Up until about age 18 when I went off to college, I was your typical Omega: physically weaker than women, no friends (nobody came to my graduation party and even teachers joined in / encouraged bullying me), addicted to World of Warcraft and pornography and didn't care about anything other than receiving my next dopamine rush from video games and porn. Add a self-injury problem on top of all of this and you have me how I was just five years ago. As of now, I have two bachelor's degrees (one of which is STEM and both Summa Cum Laude), a career I am passionate about, can pass all military fitness tests (not a huge physical feat, but much better than how I was before) and live in a luxury apartment next to the beach which is next to a world-class city. Still don't have any friends or hobbies though.
Despite all of this, my family has always told me I need to "let loose", "have fun", "enjoy yourself", "be happy", etc.. The only time that I am truly at peace is when I am at my job / studying or doing the basic requirements of being an adult (paying bills, cleaning my place, doing laundry, cooking my food, exercising, etc.).
Any time I go out to do things outside of what I listed above, I just feel on edge. I feel as if I'm making bad choices and I am afraid that I will slip up and spiral down into how I used to be before: a waste of space that nobody saw any potential in. In fact, I even studied abroad in another country in college and I didn't "have fun" at all. Not only that, but everyone on the trip sensed it and didn't want to associate with me (the people traveling with me described me as "stoic", a few said they can see me being a "James Bond Villain" or "assassin", and even the professor / coordinator with us tried to get me to "open up") - the truth is I was the lowest-SMV person and didn't want to get in anyone's way.
How do you "have fun", "live life" or something along the lines? I am afraid that I will go back down into the depths of Hell and never come back up again. Even during sex, I don't have fun and am constantly thinking about shit I need to get done.