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The most asked question here on AskTRP is something along the lines of "Should I get back with my ex?" Here is why the answer should always be NO. [Crosspost from /r/TheRedPill] (self.asktrp)

submitted by RedditAdminsSuck_88

I wrote this post on the Main Sub but in reality it applies here. Dozens of times a day the same question is asked. "Should I get back with my ex?" or "My ex texted me. Should I respond?" or "My ex is all of a sudden talking to me again. What does this mean". Basically any question here with "My ex" or "My former oneitis" applies here.


Summary: Trying to get back with your ex - even if its not actually "getting back" with her - is a bad idea. Don't do it.


I've been posting on AskTRP for almost 3 years now. I've seen a lot of questions there, and by far the most asked question, asked dozens of times a day, is:

"Should I get back with my ex?"

Now the question isn't always worded that way. Sometimes its "My ex texted me, what should I do" or "My ex is being nice to me all of a sudden, why?". Like with women, you have to look at the underlying subtext to the question being asked. When a woman asks you if you have a girlfriend, what she is actually asking you is "Do other women find you attractive?". So when a guy is asking some question having anything to do with his ex, what he is actually asking is "Should I get back with my ex?".

Some of these men will try to justify/hamster away when asking a question of this nature. "I don't want to get back with her..." they say. "I just want to hang out with her or go out with her or fuck her or plate her or <anything that isn't LTRing her>". It doesn't matter what excuse you hamster up - the underlying question is still "Should I get back with my ex?".

Rollo Tomassi puts it perfectly with Iron Rule #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

Even if its just to "talk to her" or "hang out with her" or "fuck her" or "plate her" and not actually get back with her - its still a bad idea. It's like eating your own vomit, eating out of your own garbage can, re-using a sheet of toilet paper. It's like trying to rebuild a car you crashed into the pond.

What's even worse than someone asking if they should get back with their ex, are the answers they get from guys who don't have a clue. They will reply with "Go for it! As long as you don't make her your girlfriend!" or "It won't hurt if you just fuck her or plate her!". Bullshit. That's shitty advice and detrimental and you are doing him no good. I always hit the downvote button with a swiftness when I see such a reply.

The thing is, when someone is asking "Should I get back with their ex", it is 100% motivated by oneitis. The man asking this question already has the answer in mind. He already WANTS to try and make an attempt to get back with her. He is just looking for others to tell him "Yeah man! Go for it!" so he can feel better about doing so and have an excuse if things go wrong - "But AskTRP told me to do it!! I just followed their advice!!". In other words, plausible deniability and confirmation bias rolled in one.

A man who doesn't have oneitis won't be thinking about getting back with his ex. It will never enter his mind. He would have ghosted her already and moved on with his life. So if you are even pondering such a question, even if its "just to talk to her" (yeah, sure) it means you still have oneitis. 3 billion women on this planet and you are still focusing on trying to rebuild a relationship with a woman you already failed with. What makes you think it would be better the second time around?

Since the oneitis is still present, its why its such a bad idea to even entertain the notion, even if its just to hang out with her or talk to her or fuck her. Oneitis is an addiction. The more you feed it, the stronger it will get and the more you will need to get your next fix. Oneitis is something you have to go cold turkey on and fuck other women besides the one you have oneitis for. By telling someone with oneitis who wants to get back with their ex "its OK if you just talk to her/fuck her/plate her!", its similar to telling a recovering alcoholic to just have a beer, just one won't hurt, or someone trying to quit smoking to have a cigarette, just one won't hurt, or a heroin addict to have a quick fix, just one won't hurt. The only way oneitis is defeated is by having willpower to go cold turkey.

So if you are wondering if you should get back with your ex - the answer is always no. Ghost her completely from your life. Delete her phone number and all forms of contact with her such as on social media. Remove her completely from your life like you would wipe a hard drive clean. "Bu bu bu bu bu I go to school with her/work with her/see her every day! I can't remove her from my life!". It doesn't matter. Unless you absolutely have no choice, re-route your paths so you don't "happen" to run into her(we know you purposely try to run into her on purpose). Ignore her completely if or when she is around, even if she talks to you.

Conclusion: Men who ask if they should get back with their ex are doing it because they still have oneitis and are looking for other guys to tell them to do it. You are harming them by telling them anything other than NO. I don't care if the answer is "As long as you don't make her your GF, go ahead and bang her!" Oneitis can only be defeated by going completely cold turkey and fucking OTHER women. The answer is always no - getting back with your ex is never a bad idea, even if its not getting back with her as an LTR or girlfriend. Even plating or ONS'ing her is a bad idea. Completely ghosting your ex is the only option Posting Tomassi's Iron Rule 7 again: "It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was."


[–][deleted]  (5 children)

[deleted]

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (3 children)

Yeah but I've never had spoiled milk with giant tits who liked A2M.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It still isn't worth sinking the time into the bitch, stop hamstering and find a new girl to corrupt.

[–]jakeecio 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ja, woman age like milk and men age like wine.

[–]Iamduder 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Needed to see this today... Granted not talking to them, but dreamed about both significant exs in my life. Regardless, following to a "T". Thank you.

[–]StudntRdyTeachrApear 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea this sucks. I still have dreams about my first real love 8 years later, and when I do, they are the most intense, emotional experiences that after waking up, I have to re-ground myself.

