I'm just not attracted to most women. (self.asktrp)

submitted by Generictrpuser

My attraction to women seems to be "oneitis or bust".

I go to a bar. I approach women. Who do I see in front of me? A child with cake on her face. She has nothing substantive to say. It's like her head is full of air and alcohol. She shit tests, I agree and amplify. I bring her home for an empty fuck.

It's all so empty. I feel nothing for these women. If they get attached, they are annoying as fuck.

I'm just not attracted to most women. This has been handy, because it means I rarely make women a priority. I work on myself and my amazing career.

But then on the very rarest occasion, I will find myself obsessed with one woman. It is an old, adolescent feeling. It brings me a joy like no other. These women usually are not particularly attractive, but just being in their presence feels right.

And it's like they can see right through me. I still keep the mindset that I am the prize, to keep frame, but these girls never even bother shit testing me because they usually aren't interested or can somehow tell I want to fuck them.

Also, they are almost always lesbians who are currently dating women.

This is driving me mad. I can game just fine, but when it comes to genuine attraction from my end it's always towards the women who are impossible to get.

Is there a TRP way of controlling who I am attracted to in that way?

I'm wondering if the best option would be to just accept that I'm pedestalizing, AWALT, and move on.

Yet there is something qualitatively different about these girls. And the fact that I can't get them makes me want them all the more.

[–]chachaChad 31 points32 points  (21 children)

Also, they are almost always lesbians who are currently dating women.

This right here is the important bit. You need to dig into this until you understand what is going on here. Either you have some question about your masculinity or you want something you can't have or some other deep, dark shit. Get yourself into therapy and tell the therapist this. Dig into that fear until you can name it and stand up to it.

[–]Generictrpuser[S] 2 points3 points  (18 children)

I'm pretty sure it's the assertiveness thing. I definitely can work on my masculinity, that is a never ending project. It's not like I'm attracted to all lesbians, but the handful I've felt this oneitis for have all been gay and assertive.

[–]chachaChad 30 points31 points  (17 children)

Right. You want a strong woman to tell you what to do. You want a mommy.

[–]Generictrpuser[S] 11 points12 points  (16 children)

Can definitely agree with that. Was abused by my mom growing up so this could definitely be a repetition of seeking that out.

[–]chachaChad 14 points15 points  (13 children)

DUDE! Dig in and work this out with a therapist. Abuse by a parent is a horrible thing that leaves scars but can be overcome by strong people who are willing to do the work! Find a therapist and start working this out! You'll be glad you did.

If you've never been in therapy before, I think you'll be shock by how useful it can be. Best of luck!

When I was younger, I used to feel like I wasn't much of man and was drawn to women that weren't all the feminine. I thought that we would make a match. Guess what? That didn't work out at all.

When I learned to embrace my masculinity, I was drawn to and more attractive to more feminine women.

[–]Generictrpuser[S] 6 points7 points  (12 children)

I'm glad you've had a good therapist. I've had 4 different ones and they were all terrible.

First one would talk about his own sexual needs, like having his wife dress in a French maid outfit and serve his bros beer on poker night. (Admittedly, red pill self would have loved this therapist, but I was 18 at the time and thought he was really creepy.)

Second one told me that my glasses are a mask that keeps me from connecting with people. Who would've thought I need glasses to see? Hmm...

Third one never said anything in session.

Fourth one told me to "summon my spirit masters". I thought this was some weird Jungian metaphor, but when she said "mercury is in retrograde" with all sincerity one day I told her I was concerned about her qualifications and I never went back.

Rather not waste money on chancing finding someone who actually knows their shit.

[–]chachaChad 6 points7 points  (10 children)


I've have similar stories...

  1. First one was an old guy that seemed to fall asleep while I was talking. Not sure I got out of it all I could because I didn't feel like I could express myself freely. Made some progress but jumped out early and made some shit decisions her tried to talk me out of. Should have listened to that fucker.

  2. Got antidepressants from my doctor with not supporting therapy. Nice little vacation but didn't make any progress.

  3. Lady a few years older than me... I couldn't really talk about sex with her and only went a few times. Didn't get anywhere.

