47
48

Married a Bipolar bitch and headed towards divorce less than a year later (self.asktrp)

submitted by sinklamp

Like the title says,

Everything was going great. She was madly in love with me and we even bought a house together. Somewhere something flipped in her head and she turned into a completely different person. I'm talking went from loving and caring to a complete rotten piece of shit. Showed all the red flags of literally every mental disorder (BPD, NPD, etc.)

She had a mental breakdown over nothing one day and left to live with her sister for a "couple of days". It's now been going on two months and she is showing no remorse for single handedly destroying our marriage. I kept a cool head through out this entire shit show and gave her time and space, also tried talking to her but apparently "this is how I feel and nothing will change it".

I eventually found out that she's been talking to men behind my back from her work and calling them when I left the house. All signs point to cheating but of course she will never admit it.

She left me with the mortgage, over $10k of credit card debt and all the bills and utilities. I'm paying for all of it and have kept good documentation. I'm going to file for divorce but need advice on how to proceed. Of course I'll get a lawyer but would like to hear some feedback from someone who dealt with this shit before.

TLDR; Married a crazy bitch and headed towards divorce less than a year later. Bought a house that I'm paying for and need advice on how to proceed with the least amount of damage to myself financially. Also want to keep the house that I have been the sole care taker and mortgage payer of.


[–][deleted] 83 points84 points  (19 children)

No contact. Immediately withdraw money into cash from joint accounts and personal to avoid her making claim in them. This is "illegal"however courts are so overwhelmed it's next to impossible to prove you did so with malicous intent especially since you haven't begin the "process" yet. Liquidate everything you possibly can into cash and hide it away. If pressed by courts when it gets there say you couldn't afford the bills on your own leave it at that. The best answer when pressed is to say you have no recollection. When she batters you with questions about missing assets simply feign ignorance. You probably think I'm a dick for suggesting all this but TBH she will feel nothing when stealing your shit. Make sure it stays yours. Fuck or get fucked buddy. The longer it drags out when you do file the more bitter she will be. The more bitter she is the more she will try to fuck you. Be merciless now and salvage as much as you can.

[–]sinklamp[S] 8 points9 points  (6 children)

Thanks man, this is exactly what I needed to hear. She wanted herself off the bank and credit card accounts. Question, any money that I've saved since she left, would she be entitled to it? How am I going to explain several grand missing from the bank? Withdraw it a little at a time? The bitch is on the mortgage but there is very little equity in the house. I want her out but knowing how irrational she is I fear she's going to try and steal what she can from .e

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

She wants off the credit so she isn't responsible for her debt.

[–]Lyxeka 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'd ditch her with the debt first. Leave the joint accounts with just her name on them. Pull all your cash out before she can make any claims.

[–]JackGetsIt 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Also watch out for a complete 180 from her when she gets even a whiff that you are doing any of this. Have you informed her about the divorce yet?

[–]sinklamp[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I straight up asked her if that's what she wanted but she didn't give a direct answer and beat around the bush. She wants to break the marriage and then blame me for the divorce. She's immature and and won't take any responsibility for her actions. So I waited patiently, gave her some time and now am gonna strike while the irons still hot.

Not putting up with this shit. I deserve better. Cutting my losses.

[–]JackGetsIt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She wants to break the marriage and then blame me for the divorce.

That's highly likely.

There's a good post called the lightswitch effect. I also wrote a guide called the 6 stages of break up that might be useful for you as well.

Not putting up with this shit. I deserve better. Cutting my losses.

That's good but the reason I ask because if you haven't directly told her you're divorcing you have a small window to operate (hide funds, secure a lawyer, secure friendships, etc.) because when the divorce comes she's going to go into overdrive trying to grab all those things. Good luck and don't allow anger to throw off you're logic. After the dust is settled and all the legal shit is out of the way you can get angry. Right now is the time for level headedness. Good luck.

[–]Drazicc85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She wont be entitled to anything from the date of separation and onwards. You're safe on that front my man. Make sure that the date is documented with your lawyer, else she can try and say it has been less time and take some of your hard earned.

Women are horrible in these situations, expect her to try and fuck you every way imaginable. All her friends will be in her ear egging her on to take you for everything she can.

[–]SuperCrazy07 6 points7 points  (8 children)

Hmmm...I don't know about this. Unless this guy is a divorce attorney, I'd double check that this is the route to go.

If anything, withdraw all assets and use it to pay of the debt you accumulated together. At least you can claim you were getting things settled in a fair way before the divorce.

But, I'd definitely check with an experienced divorce attorney before I started doing stuff like this.

[–]sinklamp[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Good advice, already spoke with an attorney today.

[–]perc10 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What did he say about this?

[–]Oh_FuFu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Buy liquid assets ASAP. Gold, silver, don't buy bulk from one place, buy little bits everywhere. Shit if you can, take the cash and go to a cash bitcoins ATM and exchange our cash for bitcoin.

