Why do girls love drama so much? (self.asktrp)

submitted by [deleted]

Like what are the evolutionary factors that lead to women having a predisposition to loving drama/shit-starting?

I understand the need for shit tests and feeling tingles but can't really grasp why most girls basically enjoy shit hitting the fan 24/7.

[–]Leadtromboner 57 points58 points  (3 children)

If I’m remembering what I’ve read correctly, in nature dangerous situations and conflicts arise regularly. Only strong men would be able to overcome these obstacles and be good providers. In our modern context, life doesn’t present the same obstacles, so a woman might subconsciously create these situations to test the strength of potential partners.

There might also be a sprinkling of competition amongst women thrown in there. If women are competing for the same males, they need to undermine other women to make themselves stand out.

Tldr; shit-tests and attention seeking

[–]LonelyGrave 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Yes, it's the female strategy to share or withhold information that increases their sexual success.

Women gossip when they perceive another female to be a romantic threat.

"Additionally, women reported a greater tendency to gossip in comparison to men, particularly about physical appearance and social information, whereas men reported gossiping more about achievement. Women also reported greater enjoyment of, and perceived more value in, gossiping than men. Collectively, these findings provide empirical support for the hypothesis that gossip is an intrasexual competition tactic that, by and large, corresponds to women’s and men’s evolved mate preferences and differential mate competition strategies."


[–]1redhawkes 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Women gossip when they perceive another female to be a romantic threat.

Yea, slut shaming.

[–]omega_dawg93 22 points23 points  (2 children)

here's how i explain it.

guys, think about how we break down football plays, the 'x & o's' of the game. well, women watch soap operas and other dramatic shit and that's their version of x & o strategy.

remember, we live in a testosterone-fueled physical world, but women aren't equipped for the physical battles; they're equipped to fight with their mouths & thru manipulation/deceit.

when a woman doesn't have any drama in her life, she will create it herself. rollo explained this in his essay on 'indignation.'

my uncle says that to keep them happy, you need to come home 'mad' at least 2 days per month. just make up some shit and get on her nerves... it keeps them happy.

[–]pollodustino 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Mad in general, or mad at something they "did?"

It's a great piece of advice, just wanted some clarification.

[–]xddm2653 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Doesn't matter, just act the part

[–]Mr-Ed209 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think the guy who mentioned it's similar to how men like to watch and analyse sports is onto the right idea.

As men we compete in social hierarchies of competence and dominance. Take any context, be it a football team or even a group of lab professors. The 'alpha' is defined as the most dominant and universally competent. Taking the football team example, the team is made up of different individuals of various strengths and weaknesses - a quarter back has different qualities to a line backer or receiver. Every man is granted respect based on their competance - and the alpha is usually the guy who is in control of the pack and has the ultimate decision in how the team is to operate (captain).

Women do not exist in this manner at all. If Stacy is captain of the hockey team it doesn't really count for shit in the female universe. However, if Stacy dates the captain of the Football team (or hockey team if she's Canadian) then she becomes queen bitch. As a result women become de facto character judges within society.

'Men test ideas, women test men'

They cause drama partly because it serves an evolutionary need, to see which men flinch and those who don't - and because they can. Like entitled Simon Cowell characters marching around society - they are granted some weirdly Roman Emperor right to thumbs up or thumbs down others with the expectation that everyone around them will follow suit and 'yes me lady'.

Drama is a result of a lack of accountability placed on women - if a man acts out, unless he has sufficient social standing to get people to side with him, he will be ostracised (which is maybe why excessively high status men like Kanye West or Elon Musk act a little crazy). Women, because of their innate value, will be excused. It's only when women become old and infertile that people begin to hold them accountable for misbehaviour.

[–]showerdudes9 4 points5 points  (2 children)

There was a study that a comfort hormone in women increases through drama, oxytocin, while for men its much more cortisol

[–]1redhawkes 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That explains why they get more attracted to you when you put them on the emotional rollercoaster, so you better get women to hate you than be indifferent to you. Ignite emotion.

This is also how you get them addicted to you, thru push/pull. Fill her with dopamine/endorphins, then withhold.

You only remember those moments when some emotional high was reached (eg. excitement, happiness, tension), you don't remember common and boring everyday things, that doesn't create memories.

