Psychological Sexual Dysfunction - How do I retrain my brain? (NSFW) (Serious) (24M) (self.asktrp)

submitted by Crimson_Medicinal

Hi all, I'll try to keep this short and to the point.

I'm healthy as shit but my body doesn't respond to female touch as much as I would like. And by that I mean it's a dead noodle unless I personally beat the shit out of it.

I'm a personal trainer. I train barbell movements and boxing 4-5 days per week. My body-fat percentage is low. I eat healthy (currently on day 7 of a Ketogenic diet), I sleep 7-8 hours per night in a cold, dark room. I supplement with a multi, vitamin D, B complex, zinc mag etc as well as a libido boosting supplement.

Psychologically I haven't watched porn in two weeks or so, not even NSFW reddit posts. I abstained from jerking it for a month or so before doing it with no outside stimulus.

My body STILL only reacts when its me, lying down, in a specific way (legs tight, body tensed up). I've always had to do that since I was 16 to get "ready" for a girl. They've never been able to get me there. Never finished from a BJ. Never gotten fully hard kissing or anything.

I wake up every morning rock hard. Like fuck a hole through drywall hard. But I have literally gone soft fucking a girl with it when I wake up next to her.

How do I retrain my brain and my body to react to women and different positions when all its known is one position for 10+ years of sexual activity?

I know it's an uncomfortable question but it's fucking ruining my life.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)


[–]somebullshitrp 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I agree. A couple weeks, and even a couple months, might not be enough to retain yourself after over a decade of doing it a very specific way.

[–]DaftOdyssey 1 point2 points  (2 children)

What if you don't get morning wood?

[–]greenearth2 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Blood flow issue. See your doctor.

[–]ReformSociety 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Possible symptom of cancer. Says so on WebMD.

[–]jacktharipper91 17 points18 points  (2 children)

From now on the only sexual stimulation you can have is from women, no porn no jacking off. When having sex you need to get out your own head and go with the flow more, enjoy yourself and relax. Sex is supposed to be fun but when your putting a shit load of pressure on yourself to perform and stay hard it can be quite the opposite. Don't focus on getting hard, focus on her, her body, her smells and tastes, if you can get a LTR or a plate you can trust you'll over this much quicker. The good thing is its all psychological so it can defiantly be fixed.

[–]123undeuxtrois123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He needs to focus on the girl he fucks. I guess he gets distracted or nervous.

[–]abomba24 1 point2 points  (0 children)

went through something similar after a 4 year LTR. took awhile for things to work normally again. Tips from my experience: cut out any kind of self stimulation, get an understanding plate to help, get out of your own head - meditation helped me with this

[–]werdswerdswerds 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Dan Savage's speech on masturbation should help you considerably. Idont have a link, but YouTube it.

TL;DW - all of your sexual pleasure will need come from variety and the girl's influence. If you do not get hard from that, move on. Eventually your dick will realize that this is how it will be allowed to orgasm.

Also, cut out that libido supplement.

[–]kylerosa21 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NoFap. Do it for the full 90 days or go longer if you have to

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

/nofap is your ally. Do it for as long as you need to. 90 days is the benchmark

[–]empatheticapathetic 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Read the power of now. Practice mindfulness. When you get those thoughts in your head that are blocking you from being aroused, identify them and work on them.

[–]priapula 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Know that it is definetly possible. I have retrained myself on a few fetishes and diminished them

[–]DayGameChirality 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Try this: masturbate but don't use porn for it, only your imagination. Do it SLOW and SOFT, be very gentle to yourself, don't rush it, especially that you WON'T ORGASM. Only bring yourself to the brink of an orgasm. Then stop. That's it. Repeat a few times a week.

Expand your imagination and be as imageful and detailed as possible.

it's a dead noodle unless I personally beat the shit out of it.

This means you're going to be intentionally slow, soft and gentle. Like, super slow and gentle. Don't make it too fast, and no "vice grip" on your dick either. You want to teach your body to react to SUBTLE stimuli. You can also touch your body in general. This will also help, because women don't always focus on your dick either.

You'll learn your body this way and get comfortable with yourself.

[–]Crimson_Medicinal[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I like this. So do that but don't finish? I've noticed if she does get me hard I go to work on her, then I go soft and it's near impossible to get back to the same level, like it needs constant attention and hates to be teased.

