58
59

How to cope with feeling of wasting your prime years? (self.asktrp)

submitted by [deleted]

Sorry about my english, Eastern Europe guy here.

Man, I wish I had access to the things I learned here when I was 15. I am 27 now. I've spent my teen years mostly on video games, figured out I have no idea how to get and keep a girlfriend and basically gave up. Having absent and beta dad didn't help either. Up until now I've had sex less than 10 times, get attached to girl every time and inevitably got hurt, so I avoided relationships and sex in general. The worst thing is I am not bad looking, so a lot of people just assumed I am gay (am not).

After finding about the red pill some time ago, things started to click, I've finally got answers to my questions, fixed my behaviour, stoped being clueless and for the first time in my life I am in the functional relationship. I don't care that much if we break up, the first thing I want to do is practice.

Now for the problem. The girl is 26 years old, hitting the wall, and this being the EE, she is a good RP girlfriend. When we talk about our lives and experiences, I feel so left behind, I feel like I fucked my life beyond reparation, and the sadness that ensue is starting to hinder my progress toward bettering myself. I keep misterious vibe and solid frame, she thinks I am cool alpha with lots of experience, but when I come home and draw a parallels things start to hurt.

  • She was outgoing all of here life and has huge social circle. I rarely left my room and currently have 1 or 2 friends.

  • When I look at her facebook albums, she has countless pictures from all around the Europe, parties, she has stories about summer loves when she was younger and super hot, where her eyes become dreamy, she has cool experiences and sweet memories. On the other hand I hardly left my country, my pictures on FB are 5 and 6 years old, there was nothing exciting in my life for the long, long time.

  • She had three two-years long realationships and multiple hookups. My longest "realtionship" was six month, long-distance, one-time-sex retardation. I've usually developed oneits for few of my awkward casual hookups.

  • She has a lot of sexual experience and is great in bed. I am currently struggling to get it up due to my PIED so I have to take the pill when we are having sex, and have a lot to learn regarding sexual positions and fucking good.

  • She is a great conversionalist, I am mostly quiet as fuck (constantly working on this).

And many more. So after talking about these things I've get the somehow worst feeling ever, mixed jelousy, love, nostalgia, fear, anxiety, sadness, I start sweating and breathing heavily, feeling that I wasted my youth on the most stupid things imaginable so I have very little cool stories, experiences and memories. People all around me lived through it all and are getting married, settling down after crazy, crazy years, and I am just waking up, like some middle age crisis guy who is trying to be a teenager again. Like I say, these things set me in a panic mode, I know the cure is to have as many crazy experiences now, but It is hard to calm down and is kinda fucking with my head.

I am working on myself constantly, but when this fucking feeling come I feel like shit for a couple of days. Anyone been in situation like this, care to share some wisdom with me?


[–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (10 children)

I feel like I fucked my life beyond reparation...

"The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second-best time is now."

I unplugged at age 38. I'm not saying that it's easy nor am I saying that I didn't waste decades of my life. What I'm saying is that there is only now and the future, not the past. You can learn from the past but you can't change it, what you can change is your present and your future. Speaking of which:

I am currently struggling to get it up due to my PIED...

Are you abstaining from porn and masturbation? If not I would highly suggest you do that.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (5 children)

Yes, I started abstaining few days ago, going to stick with it until I can fuck like a champ.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children)

Two pieces of advice. First don't get discouraged if you fail, it happens. Second, calibrate yourself. Not everyone needs full abstention from both porn and masturbation. If you find yourself getting too horny and getting stupid, take care of it, but watch yourself and your behaviors.

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–]allfunkedout 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    Word. I still have to crank it out twice a week to not start hitting on fenceposts and mailboxes.

    Thought I was the only one who did that. Makes me feel better.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]Acaicus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      ^ NSFL, NSFL, NSFL ^

      [–]MentORPHEUS 3 points4 points  (2 children)

      "The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second-best time is now."

      Late 40s, came here to tell OP this.

      [–]disgruntledearthling 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      Unplugged at 56. Never too late.

      [–]alpha_n3rd[🍰] 44 points45 points  (4 children)

      You're only 27? Fuck right off. I'm about a decade older than you and I'm making gains and getting my dick wetter than it has been in a long time.

      Learn from your mistakes, do not repeat them.

      [–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (3 children)

      Trying to be like you then mate.

      [–]alpha_n3rd[🍰] 22 points23 points  (1 child)

      Did a mention I'm married to a bitchy land-whale baby momma? Don't be like me. Be better than me.

