GF says she was raped on vacation. (self.asktrp)

submitted by throwaway_gf_raped

I'm on a throwaway for obvious reasons.

My girlfriend went away with her friend to east asia over the last month. We've been dating for about 4 months and she made the plans before we started dating. I was skeptical about letting her go but she has proven to be trustworthy as far as i can tell.

Last week she sends me a fb message saying that something has happened to her. In the following days she trickled out information about her being in the hospital and needing to fly home. I call her today and she tells me that she has been raped. She says that a british man (we're UK as well) spiked her drink when she was out. She says that she was talking to a group of them and her friend was busy wheeling another guy so she was isolated. She tells me that she woke up in her room at the hostel the next morning (they were in his room staying at the same hostel). I ask her if she is going to press charges and she tells me that it would be too traumatic and she wont (red flag). She has had a rape kit performed back home. I'm not sure how to proceed with this one and trp has been an important source of guidance for me over the last year so I was hoping some of you could help.

[–]4Stayinghereforreal 106 points107 points  (11 children)

She has been raped.

First off, there is no rule that says you have to stay with a gal of 4 months who got raped. Not one. So if she is now a mess, and you don't want to date a mess, wish her the best, and move on. No need to become her therapist or steady rock as she navigates this problem in her life.

Yeah, I am serious. She is under no obligation to stay with you if you got beat up outside a bar, lost your job, and had your mom die all in the same day. If she didn't want to date you because you were now a mess, she doesn't have to. Same applies to you and her.

Now, if you wanted to be all Encyclopedia Brown about this, you could say you are deeply concerned, and will help her out by (1) obtaining her medical records from the hospital where she sought treatment, (2) schedule a local solicitor's appointment, to discuss what charges or civil legal action this UK man could face in Britain, despite it being overseas (there may still be local law redress, since they are both UK citizens), and (3) schedule up the counseling session for the two of you, where she will again recount the tale etc. etc.

The point of this is to (1) sincerely offer help, if that is necessary, and (2) give her the chance to demonstrate her seriousness about serious allegations.

My guess is, however, that she will quickly dismiss this offer of help by you in getting her medical records. When you say it is important she obtain whatever health care documentation there is, while it is available, I expect again she will say, "No, I just want to forget about it."

She will likely refuse the offer to see the local solicitor too. The reason will be "too traumatic." But even interaction with a sympathetic advocate she hires is too traumatic? Yeah, now I would be getting skeptical. Respond with encouragement that the solicitor may outline how to obtain a no contact court order, and she may want to consider a no contact order, if nothing else, to make sure the guy never comes around. Again, expect her to say no.

Finally, when she refuses counseling, because too traumatic, you then face the decision of whether to dump her hard or dump her soft or let the whole thing go.

I know, I know. The standard line is "rape victims will act this way and it is perfectly normal, you awful shitlord! OP's job is to accept her decision blah blah blah." Okay. Let's accept that argument as valid. You must accept her decision to do nothing serious about her very serious allegations. Totally within her rights to do no further actions to address her serious allegations of rape against a man. But you can also decide to not date women who will not do serious things about very serious allegations of rape.

You are not entitled to her making police reports, etc. But neither is she entitled to you continuing to date her.

You will never know the truth, though. That is my guess. So I hope she either gets better and recovers from this terrible trauma, or learns that bullshitting about rape is not a good idea. Frankly, I hope it is the latter, so she did not suffer the trauma.

[–]momomotorboat 17 points18 points  (0 children)

/u/Stayinghereforreal dropping knowledge bombs. +1 for the Encyclopedia Brown reference.

Yeah, I am serious. She is under no obligation to stay with you if you got beat up outside a bar, lost your job, and had your mom die all in the same day. If she didn't want to date you because you were now a mess, she doesn't have to. Same applies to you and her.

This is too true. Some people would say comparing rape to any of these things may not be fair, and I wouldn't necessarily argue with them. But I agree that the most unfortunate thing could pop up and wreck you, and if you were a mess she'd hamster up some reason to drop you. Just because you are a man doesn't make you anymore obligated than she is.

[–]GhostRiderkempff 20 points21 points  (3 children)

It seems likely to me that the drug was put in her drink not by the alleged rapist but by the bartender, and that the drug was likely ethanol.

I have noticed that people who want to escape responsibility for their actions will take special care to insert excuses into their stories, and that the excuses are offered up front and center without being prompted, as if they know the story would make them look bad if the story didn't have the excuses already built-in.