If that's too much for you, literally you could buy $4k worth of books on Amazon as an education expense and sell those books back for either a short loss or profit(do research on the type of books you buy, their prices for x amount of time, buy the books more than likely used, I know a shit ton of med books costing $400 each used on Amazon and will sell 6 months later for a bit more or a bit less.

I'd much rather spend 5k on an asset that is liquid-able that I can cash in 6 months down the line for a little less or a little more.

[–]LikesTacos -1 points0 points  (4 children)

In my divorce they split assets 50/50 and debts were split according to income.

[–]SuperCrazy07 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Yeah, that makes sense, but I'll bet you didn't try to do sneaky shit like drain marital assets into accounts only in your name and hide them.

I have no experience with this, but its setting off alarm bells that a judge might go harsher against someone perceived to be stealing.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Women do sneaky shit every day in divorce court nobody gives a fuck. Use the same means to your advantage. Every dude that fucks a chick in divorce court is a doing society a service by returning the favor.

[–]SuperCrazy07 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I don't have a moral objection to your post (particularly if the OP is the one who earns the money and his girl cheated)...I have a practical objection.

The court system is already biased towards women. She's gonna hire an attorney who knows way more about uncovering hidden assets than the OP knows about how to hide them. Then, her attorney is going to the judge and saying OP acted in bad faith and needs to pay even more because what if we didn't find all the assets he hid???

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My dad dealt with the same shit and got away with it why can't OP. courts don't give af they want the case over with as fast as possible. If op makes the money and hides it in cash a lawyer can't prove shit other then it's withdrawn if it's withdrawn before he files who's to say op didn't give her some but she's omitting that? Courts deal in facts not hearsay unless it's proven stolen which it won't be because they can't prove shit then it's not stolen factually it's heresay. Shes probably plotting shit right now I'm just glad I can offer OP insight

[–]RedDespair 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice info!!

I would also consider "staging" a burglary to your own house to save some more valuable assets

[–]lawlyer1216 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you’re in a community property state only withdraw half or it will come back to bite you in the ass.

[–]jackandjill22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lord

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Lawyer up and take steps to protect your assets. Consider annulment.

Refer her to your lawyer for any future Contact, then do not contact her for any reason.

Make no mistake, this bitch married you for one purpose, and that's to collect a free paycheck. Make sure you don't have any illusions about this.

This isn't, at it's heart, malicious. 3-year olds don't have the ability to comprehend that their relationship with their parents is that of a parasite, neither does your soon-to-be ex.

She just can't comprehend what self-sufficiency is.

The fact that she moved out first may work out in your favor, as that constitutes spousal abandonment/desertion. Depends on the laws where you live.

About Personality Disorders:

most people have a social mask or persona that they wear most of the time when other people are around.

But normal people are willing to be vulnerable when appropriate, and let the mask fall down. Underneath there is genuine warmth, passion, fear, pain, compassion, and inner strength. It bothers most people when there's a glaring disconnect between their public persona, and what they actually feel.

People with PD's generally have several personas that they swap out at the drop of a hat. The whole two- or three-faced behavior is usually one of the first red flags. Moreover, people with PD's can only simulate vulnerability, poorly. They go to great lengths to avoid it.

Unlike most people, their mask rarely drops, and if you have enough time to observe, you notice that they always try too hard, it's all play-acting. But when the mask does slip, the only thing underneath is an emotional black hole. So there's no sense of irony, because everything they do has always been fake. This is what allows them to lie persuasively.

PD's don't have a well-defined subconscious. At best they're all rage and paranoia, all the time.

[–]sinklamp[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

This is a very good post. I definitely see the "play-acting" now, everything she did, didn't feel genuine at all. I believe the term a mile wide and an inch team fits the description very well. She put on a good show but now I see her for what she really is. She's a fake and dishonest person who lies to herself. I couldn't imagine a greater burden to carry.

Thank fuck I pulled out lmao

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can't lie to yourself if you can't understand the notion objective truth in the first place.

"What I want right now is the truth, and anything preventing me from getting what I want is lies."

[–]Olongapo 10 points11 points  (1 child)

My marriage to a BPD woman lasted exactly 7 months (pre-Red Pill). I walked and filed based on the advice of my really sharp attorney. Lawyer the fuck. Now!!! Protect your assets, freedom, and reputation. Minimize your losses.

[–]sinklamp[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How did yours end? How did you end up protecting your assets?

[–]RPTA3498 7 points8 points  (1 child)

inb4 the don't get married posts....

Dude go talk to at least 3 attorneys and also look at u/red-curious posts over in MRP

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[deleted]

[–]sinklamp[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thanks man. It feels unreal but I'm glad it happened sooner rather than later. It gives me at least some comfort that I'm not the only one that this happened to. Wishing you the best as well!

[–]sinklamp[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Thanks man. It's feels unreal but I'm glad it happened sooner rather than later. It gives me atleast some comfort that I'm not the only one that this happend to. Wishing you the best as well!

