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My close friend has been paying for dinner and movies in hopes of holding a girl's hand. Help me snap him out of his white knight bullshit? (self.asktrp)

submitted by [deleted]

So I have a friend, let's call him R. R is a very nice and naive guy. He always trys to be a white night when it comes to girls.

He says things like: "Ohh, I would never leave my woman no matter what" "I'll always hang on tight even when it gets rough" "I'm going to find the perfect girl and make her my wife"

I don't think I effectively captured his personality with those quotes. To put it simply, he is 21 but his outlook toward girls is like a 2008-cringey-emo-twilight 13 year old boy.

So he met a girl named N over Facebook and they have been going on some dates. I'm one of his close fiends so I asked him how it all went.

So his first date was going to the movies. Cool. His second date? Going to the movies. Okay. Third date? Movies again Date four? You guessed it, the new fast and furious movie! I asked him if they have had any interesting conversations during any of the dates. He told me that she mostly stays on her phone the entire time.

I was like wow, what a bummer, but at least you didn't pay right? "no, I'm a gentleman, the man always pays no matter what"

So flash forward THREE MONTHS. I am thinking that R has snapped out of it and "broke up" with her.

I get hit with this. "I took her for a nice Mexican dinner and I told her that I wanted her to be my girlfriend and she told me that she is a person that develops feelings over a long period of time and that she needs to spend more time with me (read free dinner)"

What do I do to help the situation? I know it's not my business but I think that friends prevent each other from getting punked like that right? He plans on continuing with her. By the way, my friend comes from a lower class background. He isn't dirt poor but I can't see what he is doing to be sustainable.

Tldr; friend is getting hoed into free dinner ever week. Can't get him to snap out of his extreme white knight nonsense.


[–]DeepRedTomato 76 points77 points  (7 children)

You can lead a horse to water but can't make them drink. Your friend might resent you for trying to introduce RP insight, instead stick around for the crash if you want. Suffering is the easiest, best way to learn.

[–]Cesare_MA 30 points31 points  (2 children)

It's not the easiest but it's the most effective.

[–]DeepRedTomato 18 points19 points  (0 children)

What I meant was the method was easy to come by.

[–]jackandjill22 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I agree here.

[–]dayman-v-nightman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You can lead a whore to culture, but you cannot make her think.

[–]jackandjill22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn. Lol

[–]DadOnDabs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This. If you want to make it happen quick sneak in and fuck his girl. He'll then be led to red pill and become alpha af. Then he'll fuck you're girl and you'll be best bros again.

[–]2SirKolbath 28 points29 points  (8 children)

Brother, you can't save him. He can only save himself.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (7 children)

:( he is a really good friend to me. Thanks for the input.

[–]2SirKolbath 10 points11 points  (4 children)

:( he is a really good friend to me. Thanks for the input.

Be an example. Live the life you want. Talk openly with him while you're doing men-only things. Don't tell him what to do, but tell him what you do.

For example, I had a discussion with a young man who works for me the other day. He wants to hit on a girl at work and it came up in conversation. I explained that I refuse to date a coworker (Don't shit where you eat.) and that the world is full of beautiful women (Abundance mentality). If one works hard enough to be a successful man, they'll come to you (My personal magnet theory for finding a needle in a haystack.).

I was able to share a lot of core TRP concepts with him without him feeling that I was driving him to it. I'm also giving him copies of Rational Male and No More Mr Nice Guy, but I can't make him read or apply them.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (3 children)

I tried that route. He told me that I wasn't "gentlemanly enough."

[–]2SirKolbath 8 points9 points  (2 children)

I tried that route. He told me that I wasn't "gentlemanly enough."

Fair enough. You probably aren't. But that's another TRP philosophy Watch what women do. Ignore what they say.

Women don't want a gentleman. They want an orbiter. They also want someone who pins them to the wall by their hair while kissing them and takes their body like a prize in the bedroom. They do not want these men to be the same person, because they can't respect the orbiter enough to surrender to him.

You already know this. He doesn't. The only way you can show him the error of his ways is to be more successful than he is. Lift and get stacked. Pull hot chicks. Be you, and be you harder and better than anyone else could possibly be.

He'll either come around, or he won't.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Thanks for the detailed input. I think I've concluded that he has to learn the hard way. He wont listen or see.

[–]2SirKolbath 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think it is harder for a lot of us to watch our friends fail than it is for us to succeed.

[–]nikopua 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You can help him. Fuck the girl named N. Red pill him.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1 I don't find her attractive. 2 I am currently in a very far away town.

[–]majorbollocks[🍰] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Not much you can do tbh. The path to the red pill is pain and suffering. He hasn't had enough of either yet

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

First rule of fight club.

