Banged Tinder Girl on First Date - She mentions after sex, that she doesn't know if we should have fucked - Tons of shit testing. i.e. "I'm not fucking you" (self.asktrp)

submitted by RedPillMeditations

Match her on tinder, she messages me first, I don't even consider her because she lives like 50 mins away, but just joke about her netflix and chilling with me. Then I get her number, and tell her to come over tomorrow to hang out by the pool (didn't even expect her to come) - she ends up coming over and we are playing around in the pool, vibing really well, she's pushing her ass into me, and I'm grabbing it, lifting her in the air, and we start making out.

At this point, we go inside, and fuck. I fingered her for like 20 minutes, and got her off a couple times, ask her if she wants my cock inside her, and she says she does (consent). I fuck her brains out and knock everything off the coffee table behind us. I couldn't stay hard though (think it was from the ton of sex I had the night before), and we stop. I start fingering her again, and try to get hard, but I can't. She says she thinks we should stop, and I just say that's cool and tell her I'm gonna go swimming again and she can come if she wants...

For the rest of the time we were vibing great again. I was still grabbing her ass, and we made out a couple more times. Got a bite to eat, made out again, and she went home. All in all a good time. I had fun, that's all I care about.

Fast forward to this past week, she snapchats me asking if we can hang out again, and we planned a day to meet. She snaps me the morning of that day, saying "come over", and that she has the house to herself. I end up flaking and going to the gym (getting ready for a competition). I tell her I have the house to myself this week and she should come chill, and she responds all happy and excited telling me that she would love to. Now I'm getting shit test, after shit test. Never ending shit tests.

her: "Do you have a set schedule for the tinder girls?"

Me: "Yeah I have a google calendar that I share with them. You and mystery girl might have to switch days"

her: "Fuck you"

Me: "You're gonna have to play me in basketball before we do that"

her: "I'm not doing that"

her: "As in fucking you"

Don't know how to respond to that. Probably another shit test? I was gonna say something like, "That's good because I don't wanna break the coffee table again"

She's a good fuck. She is super cute, a nice ass, and some nice tits. She would make a good plate, but after that mishap during our first time fucking, I don't know about it. Any thoughts? Advice?

[–]Eyes_Of_The_Dragon 26 points27 points  (1 child)

"I said basketball, not fucking. Stick to the topic at hand."

[–]RedPillMeditations[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha. I might use this.

[–]RollingRP 36 points37 points  (2 children)

Have you ever heard the expression "yours to lose?" It applies here. You would have to actively try to screw this up.

What she's looking for here is just a little reassurance that your less than stellar performance the other night and your follow up flake wasn't because she didn't turn you on, or that you're not attracted to her compared to other girls. She's hinting around your "tinder girls" because she's curious what she's up against. She's saying she won't fuck you to give herself an out if you can't or won't close the deal - it makes it her "decision" that nothing happened because she already said so, ya know?

A little comfort will go a long way here.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


    [–]RollingRP 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    It's easier for a girl (well, anyone really - ego, man) to soften the blow of rejection by making it happen on their own terms. Like, if she strongly indicates that she's DTF and then OP fails to seal the deal, she's been rejected, she didn't get what she expressed she wanted. Sho looks foolish, she looks not good enough.

    On the other hand, if she makes the decision ahead of time and tells him she's not going to fuck him, she has the power because he can't really turn her down. She can't be rejected. She can change her mind if he's into it, but if he's not she hasn't lost face.

    [–]disposable_pants 12 points13 points  (1 child)

    What we have here is what PUAs call a "fool's mate". It's a chess term that means a game you could win drunk, blindfolded, and with both hands tied behind your back -- that's how generously it's been offered to you on a silver platter. Look at the facts:

    1. She messaged you first -- this is rare to start off.
    2. She drove 50 minutes on soft plans -- rarer still.
    3. She came on to you -- again, women rarely initiate.

    Whatever the situation, it's clear that you would have had to actively try to drive her away to fuck this up. There aren't a lot of useful takeaways from a scenario like this.

    [–]RedPillMeditations[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    So just keep doing what I'm doing? Alright, cocky response it is!

    [–]SarsaparillaCorona 22 points23 points  (9 children)

    As you may know, as soon as someone mentions not doing something proactively (as in your example instead of saying no reactively when pushed), they're really actually considering it, they just don't have the accountability waiver required. If you were to break down the subtext of your exchange, it would read like this:

    her: "Do you have a set schedule for the tinder girls?" "Was I mistaken in giving you sex too early? Do you have alternate partners?"

