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How can I let go and start living? (self.asktrp)

submitted by LielS30

I've been on a festival yesterday with 2 friends who just don't give a fuck, and approach EVERYONE they see on the street. EVERY approach they had fun and just straight up self amusing.. straight up LIVING. I was all in my head and was just standing in the back.. Had approach anxiety all night and couldn't talk to girls even when they were beside me (when my friends approached).

I want to stop giving a fuck, and being socially free to do whatever the fuck I want to do, I want to be outcome independent and just have fun when approaching.

I'm 18 years old now and have 4 months before I go to the army. I want to change. Right now I'm this shy guy, who in a strange environment won't talk and is closed in himself. I TRULY WANT TO CHANGE. I want to be talkative, charismatic and energetic. I'm lifting, doing NoFap, cold showers etc.. but this stuff doesn't cut it. I have no idea What to do!

please help me :)


[–]liberty1127 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Get your T levels checked and practice mindfulness. You should meditate because it teaches you to let these intrusive thoughts pass by which will ultimately help you with yoyr anxiety.

[–]Trposh 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Sometimes I have this problem as well, and I'm working on it, but change doesn't happen overnight.

Search for James Marshall and Liam McRae on YouTube. They have lots of videos on social freedom and getting into the right mindset for opening women. Some of the points that stuck with me are that the majority of women are bored AF, and when you approach them, you're giving them excitement by breaking the monotony of their dull lives; most women actually want to be approached by men but are powerless to make that happen themselves, and it's frustrating to them when men don't or won't approach them.

You might be carrying around some limiting beliefs, such as the myth that women just want to be left alone and if you talk to them, you're getting on their nerves. You need to banish these limiting beliefs because if that's your mentality, then of course you won't approach them or talk to them.

Another strategy that works for me is to have a few beers to loosen up. They don't call it a social lubricant for nothing. Just don't overdo it. I really open up and become a lot more funny when I'm two drinks in. I am working on improving myself so that I don't need alcohol as a crutch, but I'm glad I've had the experience of being more socially free while I'm buzzed because it has shown me that I have it in me, I just need to figure out how to reach that part of my brain while I'm sober.

[–]11NV0K3R 15 points16 points  (1 child)

The army will fix that for you.

[–]pigvomit420 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Exactly what I thought. Then I thought... don’t get married after basic like most of those cucks.

[–]gregormikh 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Me and my friend are like that. We go out and do what you describe. But it's always the first approach to get over the hunch. The first one still gives me anxiety but with time you learn to just jump in and push the anxiety back. When im over the first approach it doesnt even matter what the outcome is, you'll just want to meet more people with great energy. Godspeed, and approach approach approach

[–]319Skew 8 points9 points  (2 children)

"Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody's gonna die." -- Morty

[–]needz 1 point2 points  (1 child)

nihilism is cancer

[–]Elemenopp 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That's just like your opinion man

[–]lifeisweirdasfuck 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You are lucky to have redpilled/alpha friends. Why don’t you just do what they do? Stop overthinking.

[–]chim_city 2 points3 points  (0 children)

18 years old and about to go to the Army...

  1. congrats you found TRP this young.
  2. Army/military is TRP stomping grounds. I wish I joined just to become a man.

You are really in a good place, just relax man

[–]yumyumgivemesome 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Remember the times in your life when you have had fun and felt happy-go-lucky, energized, and optimistic? Were you thinking about being that type of person during those times? Did you make a conscientious effort to be fun? No, if anyone asked you why you were in such a fun mood, you would respond that you were just being yourself and not paying attention to anything in particular.

That's exactly what your friends are doing and what you should focus on. They are not trying to be fun; they are simply doing what they feel like doing.

If you are introverted, you may not feel like talking to anyone. So conversation is the first step to break out of that shell. Just have those conversations, and let your friends be the clowns. They might get all the attention, but most girls don't want to fuck a clown. All you have to do is talk. If you say something weird, I guarantee it will be forgotten within 5 seconds, especially if your friends are clowning incessantly. This is the perfect time to let your friends create the opportunities, and all you have to do is talk. Succeeding at this will be energizing, and you may very easily be swept up into their silliness -- or alternatively, you'll build some rapport with some cute girls and perhaps more.

[–]JamesP2018 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Get bored. Stop entertaining yourself with how you want to change. Let yourself get bored. The more you try the more you jam up the stream.

[–]wobbleelbbow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well army can change you a bit, or it can make matters worse. But in 4 months do not expect to become "outgoing funny guy". But you can still make steps towards it.

