Was it exceptionally hard to have casual sex in the late 80s and early 90s? (self.asktrp)

submitted by clausternn

I was reading this thread about all the fear and misconceptions surrounding AIDS in that time period.

This seems like it would have made it very difficult to have casual sex back then, because not only would you have to be an alpha and seduce a woman, you would also have to assure her she wouldn't get AIDS and die.

[–][deleted]  (7 children)


[–]jackandjill22 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Someone on the verge of Gen x once sad things started getting more difficult right around 06-08.

[–]AwakenedSovereign 46 points47 points  (1 child)

Smartphones. Game changer.

[–]jackandjill22 20 points21 points  (0 children)

That and social media.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I've had older women (like post-menopausal) tell me they don't understand the ego of today's girls.

I always wonder if they were really any different. One of them told me she dated rich dudes in California so I was skeptical about whether she had been any more humble.

[–]Circ-Le-Jerk 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It’s more about girls who don’t take care of themselves, slobs, and not really that good looking, getting hit up by tons of guys on dating apps making them think they are more in demand than they are. A solid four thinks she deserves a solid 7 man.

Then you have the quality girls who aren’t sleeping around, good personalities, not so,e crazy SJW, and are good looking... they know they are in much less supply so they are more picky and require higher investment. Look at home videos from the 80s. Most women were attractive and in shape. The look around today. It’s totally different. The whole sexual market is completely in disarray.

[–]mrpoopistan 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm 40 y.o., and I'm the youngest of three.

The oldest was my sister, who was prone to what would today be called serial monogamy. Most of her dating life was in the 80s and early 90s, and she was viewed by everyone as kinda slutty, even though, to the best of anyone's knowledge, she literally never cheated. Today, serial monogamy looks damned near pedestrian for women.

My recollection from the mid- to late-90s (my teen years) was that there was still a lot of value on "going steady" with someone. Certainly nothing close to the hookup culture of today. Not this world where you can count yourself as single until both partners have both signed off on agreed upon Facebook statuses.

For the guys who desperately wanted laid, there was always the town bicycle. (The girl who every guy had fucked.) I can't even imagine what it would take these days for a woman to earn that rep. Probably something legendary.

There was also a lot more outside pressure to find someone. It was normal if you were single for an older friend of the family, for example, to try to hook you up with some lonely fuck you didn't want to meet.

It's funny because I've been single for that entire stretch. In the late 1990s, it was considered weird AF and other people considered it some kind of disorder that had to be immediately corrected, by outside intervention if necessary. The last time I can remember anyone trying to fix me up was 2002, when an older friend of mine (he was in his 50s, very tradcon) was trying to push me and literally the quietest, most boring black girl who ever lived together.

Now it would almost be weird for someone to try to do that unless they were from some ultratraditional Asian culture.

[–]AshyBoneVR4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

However,it was easier getting a long term girlfriend as they didn't have the inflated egos that they do now.

Awe, the simpler times. Also, cross check divorce rates in the 80s/90s compared to 00s/10s.

[–]RunawayGrain 33 points34 points  (3 children)

You just had different venues. The strip and bars back in the 80's were what Tinder is today. Women had to have some social skills as well, vs just looking hot and waving a profile pic on Tinder. A girls exploits would be public knowledge among a group pretty quickly.

We had one of the hot girls in my high school that people were passing around a stack of Polaroids wherein she was nude, fucking, and hitting a bong. It was a big scandal. Nowadays it seems that just about any girl has a self dedicated porn site on her phone.

[–]TitsAndWhiskey 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah picking up girls at bars was basically the same level of difficulty as picking them up on tinder. It's just that, like television, it wasn't on demand. You had to be out on a Friday or Saturday night. Weeknights were also fair game at college bars.

[–]jackandjill22 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yea, majority atleast 30% of millennial women are seriously run through the quality is definitely an issue so either you're just hitting what's around without any real expectations or the ones that are quality demand a much greater amount of investment.

[–]AmazonAlphaMale 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hahahaha that reminds me when I told this girl off tinder to send me a picture she sent 8 of probably her best nudes

[–]Endorsed Contributorfnordsnord 40 points41 points  (7 children)

deleted What is this?

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Because, back then, as still mostly now, it is a gay disease.

[–]Borsao66 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same here. ONS were common and we had plenty of mil cc riders all over.

