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Conflicted about the girl I've been dating the last 2 years (self.asktrp)

submitted by goldenguy2017

I'm 25. I've been seeing the same girl for the past 2 years. She's actually the coolest girl I've dated. Totally my type. Traditional, attractive, feminine, good values from a good family, all the traits you'd want in a partner really.

Anyway... So basically I feel like I scored pretty high. She seems kinda out my league if i'm being honest. Everyone loves her as well. Here's where the conflict comes in... she wants to get more serious and eventually marry, have kids, etc. I am unsure about kids/marriage anytime soon. I believe I do want to get married to have children someday, but that day isn't for another 8-9-10 years or so.

So my brain is telling me just to end it.... but then my feels are telling me otherwise. Back of my head: what if you don't find a girl as good as her again? All the good girls are taken? Etc

But then my brain is telling me, this is the time to still be investing in yourself, and I still have many years in front of me and i'll be fine/better off finding a woman later in life

I just dont know. I am very feeling conflicted because this girl is great, but I feel the timing is all wrong


[–]DesperateChemical 71 points72 points  (7 children)

Abundance mentality.

If you better yourself (lift, work, hobbies, reading, ect.) for the next 10 years you will be able to get a "better" girl. Have abundance mentality.

But if you want a family, if that is one of your goals, then couples that have lower ncounts and marry young tend to do better.

That said, (and this part is moralizing, not redpill) I feel for the girls. Women don't age as gracefully as men do, they can't put off kids and family like we can. If you are not ready for kids and marriage I would ditch your LTR, no contact her and let her get on with her life. I personally feel bad for girls who want to commit and have kids so they commit to a LTR that isn't going to end up that way for them. I did this to a girl and felt pretty bad about it, so now I just spin plates and stay away from LTRs.

[–]goldenguy2017[S] 23 points24 points  (5 children)

Yeah I mean, I do want kids... I think. And for me, that must be within wedlock. I'm not religious, I just believe it to be the moral thing to do.

The girl I'm dating does have a low ncount and wants to marry younger. Today's society just scares me when I see what's happening with modern women and I feel as if I found a rarity. My main solution to this is just to date someone significantly younger than myself. When I'm 30, maybe date a 24-year-old or something along those lines.

But then I can't help but think that girls who date out of their age range are likely more shallow or gold diggers and whatnot.

I already have been lifting since I was 17, I work, I have a few hobbies, and I read most days of the week. And I will continue to do all of these things until I'm 6 feet under.

I'm probably just overthinking things and having a tough time coming to the conclusion that I simply don't want to let her go because I really do enjoy her company. Sorry for rambling, thanks for the realistic advice

[–]DesperateChemical 28 points29 points  (0 children)

There are no easy answers. And no one can tell you how to live your life.

Good luck man.

[–]Avertus 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Agree OP. You're barely 4 years older than I am, you won't lose anything if you don't settle down for an LTR within the next 5 or 10 years. At this age old-school chivalry no longer works when women are incentivized to cheat, branch swing and divorce rape.

[–]moorekom 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The only thing you can do is to think back on the times when she had power over someone and see how she behaved back then. Or, give her a bit of power now and see how she behaves. While this is not a predictor for future, this will give you a general idea of what you're dealing with. The reason you're hesitant on marriage is because you're not willing to give away your power. And I understand. Most men, including me, are in that same boat. Let her qualify herself to you. Create a situation to see what she is like really. See how she acts with you and see how she acts with people below her. If she's kind to strangers who is below her, then odds of her divorce raping you are less. But, there are indeed no easy answers. It's your life. Think and act decisively.

[–]MrAgamemnon 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The girl I'm dating does have a low ncount and wants to marry younger. Today's society just scares me when I see what's happening with modern women and I feel as if I found a rarity. My main solution to this is just to date someone significantly younger than myself. When I'm 30, maybe date a 24-year-old or something along those lines.

How old is she now?

[–]goldenguy2017[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's a little more than a year younger than me

[–]creating_my_life 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That said, (and this part is moralizing, not redpill) I feel for the girls. Women don't age as gracefully as men do, they can't put off kids and family like we can. If you are not ready for kids and marriage I would ditch your LTR, no contact her and let her get on with her life. I personally feel bad for girls who want to commit and have kids so they commit to a LTR that isn't going to end up that way for them.

This is all VERY true.

It took me many years, introspection, and wisdom to come to the conclusion of "not my problem." I mean that sincerely and not flippantly.

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T 29 points30 points  (2 children)

Relax, you're getting paranoid. Get your hand back on the goddamn rudder. This wouldn't be a problem if your mission was your priority. Having a good first mate helps you get there.

IF she's as golden as you claim, then LTR her. She's not asking you to run off to the courthouse tomorrow night. Give it a few years, keep vetting her. Meanwhile focus on your mission.

Remember that if things go south with her, you have Always other options to choose from. meanwhile your mission will keep rolling forward regardless.

She seems kinda out my league if i'm being honest.

Don't ever say that again. Not even to yourself.

You aren't being honest. Your internal frame is weak, you have inferiority beliefs. You paid attenton to her looks and not to your mission.