I wonder how she would respond if you asked her, "Do you think the guy's next victim will appreciate your inaction as much as you are appreciating his previous victim's inaction?"

[–]throwaway_gf_raped[S] 21 points22 points  (1 child)

"Do you think the guy's next victim will appreciate your inaction as much as you are appreciating his previous victim's inaction?"

I'm going to use this

[–]ModAerobus[M] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Point added.

[–]ModAerobus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I am serious. She is under no obligation to stay with you if you got beat up outside a bar, lost your job, and had your mom die all in the same day. If she didn't want to date you because you were now a mess, she doesn't have to. Same applies to you and her.

This is true equality. Very good comment.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

You've worded pretty much what I could never be arsed to say people because of the effort. So thanks buddy i'm getting this copy pasta on speed dial

[–]RemyPrice 0 points1 point  (1 child)

This happens to you enough to put it on speed dial?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not the rape bit but the whole staying with a person bit. Stuff happens.

[–]ThrowingMyslfOutther 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Totally within her rights to do no further actions to address her serious allegations of rape against a man. But you can also decide to not date women who will not do serious things about very serious allegations of rape

Specifically that. Victim mentality will fail you again at some point.

[–]RedBigMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are not entitled to her making police reports, etc. But neither is she entitled to you continuing to date her.

Bingo. Here is the essential distilled essence of red pill truth.

Remember as a man you have to look out for #1 at all times because noone else is looking out for you.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 71 points72 points  (4 children)

Tell her that you will press charges against unknown at your local police, if she doesn't, since he is also a British citizen, and you could not live with the thought that you could have prevented another woman getting raped by this guy.

Watch her reaction and make your judgement.

[–]throwaway_gf_raped[S] 12 points13 points  (3 children)

may try this one to game a reaction but ultimately I've decided to let her go. /u/rapscallionx said it best and I'd have to agree I'm overly invested. Texted her saying I'll see her after her trip to canada (lol), unless she feels inclined to come talk before then (she's with parents outside of town over the summer)

[–]full_package 11 points12 points  (1 child)

You've mentioned that she's your GF, not plate. You can still be RP and have an exclusive girlfriend or a wife. And your reaction to a rape should be obviously different that that of the same situation with a plate.

That being said, the biggest red flag I see is "trickled out information". If it was real rape, it should have been gushing over the phone. An fb message? Really?

[–]Brave_Horatius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you think she was raped report it anyway. CPS has discretion to prosecute not the Vic I'm pretty sure.

If you don't, break up but for your sake don't mention the rape at all. If anyone thinks your leaning w her because you think she's lying or are on a damaged goods vibe they'll excoriate you.

[–]TheInkerman 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I can see two possible scenarios here, with more or less the same outcome;

Firstly, she's lying and you should leave her.

Alternatively, she's telling the truth, was raped (and thus deserves all the sympathy and concern we should give to real rape victims), but now refuses to report the crime.

I like the suggestions here, firstly talk with her, tell her you want her to go to the police. If she still refuses tell her you will go to the police then. I also like the 'call the parents' suggestion.

[–]rockmasterflex 21 points22 points  (2 children)


What was she doing in such an environment anyway? She was looking for some vacation time extracurriculars with her friend.

She says that she was talking to a group of them and her friend was busy wheeling another guy so she was isolated.

All the signs are there.

Talking to a group of guys for presumably a prolonged period of time? Why? Thats not what you travel for.

Friend who is actively trying to get laid by complete strangers? Wow, she hangs out with Carousel rider and actually WENT ALONE ON A VACATION WITH ONE --> she herself is on it.

Bottom line, this situation implicates that she was looking for some exciting foreign vacation strange.

Knowing this, and that you've only dated her for 4 months, and that her vagina is not magically superior to all other vaginas, you leave.

[–]curiousthis 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Bottom line, this situation implicates that she was looking for some exciting foreign vacation strange.


I'll bet she woke up in the morning, took a good look at that guy without any beer goggles on and had a nice case of post-incident-withdrawal-of-consent.

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points  (40 children)

If she won't press charges, she is lying.

If she actually got raped and she's not an evil person, she would want to lock the rapist up so he wont rape anyone else.

But she didn't get raped, so she doesnt care.

Its like you're dating Emma sulkowicz. You need to next this bitch.

[–]throwaway_gf_raped[S] 4 points5 points  (11 children)

Been thinking about giving her the ultimatum that if she doesn't press charges I'm out. Do you think that is a good idea or would I just be incentivizing a false rape accusation. Part of me wants to believe her.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (7 children)

Before you do any of this, you should simply talk to her parents. If she really got raped, they would know. And unless they're twisted AF, I doubt they would lie.