      [–]A_Rex 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Have you come over to MRP yet? Sounds like just he place for you. Myself am 37 and getting my baby mama to ask for shit I used to get in college. Come check it out.

      [–]PorkNails 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Learn with others, be yourself.

      [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

      There's nothing wrong with having a few friends. People grow at different rates. I know people your age still thinking about going to school. Can always turn it around and the best fucking time to do that is now.

      I'd recommend reading The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi for you. You still have quite a bit of life left.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I am always in for more good RP books to read. Do you have some more recommendations on topics in hardening self and not caving in to these bulshit stuff?

      [–]abdada 19 points20 points  (20 children)

      Unless you're 33-37, you haven't even gotten to your prime years.

      [–]empatheticapathetic 9 points10 points  (18 children)

      I see this repeated by everyone on here but I can't comprehend how it's true. I don't know anyone who fits this idea. I've never seen it.

      [–]alpha_n3rd[🍰] 6 points7 points  (12 children)

      It's probably not true for fat fucks.

      The age average of professional triathletes is 33.7 and the overall triathlete average age is 43.1. Young people don't have the discipline to train for it.

      OP has years to train for his Ironman.

      [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      It's probably not true for fat fucks.

      So don't be a fat fuck.

      /sorted.

      [–]A_Rex 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Why not? By this time, you should have career, money, body, and life objectives in order. Women love guys who have their shit together and, by this age, you ought to have it together (or be busting your ass to make it so). Remember, men age like a fine wine.

      [–]bestCallEver 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Definitely true for me. 34 and this is the best time of my life and pussy has never been so plentiful.

      [–]1nyrp 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      It's fucking true. As long as you're not fat and a loser. Which 80% of this BP world is at that age. I had friends who put on weight after college and by 25 they were living lonely, sad, burrito-burping lives.

      I'm 35 and am loosely spinning 6 plates in 3 countries. I'm in monk mode and still get my dick sucked more or less on demand cause all it takes is a phone call. No fucking way did I have it that easy at 25.

      And I'm not even making an effort at being social at the moment. I guess I wouldn't have believed it at 25 either, because in my crowd, people started looking old at 30. But if you become a winner and surround yourself with winners, men in their 30s and up to mid 40's swim in an ocean of easy pussy and basically out-Chad every 20-something Chad except maybe a pro baller or rock star. But even a B-list rock star, I've learned, can be a BP emotional pussy, and girls pick a manlier man.

      [–]alpha_n3rd[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      word. if you're living right, age brings resources, experience, wisdom, confidence, a network, and game.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Also "Reaching your potential at 35" sounds to me more like "at 35 starts the decline". I can't imagine some 40 year old dude getting pussy anywhere near what a 30 year old can get, unless you are Leonardo DiCrapio

      [–]empatheticapathetic 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      I'm the same as you OP except I still haven't had any sort of sexual relationship yet. I have the same anxieties and disappointments and also the same age. I've had other experiences except sexual ones. I think the main thing here is that she's a woman, and her prime years are 18-30 whereas it isn't the same for guys. A lot of my friends who had more crazy youths are now in committed LTRs and have kids. Honestly I'm glad that didn't end up my fate. They say on here you start reaching your prime in your 30s but I have yet to see how it's true. Be glad you found this resource and you're still single. You know the games these women will play to get you to commit to them while they're declining and you're improving.

      Secondly you need to stop comparing yourself to others. I never compared myself to others until I met my oneitis who was in awe of how much more living I 'seemed' to have done compared to her. After we cut contact I couldn't stop comparing myself to others and developed depression. I had adopted her typical woman mindset where your perceived value is based on more superficial matters. if you wanna talk at all PM me

      [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

      you are currently at the beginning stages of your prime. she is past hers, that's why the disparity. guys start later, just the way it is. you can dip back down into sub-25 year old girls. she can't relive those years. both unfair situations, but just the way it is.

      i'd bet even if you had lived a life just like hers you would still be having this or some existential crises. living her life isn't the answer to your situation. i recommend getting into meditation and using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy solutions to help yourself through this time and give yourself perspective. this is the sort of anxiety that a LOT of people go through as they approach 30, then i assume again around 50 or when their kid's grow past "needing" them if pop culture is any indication.

      to add something i think is important - you have a preponderance of guys here on this sub and in TRP in general telling you something. you're uncertain right now, happens to everyone. what you have though is a system. when you feel like you can't trust yourself, trust that system while you push through. it works and you'll be back to trusting yourself soon enough.

      [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Yeah, Im starting to realize there is big difference in attractivness between her and me at the same age. At 18 boys are still boys, while girls are very fuckable. Now in mid 20's she admitted she is not getting that much attention, while people are commenting that I look great, and I seduced her after our second date. It generally took me a year or more of orbiting to get a gf in my teen years.

