LTR claims she has no sex drive (self.asktrp)

submitted by TestRandom3434

We've been dating for 9 months, and we used to have sex 3-4 times a week. Now it's been dipping to about 3 times a month. She attributes it to being in Med School and studying for boards, saying it "killed my sex drive", but when she's not studying, she's on Twitter.

I've thought about going dread, but I don't think that'll work.

[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 217 points218 points  (11 children)

I'm sure her libido will come back once you marry her, thus proving your love. Make sure you're also doing your share of the chores and giving her nightly backrubs and footrubs so she feels special. And random flowers, gifts, and nights out with no expectations go a long way to winning a girl's heart. If none of that works, maybe you should get some therapy to work on your communication.

If that seems like a lot of work for something that may not even get you what you want, I have a shortcut that actually works instead.

Ignore her, do your own shit, hit the gym, develop hobbies apart from her, stop calling or texting her, be less available to her, and start meeting other people -- guys and girls both. Just be more social, get your own friends, get your own hobbies, get your own life, become super-hot from working out like a fiend, and enjoy the attention you'll get from other girls who actually think spending time with you and having sex with you is more interesting than fucking around on Twitter on their cell phones.

If your girlfriend would rather fuck around with her cell phone than fuck around with you, she's telling you exactly where you stand. Why are you tolerating that shit? Don't confront her. Just go do your own shit and quietly demote your crappy girlfriend to plate status. I'll bet when you ghost on her and start doing your own shit, she doesn't even notice or say anything until there's something she wants from you. She's already checked out. She doesn't care. She's into the people she hangs with in med school and the people she tweets with on her phone. Not you.

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Top lol

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


    [–]PantsonFire1234 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    It's just laziness on their part like guys getting complacent and beta. The girl thinks she's locked down her betabucks and doesn't feel the need to give up the holy grail anymore. There are guys on twitter she's actively working on though.

    Think about it, if you were a shitty, lazy, spoiled, entitled person looking for a job. Would you stop trying once you got one and passed the trail period?

    [–]nastynickdr 26 points27 points  (4 children)

    I was listening to the radio today, and theres a famous doctor in my country, famous for giving advice to young people, and he said something along the lines of: "You wife isnt willing to have sex with you? Why dont you do the dishes for a change?"

    Made me fucking cringe.

    [–]malignantbacon 7 points8 points  (2 children)

    Caveat: do the dishes and then don't come back

    [–]Nothing_Gazes_Back 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Go out for cigarettes. Return next weekend.

    [–]graffix13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Caveat to the caveat: Wash the dishes with a shotgun and never have to do them again.

    [–]RedBigMan 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    ^ This.

    Dread works as a two pronged attack...

    First and foremost it triggers her jealousy. When she sees you becoming more attractive to other women she will fear losing you. This starts females to engage in mate-guarding behavior which is pretty much means she'll start putting out on the regular again.

    Second is that if the first prong does not work the second one is that you are putting yourself in a position where you are going to be better off without her. If she don't have time for you now she wont have time for you after she becomes a doctor.

    Also she may still have a sex drive but that sex drive is getting driven by chad and his massive choad that she's choking on in exchange for answers for her classes... Yeah she's probably going to be looking at replacing you with another med student/doctor track type because women don't marry or date down.

    [–]RedPistola 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I think your writing style is great, because has a strong impact on newer readers who are shifting their perspective.

    [–]abdada 87 points88 points  (1 child)

    Cool, you have no commitment drive!

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Love this comment

    [–]TRP VanguardWhisper 38 points39 points  (0 children)

    We've been dating for 9 months, and we used to have sex 3-4 times a week. Now it's been dipping to about 3 times a month.

    Only see her 3 times a month. Spend your new spare time dating other women.

    [–]__NOTORIOUS__ 32 points33 points  (4 children)

    Tell her you guys should take some time off.

    Work on yourself and fuck new girls.

    Watch her sex drive magically increase.

    [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (3 children)

    She may already have someone. This guy has given us no info on himself.

    [–]babybopp 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    My first thought. She is banging some Chad on the side while beta boy over here works hard to pay the rent and bills while she finishes med school then she will drop his ass like a turd in water. With the classic, "it's not you, it's me"

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Lol, yep. This is what happened to my marriage. I realized it was happening about six months before she graduated nursing school. I finally got tired of her acting single and told her to either start acting like a mom/wife or take a walk. She chose option two.