[–]Mojiitoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Join your friends when they do these things. I've been where you are at now. Took me few years to go from introvert to extravert (16-19). But the only way is to get out your comfort zone often. Expand that zone every week. Dont overpush it, dont overthink. Just go with the flow, but aim to improve continuously. Just graduatally change your mindset and everything will fall in its place. You're 18, you'll manage.

[–]Radinax 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Easy.

Practice speaking with everyone wherever you go, if you're buying grocery then ask people what kind of product would be better, you can't expect to be social when you're out with your friends when 90% of the time you don't talk with people when you go out to do random stuff. It comes easy afterwards don't take it too seriously.

[–]Docbear64 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The most important thing I learned in terms of approaching people was to embrace the fact that " I'm not that important" that might sound demeaning but it's actually liberating .

Think about it , you were standing next to pretty girls dancing to music at a Festival , if you would have said hi and the conversation was utter shit at worst you would have been a stupid story she bitched about later and if the conversation was great you could say you made a connection with a cute chick at a festival.

I was an anxious introvert just like you at your age and didn't really open up until I was a good 7 years older.

The most important thing I've learned after plenty of missed chances and fun memories of putting myself out there? I'd rather get rejected or ignored than have to deal with thoughts of "What if?" .

If you try to talk to a chick and she's not into it she'll probably walk away or just outright tell you she's not interested Replaying a fantasy conversation you never had and the million ways it could have played out in your head? That's true torture .

Next time go out there, have fun and just embrace the fact that you're not that important so why not go for it ?

[–]c_w_o_o_l_l_y 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First step is to never put a fucking smiley face at the end of your post like that ever again. No one will respect you if you try to act cute.

[–]abudun79 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been on a festival yesterday with 2 friends who just don't give a fuck, and approach EVERYONE they see on the street. EVERY approach they had fun and just straight up self amusing.. straight up LIVING. I was all in my head and was just standing in the back..

Sounds like you had two excellent teachers there. Something a lot of people lack. Imitate them. Even if they see you fail 100 times, the three of you will have more fun than circle-jerking in the tent at night.

I want to stop giving a fuck, and being socially free to do whatever the fuck I want to do, I want to be outcome independent and just have fun when approaching.

I bet you're missing the experience. Try it in a situation that doesn't change a thing if you fuck up. Talk to someone when waiting in the line. Ask a girl where she got hear earring, you want to see them on your GF. It doesn;t matter. Start somewhere, without intentions towards the other person. It's like a roll of tape: Once you have the beginning, the rest comes off easily.

I'm 18 years old now and have 4 months before I go to the army. I want to change.

That is a good first step. Military is the option for young men without perspective. I've seen that in a lot of young men, when I was in the US. Those who cannot expect anything join the military and postpone their social downfall for a while. You're better than that, you have an idea where you want to go with your life, just not the right handle to get started, yet.

Right now I'm this shy guy, who in a strange environment won't talk and is closed in himself.

Good you don't join the army. Being like this would get you injured or more likely killed in the battlefield. And those who are with you.

I TRULY WANT TO CHANGE. I want to be talkative, charismatic and energetic. I'm lifting, doing NoFap, cold showers etc.. but this stuff doesn't cut it.

You implemented good things, but none of them are linked to your inner fear of rejection and failure. Cold showers have nothing to do with approach anxiety. They help you to overcome comfort, but you stay in control. No one will see if you dodge and turn the hot water back on.

Oh wait, now I see you situation in a different light. You will go to the military, because you have no perspective. Never mind. You won't be the same afterwards. But I promise you, you will not like who you become if you are deployed.

[–]cenie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're going into the Army, you're golden.

[–]kyzen142 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It takes balls to do that there is no technique of trick for it. So do you dare to not give a fuck?

[–]FarOrAMess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Becoming the guy who approaches people like your friends do won't be an overnight process. You need to gradually expose yourself to the situation that causes your approach anxiety.

Try talking to a bunch of people just to ask the time. In a festival environment you're pretty much guaranteed to have a few surprisingly positive reactions that'll snowball into a convo, which can potentially hook you up with a bunch of new friends. After you do that for a while, you'll naturally escalate the situation and get to even bigger levels of exposure without even realizing it.

Good luck!

Edit: typos

[–]daytonbull90 -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

Stop jerking your meat.

[–]Trposh 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He already said he's doing nofap, but this is still critically important for anyone else who's reading because if there is one thing that nukes all desire to talk to women (and being fun in general), it's fapping.

[–]Nis_law 0 points1 point  (1 child)

^

[–]Nis_law 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sounds like a lack of initiation/aggression/testosterone