      It is a lot easier and natural for me to hookup and talk to girls now then some five years ago, so I guess its my time to shine now, like she shined before 25.

      Holly shit, thanks dude, feeling a lot better.

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [deleted]

      [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

      Nah man, with your help I want to fight and conquer this feeling, not run away from it. If i don't find a virgin somewhere, all future girls will have some experiences that will make me uncomfortable. I want to fix this shit right now.

      There is no reason to next this girl, she is frankly ok and besides she cant fuck me over that easily, this sub prepared me for a lot of situations. This relationship is perfect oportunity for me to learn something firsthand, and when I next her it will be for some other reason.

      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      I want to fix this shit right now.

      For that you need to next her so you can go and have crazy experiences with other women

      [–]Nodeal_reddit 3 points4 points  (1 child)

      For you, I'd say get off the internet and live your life. I get the impression that you're setting a standard for yourself based on what you see online. At the least you seem to be striving for external goals.

      The 'cure' isn't to go have crazy experiences. It is to enjoy and make the most the life you have. You're young, you have a great girlfriend, you're healthy. Sure, always strive for improvement, but you can't be sad because your life up until now hasn't been some TRP internet ideal. Fucking a drunk random in Ibiza isn't going to make you awesome or be some Magical happiness pill. You need to define what you really want out of your life and then do it. For you.

      Lift weights, set goals, be awesome.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Fucking a drunk random in Ibiza isn't going to make you awesome or be some Magical happiness pill.

      i dunno man that sounds pretty dope

      [–]DarkisKnight 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      The reality is there will always be others who from the outside appear to have things you don't or have done things you didn't have a chance to. However, you don't know what that person gave up to get where they are and all that that person has went through. The best you can do is to run your own race, against yourself. I can relate to how you felt but the only solution is to learn from your mistakes and take concrete steps towards your goals. Comparing yourself to others is always a losing battle. Set your own goals that matter to you and clearly define what achieving them means in concrete terms.

      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Your years of struggle, failure, misunderstanding, or whatever you want to call it is what has brought you here and what is motivating you to change. Can't really have one without the other. Certainly wouldn't appreciate it all as much without the pain first.

      I too get envious of the 15-19 year olds who are fortunate enough to find this place so early in life, but then again, I see tons of them actually trying to apply it in high school or freshman year of college and I find it comical. I'm sure some are successful at applying the principles at such a young age, but a lot of times I see them posting on here, getting all caught up in it, and I just want to shake them and say "You are in fucking high school, relax and enjoy it!"

      Lastly, I don't care how early you discover this place, it takes time to confirm the truths in the real world. Generally the truth is best realized after wasting a couple years on some girl.

      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      27? I am 29 and I am just getting into the best looking phase of my life... You make a lot of money? Go fucking travel.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Im actually poor as fuck right now due to my shitty lifestyle. Part of my improvement is learning to code, im well into intermediate phase right now and ultimate goal is making money while traveling.

      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Vanilla WoW for nearly two years was some of the best times of my life, bro. Don't regret. If you're unhappy where you're at now, move in a new direction, but no sense in beating yourself up over the past.

      [–]PantsonFire1234 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Well apart from your glaring psychological issues remember these two things.

      1. Every minute another hot girl turns 18. And you aren't going to feel morally guilty for fucking those. Simultaneously you will be showing these filthy wall hitters the door after a proper pump and dump. Fuck relationships for now, you don't have the time or money. Work on life experience.

      2. Every western girl is bound to be more socially apt and sexually experienced than your average guy. Trust me on this, even the chubby ones. Now while your social and sexual inexperience is a timely handicap. Remember that them riding the CC-train is a permanent handicap. No matter what our psychotic society would like us to bellow. It's fucking easy for a woman to have sex, attend parties and live a care free life. It's given to her by default.

      This is what's important. You are still young and getting ahead of the bell curve for the simple fact that you are red pill aware. And if people inquire you about your past- just fucking lie mate. Everyone lies, especially women. Stop selling yourself short.

      [–]randarrow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Dude, we always compare the highlight reels of other peoples lives against the blooper real of our own. Quit comparing yourself to others.

      Second, being a young man sucks. Your life is just beginning. Keep your head together and enjoy life.

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [deleted]

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Not OP but this is often a point of concern/anxiety for me. I'm 27 but look pretty young & am naturally skinny. Been lifting for a while, put on some muscle and will keep adding more, but I will ALWAYS be kinda skinny compared to the average dude. I can probably have a V-taper one day but shoulders still relatively narrow compared to average, and the skinniest wrists you've ever seen brah.