[–]DayGameChirality 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. Don't finish, it's not the goal. Masturbating with the goal of orgasm when you're "insensual" and inexperienced with your own body will cause you to, as it is with goals, focus on the end-game. It will be a distraction. Your goal is to explore your reactions, build sensitivity & sensuality, see what is pleasurable for you and what is not. Don't think of it as a drill, it's a sexlife-changing experience once you stop expecting shit. There will be no pressure to stay hard or anything. I'd say give it at least 15-20 minutes. If you are too close to orgasm, i.e. you feel like you're losing control over whether you'll orgasm or not, stop arousing/stimulating yourself, lay still and just breathe & observe what you're feeling.

This is also how I've learned to abstain from orgasm if I choose to do so during sex. I don't "have to" orgasm and I can focus on the woman in question instead. For me, it makes the sex more enjoyable because it's less egoistic. I still orgasm, but only when I want to. So while this can help you with sexual dysfunction and that helps you directly, it can also make you a better, more sensitive & curious lover. This is in no way incompatible with being dominant caveman in bedroom, just like SGM says, you can combine it, or mix it one after another, etc.

I don't do this fun exercise as often as I've used to in the beginning but I still do when I feel like sex quality has gone down on my side of equation, i.e. if I feel like I'm doing below average. Decent average is okay, but if my average is bad then it needs work.

[–]taw123987 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am going through the same thing. Google "Tight BC muscle" and check out PEGym. I think that is what we need to do to fix it

[–]MisterRoid 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Have they been okay with you cumming in their mouths? If you have to pull out that's a turn off which makes it harder to cum. Sex with condoms also sucks and makes it hard to finish (personally I would rather jerk off).

Analyze if the sex is actually good before you jump the gun and conclude it's a mental problem. Jerking off to porn may not be natural, but neither is fucking a plastic bag.

[–]egoissuffering 1 point2 points  (0 children)

if it's that bad, then you can get a prescription for ED even if it's only psychological. from there you can rewire your brain by having sex and continuing to abstain from masturbation.

[–]Herdsengineers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

maybe you're gay. /s

seriously though, you need to relax and become outcome independent regarding the outcome of sex. you've got yourself wound tight over this, it's becoming self fulfilling prophecy. somehow you gotta let go of whatever is in your head psyche'ing you out.

[–]Doomfox81 2 points3 points  (0 children)

maybe you like getting your cheeks busted

[–][deleted]  (6 children)


[–]anonanonetc 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Don’t think so. Morning wood means problem is mental. No need to make it physical by creating a chemical dependency.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)


    [–]Trpthrowaway90000 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Disagree. I had mental problems after divorce, pills got me back to normal.

    Maybe don't comment if you don't know what you're talking about.

    [–]y0ung14 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Go to the doctor, get some bloodwork done. Could be a testosterone deficiency. Don't beat your meat for a good while. You might be tired of the same girl. New girls are always a for sure cure. Could be Stress? Could be you might not be heterosexual? Hopefully you figure it out soon.

    [–]Mr_Badass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    It could be a type of low blood pressure. Increase your Sodium and see if that helps.

    Orthostatic hypotension — also called postural hypotension — is a form of low blood pressure that happens when you stand up from sitting or lying down. ... Orthostatic hypotension may be mild and last for less than a few minutes.

    [–]magical_artist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Reading these posts, I agree. Internalize that you won't make yourself orgasm. For at least 90 days.

    Now, associate pleasure with female partners.

    Utilize Viagra/Cialis as a crutch if needed until you have an established track record of success.

    I also wonder if we're talking death grip. If so, transitioning to a Fleshlight may help (after the 90 days)

    [–]SwoleyMoleyFrijoley 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    No fap. 90 days hard mode.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    It takes from months to recover from withdrawals from porn.

    [–]BlackMisc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    keto diets dont work your body also needs carbs you might even kose your hair from keto diets

    [–]Morphs_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    A typical porn reboot lasts 120 days. I made it to 118 days once. I got a lot of sensitivity back in my penis. But got back into masturbating and porn over time.

    Rally give a reboot a shot. You can try to mix it with sex with real women. Order some generic Cialis online for the time being. Works very well.

    [–]dotwav2mpfree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Eat more fat.

    [–]3d_truth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    How do you feel when your with a girl? Are you stressed or nervous? These states produce cortisol which decimate your boner. You need to relax. So just try be with more girls and not caring about your performance. Try a prostitute of you live in a prostitute friendly country.

    [–]Avertus -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    I think you should ask this in r/NoFap, as this is more a question of a struggle with pornography and masturbation addiction than sexual strategy.

    [–]xXSoroxXx -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

    Try acupuncture