    At first I was super depressed. I found trp and read no more mr nice guy and realized I'd been lied to my entire life. 50/50 custody, and she's not getting child support or alimony.

    Since finding trp I've started to embrace my masculinity and start doing things I want to do in my life, rather than what everyone else expects me to.

    I've been a musician since childhood but put those aspirations on hold while we were married because I was busy slaving to put her through school and playing her games.

    Now I'm playing all the local bars, writing songs, meeting and working with a bunch of skilled musicians, and generally enjoying life. It's driving her crazy and I love it. I think she really expected me to implode...

    [–]JourneymanTRP 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    She is probably in med school to meet her future betabucks doctor husband, so this.

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)


    [–]SoRedSuchAlpha -1 points0 points  (2 children)

    All of this, except the waitresses.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)


      [–]SoRedSuchAlpha 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I feel that because keeping customers happy is their job, there's no social proof to be gained, and the ability to flirt with waitresses probably wouldn't establish dread.

      In fact, I would expect that flirting with waitresses would decrease my dread, because it would suggest that I have few other options.

      [–]RPShitlord 15 points16 points  (0 children)

      Remove your exclusivity, downgrade to plate.

      "I'm not ready for an exclusive relationship. If that's a deal breaker, that's OK"

      [–]imatahigherplace 26 points27 points  (3 children)

      Oh, she has a sex drive, she just doesn't have a sex drive for you.

      When an LTR takes sex off the table, you take commitment off the table.

      [–][deleted] -4 points-3 points  (2 children)

      or maybe just maybe university can fuck you up, and it will disturb your rhytms and hormones


      Or you know, stress. Amazing how bluepill many of you still are. Still aiming for the instant gratification of getting your dick wet, no matter where from.

      Now we wait for someone to strawman my comment to something along "so you mean he should be happy she isn't fucking him"

      [–]imatahigherplace 2 points3 points  (1 child)


      [–]GreatWhiteCuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Username checks out

      [–]4Stayinghereforreal 12 points13 points  (1 child)

      End it.

      [–]IVIaskerade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      For real. OP clearly isn't attractive to her.

      [–]Senior ContributorOmLaLa 28 points29 points  (10 children)

      Her sex drive isn't dead. It's just dead for you.

      The truth is she's either bored, disinterested or shes found someone/something else that turns her on.

      [–]EssexMum -5 points-4 points  (9 children)

      Or med school really is that tough and she's choosing to put it ahead of OP. He's just not worth putting ahead of her career, needs or not.

      [–]IVIaskerade 7 points8 points  (8 children)

      Doesn't matter how tough life gets, there's always time for fucking. Does this girl never unwind, or is she unwinding elsewhere?

      [–]xdesol8x 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      Had this happen with my ex LTR because I became fat and lazy.

      It's your fault for not generating attraction. She is not obligated to be attracted to you.

      Only way to give her tingles now is by taking away your time and making yourself more valuable. Don't tolerate this shit. She will kick and scream and cry about you not supporting her being stressed at med school, do not negotiate with her and do not give in to childish behaviour.

      Quietly go about doing your own thing and removing your attention without making a big deal of it. She will either shape up quickly If she still wants you around, or give you a good reason to drop her like a sack of bricks. Remember your value and you will be fine.

      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      How much sex drive do you think she has for Chad?

      [–]vox_veritas 3 points4 points  (1 child)

      First of all, the Twitter comment is a non sequitur. But, even if her explanation is true, why are you allowing it to be your problem?

      I will add that when I was in the midst of studying for the Bar exam after law school, I definitely experienced a drop in that killer instinct to seek out new meat while I was mentally drained each evening. However, if I had had an LTR at the time, I certainly would have been all over it after studying each day. Hell, nothing helps you relax, clear your mind, and go to sleep after a grueling day of studying like a nice fuck session.

      [–]get_real_quick 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Spot on dude. A lot of people fundamentally do not understand how stressful law and medicine can be, and how important these tests are. Soft dread is probably the best approach here. Current LTR is a med school student and I'm finishing up law right now, and despite the drop in sex frequency, if all else is good in the relationship, not worth going full nuclear over

      [–]7Fig 2 points3 points  (0 children)


      [–]SexistFlyingPig 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      Lift. Get Sexy.

      It's not her, it's you.