      On the bright side I'm hoping my "golden years" between 25-35 stetch a little longer than normal because I look yoolung, might be able to get away with hanging out around younger kids for a longer period of time. And my shredded abs is gun b sik

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      but I will ALWAYS be kinda skinny compared to the average dude.

      just keep lifting brah, we are gonna make it

      [–]nastynickdr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      You cant change your past. Change your present and your future.

      [–]Apexk9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      You're in your prime years. Don't waste them.

      An attractive women will have a better social life because men will want her.

      Not everyone can afford travel either.

      You're 27 life is your oyster figure out what your pearl is and get it

      [–]94redstealth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I didn't read what you wrote, but you havent even hit your prime sir. I found trp at 32. I am on an exponential curve upward with everything(money, girls, etc.).

      Did i miss out on some things when I was younger? hell yeah
      Do I regret anything? no, the past is the past and I can't change it. I focus on the now and the future.

      [–]RedCrotch 1 point2 points  (3 children)

      When you get those bad feelings go and do something with those feels don't let them eat you. Go lift, if you are thinking too much about sucking you aren't doing enough to not suck.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      That is exactly what I did, I've had a brutal workout and feel a lot better now that I improved a tiny bit from my yesterday self.

      [–]RedCrotch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Bit by bit, brother!

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      keep it up, get another hobby not restricted by time if you still got much free time (u kno one that doesnt make u take rest days)

      [–]2comment 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      If you can used that feeling to make you strive harder, use it. Otherwise discard it.

      Besides objective analysis, dwelling on woulda, shoulda, coulda 100 times or a million times, brings and changes nothing to your current life.

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [deleted]

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      if her life was really all that awesome you might ask what she's doing with you instead of being happily married to some Joe Awesome guy

      LMAO this, you kind of wonder "Woah this girl has experienced so much more than me, i am so behind", but who is really behind when she has to settle for less than the "unlimited fun" she talks about so much.

      [–]thor_away92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Your PIED and this momentary depression has a correlation. Just FYI. I wouldn't really stress on it too much as it's making it worse.

      Yup you did piss your early 20s away. But guess what? Fuck it. Cause you can't really do anything about it.

      Hard to keep moving forward when the weight of your past is keeping you down.

      So here's what you're gonna do;

      Gonna get up dust off our knees. Wipe your face. Drink some water, take a piss. Put some socks and shoes on. Quit yer damn whimpering open the front door and fucking embrace that shit called life!

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Being an interesting person is not something you buy a ticket to. Wake up tomorrow, decide on something cool to do, and DO IT. Nobody else is going to do it for you.

      You can start small. Just go hiking or seomthing.

      [–]mty_green_go 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      your prime years are 25 - 35. If you're only 27 you still got a fuckton left bro

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      prime? fuck. your smv peak is in your 30s

      [–]BrodinsOats 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Lol I am 27 and feel that my prime years are just ahead. My career is at a point where I'm making a fuckload of money, and I work remotely with low stress at nearly part time hours. I have a ton of free time to workout, and my game plan is to start traveling the world while working remotely in the not so distant future.

      I'm in the best shape of my life, and on my way to having a truly impressive physique. Female attention is the best it's ever been.

      I've got a plate giving me 2hr massages and meal prepping weeks worth of food for me, for Christ's sake.

      Life just gets better and better when you invest in yourself.

      [–][deleted]  (3 children)

      [deleted]

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      I kinda appriciate that I am fully aware of the time I have lost and how I lost it. Now I am constantly working on making my life a polygon for resurected dreams.

      I realized that people talking about teen years as a "best years" is wrong, it was just best years for them because after they got married, had kids, let their dreams go etc.. I do not intend to lock myself down, I will make money, travel and have adventures that my younger friends would only dream about.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        The traveling, fun, etc. is my endgame. Of course I will fail along the way. But working hard and having money to do shit I want in my limited free time is much better then having all free time but no money (that is how I lived until some time ago).

        Do yourself a favour and stop contemplating about meaning of life so much, it fucked with my head and it is easy to become lazy and give up while doing it. We are too stupid species to get it anyway, my goal for now is to just sit back and enjoy the ride.

        [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Your prime years are in front of you. Develop yourself into a baller, and then start banging 18 year olds.

        Click on my userid, then "submitted" then read "Life After 30: How to be an Old Guy".

        If my late 40s brain woke up tomorrow in my 27 year old body, I would be ecstatic.....