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Girls say I’m good looking but what I say ruins everything. Need advice. (self.asktrp)

submitted by NegativeTangerine

I really don’t understand what happens, girls (and guys usually) say that I’m more on the good-looking side of the spectrum. I can put myself at a 7.5-8 (being humble). But they also say that if it wasn’t for my mouth, I’d end up dating any girl I want. I’ve realized this when I fucked this hot chick (who I thought was way out of my league). She didn’t speak English and I didn’t speak her language so it was kind of some words here and there and some Google translate and that was it; and she was willing to start something serious. I admit to talking a lot about everything and anything but I don’t know what precisely is what turns girls off. I still haven’t figured it out for 2 years. I’ve turned to reddit, don’t let me down guys. I’m on my path of getting redpilled.

This is my first post, so please don’t judge the layout of it; if there is more information that is required I’ll be happy to provide it. Any advice guys?


[–]RPGivesYouWings 101 points102 points  (26 children)

Advice #1: read the side bar

Advice #2: you’re probably saying low value things like “So this guy in my Fortnite squad”

[–]MrSittingBull 46 points47 points  (12 children)

Yeah OP sounds like that guy that’s a bit too talkative. He leaves nothing to the imagination, I was that guy back in the day.

[–]NegativeTangerine[S] 18 points19 points  (11 children)

How did you solve it in your case?

[–]MrSittingBull 47 points48 points  (4 children)

I naturally stopped with age. I became a better listener and asked more questions instead of telling stories.

Funny or intense stories have their place and can be useful, but nobody wants to hear a story about how you found $5 in the laundry this morning. Control the conversation by asking interesting questions, this also lets you vet girls more easily as I find that they release more information about their true nature (n count and whatnot) when they start telling their “interesting” stories.

[–]BlackVale 1 point2 points  (2 children)

What would be considered an interesting question?

[–]clausternn 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Since that guy didn't say anything... I read somewhere "what's your favorite shape and why?" So maybe give that one a shot.

[–]BlackVale 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can see that being great if your already in a decent conversation or know that person because it can lead to good banter. My problem is meeting women in general and conversing. But what about if this is our first conversation?

[–]flapjacksrbetter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where are these interesting questions? Lol

[–]Hypnot0ad 16 points17 points  (0 children)

For me, I just got better saying less over time. Make a conscious effort - not to be a shy mute, just leave details to the imagination.

As an example, say you're talking to a group of guys about a new chick you've met. You can describe her as "a hot chick", and every guy will form a mental image of a hot chick in his mind, yet they could all be different. If you were to describe her as "a hot curvy Latina", the extra details hurts your case. Some guys may have already been picturing a Latina, but the guy who likes tall skinny blondes just lost interest in your story.

[–]not-trp-questions 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"I'll tell ya later..."

[–]Ricklogical 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You just have to work at it.

Composition is important here and IRL. Study refined form, study other people that are incredibly good at it, be around them, learn from them, emulate those that you can.

[–]DadOnDabs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Stfu and do 2/3rds the talking.

Meditation will make you more mindful of this too.

[–]Rosace_89 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

70/20/10 Listen/Ask/Input(talk)

[–]NegativeTangerine[S] 18 points19 points  (1 child)

How do I train myself to say high value things? (Not that I say stuff about Fortnite, don’t even play it)

[–]Kabuki431 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Say it with smouldering intensity

[–]KettleLogic 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Yeah you should he talking about your pubg squad fortnite is for losers.

[–]Saberinbed 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Anything you say can be considered high value if your personality is that of a high valued guy.

[–]wanker7171 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I hate this phrase because it's only true since a high value guy does not say needy low status things. So it's irrelevant when talking about someone who isn't there to begin with because it comes across as "Just say anything if you feel high status enough" which is terrible advice

[–]CommanderSmokeStack 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Like the "Suck me beautiful" kid from American Pie.

