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Fed up of being treated like a bitch by friends (self.asktrp)

submitted by Bolvyn_Venim

For the longest time I thought I was close with my friends from university, who I currently live with. After red pilling myself I realised that my female friends don't value me. My guy friends are starting to treat me with more respect now that I'm trying to achieve my goals but they still quietly follow the consensus that I should be mocked. This feels fucking pathetic, I'm the butt of all the jokes in this house. But if I create conflict with my "friends" by calling them out, I have to deal with being cast out all year. How do I stop being treated like a bitch without going nuclear?


[–]stylerTyler 30 points31 points  (4 children)

Option A: Find new friends.

Option B: Stay away from them for a prolonged period of time then start hanging out with them every now and then. Don’t do it often. Once every other week or once a month is alright. While you’re away, you work on yourself and you find new friends.

[–]Bolvyn_Venim[S] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Currently trying A with moderate success, but B also sounds like a good plan

[–]lonewolfx29 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I was in your position a few months ago, option b works. Build your testosterone up and work out. Totally go lowkey and recreate yourself

[–]Luis_McLovin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

B is better. You'll never be valued if you don't have any to offer.

[–]blister333 0 points1 point  (0 children)

just find new friends. odds are these guys weren't going to be your friends for long anyway even if they 'respected' you now.

[–]lietruth 42 points43 points  (10 children)

Agree and amplify.

If you're the butt of the jokes, then continue to be aloof about it. For example your friends say "Bolvyn_Venim is such a bitch he never does the dishes lol". You could the say "Oh yea, I'm the biggest bitch in this house, but I learn from the best eh man?"

If that fails to work for a while, just pull back and become a more respectable man until there's nothing left to make fun of. The reason people treat you like a bitch is because you are a bitch. Stop being a bitch and voila!

[–]Bolvyn_Venim[S] 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Appreciate the comment man, thanks. I've tried agree and amplify for a month or so with no success, so pulling back looks to be the option

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

The guy is right but terrible example. Thats not agree and amplify. Agree and amplify is more like “and sometimes I dont even flush”.

[–]Moreofmore 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No one will believe you if it's only been a month. That's temporary to most men. Stay changed for a year and they'll actually believe you

[–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck A&A. Just think for a second.

"You're a bitch and a punk."

You: "Yeah! A Super Bitch and Super Punk!" {{"Boy, oh boy, these guys are gonna respect me now!"}}

[–]frequentlywrong 7 points8 points  (4 children)

"*Oh yea, I'm the biggest bitch in this house, but ...."

Never say that and never use self deprecating humor. If you don't respect yourself no one else will.

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–]frequentlywrong 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    No it isnt. Unless you are already confident and in their eyes above them.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]SoulRedemption 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      What he's saying is that you should already be "above them in their eyes" and it would not work when you are attempting to establish respect.

      [–]mickey__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      how is op a bitch?

      [–]Etourneaux 11 points12 points  (4 children)

      You are still a bitch.

      Complaining about your friends treating you like a bitch is what a bitch does.

      They'll stop treating you like a bitch when you are no longer a bitch.

      In the mean time stick with it and be grateful of the constant reminders of why you came here in the first place.

      [–]SoulRedemption 2 points3 points  (2 children)

      While I agree with you, you haven't given him anything to work with. I'm also interested in the answers t on his questions. Can you elaborate a little more?

      [–]Etourneaux 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Work the sidebar and STFU

      [–]SoulRedemption 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      Very useful and love how you elaborated your thoughts. Thanks.

      [–]mickey__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      i've never understood why the guy who is treated a bitch, bitch, but not the guys who are treating him like that. Aren't they bitches also?

      [–]RPamateur 9 points10 points  (0 children)

      1) They aren't your friends.

      2) Stand up for yourself and hit back (with comebacks and other insults). The key here is to not be mad or offended. You need to learn to roll with the punches and get a kick out of it.

      [–]newlifeRP 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      TL;DR: Fuck you then, there's no TL;DR here. This started as a response, but it ended being an entry to my own journal, for my personal mental structure. So read it all or none of it, I can only say it was good enough for myself to write it all down.

      Frame.

      I'm of the belief that everybody shit tests you, not only girls. Shit tests are a way to triangulate your/their position in the social hierarchy. Just like wolf pups play, trying to submit each other. And then wolf adults use this experience to really submit others. And lead the pack, or follow, or be expelled.

      My experience: I have a large group of guy friends (almost 20 guys). We have known each other since we were kids. As we grew up, positions in the hierarchy have changed and/or consolidated. Mine has gone from omega, when I was the most insecure teenager, to be in the alphas inner circle, specially lately as I have started my self-improvement plan (lift ftw). Mind you, I still slip sometimes, but I know when I do, and I learn. As a counter example, some of my friends' have gone the other way, from being highly regarded to omega.