  4. Lesbian who had no idea what I was going through. When I told her I wanted more sex with my wife, she told me to focus my love energy somewhere else. Fuck her. I was on antidepressants for that one as well.

  5. Female marriage counselor... wife insisted on bring our 2 year old daughter to appointments. Her advice to my wife with to "lighten up". Useless...

  6. Once session with a marriage counselor for the both us... wife refused to go back.

  7. Got a diagnosis of ADHD so tried meds for that. Worked great for a little while but didn't solve the problem.

  8. 13 year son had an issue where he became a total blue pill stalker after his girlfriend broke up with him. Wife and I found a family therapist and worked shit out with my son. He's fine now. Since we already had a relationship with him, wife suggested I go see him about an issue that bothers me. I went and realized it was the issue that was the problem it was that I hate my wife.

All these fucking years and all these fucking therapists and drugs, I thought the problem was me. It's not! The one thing this all has in common is that it's very, very difficult to live with my wife and blue pill me thought it was ALL MY FAULT!

Luckily, this therapist is a guy about my age who even recommended some red pill like books to me. I've been going to him for a year. Wife and I just started couples counseling for the last 2 weeks. She thinks it's just a pit stop to tune up our communication and that the trouble in our marriage is all my fault. It's not.

I've only been doing red pill for 2 months and lifting and things are getting better. I know therapy with the wife probably isn't recommend for red pill but I was already on that course long before red pill so I'm letting play out.

I have made some absolutely stunning progress on my issues and am staring my worst fears right in the fucking eyes these days. It's not easy sometimes but what choice do I have?

Don't give up. Finding a therapist that works for you isn't always easy but you owe it to yourself to get help. If you chopped off your thumb, you'd go to the ER, right? I know you haven't had great luck with previous therapists but consider trying again.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Dude. That situation sucks, I'm rooting for you

[–]chachaChad 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Thanks Man! I kept this situation to myself and didn't tell anyone what was going at home and I didn't realize just how bad things were. I probably would have gone on like this for the rest of my life if not for the therapist and red pill.

[–]Generictrpuser[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

It's tough! Society tells us that we should trust our families. But if there's anything Psychology teaches, it's that groups and families are SYSTEMS and all systems seek equilibrium. All that tension was to keep the family system together. I'm glad you finally found a way to change the system to work for you. Unfortunately that sometimes leads to having to break the system in two.

[–][deleted]  (5 children)


    [–]chachaChad 1 point2 points  (4 children)


    Guess what... double plot twist...

    My wife is a therapist (no PhD but has 2 masters) which means she has zero ability to have any critical insight into herself whatsoever. She's amazing at working with other people but she's a total blank slate to herself.

    It is tough to be a patient who is a therapist himself.

    It's tough but not impossible. Isn't even required that you be in some sort of supervision?

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)


      [–]lukmeg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I've had really bad experiences with therapists as well.

      [–]-ATLAS-_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I have a few lesbian friends, and every single one of them has mom issues. Every. Single. One. This could be the key point to examine in yourself. I don't know if there is a well known author or something who's a good resource for this, it might be worth looking into.

      [–]mickey__ 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      I don't get this part. Please can u explain?

      [–]chachaChad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      If you continue reading the thread, op explains that he suffered childhood abuse at the hands of his mother. Abuse survivors often seek to repeat the experience where they have more control in order to master the situation in a way they were previously unable to because they were children.

      OP is also a therapist which means he is blind to exactly how heal himself. Imagine a hairstylist trying to cut her own hair.

      OP is only attracted to women that somehow echo his previous abuse. Many people do something similar. If you look at your own childhood you may discover something like it for yourself.

      [–]1MrTheFalcon 5 points6 points  (2 children)

      I get you, man. The problem is unresolved issues, evident by your polarization. I did the same thing, not so long ago. You need to be okay with yourself, then you can accept women for who they are.

      Monk mode for thirty days, and see what kind of shit you can dig out of your soul. Deal with it, and learn.

      Seeking pleasure as an end (especially with a woman as the end) is the path to misery.

      [–]mickey__ 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      How can we dig down into ourself?

      [–]1MrTheFalcon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Good question. Look up "monk mode".

      When you cut yourself off, dark truths about you will surface. You can deal with them once you identify them.