[–]NeedingAdvice86 1 point2 points  (5 children)

More likely...the group is vibing alking about the latest nightout when someone mentions a one off about Fortnite and the Op goes into a 10 min soliloquy about the game....the developers, how they chose the name, the code used, some inane "funny" tidbit in the development that only the nerdies would find funny, and all the stats about sales.....which puts a screeching halt to the fun vibe. People in the group are stuck rolling their eyes with their vaginas drying by the sec but Op is oblivious. Or alternatively, someone mentions see a girl win some Fortnite comp in a local pub and the Op goes on a rant about women are shit at video gamescoding who should keep to womanly things like Barbie and sucking dick blah, blah, blah....everyone in the group is put off and the more socially aware guys in the convo have to work to redirect the convo back to funinteresting....

[–]jamesbond8181 3 points4 points  (2 children)

No one does this shit tbh

[–]NeedingAdvice86 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Actually happens a lot....and the Op admits later in the comments that he is often called out for off-color comments and derailing convos....

Often the people who do it never realize that they are out of step with the rest of the group in vibing....

[–]jamesbond8181 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Talking about the Fort nite example

[–]NegativeTangerine[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

This is actually true, you just described my whole life. Just the first part tho, not the women are shit thing. How do you think I can work to improve that? Just stay quiet? I don’t know what should be said and when to say it

[–]NeedingAdvice86 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I was just using the women thing as an example of an off-color remark that makes everyone uncomfortable until someone who is socially calibrated would have to get the vibe running again. Not a literally something you said.

My advice is to cut down on your interruptions by 10x and take any comment you want to make and shelve it for now....then really begin by starting by actively listening very acutely to others. That would be step one...google active listening and how to carry on conversations.

You should follow a 2080% split for now with letting the girls talk most of the time....at some point you can up that to 5050 but since you are prone to fuck that up...go with the prior...your only function in the conversations with the girls is to get them to clarify or expand on something about which they are talking....for best results, get them to expand on their feeling related to something about which they are talking.

Step 1....

[–]Dio_Brando_Joestar -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

What's wrong with talking about fortnite? Fortnite is da shit

[–]FearGarbhArMait 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Read title not your words.

Stop thinking, talk with your hands, your body. Touch, touch, touch.

[–]Zanford 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Talk less prob.

IS your voice high pitched?

Do you say approval-seeking things?

Do you have an uncool accent?

[–]NegativeTangerine[S] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I think my voice is high pitched. About the approval-seeking things I might have done it once in a while. My accent is alright. I don’t think people have a comment on how I say things, it’s just what I say.. But I don’t know what they can mean by that.

[–]Zanford 22 points23 points  (0 children)

If you want some great and brutal advice...if you are able to (practically and legally) film yourself socially interacting...watching footage of yourself publicly speaking or socially interacting can be a very, very sobering experience. It's cringey for almost everyone, but you learn a hell of a lot. Even if it's just audio (phone in your pocket with some recording app on)

Also, inner game. The more you can do to just have inner confidence, the more attractive your speech patterns will be.

Overthinking the way you talk may do more harm than good.

[–]justicecantakeanap 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Don't ask the actual fish about fishing advice

[–]Ricklogical 13 points14 points  (0 children)

When you are getting to know someone, you want to know about them, not talk about yourself too much, you can be complex and have a lot to say, but most people will not enjoy this about you.

Most people do not like listening they enjoy talking and being heard. They want you to pay attention, they want to to remember the little things they like and dislike and take action on those things, not talk about it.

Actions over words is such an important habit. There are some awesome practices that can help you with this. Get a small notepad and a pen and resolve not to speak for a month when you don't have to.

Try to say less all the time, try to use as few words to express a point as possible. Do your best to write things you want to talk about to people you want to talk to, then go back over it, and eliminate anything that runs on, things that are overexplained or repeated, any extra words that you use like...

I'll use your post.

I'm lost. People say I look good. I am a 7-8. I've been told if I kept my mouth shut I could date any woman I want. The hot woman I did bang didn't speak english. Some words here and there, some google translate, that's it. She wanted more.

I talk a lot, it is hard to figure out because it is who I am. Don't let me down, I am on the path.

First post, if you need more info just ask.


Things you need to stop doing. Stop using long winded sentences altogether. You could take a public speaking class. Eliminate really, But that the start of sentences, here and there, I admit I don't know what precisely. There are shorter ways to say everything.

Compact your expression. Make it incredibly small, make it mysterious more than anything else.