[–]SuperCrazy07 2 points3 points  (0 children)

While you haven't stated your age, I'm guessing you are young. When you said sooner rather than later, I know you meant early in the marriage, but also be glad it happened when you have so much time to move on and live life.

There are dudes over 50 who put up with shitty behavior for 20+ years that would love to get it over with early.

Best of luck.

[–]McVaghunter 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Stop procrastinating and get an attorney's help right now! Now is NOT the time to be asking for help on reddit.

Best of luck.

[–]cellphon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No real advice aside of its totally worth it and you'll be so happy once it's done.

Within months of my divorce I had my dick burried into a 24 year old blond.

It's gonna suck for a while but worth it at the end.

[–]huntersam13 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I got one up on ya, I knocked this kind of woman up. Now, I am forced to deal with her as she is my daughter's mom.

[–]sinklamp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank God I didn't have a kid with her. I'm feeling very lucky.

[–]BPasFuck 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Don't wait. Get it done now, with an attorney. Very important.

You want to be able to say she no longer lives there, and have it stick.

A lot easier to get rid of the bitch if she's not living in your house.

[–]cellphon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most states don't give a shit about infidelity. Would not recommend that route as its just going to make her more emotional and vindictive. Cut your losses and have a nice clean and fast divorce.

[–]Jojobelle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm pulling for you bro

[–]FatGirlsInPartyHats 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Many states allow annulment within a year of marriage. You should look into this.

[–]LordThunderbolt 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Change the locks of the entrances to the house, get a lawyer, divorce the bitch. The sooner it's done, the better.

[–]RememberWhenEye 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Worst advice. If you change those locks the police will give her access and a protective order for 30 to 90 days which is going to prevent you from coming 50 feet from your home while she's given the time to prep for her move.

Happened to my friend last week.

[–]Gawernator 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure where you live, but in California and other US states this is totally illegal and will get you reamed by the law/court

Since that is probably her legal residence and her name is on the house

[–]Narcissist456 1 point2 points  (1 child)

How long were you together prior to marriage? I find it hard to believe there weren't any red flags prior...

[–]sinklamp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Now that I look back there were several, but she was very good at hiding them.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There’s always a positive way to view any situation. In this particular instance:

Thank your lucky stars you never put a baby in this psycho bitch. You’re a lot luckier than a lot of other men. Your woman revealed she was batshit insane less than a year into your marriage. Some do it 20+ years in and leave the kids in a broken home

[–]Sir-Pumpalot 1 point2 points  (1 child)

actually the bitch is not crazy, she ist just a better player you did so many mistakes, I would have bet on it to become a shitshow.

1) bought a house together, married etc. (bought a house after marriage)

I know it won't help you to show you your mistaked and you did not ask for it, but what you described is AWALT behaviour, why would she keep her shit together if you gave her everything for free without her working for it? Well what you can do now is, consult a lawyer, try to get a private detective to catch her cheating and if she isn't, try to hire a chad to make her cheating

[–]sinklamp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I'm seeing my mistakes in hindsight. She came from a traditional family that I knew for a good while and all of her siblings and relatives are very upstanding people. This caused me to overlook lots of red flags and think that being a good provider and loving husband would be enough. It looks like I got the runt of the litter.

While on the topic of family, her parents and relatives basically disowned her when they found out the shit she's been pulling and how she's been treating me. So minor victory there...

[–]Kommanderdude 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Contact a lawyer in your area.... Do exactly as he tells you and stop asking advice about this from strangers on the internet.

[–]Rotten_Red 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you can't change the locks maybe you can install a hidden camera or two. May not always be admissible in court but it could come in handy if she comes home and then accuses you of hitting her.

[–]Moreofmore 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I had something similar. You have to stay aggressive in getting what's yours. Don't forget ALL of it's yours. You want to push as fast as possible and as hard as possible. Once you made the decision to get divorced, you better do everything to cover your ass and win big. The other side will use any and every tactic against you, so be the dog with the biggest fight. Go win big man! You got this

[–]sinklamp[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I was considering just having her sign a marital agreement and filing a non contested divorce but if she tries to pull some shit then I would sick my lawyer on her. Kind of stuck on this one because If I can avoid the hassle of going through court and shit then I much rather just have her sign off all her rights to the home and debt and just move on with my life.

[–]Moreofmore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have to assume she will and plan for it ahead of time, then you can choose to use it or not, but don't let your plan be to react to her. She might be smarter and more ruthless or use someone who is than you want to believe. Maybe yes maybe no, but don't be the one who gets caught unprepared

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why is it that mental health issues show only after cohabiting or getting married I wonder

[–]Top_Brazzler 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If she no longer lives there, make sure you CHANGE THE LOCKS asap! This will save you from some crazy shit she could do to you that you'd think is unthinkable.

[–]Drazicc85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man,

Same exact thing happened to me. If you cannot have rational negotiations with her regarding the finances i would get a good lawyer and shut her down before she has a chance to build a settlement case based on fantasy. I know from experience, do not sit on it, i lawyered up one week after wife walked out on me while i was at work.

All the best man