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LTR asks to "play bitch" (self.asktrp)

submitted by Yourgonnagofarkid

She comes over drunk and asks if she can "play bitch" and slap me around and choke me while we go at it. I straight up looked at her for a while and said no. She gets visibly upset and I go to bed. Couple minutes later says I am not open enough and I dont do what she wants but she does everything I want. I said thats good, its my world and you're living in it.

Is this the best action? Do i let her do it later in the moment or hold firm on not ever doing it?


[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 118 points119 points  (8 children)

You never ever let her do it.

It's a kink I found common in women. Sure they all have the fantasy to be dominated by a strong and high value man. But they also harbor that fantasy to dominate. I believe a lot of the feminism ideals stem from that fantasy.

Having a fantasy is ok. The issue here is that if you let her dominate, she'll lose respect for you. So keep this is a firm no. She might get upset, but this beats her losing respect for you.

[–]UHadUnoJob 25 points26 points  (0 children)

This guy gets it

[–]AyeAmScottishYaCunt 19 points20 points  (3 children)

Call me daft, I’ve never been in a situation where a girl has wanted to ‘dominate’ me though..

We all know sex is fun, we want to make sure both ourselves and the chick(s) we’re banging are having a great time with it. I know if I’m with a girl who’s open to my kinks and is game to my fantasies I’ll return the favour and make sure she’s getting a good seeing too. But if you’re not fulfilling her fantasies then wouldn’t this build resentment? Ultimately leading her to look elsewhere to fulfill it?

Idk, maybe she’s got a genuinely kink and let’s face it. Everyone likes getting to act out their kinks.. just playing devils advocate I suppose it’s not a situation I’ve found myself in.

[–]NoMoreMrNiceGuy47 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I remember reading a post on /r/sex about a woman who was trying out her boyfriend's kink of him being dominated by her. Turns out even though the sex was great, she was finding it hard to respect him out of the bedroom. Now, I agree that the kink shouldn't have left the bedroom but it did and created an imbalance in the relationship, which the woman picked up on.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Totally understand what you mean. And in a blue world, I would do exactly what you say and let her have her fantasy (if I'm ok with it). The only issue, as I said, is that for a girl to stay with you in a LTR she needs to love you, and to love you she needs to respect you, and to respect you she needs you to always be the dominant.

But hey I guess you can indulge her once in a blue moon. Maybe letting her know that for her birthday, in your great magnanimity, you're going to let her take control, and that she'd better enjoy it because the day after, she goes back to her rightful place. Maybe that one time may she will not lose too much respect for you. Maybe. But that's a huge risk you take of completely switching in her mind the way she sees you. Wanna take that risk? Up to everyone.

[–]AyeAmScottishYaCunt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting.. it is a kind of ‘stuck between a rock and a hard place’ scenario..

The equivalent to a betas annual birthday anal I suppose.. give it to her once a year and make sure she makes bloody enjoys it

[–]losectrl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is the correct response.

A plate who is very submissive, almost sub quality, decided to flip the switch one time whilst having sex.

She started trying to hit me, and did scratch me. To continue I had to restrain both her hands, and my bed restraints were not enough because she no longer wanted to play, it was serious.

Sex prior to this was fun. But I haven't seen her since because I don't sexually enjoy the power play to that extent. She wanted to win. Perhaps unaware that if she did, she would lose attraction.

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Woman's dominance over man fantasy is a-sexual. It's ego with no associated tingles.

[–]VengefullyY0urs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have a rebuttal to this one being more on the kinky side. There is such thing as being a switch, and I have personally switched roles and let the girl hit me, tie me, whatever. The biggest thing to maintain frame is to never ask for it, come at t from a position of sexual empowerment and fantasy and when she is done, ripping control right back into your hands but fucking her hard or being physically dominant.

Basically fun is fun but at the end of the day you have to be the leader. Now if you are asking her to do it proactively you will lose respect this way.

[–]UHadUnoJob 59 points60 points  (3 children)

She's trying to dominate you in the sac? That's a paddlin

[–]MytruthNotyour -1 points0 points  (2 children)

What is a paddlin?