Being a man makes you stronger, more capable mentally, more mature, and give you more social status by default. You have the balls, you're the decider of the relationship. Nobody gives a fuck who she is or what she looks like. Period. End of discussion.

[–]hawkeaglejesus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She seems kinda out my league if i'm being honest.

Is that still gonna be the case in 5-10 years? She's probably subconsciously aware that you're a catch and she's fine trading in her remaining youth for the value that you're going to bring later.

I believe I do want to get married to have children someday, but that day isn't for another 8-9-10 years or so.

Make sure she knows. If she wants to stay or go that's her choice. You're not forcing her to stay.

[–]FwoGiZ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Golden tips right here my brothers

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If you can date a girl that sounds like a 8+ now, then you're not going to have much difficulty finding another one, in case that worries you.

[–]xXxOrcaxXx 10 points11 points  (6 children)

Contrary to what most others will probably tell you, I'd lean more towards "giving in" to her request. Biologically speaking, women are build to have babies while they are younger, which, if handled responsibly, leads to more happiness for the woman. It is my belief that if you can't see any red flags in your relationship, then you should take this opportunity to settle early with someone you can trust.

In the end you have to be happy with the decision. But be aware that while there is a chance that you will find someone that you click with just as good or even better later in life, it is far from a given and the older you are the slimmer the chances. Additionally, while rare, there are still women who can actually control their impulsive, branch-swinging behaviour. If you think that you've found such a woman, and you are sure of it, then I would not pass such an opportunity.

[–]FwoGiZ 0 points1 point  (5 children)

Too much risks, she could change her mind ANYTIME in this time and era and CASH IN BIG PRIZES.
Plus, OP couldn't possibly build himself AND do the family thing at 25yo.
You simply can NEVER be sure or it sooo.... Bad advice.

[–]xXxOrcaxXx 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Prenuptial agreement. Present a fair agreement and if she declines for whatever reason you can next her.

[–]FwoGiZ 0 points1 point  (2 children)

You realize those are often dropped in court? 25 simply is too young. The proof is in how undecided he is.

[–]xXxOrcaxXx 0 points1 point  (1 child)

25 is not too young, it is right at the optimal age, even moreso for women. And of course he is undecided, it is a huge fucking decision.

[–]FwoGiZ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Let's agree to disagree lol. I don't believe a 25 has accomplished anywhere near enough tog et into that. 35-45 is the optimal age. You are fertile forever, you are not a women that will hit the wall at 31yo.

[–]DayGameChirality 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only if he's getting married in a country/state that enforces prenuptial agreements and doesn't ditch it.

If he decides to marry regardless then he's a stupid fuck.

[–]waylonw 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If you aren’t ready for marriage then definitely don’t get married. That is a huge commitment and it’s one you should be sure about. However, I would make that known too her. Don’t keep her guessing on where you are at in the relationship. If she hangs around even after you tell her that’s great, but if not you certainly dodged a bullet.

As for her being “the one”, there are 7 billion people on the planet with roughly half (give or take a few million) being female... there’s always someone else.

[–]throwinghthisoneaway 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Try your best to keep her around and put the kids off for a while. Youve been dating for only two years. Thats not long at all. Get to know her more, travel with her. See her in more areas of life. I dont think a good relationship with a submissive woman is worth dropping over wanting more committment. You can stall. You can make her wait. If shes serious about YOU and not just wanting kids she’ll stay with you. This is her opportunity to prove her value and commitment to you. Talk about it. Tell her no for now. Its too early, you wanna see if thats what you really want with her. And then watch everything she does for you skyrocket to the extreme or fall off. Just wait

[–]MrAgamemnon 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I was also in this same place not too long ago, where it was marriage or call it quits. I called it with someone very suitable for marriage, who would have made a good wife and mother.

It was the right decision, but as I look back on it now, with people around me, friends and family, having kids - I do occasionally regret it.

While there are plenty of fish in the sea, the more I look around the more I see that most women aren't fit to be mothers these days. Most in their early 20s aren't interested for the most part, school/career/travel. I can't see myself finding a suitable woman in her late 20s, they all have far too much baggage with them. Speaking as a guy in his early 30s.

I can't help but think back to Mountbatten telling prince Charles "marry someone young and inexperienced".

I believe I do want to get married to have children someday, but that day isn't for another 8-9-10 years or so.

The older you get the greater the chances of defects, autism, Down syndrome, etc., despite what some say the father's age does play a part in this. Keep it pre-mid 30s.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As long as you’re feeling that she’s “out of your league” there’s gonna be issues. Why haven’t you been bettering yourself this whole time? Why aren’t you amazing enough to replace her if need be?

[–]2chazthundergut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't marry her or commit to marriage. But don't break up with her just because you don't want to get married right now.

Just take it easy and see how things go. You've still got plenty of time to make a decision.

[–]GrandmasterHurricane 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why do u even want to get married? And u jean to tell me that out of the billions of girls in exsitence, only this one is a good match for u?

[–]exscionewhuman 5 points6 points  (5 children)

Are you enjoying your time with her? Do you want to have kids? That's all you need to ask yourself.

