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How do I stop myself from clamming up around people of higher perceived social value? (self.asktrp)

submitted by neat_man

I feel like if I try and out-alpha people, I’ll come across as a fraud. However much I change for the better, one person with higher social standing than me will remind me that I’m still the same nervous, uninteresting, skinny-fat kid as I was before – even if none of those things are true (apart from the nervous thing I guess, lol).

So a lot of what I’ve been doing over the past few years has been improving myself so that these situations are less common. And to an extent it’s worked: from time to time I’ll find myself in situations where I recognise that my social value is higher than the people around me, and I fucking love it.

But I know it’s not a great way of thinking, since there’s always going to be people who are better than me in some way. It’s unrealistic for me to become amazing at every single tiny facet of my life, so I need to change my mindset instead. But I haven’t got a clue how.


[–]Bomm1e 72 points73 points  (0 children)

Your last paragraph summed it up. Just kick yourself in the head everytime you think this way. You don’t need to out-alpha anyone. “Alphas” don’t think “Oh yeah, I’ve totally out-alpha’d this guy”. They don’t give a fuck at all about these things. They are cool with who they are and unless other people are dicks, they appreciate them for who they are as well.

Aim to constantly improve yourself, but know that you are enough.

[–]TheRedPillMonkey 28 points29 points  (2 children)

You know what you are? The best version of yourself that has ever existed. Sure you can strive for better, but you're currently the best you've ever been.

Nobody else is as good at being you than you. That's all you need.

Some guys will be bigger, stronger, faster, smarter, or just in general better than you in some particular way. Who the fuck cares? They're not you. I'd even guarantee you those guys who you think are better than you in some way, think you're better than them in some way too.

There is no perfect. No jaw line, no bench weight, no height, no game, nothing that is perfect. The only thing that defines a perfect man is one who is master of himself.

Do you, brother. And let nobody get you off mission. Leave the dick measuring to the beta fucks who need the validation.

[–]im_deadpool 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I needed this man. Thank you.

[–]resnine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is a really good point. When you have mastered yourself it matters not what other guys are looking like/doing. Become the best version of yourself and you've accomplished all YOU need. Doesn't matter about chad over there. It's YOU that you need to focus on.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

There are those that think that most team sports are nothing more than glorified circle-jerks and that the only really worthwhile physical pursuits are the extreme and solitary ones (ultra-running, triathlons etc.)... man against nature, man against self, shit like that.

Now I don't personally espouse or deny that, but the lesson here is just to play your own game. Half the time the 'alphas' on your radar haven't even registered you one way or another, so don't get dragged down into that.

You can wear a three piece suit to a dive bar and win, but you can also be the only dude in jeans and a t-shirt surrounded by the Wall Street crowd and you can still win.

While Bruce and Tim are measuring cocks, you should be busy getting Melissa into a cab and out of that dress.

[–]neat_man[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

While Bruce and Tim are measuring cocks, you should be busy getting Melissa into a cab and out of that dress.

I love this. You're right, I have other things I need to worry about. Thank you

[–]OfficerWade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People’s self worth doesn’t come from looking like an action figure or talking about money like Donald Trump. Your self worth is intrinsic! The question you should be asking yourself is who do you think you are?

[–]Ronaldo-CR7- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fake it till you make it. Literally. Also look the part before you act the part. The people that are perceived higher smv what kind of social circle is it? Business? Sports group? Need a bit more info. However I sense that your frame may not be rock solid since your trying to out alpha other people. You should know where you stand as a man and shouldn't be intimidated by another person. Personally, What I wear has a big impact on how I feel and how people view me. This is why I'm usually in semi formal and business attire. This may or may not work for you but perceived high smv comes from appearance first. Knowing what kind of social circle it is would definitely allow me to give you more specific advice. If you are feeling like this in general then it's definitely some self confidence issues that are derived from the past. Just know you aren't the person you were in the past. If the person you are being nervous around is a lawyer who drives an Audi RS7, has multiple investment properties and is doing well while you are struggling financially, obviously you will find it difficult to compare your smv to him.

[–]Youcantbanthechamp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can stop thinking about that stuff all together and just enjoy yourself.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The key is that you don't. By doing this you're basically subconsciously comparing yourself to others, which isn't exactly the best idea. It's good to look what other people are doing but try not to compare yourself to them, since when you start doing that then you'll be creating this artificial stratification of who's on top and who's below all the time. Just focus on yourself, find what you're good at and do it 'til you're happy with yourself.

Same thing really when you're the one "on top", really. If you happen to be the one with 'higher perceived social value' it doesn't mean you then start acting all tough and then comparing yourself to others, which at this point are 'lower' than you and in turn belittling them in your eyes. Remember, you were at that point somewhere before. Usually when you keep this comparing mindset it won't benefit you either way; you'd feel resentful of yourself when you're down and can't stay grounded when you're on top. This is why you don't compare yourself.

[–]cl3537 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Get out of your head. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Stop putting people on a pedestal when you really know them you realize they aren't so special.

[–]NextForever -1 points0 points  (6 children)

convince yourself you are a God and everyone is a mere projection of your greatness, works like a charm

[–]Dark_T100 2 points3 points  (3 children)

my projections come up with the best ideas, dont they? good projection!

[–]NextForever 1 point2 points  (2 children)

thank you master

[–]Dark_T100 1 point2 points  (1 child)

But im not your master.

I am he, as you are he, as you are me

And we are all together.

[–]neat_man[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I've tried variations on this and it doesn't work that well, since you're always aware that you're tricking yourself to an extent. good for a temporary pick-me-up though