Anyone Else Turn Socially Awkward from Monk Mode? (self.asktrp)

submitted by [deleted]

Hi guys

Last summer, I employed monk mode into my life to help me progress with my passions and life goals. I spent 4-8 hours nearly every single day in the summer immersed in my work. Outside of that time, I was at my day job, lifting, and reading RP-tinted literature (classics, philosophy etc.)

However, after doing this for 3+ months and having very little social contact.. I find social environments to be more intimidating than they used to be. I used to be a bit of a natural in my early 20s.. Not worry about showing up to a party alone, being the life of the party, everyone liked me etc..

Now I feel like a ghost in other peoples' presence. I easily forget names and don't care that much to socialize. When I socialize it feels too forced, like I'm at work in customer service interacting with a customer. I notice people are more easily offended by what I say when back in the day I would say absolutely ludicrous shit that was pretty offensive and people would laugh their asses off.

It also seems like people are distancing from me. This might just be a byproduct of getting older and being busier with other shit though (late 20s).

I want to get this straightened out and start making some new friends. I went from being a semi-popular guy in my social circle to a nobody who no one calls anymore or has any desire to hangout with.

[–]frogNews 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Seems like you forgot to add hobbies into your monk mode. Progress in your life, also includes finding hobbies that you may later share with others.

[–]justshootinblanks 27 points28 points  (0 children)

People have become more easily offended in the last year. It is not all you Bro.

[–]Psychocist 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Hobbies are a good shout, as already suggested.

I did something similar but unintentionally for a good 5 year period in my early twenties. I spent the entire time learning how to program and build a reputation on freelance websites. Neglected dating and socialising completely.. and I came out of that with heavy depression and acute social anxiety that took me a good 2 years of therapy and 3 years at a normal job to overcome.

BUT - though your social skills might rust by spending lots of time alone, you absolutely should not come out of those phases with any kind of confidence or anxiety problems. If that tends to happen, it could be because of how you are reinforcing negative thought patterns while alone. I honestly believe it is essential to develop a strong frame of mind while alone for extended periods of time. Once you have cracked that, nothing can touch you.

I've entered another kind of monk mode since moving country, and have spent almost the entire time in my condo working/relaxing. But I've also made sure to go out on dates or to eat or visit places, whatever. Though it is important you can handle extended periods of isolation, there is no need to pressure yourself into it out of some wacky idea that you must be maximally productive. You are not a cog -- live your life.

[–][deleted]  (3 children)


[–]coloredzebra 0 points1 point  (2 children)

So, striking up conversations with random strangers I'm sitting next to a decent start? Assuming this is of course a public setting?

There's been moments where I'll be out, and people tend to orbit, yet I've been reluctant to speak out, and just say anything.

[–]improvising1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is good practice, especially if you don't come across creepy/needy.

Heck even if you do it badly it can be a learning point so long as you learn and improve.

[–]gerwig 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ideally socializing with friends or people you work with instead of strangers.

[–]beta_no_mo 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Monk mode is for focusing on self-improvement in lieu of active pursuit of sex, not for complete social isolation. You can be in monk mode and still game those around you during your normal daily life.

You cut yourself off from everyone and your social skills have suffered. It's possible to be intense in your mission and still be fun to hang out with, you know.

[–]Chaddeus_Rex 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You cut yourself off from everyone and your social skills have suffered. It's possible to be intense in your mission and still be fun to hang out with, you know.

How? I was under the impression that one does not pursue any social interaction whatsoever during monk mode?

[–]beta_no_mo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your impression was incorrect.

[–]gerwig 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is important to maintain a social life. It keeps you sane, and it is one of the only ways you can learn how to adjust your behavior and stay aware of how you come off to people.

See: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1dYtoZAlnag

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Throw in a little clubs/local recreation leagues for whatever activities you like. You'll get some good social experience and it won't be as hard to talk about something you enjoy.

[–]hb8only 0 points1 point  (0 children)

have you been jerking off during that time? if yes, your retardation is normal...