumpable offense on its own) and she is, at the very least being an attention whore. But the truth is, she's not just being an attention whore. She is craving the D, and either has been fucking him the whole time, or will be again soon.

    You also need to SIDEBAR like a motherfucker. Get this toxic lying-ass bitch out of your life, get your shit together and move the fuck on with ten other hotter women.

    [–]scarfox1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    There is no way this guy is a psychologist unless English is his second language...

    [–]SexistFlyingPig 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    What advice are you looking for?

    This situation is completely out of your control. It's a zombie relationship: it's dead, but it doesn't know it.

    She just wants the other guy. He won't commit. You did.

    SUCKER!

    Take all her shit, put it in a storage locker. Pay for the first month of the storage locker. Give her the key to the storage locker.

    [–]Yashugan00 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Send the boxes to her family. So her family can ask her all the awkward questions first

    [–]sd4c 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This is all true except the storage locker part. Might not be legal to do this where OP lives. Probably better to move himself out, and either come back when she's gone, or, just move away to a new place. Which has he advantage of new scenery. Oneitis is a bitch and changing your surroundings as much as possible is key to recovery

    [–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Tell her it's not working out. Don't tell her you know. Don't give her any reason. Just tell her that things aren't working for you.

    She'll cry, bitch, badger, and try to get you to give her closure. Don't. Just keep repeating the party line. You're done. Things aren't working out. You've already decided and aren't changing your mind.

    Your "reason" is that you're done. Things aren't working out.

    [–]heartwotroleyou 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    As somebody that's gone through this a few times, let me tell you that no matter what happens, it is over. Even if she cuts off all communications with that guy and profusely apologizes either: 1. She will do it again in the future with somebody else -or- 2. You'll never be able to trust her ever again which will lead to a breakup (or both). This is guaranteed...I promise you.

    I'm sorry bro, I know this stings but either she never considered you the perfect mate (and kept her options open), thereby using you as a placeholder or, she thought your were perfect but simply can not be trusted...ever. Whatever the reason is, it is over. It will never work.

    Do yourself a favor and end it now instead of wasting years of your life. By the way, be prepared for a lot of begging, crying and apologizing. Women can be very convincing and you may even feel sorry for her and consider giving her a second chance. Just remember, if you fall for that you're delaying the inevitable.

    Like everyone else said, hold your head up high and don't let her see you cry. You will regret it in the future.

    [–]Yashugan00 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Don't forget to add make-up sex to that arsenal.

    [–]W_O_M_B_A_T 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    Rule: never commit to a woman who talks to an ex in any fashion.

    [–]sd4c 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I assume you mean ex-bf, ex-FWB, ex-ONS. I had one who used to sleaze her way into talking to one by saying he's not an ex-boyfriend. I asked if they used to date and she said "never". I asked if she ever slept with him and she acted horribly offended, telling me "you just think I'm a slut who will sleep with anyone, don't you? You're such a horrible person!" Crying, convincingly acting miserable enough that I dropped it...

    Turns out he was an ex-FWB.

    [–]W_O_M_B_A_T 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I had one who used to sleaze her way into talking to one by saying he's not an ex-boyfriend.

    Doesn't matter. If she's pursuing/ orbiting another guy, don't commit, or downgrade to plate. Don't argue, don't confront her, don't explain your decision. Ignore her nuclear shaming tactics using amused mastery.

    "you just think I'm a slut who will sleep with anyone, don't you? You're such a horrible person!"

    Shit test failed. Grade: F double minus.

    1) (giggling) "You should have gotten paid, that's all I'm saying. Don't sell yourself short."

    2 pressure flip: Do You feel like a slut? Her: ".............no, no I don't. I've always been a nice-girl." You: (smirk) "except for when you were in that sorority in college."

    Note that if a woman sheds genuine tears, it's almost always in private. That's real weaknesses, grief, and vulnerability, and she doesn't want other people to see it.

    Any time she cries and acts miserable during an argument, it's always fake. IE the waterworks ploy. Laughter and mild contempt are the only way you should respond.

    [–]clearheadeddd 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Wait until she leaves the house, pack all of her belongings in boxes in front of the house. Not on the porch but on your front yard. She might go apeshit and start banging on the doors and will probably try go break a window so be prepared for that, get video footage and all that for evidence, but for the most part just ignore the temper tantrum.

    [–]Yashugan00 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Here's a video that explains how women create emotion to resolve a problem (rather than react to emotions). A thief is caught stealing on the beach, she fabricates a reality in which she believes all this stuff might be hers, then she gets angry at the camera for invasion of privacy. Which I knew what happened next.

    http://youtu.be/jgoYErLLIbc

    [–]vorverk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Once you pull the plug, be prepared for extreme emotional roalercoaster in next few weeks. In that time you need to stay away of any contact from her and stay with your close friends. Please listen to guys on this sub. We've been throug the same. Resist the urge to do differently than guys here recommend.

    [–]2comment 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Don't LTR girls still stuck on their exes. You wanna appear all non-jealous and the like, but the bottom line is if they're allowed to straddle branches, they will.

    [–]lanky32 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This. Can't upvote this enough. Whether you appear jealous or non-chalant about a girl's ex, if she is stuck on her, you are in for a roller coaster.

    It is irrespective of how alpha you are or aren't.

    [–]meh613 2 points3 points  (3 children)

    She should be kicked out, her stuff moved to the sidewalk, locks changed and OP should go to the gym and start lifting. You've become beta bucks, not alpha fucks. In other words, hard next, no contact ever.