    Me: "Yeah I have a google calendar that I share with them. You and mystery girl might have to switch days" "I'm purposefully not going to answer that, but I do have abundance and therefore you specifically giving me sex is not very valuable to me."

    her: "Fuck you" "I seem to have mistakenly given you something i won't recoup the expense from, Provide me with validation in order to fix this debt and we'll see."

    Me: "You're gonna have to play me in basketball before we do that" "I'm going to pretend I don't care about you, but my continuation of replies means you do have some value to me"

    her: "I'm not doing that" "That wasn't enough to recoup the loss, you're still in debt"

    her: "As in fucking you" "just reminding you that the option is still there, but I'm willing to pull out if you can't either fix the debt or provide me with more"

    I honestly would have just replied to the tinder question with "yeah, you're booked in for insert date, please call your phone number a minimum of 48 hours before this date if you require rescheduling"

    You'd have still gotten a fuck you, but at least you'd also have set up a precedent for another hookup.

    [–]nevercomment 2 points3 points  (5 children)

    This subtext example is really interesting, have you done others in the past? Or have a link to other examples like this.

    It would be really helpful if you could make a post with more common examples of discussions and their actual subtext.

    [–]SarsaparillaCorona 8 points9 points  (4 children)

    What I'm basically doing is decoding something called power talk. Power talk is a subliminal language that is used convey messages and gain results whilst still retaining a sense of deniability and a lack of accountability.

    This general concept can take form in a number of Redpill concepts such as shit tests, ASD and rejections. A prime example is the "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" rejection. If you are invested in gaining a relationship with someone and they say this, they're doing it for a number of reasons. The first, the "I'm not ready for a relationship" part has a straight talk (explicit meaning, if you take the content literally, falling for the trap) meaning which alludes to the idea that they aren't in the right place in their life for a relationship. Of course, this is bullshit because of it were true, she wouldn't be actively flirting and searching, because the subtextual meaning is actually "You didn't fit my criteria and I'm not attracted to you".

    The second part, the "Right now", is left open ended for both an explicit and subtextual result. Explicitly, it provides hope to the person being told it, meaning they are likely to continue providing validation and value, but the subtextual result is it provides a waiver of accountability if questioned by the straight talking loser as to why they got into a relationship, as it can simply be swatted away by saying "The time was right for him", there was no time, they were lied to in order to maintain the facade of their reality.

    The OP is a great example of why teaching guys the "how" of shit tests isn't as effective as teaching the why, if you want to learn the why, I'd recommend reading the Gervais principle and then reading up on Power talk, posture talk, baby talk, game talk and straight talk.

    [–]nevercomment 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Power talk, posture talk, baby talk, game talk and straight talk.

    I've heard about the gervais principle and the website with articles on power talk. Does any of Venkatash Rao's work relate to women or is it all about power?

    posture talk, baby talk, game talk and straight talk.

    Do you have any good links for this stuff?

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)


      [–]SarsaparillaCorona 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Not everything is PowerTalk, that is just her being tired and not interested.

      [–]ben0wn4g3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Haha love the real messages.

      [–]RedPillMeditations[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      I already set up a date before this, I guess I fucked up when I kept texting her for other than logistics.

      [–]SarsaparillaCorona 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Pretty much, oh well, set a date and soft next if nothing happens.

      [–]PantsonFire1234 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Dude she digs the pool. She wants to lock you down idiot.

      [–]Mastros34 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Did you flake on her as in promise to come over and then later decide not to, to go work out at the gym? Because if so you showed her you're unreliable and that's why she's shit testing you.

      At this point just go radio silent and see if she messaged you back. If you respond to her you're playing into her hand. Also don't try too hard to game a woman over text.

      [–]RedPillMeditations[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I said we could hang out that day, but then told her that morning - after she sent me the snapchat "come over" - that I had to go to the gym first. I ended up being there for a while, and then her mom came home, so she didn't get the house to herself anymore.

      [–]Ricardo2991 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You can do what she did- suddenly become not available for a week.

      [–]d4ng3rz0n3 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Other women need to be a mystery. Actively talking about banging other girls is usually a turn off.

      To be clear, they want guys who are doing this but dont want to actually hear about it. Their anti slut defenses will come to life and you will be stuck with the bitter situation you have now.

      [–]RedPillMeditations[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I never said I was banging other girls. I was just sarcastic about it, hence the google schedule joke, but I think she took it seriously... Yeah, I'll probably just tone it down a bit.