Just cal her parents and explain that if she doesn't want any other girls to get raped, she might want to press charges. If the rape is real, your only concern here is making sure other girls are safe from this guy.

[–]AskTRP Endorsed Contributorbicepsblastingstud 14 points15 points  (1 child)

"Hey did your daughter really get raped last week?"

You don't see how this could go poorly?

[–]tuxedoburrito 23 points24 points  (0 children)

You could word it with more tact.

"Hey i just got a pretty rough phone call from x. Have you heard anything? Anything I should be concerned about? Have you talked to her and seen how she is?" Be subtle.

[–]WhistlingDead 5 points6 points  (2 children)

That is shitty advice. If I were raped, the last people I'd want to know are my parents. And that's the last way I'd want them to find out (well, except from hearing about it from the rapist).

[–]Kenny_Twenty 0 points1 point  (1 child)

She said her parents know.

[–]geekygirl23 3 points4 points  (1 child)

No no no no no!

[–]recoveringdeleted 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Very persuasive

[–]slater2j 0 points1 point  (2 children)

How long have you been committed to this girl?

[–]throwaway_gf_raped[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

fucking for 10 months, exclusive for 4

[–]OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Better months than years. Next.

[–]darthskids 6 points7 points  (17 children)

I'm curious why you think that if a girl doesn't press charges then she is lying.


It's been my experience that many rape victims don't report it or press charges.

[–]tuxedoburrito 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I had a girl a few years ago accuse me of false r.

She didn't press charges. It was a fucking lie. Ruined my reputation for a good six months until she was wanted by the federal police for indictment. People then believed me.

People do some really fucked up shit. What really happened was she mentioned something in passing. And three fucking white knights blew it way over the top and started using the R word. Me and her are actually cool now, strangely enough.

[–]darthskids 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Although this really sucks, you're probably fucking lucky she didn't press charges. Again, just my own anecdotal experience, but women that have been raped usually make really shitty witnesses. They are embarrassed, depressed, and they are terrible at talking about what happened. Whereas a false accuser isn't dealing with any of the emotional baggage.

If you put a girl on the stand that hasn't been raped, well, look at half of the TRP comments here saying that if she does press charges then it's probably true.  
And vice versa, a person who is all fucked up in the head and wants to bury the bad shit that happened to them, TRP logic is going to let the actual rapist off the hook.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same thing with white knights here. One of them turned out to be a skeezy former meth addict who apparently played at being a male feminist to get closer to women.

He has HIV now lawl.

[–]Brave_Horatius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Many rape claimants.

Rape happens and it's a horrible crime, none here will deny it. Fake claims happen too.

[–]CumForJesus -1 points0 points  (12 children)

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[–]Algernoq -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

Nice trolling, asshole. Go back to playing Call of Duty and try not to get dorito crumbs stuck in your gunt.

[–]CumForJesus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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[–]nuesuh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just say "mattress-girl", that's what I know her as.

[–]1leftyguitarist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Emma "Put it in my butt" sulkowicz

[–]Algernoq 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If she won't press charges, she is lying.

Not necessarily...if there's a low chance of getting a conviction and a high emotional difficulty and/or social cost in pressing charges and/or asking some men to white-knight, it's a lot easier to pretend it never happened.

[–]Kenny_Twenty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don't know whether or not she got raped based on if she wants to press charges. You might be able to make a case that it is suspicious but you're speaking in absolutes when you don't know.

Stop that. It's disingenuous.

[–]geekygirl23 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

You are talking out of your ass, in the worst possible way.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (4 children)

If she won't press charges, she is lying.

I agree.

If she actually got raped and she's not an evil person, she would want to lock the rapist up so he wont rape anyone else.

But this is a fallacy. If she for the sake of argument didn't desire the revenge or protection offered by the justice system herself, it would be perfectly moral to do nothing.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

You'redefining morality based on INTENTIONS and not CONSEQUENCES. Thats a real slippery slope.

If she doesnt press charges, the CONSEQUENCES for other women could be catastrophic.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I've been in this debate a thousand times before, so I'm not getting into it on Reddit. Have a relevant book recommendation for you, though. I'm not throwing this at you just to "win" an internet argument, I truly think you'd benefit from reading it based on your comments. And if that one is too heavy, here's a lighter, though less rigid book on the same subject.