      If Brad Pitt walked in the room, would she suddenly be in the mood?

      [–]SoRedSuchAlpha -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

      On med school hours, not necessarily

      [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (10 children)

      "I have sex needs that I need satisfied. If I can't have sex with you, I will have to find someone that I can have sex with"

      Fluff it up to be your style.

      [–]IIlllIllIIIllIl 4 points5 points  (2 children)

      AKA, fuck you or fuck me.

      [–]opening_eyes 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Strike that. Reverse it.

      [–]IIlllIllIIIllIl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You're right.

      [–]i_forget_my_userids 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      If I can't have sex with you, I will have to find someone that I can have sex with


      Don't make threats. Just do.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      I've thought a part of this subreddit's teaching is to stay true to your core and not sacrifice your own dignity. There is time to be overt and there is time to be covert. Explain how is being open and forth-coming about what you want/need and what you're ready to do to get it "childish"?

      [–]i_forget_my_userids 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      If you don't give me what I want, I'm gonna act out.

      That's childish. Don't ever use "if this, then that" in a relationship. It's basically an ultimatum, and you've already lost (or "sacrificed your dignity", as you put it). Have a conversation, sure, but don't make threats or give ultimata.

      The real problem here is likely OP himself. He needs to reset frame and build attraction again. Be the guy she wants to fuck.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      This kind of covert confrontation will only result in her realizing you (or OP) are not worth it

      Never give ultimatums. You are as blue as your own balls, read the sidebar more.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      You make very many assumptions about me, while you know very little about me.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You make the assumptions that i don't know your address, your security number, the names of your parents and what you ate for breakfast as well, so how are you different?

      [–]Rawesome 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      My twin brother is gearing up for the boards. I don't think abandoning her to "put her in her place" fits in this context. This single exam can dictate everything in her (and your) life for her satisfaction from work for the next 30 years.

      So get a taste of that "grain of salt" in this situation, man up, appreciate her point of view but help her unwind and if you think you know her, figure out what it takes to help get her mind off the exam for the 5 minutes it takes to turn her on. After she remembers how good sex is and what a great study break it is (don't call it that - you need to dissociate sex/love from med school) she will be reminded why she should be thankful to have you.

      Everything but that exam feels like a distraction to her so make yourself unarguably worth her time.

      [–]quicklogaccount 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I ALMOST agreed with you. But then I remembered she spends time on Twitter... You've got to agree that something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

      [–]quicklogaccount 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      I've thought about going dread, but I don't think that'll work.

      You thought wrong, that will work. lol
      It might not feel ethical though, since you'll be putting pressure on her in a delicate moment. On the other hand, you'll be stealing her... Twitter time. :)
      Make up your mind about what will you choose. Don't fool yourself, going sexless on a LTR damages it really hard.

      To fix it:
      Apply passive dread. Take back some of the time you were giving her and invest in getting hot. Gym, and if you already do it, other masculine stuff.
      By the time you hang out, be flirtatious (don't hit on though) to other women. Have them giving you IOIs. And don't give her free comfort, have her asking for that, and be overtly sexual towards her when she does. It will work.
      Oh, I might as well add this. NOTHING ELSE WORKS. :)

      I cheated the IOI part a bit. I can't really get IOIs with her on my side without being a bit too aggressive on flirting. I did it a few times but eventually I got called on it. (Escaped because I'm a nerd so she expected me to be oblivious to it) Also, I don't get out a lot with my LTR to places stuffed with women.
      Anyways, I began to have two attractive friends invited every time I hung with the guys I hang with often. One of them join us once every two weeks or so, but their existence and IOIs (I'm still unsure if they are indeed IOIs) push that button either way.

      Or just don't fix it.

      [–]ecosci 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      She has meet a guy at school and he is showing her more dominant behavior than you i can bet she is getting ready to branch to this dude plus the sex will disappear and she will say WE NEED TO TALK.

      [–]meh613 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Why don't you think "going dread" will work?

      [–]TheRedStoic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      She's no longer an ltr. An ltr requires mutual support, she can support Deez nuts or I'll find someone who will. It sounds to me as though she's benefiting and you aren't, so like any bad business deal move along.

      [–]GainzdalfTheWhey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Next next

      [–]stillnoturday 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Guess whats gonna be gone after med school and whats coming back after you're gone?

      [–]0kool74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      ^ THIS