[–]RPAlternate42 12 points13 points  (10 children)

I get hit with this. "I took her for a nice Mexican dinner and I told her that I wanted her to be my girlfriend and she told me that she is a person that develops feelings over a long period of time and that she needs to spend more time with me (read free dinner)"

She started counting for "developing feelings" from the moment he asked. Before then it was just friend stuff for her and he was being a nice friend by paying and taking her and she was being a nice friend by going.

Plausible deniability: I didn't know you felt like that because you never tried anything, but now that I know, let's see where this goes...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (9 children)

I'm sorry but I don't understand your comment.

[–]RPShitlord 5 points6 points  (6 children)

While he was doing stuff for her, he pretended to be her friend instead of escalating. Obviously, she knows his real intentions, but she was happy to accept free stuff.

And now that he made his intentions known, the girl can pretend to be clueless and want to "get to know you better", but in reality keep the gravy train coming while she gets to know him, and still not fuck him.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (5 children)

I think the girl is even smarter. I glanced at her social media. She seems like she isn't the shy girl my friend makes her out to be. I'm 100% sure she's had tons of dick.

[–]RPAlternate42 6 points7 points  (4 children)

You are learning so much!

  1. of course she's not.
  2. of course she has.
  3. but she will always maintain her position of plausible deniability. When that doesn't work, she will take the "you're a great friend" road. When that doesn't work, she'll call him an asshole for not being friends.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Dude, I know. I would have dropped a girl like that. I am not asking what will happen. I am asking how to wake up my friend.

[–]RPAlternate42 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Be RP around him. The rest is up to how much bullshit he's willing to take before he decides to stop wasting his time.

The dark-triad approach would be to fuck that girl and then tell him about it. Stress that you got accomplished in a few hours or a couple days what he spent weeks doing. Tell him you can tell him how that was possible, and when he's done being pissed he makes a decision.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I can't do the dark triad because I am currently out of town and will be till the end of the year. And I don't want to lose his friendship.

For some people, in order to RP you need to go through pain. There is no reason I need to be the one causing it.

Also, that girl is not attractive to me. She is on the thicker side and although I can see some guys wanting girls like her, I don't.

[–]RPAlternate42 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If not you...

He'll find out some other guy smashed in far less time than he did.

[–]RPAlternate42 3 points4 points  (1 child)

let's see where this goes...

As in, "let's see how far I can get free stuff from him until he presses for a relationship again."

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

LOLOLOL. Yes that is exactly what I was thinking. I don't think anyone in this sub is confused as to what she wants and as to what type of girl she is. I am asking how do I reveal that to my friend lol.

[–]ledbed 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My experience has been the same as others. People will resent you long before they appreciate you for helping...good chance you'd lose your friend if you try.

[–]Work_In_Progress92 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You've gotten some great advice here. Your friend can only save himself. There is nothing you can really do until that happens.

Until then focus on yourself and never get comfortable brother.

[–]qwerty11235813213455 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ask him to do something for a date, that involves no money,( eg go on scenic walk etc) and ask him how that goes. Ask him to keep doing it for every new woman and after a while, see if any have stuck around. If none, then ask him to think about why that is.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What do I do to help the situation?

You probably can't. If he follows your advice he ditches her. Then, in his ego-invested mind, YOU caused him to lose the love of his life.

The only thing to do is show by example, show him how it should work, let him come to his own conclusion.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Edit: He is very naive too. A long while ago he began talking to this he never met. (I think they met on Instagram or something). The amount of attachment he had towards her was scary. And then she suddenly "felt unnatural being with him" (read: she chocked on some dick)" and wanted to break things off. He was sad for an entire month and kept convincing himself that she was the one and that somehow she would start talking to him again.

[–]AlphaGrad 2 points3 points  (2 children)

That "friend" is an anchor. I suggest you cut him off and make better friends. Don't you value your time?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

He is a nice guy. What he does with his "girlfriend" doesn't devalue him as a friend to me.

[–]AlphaGrad 2 points3 points  (0 children)

[–]mrpoopistan 2 points3 points  (2 children)

You know how you're told not to be Captain Save a Hoe?

You should also avoid being Captain Save a Bro.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I get what you're saying. But this isn't like I'm putting in a lot of effort/emotional concern for him. I know about rule 10 but I seriously can't see how me trying to help him will cause me to sink in any way.

[–]mrpoopistan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a waste of time. I say this from experience.

I have a friend who is wowed by how I handle shit, and he takes lots of mental notes. But, once he gets to a spot with a chick where he feels comfortable, out comes all the clinging "she's the one" bullshit.