Consequentialism is essentially how you end up with collectivist ideologies such as nazism, racism, feminism, communism, etc.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Very interesting. I am checking out that book now. I am curious what you'd say about the ideas of slave and master morality.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I disagree heavily with Nietzsche in both metaphysics and epistemology. Moral disagreements are expected to follow. With your link in mind, my view that life is the objective standard of moral values directly contradicts how Nietzsche says they're formed arbitrarily as a result of Slave-Master interaction.

That being said I have great respect for Nietzsche and his work, especially (in my eyes) with regards to intrinsic value (Kant). It's also no secret that Ayn Rand (author of the first book) was quite influenced by Nietzsche in her early years.

Obligatory disclaimer: I have not read the works of Nietzsche first hand.

[–]whoops_fap 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Had this same thing happen to me. LTR of 8 years told me she was "raped" at a music festival I told her not to go to, I promptly broke it off. Best decision I ever made.

[–]rapscallionx 12 points13 points  (3 children)

I mistakenly thought that this sub was where all the level headed RP guys hung out. You guys need to chill out. Alright, so I think you're already doing it wrong in the sense that this shouldn't be such a mind fuck. What's rule one? You shouldn't be invested in this girl. You shouldn't be expecting her to be an angel that you love and you're going to get married and have kids and spend the rest of your lives together... You have your reasons for keeping this girl around and hopefully they are not traditionally romantic ones. That's what gets you into these situations, isn't it? If some "plate" comes to you and says "oh I got raped" how do you respond? You treat her like you would any other chick you keep in your life. "Sorry to hear that, here are my thoughts, my advice... here I'll drive you to the police station". You should be fucking other girls anyway. If you don't like the idea of fucking her any more, then stop. Don't let this idea of monogamy control you. Sure, you should imply that monogamy is important so she isn't going around collecting STD's to share with you but we're trying to level the playing field here so you should be out exploring and keeping your options open.

[–]throwaway_gf_raped[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

this is what I needed to hear. thank you.

[–]New_Horiz0ns 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Its tough... Especially if you were exclusive. You don't have to remove her from your life. You just have to reduce the amount of time & energy you dedicate to her. In essence, plate her. Do not be tempted to re-instate her regardless of whether or not she was raped.

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great comment.

Coming at it from the same direction, let's assume her story is 100% the truth, backed by medical evidence etc., and she really got raped, it was not a case of muh feeeelz or holiday sex tourism. OK, it happened, everybody breathe. She survived the ordeal, life goes on.

HOWEVER! OP now knows that he's playing the exclusive girlfriend game with a woman that goes on vacation and gets raped. This is still a fact. No matter what the emo trauma is that blinds a man with sympathy, this is still a fact - she was supposed to not get raped or fuck strange guys on vacations. That's part of the deal. That means she is out, she already broke the deal. With all the sympathy in the world for her tragedy, the exclusivity thing is over - she, of her own accord, got into a bad situation where OP could do nothing to protect her, and failed to keep up her part of the exclusivity bargain. It does not matter that the rapist "forced her hand", a woman who is interested in keeping up her part of the bargain does so, by not getting herself into dangerous rape situations. She knows that they have consequences, not just the emotional trauma of the rape, but also losing the exclusive boyfriend when he finds out.

She is not entitled to the boyfriend's support or his continued commitment. She took their "brand new 4 month old car" out for a spin, OP trusted her, and she totalled it. "But the other guy drove into me!!" Why would that even matter? It's ruined. It's too bad, and way too late to cry about the spilt milk and ruined car. Female shouting to the effect that "it's not my fault" is an insult to the man in that situation, she presumes that he is weak and she will be forgiven no matter what.

But now let's stop assuming her story is true. I believe she lied about getting raped, all the signs are right there - it was instead the typical "random drunken vacation hookup". The big question is, why is she telling this to OP, yet won't press charges etc. Wouldn't smartypants keep it secret from him, if she's "just trying to forget"? Drumroll please, here's my answer: she loves to create drama and elicit sympathy around herself, while banishing those guilty feelings she has about her "regrettable indiscretion" that one night. Alcohol, sex, it's a grey area everybody knows... Now, if she got raped, then that's not her fault in any way (thinks the hamster) - AND, she can use this to betafy OP more. Her tragic rape on vacation becomes the thing that finally conquers OP and he gets her that engagement ring she wants!! It's so romantic, it's so beautiful. I want it to be true, so it has to be true, so it is true... just gotta sideline him away from that pesky (non-existent) medical evidence.