      [–]TSM_Bjergson 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Get a full hormone panel done.

      [–]redditJ5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Another perspective, I find my self attracted to these type of women as well. They seem to be less drama, more in tune with life style. I like a self sufficient women, that can take care of them selves. They normally have more logic and less hampster in their heads.

      It's not that I want someone more masculine than my self, but only recently I found out I am a sigma. It's very confusing when you are trying to put your self in a binary category of alpha or beta and you go, I'm both but I'm neither. So once I started to understand my personality type, I started to understand why I am the way I am.

      I normally only last 6-12 months with very feminine girls because after that period I get annoyed at constantly babying them. My longer relationships are with the independent more "masculine" women where if I don't talk to them for a few days in a row, it's not a big deal.

      Just a different view, hope this might be another part of the puzzle, if not for you, maybe someone else.

      Also, I have always found a chick hot af in jeans and a t, and always has a pocket knife.

      [–]SexistFlyingPig 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You don't get to choose who you are attracted to.

      Don't you think gay men living under Islam would change who they are attracted to if they could? Don't you think pedophiles would change who they are attracted to if they could?

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      And it's like they can see right through me.

      This may simply be an issue of your frame crashing in the face of actually liking someone.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Some serious male hamstering here.

      [–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (10 children)

      Crikey, watch as this Gaming Gorilla realises he needs to change his environment. You can see the epiphany spark in his mind that his suffering of oneitis will calm down once he meets more female apes who appeal to his intellect...

      [–]Generictrpuser[S] 0 points1 point  (9 children)

      I am pretty intelligent, thanks.

      I use the bar as an extreme example. I feel this way about most women I meet. I'm just not attracted.

      So many are so passive. Their nature is to want to be led. Even the intelligent and driven ones have so few hobbies outside of WINE WITH THE GIRLS and Bible study. All they do is copycat my interests, rather than have any of their own.

      The common threads of my oneitises are: assertive, dominant, driven, leaders.

      One of the best things anyone has said to me is, "It sounds like you want to date a man."

      I just find it so much fun when a girl puts up a fight. When she wants to dominate in bed and I won't let her. We do fight like apes, and it makes for wild sex. We both have ideas and our social scripts for dominating each other.

      It's when the girl uses overt power that I am attracted, rather than typical covert manipulation.

      It's the thrill of the hunt. Yet most women are so passive. I can't stand it.

      [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (8 children)

      I wasn't calling you stupid dude, merely a shit attempt at being funny.

      Have you tried meeting girls at a form of martial arts club? Would a woman like Ronda Rousey keep you satisfied?

      [–]Generictrpuser[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children)

      Chill bro! I was just treating it as a shit test and agreeing with you for laughs. No hard feelings.

      Not huge into MMA tbh. I did BJJ for about a year but there was only one woman at my gym. Not attracted to Rousey.

      Best way to describe it is I was drinking with this group of girls and one I have total oneitis for pointed at the spot on the couch next to her and demanded I sit there. I do this when I'm gaming women all the time. It's hot as fuck when a woman uses male game in a dominant way.

      Unfortunately she is gay and was doing this to AMOG to control her girlfriend who knows I'm into the chick.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children)

      Oh, you have a penchant for the masculine dandies. Oh dude, good luck finding one of them :L

      [–]Generictrpuser[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

      Can you explain a little more by what you mean?

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

      Fucking seriously?

      Have you bought or downloaded any of the recommended material? Robert Greene's "Seductions". Hurry up, Get reading. I refuse to give you the answer

      [–]Generictrpuser[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

      I've read the sidebar and Rationale Male dude. Hadn't come across the term masculine dandy. Just asking.

      Edit: and you are right. This is exactly who I have a thing for. Unfortunately in this day and age they all end up being SJWs too.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      Are you actually going to read Seductions?

      [–]Generictrpuser[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      I just did some googling about it and it sounds useful, so yes. Thanks for the weekend reading!

      [–]veganishell -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

      You like perversion, homosexuality is a perversion, getting fucked by a lesbian with a massive dido is perversion

      Edit : I just read a bit the comments, saw you're a therapist...

      That's perversion to.