[–]ravenhiss 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Not knowing what a paddlin is, that’s a paddlin

[–]UHadUnoJob 15 points16 points  (0 children)

It's a meme from The Simpsons, but I'm also trying to get this guy to paddle the lady. I've never had a lady try to dominate me when her head is in the pillow.

https://pics.me.me/traveling-via-canoe-sean-speezy-thats-a-paddlin-27678084.png

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Flip the script & dominate her.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only realistic response.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Why are you in an LTR with a woman who is drinking this much alcohol, is the more important question. Huge red flag.

[–]BestSC86 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah....LTRing a chick that goes out getting staggerly drunk then telling her that:

"I said thats good, its my world and you're living in it."

doesn't sound like a particularly good idea, does it?

I am betting sometime in the near future that honeybun doesn't come home from one of her tryst until very, very, very late after finding a Chad to get what she wants in bed. That is the thing about putting on a badass DISPLAY out in the open like above, ultimately results in the girl getting pissed that she is not valuedcontrolleddating an asshole... Not going to end well..... It should be something that the girl KNOWS...not have to make a scene displaying it....

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Fuck NO.

If she wants to play bitch she can go find some weak-ass pussy for that, and you can dump her ass.

[–]YouLoveThisBTW 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I read this differently than most of you guys. She's playing bitch... a bitchy girl who fights back. She's asking him to dominate her... but wants his permission to try and stop him with more force than usual. I've seen this before in women with a history of abandonment or forced sexual encounters. Some women are just angry at the men in their lives. The drinking can really bring it out. See my comments in daddy issues thread.

[–]lord-denning 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the correct answer. She wants to be dominated but doesn't want to ask explicitly. So next time she asks, OP should grin and say "sure, but I get to choke you back..." Then she can relax knowing he will take charge.

[–]Yourgonnagofarkid[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's funny you say that. She was talking about a forced encounter in her past before that. Can you link some of the comments?

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Whenever a girl has tried to hit me or get a little violent (especially when drinking) they're almost always trying to evoke a response. The response being domination from me.

She wanted you to pin her down, pull her hair, slap her face, bite her ass and get wild. Not tell her no and run away lmaooo. Bro, she wants a fucking caveman pounding.

How removed from reality does one have to be to not understand this?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe she does... maybe she doesn’t. And I’m not gonna take my chances with a rape charge cause a bitch wanted to get testy

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (8 children)

Play the game and end up dominating her.

[–]2SirKolbath 13 points14 points  (7 children)

Play the game and end up dominating her.

I met a professional dominatrix in Vegas once. She spent a couple hours in a bar telling me she was going to overpower me. I told her bluntly that she could try, but I wasn't suffering that shit with a smile from her and she'd learn her place.

We went back to her hotel. First step in the door she tried to hit me. There was no need to counter punch, so I simply evaded, turned, and left.

She actually followed me out into the hallway of the hotel and apologized. I told her in no uncertain terms that if we continued from here that it would be on my terms. She agreed. I was not gentle with her the rest of the evening. The next morning she informed me that she had never been submissive in bed before and I told her it was because she had never met an actual man before.

Men dominate. Women submit. That is the way our genetic structure is put together.

Holding frame made that successful. If I had hit her back, or stayed or anything like that I would have been in her frame. By turning and leaving without even getting angry I pulled her into mine.

[–]tenxs 19 points20 points  (1 child)

No "professional" dom would ever start slapping you without discussing that shit beforehand. You basically fucked a random brat.

[–]2SirKolbath 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No "professional" dom would ever start slapping you without discussing that shit beforehand. You basically fucked a random brat.

I don't know or care what her normal limits were. I've left much of the context out so this doesn't sound like a bragging story.

She did "discuss" it with me, mostly by telling me she was going to do it and me ignoring her statements because I knew damn well I wasn't going to tolerate it.

There were enough conversational clues that led me to believe she was some kind of worker, but it was a ONS a good twelve years ago, so it doesn't blip ony radar as much more than an object lesson now. Plus, to be perfectly honest, it's been more than a decade so I'm sure I've forgotten a few details. I remember she had long red hair and, since that is my kryptonite, I forget a lot of the other details.