Here's what her hamster does not understand. If she really got raped, then you want nothing to do with her: 1001 reasons documented in clinical psychology. If she's lying or exaggerating about getting raped, then you want nothing to do with her: 1001 reasons documented on TRP. Good girls simply do not get themselves into this situation in the first place.

[–]Pedro_Navaja 16 points17 points  (5 children)

At the utmost convenience the 'assailant' and her live in the same country. If she won't go to the cops with evidence and knowing their names than she feels some form of guilt. A true victim would stop at nothing to see their abuser prosecuted. You're being taken for a ride my man, exit the vehicle at the next possible stop.

[–]flyers156 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What he said.

[–]cdtCPTret -5 points-4 points  (1 child)

Never been raped, but as a victim I usually distance myself from the event and try to move on. Unless the event is omnipresent like a bully, I consider it a sunk cost and move on. Otherwise I'd still be trying to recoup losses and wrongings from years ago. That's just silly.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dating a rape victim is also a sunk cost

[–]AskTRP Endorsed Contributorbicepsblastingstud 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Do you believe her? (not implying that you shouldn't, just asking.)

[–]throwaway_gf_raped[S] -3 points-2 points  (3 children)

I want to. She honestly seems like a 'good girl' (not that I can say I really believe in that anymore)

[–][deleted]  (2 children)


    [–]tuxedoburrito 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    as bad as it sounds, it reminds of that cuckold who held that girls hand for a year after a rape. While she was cheating on him and hating him, he recently joined TRP under a new name. So. If anything learn from that guy.

    [–]The-Ban-Hammer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    I was just thinking of that guy. His girlfriend was raped. So, what did she do? Withdrew from the boyfriend and fucked other guys. Her family and therapist and everyone else continued to push the boyfriend away and not do anything to stress her out.

    Now, while that sounds like an extreme case, if even true, it surely proves that you have no idea what to expect from her going forward.

    I like the idea of getting the medical records. The more she doesn't want them, the more she is probably hiding something.

    [–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    It doesn't matter if she was raped or if she cheated. You're not married. Move on to a girl that's not damaged. There are 3.5 billion women on Earth. You don't want to stick around with a cheater or a rape victim.

    You're after your own future happiness. It's not her fault if she was actually raped. But it's not your fault either.

    [–]Limekill 0 points1 point  (0 children)


    Its so sad but true.... There are no feelings in the world. The world does not care about you or her.

    [–]Doctorpepperpants 2 points3 points  (8 children)

    Do you know for a fact that she went to the hospital?

    [–]throwaway_gf_raped[S] 6 points7 points  (7 children)

    i do not. She tells me she told her family. She also tells me she plans on going through with her family vacation to Canada on saturday soo....

    [–]11NV0K3R 15 points16 points  (1 child)


    Yeah, uh someone who goes through a traumatic event most likely does not continue on with their life so half-hazardly.

    [–]rapscallionx 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    half-hazardly haphazardly

    [–]Doctorpepperpants 4 points5 points  (3 children)

    I don't know man, rape is a very serious issue that is on the mind of every girl when she goes out / meets new people. It's important not to write her off as lying immediately, but lets looks at the facts: 1. We don't know whether she actually got treated at a hospital 2. She isn't going to the police 3. Rape is probably one of the most traumatic things that a person can experience, the fact that she is able to go on another trip so quickly after this indicates that there isn't any post traumatic stress from what happened. 4. It is not uncommon for a LTR to hook up with a random guy while on vacation unfortunatley (1. vacation far from home where nobody can judge her 2. alcohol 3. hypergamous nature of all women). I'm not trying to say that she wasn't raped, but if she is unwilling to take the situation as seriously as it should be, then why should you - you have to assume that she cheated on you, is afraid that you will find out (maybe her friend etc. knows) but doesn't want to loose you because she can't branch swing at this point in time. Let her go to Canada - disappear by the time she returns, no contact. TL;DR: Her hamster is spinning checks that her mind can't cash, HARD NEXT

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Rape is one of the most traumatic things a person can experience?

    Wtf? Not even top 10. You're just regurgitating feminist bullshit. Can you really not come up with a plethora of more traumatizing shit?

    [–]tuxedoburrito 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Was she raped?

    I believe she was drunk and he was too.

    If she was behind the wheel of a car, wouldn't it still be her fault that she drove?

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    lul, ask her what bars she plans on going to

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    OP, please press charges if she still refuses to do so. Also, please keep us updated on what happens here.

    [–]BinglesTRP 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Just remember - While it may be a terrible thing that happened to her (or she's lying because she fucked a familiar man in a foreign land), it's not your issue to fix.

