46
47

I’m not ok (self.asktrp)

submitted by bobaFetty123

Can people change?

My buddy has this idea that there are two types of people, those who dominate and those who follow.

I think Im the latter. Basically i think im asking if I can change.

Probably the answer is yes. But then, why I keep having the same behaviors I hate, behaviors that make me a weak ass cry bitching little beta?

Im so afraid to act, and not even sure why.

This isn’t just about the girl ( Dude cmon). It’s about life, about the relationship with my parents, with my brother, even my friends.

I want to be free, I don’t know what to do. What should I do?

That was wierd. Sorry. 😐


[–]beat-9 79 points80 points  (6 children)

Yes you can change. The reason why you act in ways you don't like is because you are a slave to your mind and your habits suck.

The fact that you are conscious of it is a blessing.

It takes months and years to change but it's been done before and there's no reason you can't do it.

Bring change into your life little by little, try one thing at a time and stick to it.

The first step is to be conscious of your automatic reactions and thoughts and realise that you can detach yourself from them and rewire in better ways. Start meditating.

Develop your willpower. It is mandatory to change. Motivation sucks. Don't expect it to help you. Many times what you want to do will not be what you have to do to become who you must become. Motivation will fuck off when you need it and you will fall back to your shitty weak habits. Rely on willpower and discipline instead. But they are not given, they must be cultivated like a muscle by training them. Develop your willpower.

At the same time, work on your body. The body and the mind are connected in ways you probably have yet no idea. Stress creates tightness. Tightness creates bad posture. Bad posture communicates weakness. Life purges weakness. Stretch out your tightness and lift heavy weights to become strong.

Finally, feed your mind. Learn to silence the noise of the world and literally brainwash yourself with thoughts that empower you.

[–]expatriate77 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Fantastic advice.

[–]bobbilly641 2 points3 points  (0 children)

big facts

[–]Salted_Pretzel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fantastic advice.

[–]t_jones730 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is it.

[–]bobaFetty123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m saving this for every time I feel like drifting, great advice.

I never tried meditation before, I’ll give it a try.

[–]Thunderfin 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Don't apologize bro, nothing to be sorry about.

You can definitely change.

[–]bobaFetty123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah It’s a little hard for me to open up that’s all.

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points  (2 children)

What gets you stronger at the gym? Repetition. Same with this. Keep trying and one day it will sink in. Seriously. Might take 5 years, but that time will come.

[–]pFlap 14 points15 points  (0 children)

What gets you stronger at the gym? Repetition. Same with this.

And everything else in life

[–]bobaFetty123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope it doesn’t take that much 😬. Thanks man, I’m gonna put the effort.

[–]frequentlywrong 17 points18 points  (5 children)

Many find answers with Jordan Petersons work. Then there is the classic book everyone should read: no more mr nice guy. These are for your mindset.

You also need to work on yourself physically. Lifting and martial arts.

You need to take gradual steps. Just thinking about the end goal gets you nowhere as that always seems too far off. Think about what the next step you can do is. You never know what the next step opens up if you don't do it. Even if it is just cleaning up your room.

[–]bobaFetty123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I started reading the book of pook. Im not planning on finishing it just jet. It’s good theory but I need to start applying it. Planning step by step, got u.

[–]qwerty_slut 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Man the future is yours. If a guy with no legs can climb mount everest with a smile on his face then you can do whatever you want. First start with health. Just make sure getting the right food/vitamins (vitamin d especially), working out regularly. Start dressing nicer. Spend some time thinking about who you are and who you want to become. GET RID OF NEGATIVE THOUGHTS and just focus on the future. Also relax. U got this.

Every week just challenge yourself to get out of your comfort zone. Do something ballsy. The more u do the more u will feel. U will fail. When u push forward despite failure that is when you start to trust yourself. U have to earn confidence.