20 years from now if you were single and alone, would you have wished that you stayed with her?

Don't listen to all the angry manlets on here about marriage and/or having a family and not trusting women. Yes you need to be extremely careful and not needy and not desperate and not searching etc. If you are a fucked up person you are going to get a fucked up relationship. You can't trust men, either, btw.

Assuming that is not the case with you, believe it or not, you could have a good life with this girl.

Just kidding this is TRP, HARD NEXT!

[–]SharpestMarbel 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Sure don't listen to experience... just trust me and swallow the BP

[–]MrAgamemnon 2 points3 points  (3 children)

So what do you suggest for guys who want children?

[–]opaparaopa 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Prenup and watch her reaction. If she agrees with it and is not bitchy about it, she is the right one. If she does not want it, you know that she's the wrong person to make little babies.

[–]BendAndSnap- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. That's just merely a positive flag. There has to be a lot of green flags

[–]SharpestMarbel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you want kids, then co-habitation is a must. Kids need both parents to stop the girls from being feral feminzi wrecks and the boys from being idiots. YOu don't have to be married to have kids. I would advise no marriage, but live together. You can next a room-mate, so dread is a major factor here.

Having kids makes nexting more difficult. Kids also puts the state into your business in the way of child support enforcement. As our feminzi state recognizes the mom as the primary parent, yes it's sexist, parental alientation is another risk. These now becomes your risks to mitigate along with the risk of low-quality sex, a controlling shrew, and a bad food. Some regions may have palimony or other division of assest depending on co-habitation, so check your local laws. No marriage removes risks to assets and alimony.

Now you know the risks you know how to plan. 1) Per TRM, a woman must be solidly in your frame. If not then next and start over. Marriage or living together may only make your frame weaker if you don't keep your shit together. A woman in your frame and freely offering her body and deference to you is a rock bottom must. This something a prenuptial can not guarantee or capture, but it's the heart of RP.

2) Don't have a stay at home mom. That puts you at risk for increased child support and for her getting primary custody (this is a risk mitigation strategy). Vet your daycare lady/facility to see how they are... they/her will essentially be their mom now.

3) The woman needs to bring home the $$ too. Reverse hypergamy/equality whatever you want to call it, but a woman making $ lessons the risk of alimony and child support payments. The more $ the better, as the differential between the two paychecks determines payments and may determine custody.

4) It's your turn. Just because you live together or have kids with her… it's still your turn. Just be prepared for a soft landing once your ride is over by protecting yourself from divorce rape/parental alienation from your kids.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

[–]MrAgamemnon 5 points6 points  (0 children)

see if she might be interested in MFF threesomes, which she might like anyways.

I have always believed that one shouldn't push for that kinda thing with an LTR. It sets you up for a day of reciprocity, don't give them an excuse for that thought.

[–]redxpills 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you're not redpilled yet, go find some future possibilities of marriage from people experiences, you will likely hate the concept of marriage. But if you don't believe on redpill, marry her when you're ready. If you're not ready, don't marry her.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea what’s the rush to marry now? Why not continue the LTR until you are sure you want to marry her. If it’s an ultimatum then definitely don’t marry her. Remind her that you two can still be commuted without the government in your relationship! And that your love and commitment is stronger than any government contract. Let her know that marriage is a huge step now days and that you need to be very ver sure before making that commitment.

[–]Velebit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So whats the issue? It does not fit perfectly with your neat little timetable of expectations? Or you wanna monkeybranch?

[–]dandar4600 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You always feel you have so much time at 25. Truth is you really don't. Time tends to sneak up on you. Having kids early means you are empty nesters around 50 and still have plenty of time for fun, traveling etc. You do it later and by the time your kid is in college you're an old man. If you can afford it and the girls is vetted and is good don't be afraid to go for it.

[–]NewBoomAction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just don't date. Problem solved, amigo. 😂

[–]Peter_B_Long 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If that's the only reason that you feel like you want to end things, then the break up is going to be kinda rough. I broke up with an exLTR of 5 years. It was 2 weeks before I turned 23. Same reason as you. I didn't want to get married / have kids and she did, but I did have other minor reasons like, she had a lot of guy friends, I wanted to spin plates and increase my n-count, her family was very toxic, and a few other reasons.

I'll be honest with you, even though I've spun 6 plates since the break up last year, none of them have been "better" than my ex. My ex set the bar pretty high in regards to looks, submissiveness, caring, etc. It doesn't make me miss her or regret my decision, but it just makes me realize that I need to improve myself EVEN MORE than I already have and that "good" LTR's are actually hard to find.

[–]Asdfghjkugfvnki -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You’ll regret it, dude. Trust me, a girl like that is very hard to find.

[–]hormoan -1 points0 points  (1 child)

If she really is the unicorn you say and no red flags go for it. If she is younger than you of course and not a career girl. She still has her looks and her fertility. Make some babies and don't fall for the stupid traps of trading up just for thr sake of it. You will regret it later.

[–]hormoan 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah but most importantly don't lose frame. You are the leader. Red pill truth still applies and you need to be on top of your game always, with her, her family and the kids.