    If it's too much (and it likely will be), move on.

    [–]tuxedoburrito 0 points1 point  (0 children)


    You've been dating for four months. You're not married. This isn't your cross to bear.

    [–]RPthrowaway123 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Yeah, she's so full of shit it's coming out her ears. She went to his room and fucked him, then panicked in the morning. If she won't press charges then she's lying.

    [–]MentORPHEUS 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    You don't get a rape kit done days/1000s of miles after the fact.

    [–]abdada 9 points10 points  (0 children)



    [–]Glennus626 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    I'm going to go out on a limb and assume she went to Thailand, since this is low season and the prices are super cheap right now. Two young girls only ever go on a trip to thailand to do random beach hookups with other Euros in a party setting.

    Question is: If she's got a boyfriend of 4 months, why does she need the "girls trip to thailand", other than the obvious infusion of chad thundercock. She probably didn't even invite you (even if the tickets were pre-purchased).

    She's either still on the cock carousel, or wants someone to hold her place in line for it. Rape does happen, and she may legitimately have had it happen to her, but let's face facts and remember that she went to a country to get her party on. If it weren't unwanted cock, she'd have gotten some other kind of cock.

    [–]SexistFlyingPig 7 points8 points  (5 children)

    She cheated on you.

    She's lying.

    There is no further questions you can ask. The "why did you do it?" The "was it really rape?"

    You need to pack up everything she has in boxes, move them into storage, and pay for the first month. When she gets back, meet her at the airport with a key and the address to the storage facility written on a 3x5 card, then leave and don't look back.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

    Hell, I would be kind of nervous now about the rape accusation coming at me. I would advise against being alone with this woman.

    [–]SexistFlyingPig 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    That's why he meets her at the airport. All her stuff is already in storage. He doesn't take her away from the airport with him.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Does this guy already live with her?! Didn't he say they had only been dating 4 months?!

    [–]SexistFlyingPig 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Dating 10, exclusive 4.

    I don't know many women who date exclusively and don't live with their boyfriend. It starts with a toothbrush, then some extra clothes, then she's picking out matching drapes and carpet for the place.

    [–]1leftyguitarist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    This guy knows what's up.

    [–]aguy01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Dump her for going on a month long trip with her friend without you.

    [–]mr_one_liner 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    It wholly depends on whether she was actually raped. Find out. Proceed accordingly.

    Not a fan of those who say X HAS TO BE what happened.

    [–][deleted]  (4 children)


    [–]WhistlingDead 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    A big part of the world's drug production is in Asia, I'm pretty sure they haven't got a hard time finding drugs.

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)


      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      English, probably decently attractive, and out in a party setting where sluts are being sluts...

      why would he use a date rape drug when he can just keep handing her shots of vodka and she'll roofie herself

      [–]Limekill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You select 1 country that is harsh on drugs and backs it up with total enforcement, versus every other country in Sth East Asia (other countries may be harsh, but enforcement is particularity week - Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Philippines, Indonesia, etc, etc, even China).

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      To me, the big thing here is that she won't press charges. Agree with u/vandaalen. Tell her you'll press charges. Also tell her you'll help her get the records from the hospital where she was in east asia. Tell her you'd like to see the records from the hospital and from the rape kit. Tell her you'll pay to have records translated into English if necessary. (Look for physician summaries and nurse notes - these are the things that will tell you what you're looking for.) as u/vandaalen said, watch her reaction and make your judgment.

      [–]2secret_barber 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I doubt that she offered up a rape excuse and an early end to her vacation because she feels guilty about cheating. I am inclined to believe she is telling the truth, that she was raped. She may not want to report it because 1) it is very near impossible to prove a drug-induced rape when she had likely been drinking and 2) she just wants the entire experience to be in the past and not have to deal with the reality of talking to the police - who will likely ask if she had been drinking and what proof she has that it wasn't consensual.

      The bigger question is why is she partying with dudes while on vacation? ...the answer is: because she was (at least) thinking about cheating on you. For that reason, I would hard next her, as nicely as possible.

      [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Just dump her. Don't bother with any ultimatum nonsense. I think if you are honest with yourself, the fact that you are even considering some kind of ultimatum tells me you are already in a situation you don't like.

      Don't make her (alleged) rape part of your life. Just move on.

      [–]Moldy_Gecko 3 points4 points  (9 children)

      I'm not saying she's lying or not. She very well could be. In my opinion, she's not lying. If she slept with the dude on purpose, what's the point of telling you at all?