[–]04712244664 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks

[–]bobaFetty123[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I always find that getting rid of the negative thoughts It’s the most difficult part for me. It’s like an intrinsic quality. I kept feeding it and shit got intense. Why vitamin d specially?

[–]qwerty_slut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cause it helps u stay positive and most people are deficient. I highly recommend a book called zen mind, beginners mind for over coming negative thoughts.

[–]SpiderAlpha33 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You need to consciously make an effort. Engage in activities that boost your confidence so that you develop an attitude and persona that is unaffected by what others say. Only then you will be able to lead others. A leader isn't afraid of being offended or countered, he follows his instincts with full conviction and confidence. Also this may seem irrelevant but the kind of input you give yourself plays a large role in deciding your frame of mind. This includes the content you read, music, videos, movies and all others forms of media you subject yourself to.

The transformation will be slow, but it's better late than never. Don't give up OP. You can definitely change and make the kind of impact you want to!

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You need to break your risk aversion. Print out an ant-iabortion sign at Kinko's then hold it up at some random university. After that cold approach should be easy.

If your unwilling to do that have fun getting shat on the test of your life. Maybe ull learn to enjoy it. Work an unpleasant job, have an open relationship with an overweight woman and watch plenty of television.

Continue to take the path of least resistance see what happens.

[–]hugaddiction 4 points5 points  (2 children)

absolutely. im a fuck of a lot more of a man than I was when I found TRP 3 years ago, and Im happy, which counts for a lot since I didnt think it was going to be possible. Oh, its super hard btw. Its not easy to change.

[–]bobaFetty123[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Good for you man. All I can do is keep pushing for happiness.

[–]hugaddiction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

its not a push, its work. Identify the shit in your life you don't like and start knocking them out one at a time. My list of "work" has been long and painful, but I had a long way to go from the bottom of the pit i found myself in 5 years ago when I fell into my midlife crisis. Acknowledgment is step one, no more lying to yourself, this red pill shit has some truth to it, your in the right place.

[–]422456 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Change or die - don't or you'll keep being a miserable sod - YOU have the power to do this - Your willpower is unique to you and only you.

Your buddy is right. Your buddy will also turn on you once you surpass him as did all my friends.

You don't feel free because you don't have a power outlet of some sort. Something that gives you a niche.

You've walked and paused. You've been pausing for too long. Get back to walking.

[–]bobaFetty123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re really on point, been on pause it’s just making me miserable.

[–]1Terminal-Psychosis 2 points3 points  (2 children)

There is a genetic predisposition to risk taking or avoidance, on a scale, or bell curve.

Both behaviors are useful in different situations.

That's not your problem. Sounds like, as with so many young men these days, you've not learned how to be assertive.

This is an epidemic in "modern" societies. Men are pushed to be broken women. Unless they have examples of strong men in their lives, even those with risk-taking genetics can turn out totally blue pilled.

Keep reading the side bar dude. It is a life-long journey. It is not actually like "swallowing a pill", but a steady diet of healthy material we feed ourselves.

Learn some methods for grounding out abusive manipulation, and get a hobby or 2 for some sense of accomplishment. (Physical fitness is, of course, highly recommended, as well as basic nutritional knowledge)

This book is amazing for beginners on this path:

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty - by Manuel J. Smith

Simple, easy to understand, piratical methods for dealing with manipulation. Good insights into why and where destructively passive behavior comes from, and how to grow out of it.

You hear people talking about "Fogging" and other such methods. They are from this work, and others that followed.

Every book on the side bar is valuable. "No More Mr. Nice Guy" sounds right up your alley too.

[–]bobaFetty123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I’ll check on that book, already feel identified with the tittle.

[–]BloodSurgery 2 points3 points  (2 children)

That was wierd. Sorry. 😐

Why are you apologizing? Don't apologize for stupid shit like opening up dude. Women do that. Have you been to /r/theredpill? Have you read any post there,at least?

