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Finally grew a pair - Date night (self.asktrp)

submitted by ExMachina12

Recovering BP here. So I had a date night at my LTR's place. She flaked on our weekend plans but asked to meet up Monday. I gym Monday and Tuesday so told her I was free Wednesday. I go up and she seems noticeably miserable. I don't ask why, I sit down and just try and chat as normal. I'm assuming it's because my gym time took priority over her.

She's not showing any affection and seems argumentative and constantly going back to her phone. Strike one. She then goes to fix herself some food and a drink but doesn't offer me anything. Strike two. I attempt to make some light hearted jokes about the shit we are watching on TV. She ignores me and starts chatting happily with her friends on her phone for 10 minutes. Strike three.

So I did something I didn't think I could do. I calmly said 'if you are going to just stay on your phone all night then I'm going home' and I got up and drove off. Before I would have just sat there and ignored it. But I wasn't enjoying myself being there, I've made attempts to start a dialogue and she couldn't be bothered. So I removed myself from that boring situation. Her face was a picture mind as I walked out...deer in the headlights.

Just wondering what the next steps should be. Do I ghost, wait for her to get in touch with me or lay on some dread? Clearly she has come to believe this is acceptable behaviour which is my fault for reinforcing it. Currently re-reading the side bar and No more Mr Nice guy.


[–]Rasalom72 34 points35 points  (11 children)

You already did the dread. But more importantly, you showed her that shitty behavior will not earn her your time, and that you have better things to do with it.

Let the hamster do the work, and stay busy. She will call, or not. It's up to her to make it up to you. She will be the one validating herself to you. What is she going to do that will make you spend your very valuable time with her?

[–]ExMachina12[S] 6 points7 points  (10 children)

I've dipped in and out of TRP for the last month but it was the first time seeing her after spending a solid week of devouring TRP and chapters of no more Mr nice guy. It just felt different, like I noticed the shitty behaviour for what it was rather than ignoring it.

There was a bit of anxiety leading up to me leaving but for the first time since we started dating, I felt completely justified. Didn't feel regret or guilty, which I probably would have two months ago.

I've lost over 2.5 stone and now I'm lifting again. I'm indoor climbing, spending time with the guys and just doing shit I never prioritised. I have fun doing these things so a boring night in with her ain't guna top the other cool stuff I could be doing.

[–]jb_trp 7 points8 points  (4 children)

I'm indoor climbing, spending time with the guys and just doing shit I never prioritized.

When you walked out you should have gone to the climbing gym. Keep busy, and do things that have value. Make sure you don't go home and sulk. You are the prize. If she's acting like a petulant child, don't play her dumb games.

Wait for her to apologize and if she doesn't re-evaluate whether she's worth your time or not.

[–]ExMachina12[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I've been making sure that my week is packed with stuff since discovering TRP. Yesterday was a rest day from working out so I got into some books and spent some time chilling with my cats when I got in. Zen time.

[–]jb_trp 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Great. How long have you been climbing? It's one of my favorite activities. I'll tell you, brother, get good at climbing and the women will come flocking (but climb for you, not for the ladies).

[–]ExMachina12[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Started about 6 months ago but LTR put a stopper on that for a bit...my priorities were not where they should have been. Started it up again couple of weeks back. Hard damn work, especially some of the bouldering problems at our centre, but physically/mentally I feel great after it. Weirdly enough I had a fear of heights so this is slowly getting me to overcome that.

You more of an outdoor or indoor guy?

[–]jb_trp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I started indoors about 2.5 years ago after my last relationship ended. I go outside whenever I can, and let me tell you, after that first big climbing trip all you'll want to do is climb outside. I've climbing in Oregon, Idaho, Utah, Arkansas, Kentucky... And it's all so cool. I mostly sport climb, but I'm building my trad rack now (so I can do more remote climbs and bigger walls).

Climbing is one of the biggest things that has made me grow as a man. I'm more confident, in control of my emotions, and able to overcome challenges. I'd recommend it to anybody.

[–]Rasalom72 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Exactly. If you want to do fun stuff.. you hang out with guys, or do something you enjoy doing solo. If she is worthy, she can come along... but she has to EARN that with more then just sex.

[–]ExMachina12[S] 10 points11 points  (2 children)

I agree. Being a white knight meant she never had to make an effort. Done with that. Might kill the LTR but I'll come out of it a better person.

[–]Endorsed Contributorbalalasaurus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And that's the most important thing you should take away from all this

[–]FrameWalker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

solid mindset

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

spending a solid week devouring TRP and chapters of no more Mr nice guy

What do we have here? A success story from /r/RedPillReadingGroup? (:

[–]Senior EndorsedCopperFox3c 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Most women aren't worth your time. Maybe this one is, maybe she isn't, but her bullshit behavior you describe OP is definitely not cool.

As a man, the most valuable thing you have to give is your time and attention. You gave it to her. She treated it like it was worthless.

So what do you do now? Radio Silence. And don't even feel bad about it.

[–]opening_eyes 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Nice. She will accuse you of being angry. You are not. You simply have better things to do with your time.

[–]ExMachina12[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I used to feel angry in these situations, so thought that maintaining frame would be difficult. But at this stage I genuinely just felt bored and disrespected.

[–]RedAsBlood 7 points8 points  (3 children)

If shes flaking on weekend plans and totally ignores you on a "date night", I'd say this LTR is toast.