      You see, the ones perceived as alpha are the ones that get shit tested the less. They are also the ones that shit test others the less and don't engage nor respond to stupid arguments. Sidenote: how to know for sure when someone is alpha? An alpha's opinion and decisions are scarce, usually highly regarded, seldom questioned and most of the time obeyed and final.

      On the other hand the omega are, not the ones shit tested the more (there's no need anymore, everybody knows they are at the bottom of the ladder), but the ones that shit test others the most —trying to climb!—. They are also the ones that get offended and engage in meaningless arguments the most, and the ones that try to please others the most too, coveting favor. Needless to say, their opinion and decisions are mostly ignored.

      Corollary: If you are alpha, you don't need to test anyone, you already know you are top notch. People may test you (not often, it's risky to fail at the top) to climb over you, but if you are unfazed by it (stoic), it is innefective —and you turn it against them—.

      Corollary: Nobody tests those perceived as lower value... Why engage in a battle already won? You only test those at your level or immediately above you. So, if you are getting tested, it's because people keep trying to know their relative position to you! Also, beware: if you see someone aim too high because they are delusional about their value (see next corollary), they are obviously omega. These kind are the most toxic to alphas: Never underestimate the power of stupid people.

      Corollary: Frame is like the idea of statistic variance:

      • If you have high variance your frame is weak: you go tumbling around the full spectrum of pleasing/shit testing (push-pull anyone? Please=pull, test=push). Others pick up on this, they sense your weakness: that your are unsure of your position or value inside the hierarchy.
      • Analogous to this, ‎if you are sure of your position and value, if you don't need the approval of others and your frame is strong, you have low variance: again, stoicism, you are the rock unmoved by the storm in the ocean. Others pick up on this too.

      Corollary from the last corollary: Don't go around gaming EVERY girl! That's high variance. If you know your value and you know what you like, you know where you should aim.

      BUT, knowing what you like and and what you are worth requires experience, so, yes, go around gaming EVERY girl YOU LIKE. And fail. And don't be afraid to fail. That's the way you traingulate your position and improve it in the long term (I write this because I'm currently failing at this, I need to remind myself).

      Also, "kwoning your value" is relative... It's not kwoning in the thinking sense, it is more of a conviction, a self-belief, paired with the ability to convince others of the same belief at an unconscious level, like a reality-shaping power. How to achieve this mental state? Well, for me it is similar to meditating: the more you chase the calmness in your mind, the more it eludes you. Instead, let it flow by accepting your thoughts as they come.

      [–][deleted]  (4 children)

      [deleted]

      [–]Bolvyn_Venim[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      One time a friend of mine almost got into a fight with some guy in the club over his girlfriend, whom I live with. They were all arguing about whether him retaliating was the right thing to do. When I told them "guys this is stupid he's fine so let's just go home" they all told me to shut the fuck up, even though I was in the right. How harsh a tone were you thinking? Because I'm not good in an argument, I freeze up

      [–]Ricardo2991 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      It's a good habit to support your "Friends" in public situations.

      [–]cirrusice 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Respect is earned. They probably see you lower than them in terms of hierarchy.

      [–]t_jones730 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      They aren’t your friends.

      [–]juliusstreicher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      For beginners, you have already been cast out, in case you haven't yet figured it out. So, make plans to get away from them.

      Your response indicates that you think that you can become their friends again, or, get closer. This is BadThink. You are setting yourself up for failure. You will, at least unconsciously, be 'trying' to make them like you. Understand, they are NOT your friends. Determine in your mind that YOU will discard THEM; not as a temporary 'fix', to make them become your friends, but, because they are defective units in the Friendship Market.

      If you DO hang out with them in the future, do it only because they have something of value to offer, and realize that what they are offering is not because they are 'bros', but, because you have something of value that they want.

      Until you do this, you will continue to be their bitch.

      [–]SoloAlbum 2 points3 points  (4 children)

      [–][deleted]  (3 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]SoloAlbum 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        The article linked explains exactly what kind of situation he is in, as well how to handle it. This is one of the best articles I've read relating to TRP.

        In short: He's the asshole of the group, the one that gets picked on until he decides to no longer be the asshole.

        [–]RedHoodhandles 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        This, as well as 'sandbox' was an excellent read. I didn't know this site so thank you.

        [–]frogNews 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        It's herd mentality to make each other stronger. Joust with your words and have fun.

        [–]mcr00sterdota 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Dude they're taking the mickey out of you. Instead of getting butt-hurt agree and amplify, laugh it off. If they are really that big of a problem then go find new friends.

        [–]BaronRafiki 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I'd guess that being cast out as a man is better than staying with as a little bitch.

        [–]Purpledrank 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        If you initiate with yourself as being the butt end of the joke, instead of them, then you're in control. Being in control = not the butt end of a joke, no shame or humiliation or deranking. If they're calling you gay all the time, just make little inendos that you like "Hot guys" or whatever. Own it.