      As far as the rest of these tools that are saying, "If she was really raped, she'd press charges", they're dumbfucks that are too new to TRP to give you any real advice. Majority of rape cases go unreported every year. I would definitely pursue legal action.

      Either way, you will eventually have to next her after it's all over. She won't be the same with you in the future. You'll be the guy she was dating when she got raped. That will always be looming in the background.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (8 children)

      Your unreported stat is pretty much conceived here as bullshit.

      She is telling him to cover up her tracks in the future, she's strategizing. Maybe the guy will tell him, maybe her friend will, maybe she just feels insanely guilty about it.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

      she hamstered her blacking out into her getting roofied... that clears her guilt of cheating but if she doesn't tell OP she is still "hiding something"... telling him about the "rape" clears her of all and he can't even call bullshit because then he's victim blaming.

      [–]Moldy_Gecko 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      She would still be hiding something... the truth. If she's guilty of cheating, why wouldn't she be guilty of lying?

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Not to her... she drank a shit ton, she blacked out at least somewhat... she realized in the morning this is real life... she feels bad... must have been roofied... she feels better... she feels bad for not telling bf... tells him about "rape"... clean conscience.

      She fucked this guy but she's not responsible for fucking the guy anymore.

      [–]Moldy_Gecko 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I guess I have a little more faith in this girl than yourself. I'm not denying that the likelihood of her cheating is high. I mean, she did go to a foreign country with a hussy friend that was trying to get laid and we'd expect the same from her. But if we are to believe AWALT, then we should also believe that she wouldn't feel guilty for cheating. I suppose your idea of how she hamstered it away could work. But I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt until he can fish some more out of her. However, on an update, I guess he already nexted her, so no problem either way.

      [–]Moldy_Gecko 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      Well, people can conceive whatever they want as bullshit, but I figured they'd at least accept facts. I mean, even MRAs accept that most go unreported. It's well documented.

      You may be right about the reason she's telling him. However, we don't have enough context. Does he and she know the guy personally? Or did she just know his name and that he was a brit? If she felt guilty about it, she'd probably tell him the truth. We honestly don't know her character. Maybe she's batshit crazy.

      [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children)

      Your understanding of TRP is very very limited

      [–]Moldy_Gecko -1 points0 points  (1 child)

      Mine is vast, but I can Also do my research and critical thinking

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      If she felt guilty she'd probably tell him the truth? Lmao.

      [–]darthskids 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      There's not really enough to know. Being raped does weird things to a person's head. Saying that they aren't going to press charges, is, well, really fucking common. As far as what you should do about it, is sort out your own feelings and whether you want to deal with it. It might sound cruel, but if she did get raped, you aren't exactly a fucking rape counselor, and she may be fucked in the head from it. Might be better to let her go, she needs to sort that shit out for herself.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      [–]RedPharaohRising 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Rape is traumatic as fuck, I don't know for sure that she has or hasn't based on what you've said. That said, the idea of her leaving on another vacation is fishy at best, downright suspicious at worst. It may be her family's way of helping her cope.
      Proceed with the pressing charges part. See how that turns out.
      I'd give it a chance, but either way she's probably not worth the trauma she'll cause YOU if you stay.
      1. She was raped, and you'll be subject to all sorts of shit and crazy comfort tests and insane behavior.
      2. She wasn't.
      In either case, nexting makes your life a lot simpler.

      [–]NYCPowerCouple 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Even if she didn't get raped, nor didn't have sex, the fact that she's out in a foreign land unchecked with her friend in some club flirting with foreign dudes is grounds for a demotion to plate status.

      And the fact that she's not trying to press charges means she got black out drunk, let some guy fuck her and cum inside her, and then now she regrets it once she's sober.

      Tell her to get the fuck out and dump her slutty ass.

      [–]jons_throwaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I never believe women who will not press charges. To me that is just fucking remorse for being a hoe. My wife agrees with me on this.

      [–]isaac_the_robot[🍰] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

      Pressing charges for sexual assault is absolutely traumatic. When I went through it I was barely able to tell the police or even my therapist the details of what happened. After I did, the police said I shouldn't press charges because it was just my word against theirs. It is absolutely normal to try to go on with your life so the vacation is not a red flag. If her family knows, they probably encouraged her to still go. It is also possible though that her family doesn't believe her, so asking them won't get you any answers. If you think she's "damaged goods" now, it's best that you leave her.

      [–]Limekill 1 point2 points  (4 children)

      It is absolutely normal to try to go on with your life so the vacation is not a red flag.

