I feel like if I try and out-alpha people, I’ll come across as a fraud. However much I change for the better, one person with higher social standing than me will remind me that I’m still the same nervous, uninteresting, skinny-fat kid as I was before – even if none of those things are true (apart from the nervous thing I guess, lol).
So a lot of what I’ve been doing over the past few years has been improving myself so that these situations are less common. And to an extent it’s worked: from time to time I’ll find myself in situations where I recognise that my social value is higher than the people around me, and I fucking love it.
But I know it’s not a great way of thinking, since there’s always going to be people who are better than me in some way. It’s unrealistic for me to become amazing at every single tiny facet of my life, so I need to change my mindset instead. But I haven’t got a clue how.