I was an ass hole and too immature for her then. She was a 10 too. We share an amazing daughter. However, I know that we separated for more than my immaturity. In real life, we're on great terms, even fucked once not too long ago and honestly, I was sun burnt so it wasn't that great and I wasn't emotionally into it at all.

Life's weird.

[–]askmrcia 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I absolutely love this post. One thing that truly bothers me are the guys who still sleeps with their ex's. Every situation that I know of is that the guy is trying to get her back. They never want to admit it, but it's true. Best friend for years did this shit and I wanted to beat him in with negans baseball bat. Swear up and down that he was only fuckin her then two times he invited the bitch out with us because he needed a date.

I just know in my personal experience that girl's with boyfriends, but still screwing their exs on the side, best believe both parties are trying to make it work or get back together. It's never just pure sex.

I see guys on here and in real life bragging all the time how they still fuckin they ex, but they not worried because they have another girl on the side. And then they wonder why they can't move on to a better relationship with that current girl. They're constantly comparing every girl to their ex. And yes women do this too.

Any girl that has an ex in the picture is not a red flag, but a deal breaker if you're considering ltr. I don't care if she fuckin him or not. It's just going to damage your relationship.

And I see advice on the God awful relationship sub all the time where people are saying its nothing wrong to be friends with their ex. I hate that advice so much that it drives me insane.

[–]RedditAdminsSuck_88[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The problem with the idiots who run around the TRP subs saying that they still fuck/plate their ex and that its no big deal, is that the TRP newbies and those still struggling with oneitis will see that and think that it would be a good idea to do the same. I made this post not because of all the guys on AskTRP who ask if they should get back with their ex, but because of the guys who reply with "Yeah go ahead its not a bad idea 3 of my plates are exes of mine as long as you dont LTR them you are good"

[–]lolligagger3000 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Those are the same guys that go around asking stuff that's already in the sidebar, they don't have any intentions to read it either

[–]Trippytommy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're mixing up oneitis and abundance. If you had abundance, then yes, one would never go back to their shitty ex. Just because you considered fucking your ex again doesn't mean you have oneitis, it means you got mostly no other options. Which is fine when you're beginning. You can't go from 0-100 right away, you need to fuck with lower level women first.

If anything, it's more practice gaming/keeping girls which is always good.

[–]Herdsengineers 2 points3 points  (4 children)

I hate fucked an ex- I still lived with a few times before we both moved to new places. It was a high tension situation, she was acting like a BPD type bitch, and was even still climbing into bed with me sometimes late at night after I was asleep.

I woke up one morning, with her ass on my thigh. So I pulled her clothes off her (it woke her up but she didn't fight it), pushed her on her stomach, and pounded her. Held her wrists crossed above her head for a while with one hand, while I grabbed the hair on the back of her head and alternated between pulling her head way back and then forcing her head down into her pillow. Then grabbed the lube and switched to fucking her in the ass. I was absolutely furious with her, and instead of hitting her or doing something similar that was really stupid, things bubbled over with a hate fuck. I don't think I've ever been that rough with a woman before, or since. She not only didn't resist or object to any of it for even a second. When I was pulling her clothes off she was looking like "WTF?" but never lifted a finger and even raised her hips obediently so I could get her panties off. Once I started to lay into her, she actually reveled in it. I'll never forget the dazed and confused look on her face after.

Got up when I was done, took a shower, and took off for the day. Didn't say a word to her from when I first started, when I was fucking her, and even the rest of the day or the day after.

Her and I both knew it was not leading to a reconciliation, it was just the tension blowing up in a physical way that didn't involve hitting each other. It happened one more time, but not as intense before she moved out. She was rather submissive, obedient, and consenting that time too.

I still don't understand the whole dynamics of it, but that, my friends, is the only way to fuck an ex-.

[–]yagnimos 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I woke up one morning, with her ass on my thigh. So I pulled her clothes off her (it woke her up but she didn't fight it), pushed her on her stomach, and pounded her. Held her wrists crossed above her head for a while with one hand, while I grabbed the hair on the back of her head and alternated between pulling her head way back and then forcing her head down into her pillow. Then grabbed the lube and switched to fucking her in the ass. I was absolutely furious with her, and instead of hitting her or doing something similar that was really stupid, things bubbled over with a hate fuck. I don't think I've ever been that rough with a woman before, or since. She not only didn't resist or object to any of it for even a second. When I was pulling her clothes off she was looking like "WTF?" but never lifted a finger and even raised her hips obediently so I could get her panties off. Once I started to lay into her, she actually reveled in it. I'll never forget the dazed and confused look on her face after.

Dude this sounds like a potentially rapey situation, I think you should have asked for verbal consent to be honest.

[–]Herdsengineers 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Oh I would have stopped at the first sign of "no" either in her reactions or verbally. But like I said, she didn't just not stop me, she was really, really into it. She literally reveled in being taken like that.

It's not an experience I especially care to repeat, though. To repeat it means to be in a breakup with someone I'm furious with again - I'd rather not get that into a situation that's that headed again to start with.

[–]yagnimos 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get what your saying but I'm too paranoid, I always end up asking "is this ok" and dont proceed until I get a verbal yes. Communication is tricky enough as it is, don't wanna fuck it up and get accused of something...

[–]Senior Endorsedmax_peenor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's the sort of sex all women crave, but the difference being they want to choose who does it to them.

[–]alphabachelor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think every man has to go through the misery of getting back their oneitis and getting burned by it.

You can explain it, break down it, show example after example.

Sometimes, experience is the best teacher.