[–]2CainPrice 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Talk less. You are probably over-communicating. And when you do talk, talk about nothing instead of talking about something.

Girls don't want to have a serious conversation about what's going on in your life and what's going on in their life and both of your respective feelings on various issues. Girls want to small-talk, banter, and flirt.

That conversation you have with a girl before taking her home isn't a conversation, in the traditional sense. It's a demonstration that you know the game. A demonstration that you are able to small-talk and flirt and banter in a way that indicates your understanding of the casual sex culture without being brazen and open about it. It's like wearing the right clothes and having a hot body, but you're showing off your understanding of the game instead of your chest and shoulders.

[–]Silveresquemania 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Girls don't want to have a serious conversation about what's going on in your life and what's going on in their life and both of your respective feelings on various issues. Girls want to small-talk, banter, and flirt.

The vacuous ones, sure.

[–]IrishGoodbye4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude... this is gold.

But how do you “show off your understanding of the game?”...?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Don't listen to women for dating advice.. Loool

[–]Fun2badult 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have similar problem except I’m not that good looking or at least I don’t consider myself to be. One thing to learn is to stfu and have the girl talk more. That’s something I need to work on as well. When you talk, it should be something funny or interesting. Rest is all nonsense and won’t make it better. Always have to ask open ended question so the girl can blabber her mouth and if she asks, gotta turn it around not answering a direct answer and ask her another question so she can keep talking. At the end, she’ll feel like she’s so comfortable with you but doesn’t know much about you, which is where you want to be. You can take this with a grain of salt as I’m also a work in progress

[–]Greek-God-Brody 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Girls will fuck you if they consider you physically attractive. You'll get a free pass. All you have to do is properly escalate and she will comply, just because she is turned on by you.

[–]casemodz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In the same boat. First, try getting a girl who you aren't into but is into you. You'll understand how to not care. That's what you should do

[–]Thunderfin 4 points5 points  (9 children)

I'd say I'm a 7-8 too.

Can you give more info? How much are you talking, and what are you talking about?

[–]NegativeTangerine[S] 5 points6 points  (8 children)

I talk a lot, almost double the rate of any person in the conversation, but I do it without thinking and I realize too late. I usually say things that are Politically Incorrect. I would mention facts and statistics out of nowhere about any topic. That’s what I can think of right now.

[–]Thunderfin 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Okay. Some things off the top of my head that you can think about and possibly implement:

-As others have mentioned, try to lower your voice if it's high-pitched. Search for exercises online (hint: use your diaphragm).

-Talk slow. This is huge. It sounds like you're rambling, and that makes you come across as beta at worse, and nervous/anxious at best. Command authority by enunciating and taking your time.

-I would avoid the politically incorrect things, especially if it's the first time meeting girls you like.

-Listen. This is huge. You can take the pressure off of yourself by simply asking questions. Ask her what she thinks about ____. Then give your [honest] opinions. People in general love talking about themselves, so being a good listener and appearing genuinely interested in them is critical.

-Lastly for dates, stick to less "dry" topics, which it sounds like what your conversations are right now. Ask her about music, sports, school, dreams, etc.. Simple, fun things. Not politics, religion, all that shit. And eye contact, along with speech, is very important.

[–]Thunderfin 8 points9 points  (0 children)

And one other thing: be mysterious. By this, I mean that you shouldn't reveal everything about yourself on the first date. As someone else wrote, leave things to be imagined for the future. Let her guess where you're from, what you do, what your passions are. Make her work for it. Of course, you'll have to talk a bit about yourself, but anytime you feel you're "giving away too much" (ie. dominating the conversation), tease her and deflect. Ask her about herself, sit back and relax.

Be mysterious.

[–]NeedingAdvice86 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Oh, you are that guy.....the one who is out of step with the vibeconversation going on and constantly puts a dead end to the flow by spouting inane, tryhard stats that nobody gives a shit about or making off color, unappropriate comments to which someone else in the convo has to work to overcome and get redirected back to an interesting and fun vibe again and again.

Solution: STFU. Think about what you want to say, then drop the comment and let the conversation continue along its fun course....listen intently..when the conversation lags, remember something one of the participants said and ask a question about feelings of that personperson comment to push the conversations toward a interesting vibe again....