[–]ethreax 1 point2 points  (4 children)

I still don’t understand one thing. Is there a vaccine against herpes?

[–]SynfulVisions 7 points8 points  (2 children)

No, and there likely won't be for some time. It's a difficult critter that's not really dangerous. HIV and other STD's have a much greater impact and are always going to be somewhat of a priority. Although herpes is "gross" and insanely common, it really doesn't do anything other than give you occasional cold sores (type 1) or genital sores and burning (type 2). The biggest problem is the stigma associated with it. You're not going to die a slow, painful death... you're not going to slowly go insane... and your dick isn't going to fall off. You may not even ever have symptoms.

[–]clausternn[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

The biggest problem is the stigma associated with it.

Yup. I tried to explain to my friends that herpes isn't really a big deal and their response was basically "so, wait, you have herpes?"

[–]Ricklogical 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I deal with this shit often enough. Dated a girl with it. I never got it. She was careful and told me what a big whore she was but never transmitted.

I believe her, she didn't need to fool me in banging her it came up later.

I've learned a ton about it because of her and everyone I try to educate spaces out and misses it... at the end they are just like "I'm never banging someone with her gross"

I probably wont either, you have to be a certain kind of stupid or naive or pos to contract it or infect others with it.

[–]Endorsed Contributorfnordsnord 5 points6 points  (0 children)

deleted What is this?

[–]abudun79 15 points16 points  (0 children)

OOOHHHH Quite the opposite. No one gave a shit about AIDS. Only gay's got AIDS, that was what people believed. Or they just didn't care because they were horny. IDK. But everyone's been fucking everyone else.

[–]Endorsed ContributorUEMcGill 4 points5 points  (1 child)


I'm 46 and started being sexually active around 1985. I was in college in 1990.

Sluts are universal. I worried about pregnancy (the original sexually transmitted disease) more than STDS.

High school was harder. It was probably more a reflection of my skill not the environment.

I went to a large state school and it was super easy to get laid. Sority chicks were easy. Goth chicks were easy. Grunge chicks were easy. Psych majors... Easy. Get the picture?

I met old timers, class of 68 or 82 or even 58... They made the same jokes about the same slutty sorierties we did.

Sluts are universal. Discretion is the only thing that's changed.

[–]FireTempered 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I met old timers, class of 68 or 82 or even 58... They made the same jokes about the same slutty sorierties we did.


[–]dgillz 3 points4 points  (3 children)

It was easy as hell until Magic announced he was HIV+ in November of 1991. That was the point in time when heterosexuals realized we could catch it too.

[–]Endorsed Contributorfnordsnord 4 points5 points  (2 children)

deleted What is this?

[–]dgillz 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Ryan White was not blond. I'm from Indiana and have seen him on TV a lot.

The Ryan White thing didn't affect getting laid at all in the late 80s and early 90s IMO.

[–]Endorsed Contributorfnordsnord 2 points3 points  (0 children)

deleted What is this?

[–]unorthodoxcowboy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not at all. The club scene in the 90’s was fun as hell.

[–]Ricky469 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It was a great time to get laid, AIDS and HIV were worries but I was in my late 20 and early 30s in that time period. I was unmarried and mostly unattached. I lived in the New York metro area. From 1985-1995 I'd say I had sex with around 125-150 women. PIV I usually used condoms. But that was much more for contraception than avoidance of STDs. I will admit I was quite promiscuous. Oral sex was a particular favorite.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Nobody worried about AIDS, really. So long as you didn't shoot up with guys who prostituted themselves to gay guys for drug money or didnt let anyone blow a large load of infected jizz up your ass you were good to go. They tried to make it into a "straight" disease - "BUT HETEROSEXUALS CAN GET IT, TOO!!!" - yeah, but not really. Sure, they trotted out Ali Gertz who decided to give her v-card to some bi-sexual bartender in Manhattan before anyone knew what was going on with it, but that was actually pretty rare. For straight guys the risk was basically zero.

The 60s and 70s were more about casual sex. High end porno films could run in "normal" theaters in large cities and such. There was some girl on a network show that sucked dick in some "art film" and nobody really cared.