[–]jb_trp 2 points3 points  (2 children)

When's the wedding?

[–]2SirKolbath 3 points4 points  (1 child)

When's the wedding?

Beats me. Probably after she found some beta bucks to settle down with.

[–]failingtheturingtest 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Beats me.

Good one

[–]Catdarling45 4 points5 points  (1 child)

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[–]no_condoments 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I said thats good, its my world and you're living in it.

This is both a great description of frame and a good example of breaking it. You show her, don't tell her.

[–]we_have_the_best_red 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’d treat it like a shit test if there was any chance she’d remember it: “oh, you want me to be your bitch?? You don’t have nearly enough money for that, babe...”

[–]shady_nasty_mf 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Women who like to explore dominating a man in the bedroom often do this in reaction to feeling powerless in the real world.

Very few girls have tried to be the dominant one in the bedroom, they usually just try to choke me while they suck me off or choke me while she ride me. It's run to have it switched up every once in awhile. These are with plates though so I can't comment on whether they lose respect for me or not. It's something I'd let plates or escorts do for sure though just for the rarity.

[–]tenxs 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Might be her telling you she's a bit into BDSM / femdom. If that's the case, you have a pretty rare girl. Don't disregard immediately simply because "but muh FRAME".

Obviously if you find that repulsive, don't let yourself be pressured into trying.

[–]Bear-With-Bit -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yea. We should all be on the look out for such rare girls.

[–]CC_ee 6 points7 points  (7 children)

Do it if you're into it. If not then don't. People will cry about "breaking frame" but naaaah

[–]UHadUnoJob 5 points6 points  (4 children)

I disagree. Being dominated by women is exactly the main reason why most men decide to go TRP.

[–]CC_ee 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Not sexually.

[–]UHadUnoJob 0 points1 point  (2 children)

My dude, if you're saying mentally or socially or physically... All of those are at peek when it comes to sexuality

[–]CC_ee -1 points0 points  (1 child)

I don't think i quite understand what you're saying. Perhaps you could elaborate a bit.

My point is considering she only wants to bitch slap him and choke him, i don't see how this has to be seen as a negative. Even if things went further, why would that necessarily have to impact other alpha aspects of his life? Especially if he's dominant with her in the bedroom at times AND upholds alpha/dominant tendencies outside of sex.

If he likes the sorta thing and he controls it (when/where/if it happens during sex etc) then she doesn't necessarily truly gain any power and he never truly loses it. You could argue that she does but it wouldn't be very hard to put her in her place (she only truly has the power that you give her, which isn't inherent by just performing these sex acts). Especially considering the vanilla aspect of her dominant wishes because c'mon it's only a bit of choking/slapping who gives a fuck.

[–]UHadUnoJob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My point was quite simple. Once you are getting dominated sexually by a woman, you are not seen as dominant. Once she dominates you sexually, the grounds for being dominant in everyday life go out the door between the the two of you. Why would she give a fuck about you telling her to make dinner? She just choked you like a little bitch, you're not the dominant figure anymore.

Being dominated in sex does not make you alpha. Nor does it make you desirable.

[–]2SirKolbath -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

Absolutely not. Submissive males should never breed. Ever.

[–]UHadUnoJob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nature used to kill those things off, now society babies em.

[–]whatsupz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

[–]JezebeltheQueen5656 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If that isn’t the biggest wank fantasy I’ve ever heard

[–]imdar3ald3al 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck that noise. Massive shit test

[–]eaeulis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

HELL. NO.

[–]FrameWalker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not into being dominated myself. some plates really loved being tied up and a few were curious if id like it to. I let them give it a shot but the attitude was totally different. They were focused on pleasing me.

Sounds to me like she is focused on pleasing herself. Rethink this LTR

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would slap her in the ass and tell her: "get in bed and bite on some pencil bitch"

[–]-The-Pussy-Whisperer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You punched a hole in your man card today man. Well done.

[–]Euphoricentia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

open your butcheeks