People who want to be helped find a way to be helped. But we all have their own personal limitations, and we don't overcome them until something really pisses us off and forces change.

[–]Ninokun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

just for movies and dinner, imagine u have to go with an ugly 300 pound woman everywhere u go and she always wants to talk of being in a relationship with u.

would u do that to what comes out to 20 dollars, a week, she is gonna be constantly texting u too.

I guess she likes the attention.

[–]meaningintragedy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Buy him a copy of The Rational Male.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Kneecap to the balls

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Will try, perhaps that will jumpstart the testosterone production.

[–]CaffineAddictNYC 0 points1 point  (3 children)

You could always get him a book on the topics, and encourage him to read it. "It helped me with girls" is a good endorsement from a friend especially if he thinks/knows you are hooking up as much or more than him.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

You are giving good advice, but the issue is that I really don't think that he should need a book in order to see what's happening. Don't you think that it's a little obvious what's happening?

Even if you don't redpill. The entire situation is really stupid.

[–]Huffnagle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s amazing what people can convince themselves of when they want to. One little thing she said once, that time she kissed his cheek, the way she smiles at him. I’ve experienced some oneitis knowing exactly what was going on and still had it. How is a young guy with no success with women going to see it?

So how do you wake him? It’s not easy, and he will likely resist. Lead by example, of course. Drop bits of knowledge here and there. Books, podcasts, websites, these can all be great tools but they only work for a guy who has realized that he is the one that needs to change. Your friend isn’t there yet. Maybe when he sees her choking on some Chad she met an hour before in the bar, maybe...

[–]CaffineAddictNYC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, one of my biggest revelations in life happened when I was complaining to an older friend about how my friends were acting and he replied "it's because they're dumb." People are stupid. We make mistakes in order to learn, some get certain topics quicker than others. So you have to focus on how you would educate someone on something you know a lot about - start small. That's why I think the book is a wise move. You're helping, but not so much that he will get frustrated and give up/refuse to listen. Everyone needs their own "aha" moment.

[–]TheRedPillMonkey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lead by example. I used to be like him. Well, maybe not "I'd never leave her" type bs. But def more blue pill. I was not getting laid obviously.

My friends who were assholes to women, or at least had abundance mentality and a lot of confidence, would get laid all the time. I noticed that and started my redpill journey well before I knew it was a thing or had a name.

If you're getting laid a lot and he's not, he'll eventually figure out what works and what doesn't.

[–]roughback 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Call her on speakerphone and ask her how she feels about him, with him there? She'll say something like 'oh we are just friends but he buys all the dinner" and he'll have his AHA moment.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not close to her.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can't fix other people when they don't believe they're broken. Since they honestly believe there is no issue within themselves, guess who has to be the "bad guy" if you try to change their worldview?

The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around, what do you see? Business men, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system, and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it.

Read this love letter

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, you can tell him that from where you're standing she's prostituting her company for free meals and movies she may or may not be interested in.

In truth I doubt he is either self aware enough to handle reality, or he knows but somehow doesn't care.

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Give him tough love. Thats what real friends do.

[–]zeussingh 0 points1 point  (2 children)

You dont find the red pill ... the red pill finds you. And it always comes after a big crash. Atleast that's how it happened with me. The crash is about to happen. Wait it out.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Alright, I just would like to minimize pain. This guy isn't exactly rich either. However I think I'll do the general concensus of this advice thread. I'll just leave the situation be.

[–]zeussingh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand your situation man. But you cant save everyone.

However if you want to talk to him. Tell him you are not judging or trying to change anything, but this is what you think is happening or is going to happen ... then describe what she is doing and will do in the future. Tell him if he can come talk to you about this whenever he wants. What this does is gives him an impression that you knew the situation better ( and you were not judgmental about him) and he will come back when he starts feeling helpless. When he does tell him everyone goes through this atleast once ( empathy and reliability) and the sooner you learn the better it is.

P.S : For some its a huge blow and can go to extremes ( depression, suicidal tendencies) when they know they have been used for a long time, so keep an eye out and be there for him.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can't. He isn't ready.

[–]Viper2pro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've faced something similar too. I've found that introducing someone super plugged in to RP never really ends well. Maybe suggest some good books to him.

[–][deleted]  (5 children)

[deleted]

[–]menial_optimist 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Curious, if you're close friend was showing signs of suicidal thoughts, would you adopt the same mindset you stated?

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]menial_optimist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Dude, anyone can be suicidal and your arrogant belief only losers have suicidal thoughts just shows your lack of knowledge of life in general.

    caring for others you are close to

    Holy fuck what a terrible idea.

    You sound like a coke addicted fuckboy whos obsessed with not showing weakness.

    Conquer your ego.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]