If you really want to continue this LTR you need to lay down some serious dread.

Personally, I don't see the point. She does not respect you. What you should do (at this point) is line up some back up girls an get an exit plan ready.

The whole benefit to a man being in an LTR is regular access to intimacy / sex with a woman. If shes not living up to her end of the bargain and is treating you poorly, whats the point?

[–]ExMachina12[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

There's a HB8 life guard up the gym I go to. She sent me a cheeky smile the last time I was up there (I sent her one back) and seemed to be chatting to her work friend about me. After last night I think I may pursue this and see what happens.

[–]RedAsBlood 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Go for it man!

[–]RedPillProgress 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know why this is not the top comment. Everyone is saying you need to show her that her behavior is not acceptable. In a sense yes of course, this goes without saying.

But also, for the OP,

drop this LTR and go extreme dread. No contact for a month +. (Or forever) let her contact you and plate her MAX. No LTR, she's forever banned from LTR from a red pill mans perspective IMO.

You were not alpha enough (or beta enough in a sense, LTR's require a balance of the two. 80/20. Pass comfort tests etc. maybe you did not give her enough time and that is partially to blame for her drifting away. Or just AWALT (IMO it's a little of everything)

She has shown you traits of extreme AWALT after that night. Seems like to LTR this girl you need to be on your game 100% of the time. Why bother? she isn't worth it.

Extremely disrespectful to be on your phone during a "date". I put "" because from her point of view it was not even a meetup, she despises you. DREAD + no contact = how you should handle this. If she contacts you, plate MAX. Oh and during meet ups, if she fucks up once, kick her out (or leave if it's not your place like you did here) never again allow her to do that behavior to you

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

[–]ExMachina12[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think sometimes I made the mistake of being passive aggressive when I wasn't happy in the past. She probably never figured out why. So made it clear why I was leaving, she was on her phone and my time there was being wasted.

My work and social life has never been as busy. She is now a part of my schedule rather than the owner of it.

[–]idgaf- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bravo.

Just wondering what the next steps should be.

Move on and do you, man. You don't need her dragging you down in your life.

[–]GunsGermsAndSteel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There you go man. You did it right.

Now KEEP doing it right. There will be a temptation to call or text her and explain yourself. DON'T FUCKING EXPLAIN YOURSELF. You already told her what she needs to know. She can apologize for being bitchy or she can move on to some other sucker who's gonna let her act any damn way she wants.

So here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna be free from her bitchy behavior, or... you're gonna be free from her bitchy behavior.

Either way, you keep your dignity.

[–]pbgswd 1 point2 points  (1 child)

my hero. Well done. Now go back to the gym and keep it up. Dont waste your phone minutes calling her. Just get on with it.

[–]ExMachina12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hit the gym tonight. Deadlifts and squats. Getting into the habit of chucking my phone on airplane mode so I don't get disturbed during 'my time'. Work. Gym etc.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

[–]ExMachina12[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Perfect summary right there. Looking back at the last two months of the LTR and comparing them to the first two I can almost see myself as different people. It took a friend to point out that I was being way too tolerant/compromising as of late and that the 'old me' would never let that shit slide. The last two relationships I ended up BP by the end.

I thought about when I was happiest most and it certainly was never these BP moments. Sitting on a sofa with someone who cba to even hold a conversation is neither productive or fun. Took me a while to realise but I'm glad I had the confidence to finally get up and leave.

[–]muddynips 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's an awesome step man, congratulations. First time is the hardest, it only gets easier.

[–]burzuei 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Ok, I just made another account to post this, and I know this advice will not be praised by everyone, but.

If you're starting to discover TRP and transitioning into being alpha, then, just out of pure curiousity, check if 'machiavellan ways' are your thing.

I for one, know 100%, that I enjoy manipulating other people. If you'll decide to drop your LTR, which means you'll probably lose contact with her, then, once again: just for fun, try some tricks on her before you'll walk away.

TRP + machiavellan tricks are very powerful thing, when it comes to manipulating women. And it's really not that hard (to some extent of course) as it seems like. Two years ago, when I discovered TRP, I was shocked that this shit actually works on women. Now, in almost any situation when I want to get something/need to negotiate I prefer talking to hamsters.

Maybe you'll also enjoy acting that way - in that case I've saved you some time (if you'll actually try it of course).

[–]seeing-red- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Examples?

[–]adr007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Other than "The Prince", what else can I read about being machiavellan?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children)

Time to pull their old and loved "I think we should take a break", but more like "I'm taking a break", ghost the fuck out and live your life.

Good job, now it's time to experience the bachelor life again, this time with the right mindset.

[–]FrameWalker 0 points1 point  (5 children)

dont say it, just do it

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

But that ain't fun, might as well see how hard that hamster can spin.

[–]FrameWalker 0 points1 point  (3 children)

What are the odds of that statement encouraging her to cheat?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Wait, did you thought that I actually meant that they should take a break? That's just some bullshit line to fuck with her, he has to walk away, fast.

Either that or I can't english because you're not making sense to me, how can she cheat when there's no LTR.

[–]FrameWalker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah ok got it. This is a hard next yes I agree. I think no contact is the most powerful but if you want to pass them off tell them that line

[–]princepeanutbutter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

pretty funny for a girl to add a notch she may not even want to try to make you feel jealous when you truly don't give a fuck. I've seen it happen and it is the like the ultimate breakup win, as long as you're getting laid per usual.