[–]bobaFetty123[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I’ve read some field reports. I was also reading the handbook. Also I watched a few videos on the RSD youtube channels. It was just too much information. I needed to stop, compile, and try to digest it, put it on practice.

[–]BloodSurgery 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Read about frame, abundance mentality, all basic stuff from the red pill, that you seem to lack. The fact that you see yourself as someone who follows instead of leading shows how your frame and self confidence is low.

Acknowledging your problems Is the first step, but not the last.

[–]justicecantakeanap 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People will downvote this, but don't look for your answers in a gym. Taking care of your body is very important, but what you ask comes from somewhere else.

Say yes to life, make experiences, meet new people, "change" by doing the change. Change your job, change the place you live in, change the people you meet up to and so on

Don't expect different results by doing the same over and over.

[–]abudun79 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Some people have to be in Pareto's 80%. And some have to be at the bottom of that 80%. The closer you are to the top end, the greater the possibility to rise further.

Some reasons are genetically hardwired, some are just your development. While you cannot do anything about the former, the latter can be changed. Hard work, but possible. You need to internalize - through experience - that the world keeps turning, even if you fuck up big time. Failure and rejection are a vital part of life and you should embrace them. Getting better than someone else includes making more mistakes then them. If you start to outperform others, you get an extra hurdle: Seeing your friends, coworkers or family members "loose" against you. It will be an uncomfortable position for you, since you know exactly how that feels like and now you're the reason why they feel like that. But if you come that far, you will overcome that as well.

Start lifting and the the books and articles in the sidebar. Just don't follow the temptation to waste your time on Robert Greene books.

[–]AwkwardEmpath 0 points1 point  (3 children)

What's your opinion on Robert Greene? Haven't read any of his books yet myself but I'm curious.

[–]abudun79 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Nice books if you're into that kind of stuff, but in general not very helpful. Very stretched out chapters that tell you long stories with a quintessence. Could be a one-pager, really.

Fans will like it, find it entertaining, and make up reasons why it's necessary to have so much text for so little meaning. If you're a fan, enjoy. If not, you'll know what I mean.

Give it a try, but buy a cheap used one on Amazon.

[–]AwkwardEmpath 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Appreciate the insight.

[–]AwkwardEmpath 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been feeling this way for the last couple days. A lot of good comments in here, thanks for posting this man.

[–]mixedpotatoes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Being a follower is not always bad, for example if there's a leader with a really cool vision and you want to help, he will probably appreciate the admiration which breeds mutual respect. Leaders do not always step on their underlings.

[–]Izakthegreat23 1 point2 points  (3 children)

So in the red man group podcast Rollo talks quiet a lot about how personality is NOT static. Look at soldiers who go to war, when they return their personalities are definitely changed, they are different people.

I agree with this so yes you can change and be whoever you want.

[–]room_303 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Not really true, their personality didn't change, it was just repressed by PTSD.

[–]voltaren_emulgel 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Actually traumatic event and mental illness can change your personality, not sure I would suggest to OP to go to the Frontline to change, especially because he might not like what he will become

[–]bobaFetty123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😂 Yeah definitely not going to war

[–]Mickusey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You sound like a little kid who's been on the internet too much, get off and stop letting weird online faggots dictate who you are before you develop schizophrenia, pirate

[–]wobbleelbbow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You need to be aware of your own body. Usually followers are not aware that they have capacity to control their own future.

[–]Khiv_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure about your buddy's ideas. I would say that in different circumstances, different people would dominate or follow. A silly example of this are those movies where everyone's life depends on a videogame; the nerdy guy ends up becoming the leader.

Yes, that is just a fantasy, but it explores a fact: nobody is good at everything, nobody is going to shine in every possible circumstance. The Chad from uni might reveal to be a total loser when comfronted by a criminal, for example.

Having said that, I agree that some behaviors will take you more toward the "follower side". One interesting thing I learned in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is that the more you avoid something, the harder it becomes not to avoid it (for example approaching girls). Something else that I have learned from my own experiences is that the less you stand up for your wishes and beliefs, the more your confidence on yourself wanes, and you slowly lose grasp of who you are.