People still fucked in the 80s, but kept it behind closed doors. And girls still had bushes back then. I was shaving my girls in the 80s, so I was ahead of the curve. The 90s got a little rougher because of 3rd Wave Feminism (Catherin MacKinnon and Andrea (BAAAAAARF!) Dworkin. She's had scared Godzilla back into the water. "What? Godzilla is attacking Tokyo? Scramble Andrea Dworkin!") Srsly, Medusa took one look at her and said, "Damn, you ugly."

Those two bitches couldn't give it away, so that was the beginning of "speech codes" and the precursor to the "John didn't call me back after we fucked so he must have raped me" bullshit that we see today. As long as you stuck your dick in "normal" girls, they were pretty chill about it.

The "two parent" model hadn't been replaced by the "child support" model back then but it was, in retrospect, clearly on its way. Womend (and they had a point here) didn't want to be sexually harassed at work, but they also weren't doing the same job as the guys, i.e. coming in late, leaving early, spending time talking about how hard they were working while guys looking to get ahead were pushing forward because they were still expected to earn a "family" wage. Now it's all women want to do half the work and get paid 125% as a man because they work "so hard" and because "discriminitization!" And so it goes....

[–]furcryingoutloud 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't see any difference. Maybe it's just me.

[–]random_dude512 2 points3 points  (0 children)

my sexual peak happened between 88 and 92. i thought it was like clubbing baby seals myself.

[–]Davidskylarkk 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Might have been in the 80s but the mid 90s people started to either know more or not give a shit. That's when I was in HS and I was getting laid all the time. That was a smaller town tho...

I moved down to Orlando after high school and it was almost the same thing in a bigger city.

I don't care what's out there, people don't stop fuckin! It wasn't anymore difficult than it is now.

[–]msarn5150 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]jm51 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was driving a private hire car during the UK aids leaflet campaign. NW England.

Driving into town on a Saturday night with 4 young women and one would say 'I got my leaflet this morning'. Crickets. If she carried on talking about it one of the others would say 'You're boring me' or the ever eloquent 'Shut the fuck up'. They were going out on the pull and really didn't want to know.

4 guys in the car was the opposite. The leaflet got mentioned and that was the subject of conversation for the rest of the journey.

A welcome benefit to me was when driving solo women passengers home from a night out. I'd mention the leaflet and they'd talk about it. A 10 to 15 minute conversation about the new dangers of sex had them thinking about sex. After thinking about sex, they wanted sex and would I like to come in for a coffee. Not all of them but plenty enough. Some HB8s too.

I got tested on the regular, as did some guys I knew. I knew women that were getting 2 or 3 new notches a week and it wouldn't cross their mind to get tested. Keep in mind that going raw was the norm in the UK. (Still is for my generation.) 'Oh I just give blood. They'll tell me if anything is wrong and they haven't so I'm fine.'

[–]punchyson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In my own personal experience in the 90s, no. Casual sex was pretty common if not the norm yet very very different than now.

A lot of the shit millennials do was started by Gen-X and as a good female friend said... thank god nobody had smart phones. Raves, etc

One thing that was definitely different then is it was common that if a girl had sex with you there was a high chance she assumed you are her boyfriend afterwards. In other words 90s “hookup” culture for girls was boyfriend hunting.

Some girls just wanted NSA fucking. My first Red Pill moment was a female friend with a faggy emo goth boyfriend. The silly shit people think is cool...

She must have fucked 20 guys behind his back. That was the first time I ever saw “game” too, when a dude basically talked her right out of her panties in front of him. I had no idea why it worked but knew I needed to learn that shit

I’d go back to that SMP in a heartbeat. Girls were sweeter and approachable. I once had a girl reject me nicely and lead me by the hand to one of her cute friends. Girls weren’t afraid to encourage you to approach. Overall the kind of women you want to date and fuck were just better, and still horny little sluts :)

[–]Rollo_Mayhem3 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ah, no.

[–]Leviticus59 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nope. Just as easy.

[–]Dio_Brando_Joestar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The beginning of Myspace made it extremely easy to get laid. These were my high school years.

These days it's harder for me. Either I'm uglier or the beta thirst has just made it more difficult all together. Or maybe both.

[–]DownyGall 0 points1 point  (1 child)

If you don't want to get AIDS, don't have gay sex. It's really that simple.

[–]jm51 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's really that simple.

Don't forget sharing needles. I'm sure that some athletes assumed they'd be ok with sharing a needle only used for performance enhancing. Like the virus is only activated in the presence of heroin, not juice.