[–]falecf4 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This comment is it! I hate people as described above. The more fucking bullshit you talk the less I think you actually know. Why can't you shut your mouth? I barely talk at all and I personally keep my contributions to things I KNOW that I know, not opinions. I let people talk about themselves. You know what everyone's favorite topic is?! THEMSELVES! Get people talking and just listen, add to the convo to keep it going but don't overtake it.

I have always been more of a listener than a talker but I did have to work on a few things for when I did speak. A big one is timing and pauses. Speak slowly and clearly. At first it will feel like you're speaking super slow, you're not. Speaking slowly allows others to understand you and time to choose your words without fillers like uuh, um, like, ect.

Controlled speech fits the frame you want. If you need to talk so fast it comes across as you need to get all these words out before the other party loses interest and from what you've told us that is exactly true. So slow the fuck down, pause while talking, let people have some anticipation for what is coming out of your mouth next.

There's and old saying that goes something like this. "Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt."

[–]Andgelyo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You sound annoying AF to be honest. Act more, speak less. Deepen your voice. Talk about them, not yourself ( people love to talk about them selves). Find common interest.

Source: director of public relations at college, occupational therapy practitioner, so I’m always talking to strangers.

[–]Naebany 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is huge. I mean very light shading info. Should have put that in OP.

You don't want to talk more than a woman. In fact you want to talk less. It seems like yours talking about topics that some people don't care or have not enough knowledge to comfortably enjoy. Especially when you're barraging them with info stats etc.

Try being more "basic" talk about music, vacation plans, hobbies etc.

[–]casemodz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah...don't argue with females. Ever. "That's cool". "Oh wow". "Thats crazy"

This isn't debate club.

Ignore dumb topics and then make a new one.

[–]BeeBopJoe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn't bother reading the post since the title has the answer already in it. Reread your thread title, it literally tells you what you need to work on.

[–]chachaChad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

spectrum

I think you're also on some other spectrum.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But they also say that if it wasn’t for my mouth, I’d end up dating any girl I want.

Your friends know jack.

Any advice guys?

What do you say? What do you think you say wrong?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Best advice is to surround yourself with people with good communication skills and learn from them. Observe their timing, voice tone, posture, their facial expressions. Just reading advice on the internet isn't enough to fix your communication skills.

[–]Kink3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's already a ton of good info here but grab How To Win Friends and Influence People on audible. Book is exactly what you need.

[–]HurricaneHugues 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Talk less. Thats all u gotta do.

[–]Rear-Naked-Artichoke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Say somthing else.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

read this

Learn to be a mystery. Search TRP for that topic, it’s been covered very well many times.

[–]RedKepler 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well youve noted what it is. Its your talk putting them off.

Mystery is part of the attraction, so if you talk like an early learning leapfrog touch pad, then yeah, your gonna be getting boring pretty fast.

People (and women) live to talk, especially about themselves, and it is themselves which you want to learn about, so show ibterest ij them, reveal little about yourself, and theyll find you know more about them than they do about you, but will still see you as someone safe, use it in business, use it in dating.

It also depends on what you talk about as well as the gitl themselves. Some hate swearing, i know a couple like that, and i curse pretty causually around people who im friendly with, and whrn they pick it up, i tell them theyre sentrnce enhancers.

Right goodluck

[–]ronalddrump69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same to me. I hear girls tell their friends I'm cute but when I say something it's a 'turn off'. Most of these girls are bitches anyways and I can pull enough girls. DOn't let it get to your head.

[–]1z1z2x2x3c3c4v4v 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I admit to talking a lot about everything and anything but I don’t know what precisely is what turns girls off.

Learn to ask people about themselves. Nobody really wants to hear about you. They want to talk about themselves and what they like and whats important to them.

Get people to think you are interested in their boring lives, and they will love you for it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People

Read this book until you memorize it. Seriously.

Especially the sections on Six Ways to Make People Like You.

[–]-DeadLock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the same situation and might be literally high functioning autist.

Im doing nofap and lifting to otherwise increase my smv

[–]Bruchibre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stop talking? lololol

[–]assholeofthesky 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't be a fucking faggot, that's how. build an interesting life