These are just two examples. You should change your behavior if you are not satisfies, but keep in mind that changing behaviors and the beliefs behind them is really hard. Like going to the gym, you have to start with lower weights and simple exercises and then challenge yourself every day to increase those weights or to do harder exercises. And you have to be patient because the transformation you want might take years.

And just like going to the gym, a lot of people have unrealistic expectations and think that they will go from DYEL (do you even lift?) to Jeff Seid in 6 months. Set realistic expectations and work hard, always reevaluate your plan and execution in order to make sure you are going the right direction, and learn to enjoy the process, because you're going to spend a lot of time in the road beofre reaching the destination.

[–]cluelessguitarist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The best thing is to just be used to your own skin, you must be your own source of joy after that evwrything is going to fall in its own place. Keep lifting, and keep doing the things that make you grow as a person, socially and individually.

[–]Keepsalowprofile 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This guy, watch his vids, read his books

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzmgfwrUZyg

[–]Aesthetic_God__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fight the social conditioning son, keep forming new habits until they internalize into your system and one year from now with consistency you'll be far from where you are now.

[–]voltaren_emulgel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi,

I feel you, I was in the same situation. You can definitely change your behavior. But here is my recommandation to do it.

1) Ask yourself where did you learn this behavior, there is probably a reason you started this behavior and there are a multitude of other factors that reinforced it. If it is a painful memory, try to meditate for 15min until your brain is relax, reimagine this memory the more vividly you can, then switch to being compassionate to your young self. I've deactivate the emotional charge of most of my cringe moment in mid and high school.

2) being harsh on yourself won't stop the behavior, the way you learn is a bit more primitive. What you should do is: congratulate yourself whenever you had a "good behavior". When you notice yourself in a bad pattern, don't be harsh and don't judge yourself, be glad you notice it and try to change it(or change your mindset.

3) if you can afford it, go see a therapist. They are not only for mentally ill people (although there is no shame in being it, I was depressed for 2 years) Theit job is also to help regular Joes who are not quite satisfied with their life. Social anxious preventing you to live to the fullest is a damn good reason for me and they can be really helpful in overcoming this kind of this.

Anyway, good luck with this, I know how annoying it is to feel trap in social nervousness.

[–]mrHappyPotatoe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Every man's natural state is to pursure freedom.

My freedom is not same as your freedom. So noone can really answer to your question. But what what I do know is that Man and not even a woman us the only species on this planet that have power to ignore the basic instinct - attack or flee. Basically we have power to ignore emotions. It allwoed us to build everything in this world you can see. USE IT!

[–]voxiqs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try activities where you can be the leader

People don’t like change in hierarchy. When you try to implement rp, there will be resistance

[–]redpillbanana 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To paraphrase a famous quote:

Whether you think you can change or not, you're right.

[–]AmazonAlphaMale 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My idea of the two types of people are the people who clip there finger nails with there non-dominate hand first and those who clip them with the dominant hand first. Do you get what I’m saying?

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

[–]bobaFetty123[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I take everything I read here with a grain of salt. Relationship-wise, well I’ve never been in one, but I’ll remember your advice.

[–]iskandph 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some people are simply followers

Trying to change it will make you unhappy

"Freedom" as you say it is for the truly strong ones and unfortunately we have almost none of those nowadays

[–]Jsieijejeieokkd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t dream it be it

[–]NASCARnormie -1 points0 points  (0 children)

some weird atheist normie shit. Maybe your destiny by god was to become a fag and tug on your pee-pee or maybe it's to transcend idk. Your ancestors must be rolling in their graves wondering why your sperm had to win the race. Life is about conflict and struggle and it'll never change so let that sink into your thick skull. And dont listen to the sperglords telling you to look into no more mr nice guy or jordan peterson.