      Sorry, but if my daughter got raped on vacation, I would think, you know what, "she needs another vacation!"

      [–]isaac_the_robot[🍰] -1 points0 points  (3 children)

      What do you think she should do instead?

      [–]Limekill 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      Go see the police or a Solicitor about it, rather than going on hol's. There may be a civil case you can mount, especially if the guy is a UK citizen.

      [–]isaac_the_robot[🍰] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Unfortunately, it is very unlikely she has enough evidence to get a conviction. Even with a rape kit, unless they found drugs still in her system or signs of a struggle, it only proves that they had sex. Even if she has a case, there's no reason for her not to go on a vacation.

      [–]Limekill -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      She could still mount a civil case, then its just balance of probabilities. And judges/jury tend to believe female victims more than men. She could also get a non- approach order.

      The point of the vacation is that it is an odd thing to do. I mean if I was kidnapped overseas, I wouldn't think - 'I need to get on with my life so I need another vacation'. I would stay in an area that I knew for at least a while and get my bearings and try and work out how to avoid putting myself in similar situations. Perhaps I would even get professional help.

      I would have to lmfao if she got raped on the 2nd trip.

      [–]FrameWalker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      The situation sucks. I hope she cheated because when you drop her there is no reason to feel bad for her. If she was indeed raped she's gonna have a lot of trauma to deal with and she's probably best dealing with it single. As much as you might care about her she's got major issues to deal with now.

      80% chance of cheating.

      [–]redpillmason 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Women that get raped go through massive mental breakdowns and end up with intimacy issues with men. Is she exhibiting signs of this? From your responses of her going to another vacation so soon it doesn't seem like it. She is lying.

      [–]flatox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Stop lying to yourself. You already know what to do.

      [–]StinkyDiaper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Demand that she show you a copy of the toxicology report if the hospital has one. This would prove or disprove that she was drugged.

      [–]Tiway22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Sounds pretty fishy. She doesn't seem upset by it at all.

      [–]recon_johnny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      So...I'm thinking that it's bullshit, she fucked a guy, was with someone who may deal her out at some point....and she then decides to run the rape card to you, for sympathy because she's not a slut...she was taken advantage of, etc, etc, et-fucking-cetera.

      You've the red flag already. You have a pretty good feeling she's lying.

      I'd take time away and drop her after a week.

      [–]London-Bananas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      If this story is true, that is very sad for her. But after 4 months I'd just count my losses and whish her well with the legal persuasion of this case. She probably won't, though, and tell her you won't discuss the matter with her unless legal action takes place. Then break up gently somewhere in a few weeks.

      On a side note: I think women who are raped and don't press charges are absolute subhumans. They willingly expose other women to risk the same simply because muh feelings. Yeah sure it would be though to live through it again, but now you're letting potentially dozens of other women actually experience it. No respect at all.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Those damned Brits. At it everywhere they go. The savages let the rape of 1400 minor girls go unpunished. That is the only reason I want to believe her but I would say she is lying because she won't press charges.

      [–]bidi123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I know of some chick that got "accidentally" raped 2 times (officially when high on drugs) while dating the same guy who believed her and she wouldn't press charges.

      How many false rape stories will you swallow?

      And your now-ex-gf's friend was also "raped" by another guy the same night so she didn't have time to notice anything? Or was she whoring according to their "girls night out" plan and everything went as planned - they both put out to random drunk losers?

      [–]krustytheclown2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This comment has been overwritten by an open source script to protect this user's privacy.

      If you would like to do the same, add the browser extension GreaseMonkey to Firefox and add this open source script.

      Then simply click on your username on Reddit, go to the comments tab, and hit the new OVERWRITE button at the top.

      [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      Yo i think this is bullshit. And even if it isnt you're resentment is not gonna go away. if i was in your shoes id go out and fuck some other girl of equal or greater value just as an insurance policy.

      Or just dump her.

      Women are pretty devious and the fact that theyre often totally unconscious to the fact is what makes it problematic.

      [–]TheKorken -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      Im giving you my perspective here:

      I was skeptical about letting her go but she has proven to be trustworthy as far as i can tell.

      Shit test: You let her go so you failed the test.

      I call her today and she tells me that she has been raped.

      What i read:"You didnt stop me from going here and YOU are responsable for me getting raped."

      Second shittest.

      She tries to make you feel guilty and obliged to be her boyfriend and Beta-Provider. She will fuck the next Chad she will find when she is back.

      My advice: run.