    [–]SoRedSuchAlpha 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    If they live together then even if it's in his name and he pays all the bills for it, he probably can't legally kick her out overnight

    [–]sd4c 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    This is why you don't break Iron Rule of Tomassi: DO NOT COHABITATE

    [–]sd4c 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    If you don't lift pretty much every day during this, you will get depressed and you will make bad decisions. LIFT. No matter how tired you are. No matter if you have to miss work or be late. Right now lifting is your oxygen, without it you're going to feel like killing yourself, if you don't believe me, skip a day and see how it goes. LIFT. Then hire some guys to help you move out

    [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    start with self respect, answers will come

    [–]quicklogaccount 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I'll be yet another one to tell you to get it over with. Man, don't try to save your relationship. It can't possibly be worth it.

    Don't offer her explanations. She knows pretty damn well cheating is wrong, you don't need to be the one to teach her that. Explaining to her would only make sense if you felt like working it out, and you should never think of working this thing out.

    [–]soootrp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Low quality girl. You're 35 with a career ahead of you. I know it's hard to let go and you'll be wanting to go back to the status quo, but understand that she is not the girl you believed her to be. She is a girl who flirts (I'm being nice) with her ex and lies to you.

    You don't want to reinforce this behavior.

    [–]sd4c 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Just in case you are tempted to rationalize her behavior as merely lying, and not "cheating" because she wasn't caught red-handed sleeping with him:

    Heartiste - Girls Who Lie

    Character is destiny. A woman who lies about serious shit will not make a good long term girlfriend, wife or mother for anyone, so if you are a man looking for that you may want to streamline your dating efficiency and drop her like you would drop a bar serving pints in 14 ounce glasses. But don’t tell her exactly why you are leaving. As I wrote above:

    Maxim #13: Calling a girl out on her lie accomplishes nothing.

    Instead, cut through the ego bullshit and tell her the deeper truth — she is free to do whatever she wants with her life but you expect loyalty from the women you date. Say no more. Just stop calling.

    Don't tell her why you're leaving. This won't change her. It will just make her a better cheater (she'll start deleting texts, using secret accounts or a scond phone, etc)

    [–]sd4c 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Copypasta for the inevitable post delete when the OP takes her back:

    Title: Found this text and am paralyzed. Need advice

    I am a 35 year old male with a partner who cheated on me who is 32. -I am a psychologist myself so have the ability to have great insight. Doesn't mean in my own life I always do but with help of my own therapy through this I will add insights that are not soley based on my un-insightful thought process but will add the benefit of the insight I later gained which was often after the fact.

    I found a phone bill that she had asked me to print out. I noticed a shit-load of texts and calls to a phone number that I asked her about that night. It turns out it was her ex-bf.

    Now she broke up with her ex-bf 3 months before meeting me. I had also known openly that she remained in contact as she would travel often for work and she would leave her 3 dogs at his house to watch them for this last year of the relationship. I was fine with that, never jelous and she told me they remained friends. We almost lived together after 2 months so I wasn't even worried remotely about them spending time together as we spent almost all the time together unless she was out of town.

    Well when I found this phone number, I went back and looked at the last 12 months of phone records and saw an insane amount of calls and texts to her ex for the past 12 months-since we had been together. Way more than any normal ex relationship. I read her texts on her phone and she was still sending him pictures and found out she had lied and met up with him on her birthday a few months back for lunch. She told me she was going out with a friend.

    She confessed she had remained friends with him, never told him she was dating/living with a new guy and simply wanted a friendship with him. I was pretty upse. Here is the text

    Her-Happy birthday-I cant believe it is a year since I have seen you

    -Him-I still miss the way you taste-

    -Her-Did you like my pics?

    -Him-I want one of your pussy

    -Her-That is for in-person only. I am still waiting on out second date-

    -Him-well last time you met me, you left me for some other guy

    -Her-lol-you know that's not true-I explained the situation

    -Her-Don't worry I will send you more pics.

    I about died.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Not tolerable. End it. Go no contact. Women are so fucking selfish and mind fucked now more than ever.

    [–]tslextslex 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This is over. In fact, it's been over and you just didn't know it.

    This is awful, but it happens. Think of what comes next as a Civil War style amputation, where the only virtue is SPEED and a clean cut, but with the advantage that the limb will, in time, grow back.

    Protect your legal rights (vis-a-vis your lease, common property, bank accounts, whatever may apply in your case) and be gone from this.

    [–]knightSwolaire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    She was having you provide beta bux and potential security while getting tingles from her ex chad.

    This relationship is over if you have any respect for yourself.

    [–]flatox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    There's life for you. Only one way now.

    [–]Endorsed Contributorstickfiguresk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    She legit has had two boyfriends ya'lls entire relationship. You gotta hard re-wire your whole fucking set of priorities: she needs to be taken out of all of them. You know what advice you'd give somebody that's been fucked this hard? Follow that.

    Continuing contact with this woman will not benefit you in any way. Do not linger, at all.

    [–]msminnamouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    You're a psychologist? Hmm. Must have gotten your paper from one of those diploma mills.

    [–]Kosnagoo -1 points0 points  (3 children)

    Come on y'all, this guy is a troll looking to just russle some jimmies and prevent you all from going into real therapy. Is the account name not a giveaway? This is good validation for all of you probably thinking, "What a fucking idiot, even I know to (insert textbook TRP advice here)".

    [–]sd4c 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    What the fuck are you talking about? Prevent us from going to therapy? How is the account name a giveaway?

    [–]Yashugan00 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    And why do you assume we need therapy?

    [–]Kosnagoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Because many here were raised blue pill and have issues coming to terms that the world is run by red pill standards and do not accept it. Every man will eventually reach the tipping point when their blue pill ideologies are shattered. How did many of you end up here? Maybe this guy is telling the truth, but then that would just be another bullshit psychologist that should not have received a license to practice. It doesn't matter.

    [–]maxisacatt -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

    Why do people say am instead of I'm? It drives me crazy