[–]Naebany 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Drama comfort them? Truly bizzare creatures.

[–]lastdumra 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Women brain is wired for social interaction, the same way our brain is wired to solve puzzles or physical action.

Why do guys like competitive sports so much, both participating and watching? Why do boys like first person shooters videogames so much? Why do guys like logical games so much?

The answer is it stimulates parts of our brain that our ancestors develop in the past.

Same with women, just instead of action or puzzles, their brain developed for drama.

When you are bored, your brain starts thinking on playing a game. When she gets bored, her brain starts thinking on drama.

[–][deleted]  (3 children)


[–]BloodSweatandFears 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Hey look everyone, a woman in action

[–]room_303 6 points7 points  (0 children)

actually explain how women evolved to be this way

Basically just over the last 100-200 years men solved all of humanities worst inconveniences, women were both the biggest benefactors of these efforts and sometimes the only motivations.
Add the feminist age and a dash of the whore complex, Days of our lives, sprinkled with social gossip media and #m3too and you have an answer.

[–]zestytacoz 2 points3 points  (0 children)


[–]mr_kuk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why have things explained to you, when you can use your reason to figure them out and understand them?

Observe those monkeys from 20:10 and two minutes forward. Squeezed into those two minutes are all aspects of the "social animal" side of humans. Then, if you find it fascinating, watch the whole thing.


[–]abudun79 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They don't love drama. They crave fresh emotions, no matter what kind. And drama is the escape sequence if they don't get their fix on a regular basis.

[–]Flintblood 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Drama to them may not look like drama to us.

Drama == Feelz

What we want is controlled experiment ‘drama’ where we have predicted results we can rely on. The first steps towards that are holding frame, knowing something about her, and knowing what you want now and later.

[–]1walawalawa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because they're emotional and it connects to that part of the nature.

Guys are like this too. I have a "friend" I just had to cut off because he was soaking up the attention of an ex of mine who was deliberately creating drama by chasing him.

I told him I didn't like that....he kept doing it. He likes the drama and attention. She likes the rush of feeling something...anything...

I now prefer to avoid this crap and focus on easy to manage stuff. So cutting out people who cause drama at first was hard---because I think I may have been addicted to the emotional rushes and the feeling of being wanted.

After absorbing the Red Pill...I realize that emptiness is best filled by DOING something I enjoy. I don't enjoy the drama. It's a drag.

[–]itoshirt 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Women need emotional tension in their lives, and many relationships end because of the lack of such positive tension.

[–]KillCucksKlan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It keeps attention drawn to themselves. As such, you ignore it and never have said situations register to you.

[–]ImmortalAl 0 points1 point  (1 child)

They're instable. They love being the center of attention

[–]Azora 2 points3 points  (0 children)


[–]1zero12three 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s what makes them feel alive.

[–]mrHappyPotatoe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When species is raped and beaten shit out of them couple of million years in the end they gonna start to love it.

[–]Scuzzin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, life is boring.

[–]Meowmixez98 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I often feel like we are trapped in an age where we are perceiving the truth about ourselves but only the truth about ourselves within an dysfunctional environment.

[–]wracky272 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly I think it's 100% about power. Women have much more leverage in dramatic, emotional situations and they know guys hate those situations, so that create them all the time to wield control and power over a man.

Rationing and logical argument have no place the woman's brain. If she's losing a battle or, god forbid, losing the attention being paid to her, she'll start some shit and make it about her emotions.

[–]col_carillo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We all love drama. The question is, in which realm? Guys love drama in action. That's why we watch sports, action films, etc. All of that is "fake" and immaterial to real life too, but we lap it up anyway.

OTOH, girls love drama in emotions. It's what excites them in life. So just like we can spend hours debating which QB to put on our fantasy football team, and cry into a beer when our team loses a key game, women occupy their time and experience their highs / lows based on the rollercoaster ride of emotions they're feeling.

Also, we guys learn very quickly not to like emotional drama because emotional drama between guys can quickly escalate into physical fights. And unlike two teenage girls slapping each other or pulling each other's hair, two guys really fighting has a high chance of at least one of them being seriously hurt or even killed.

You can see this in evolution as well: mating displays are frequently about males showing how powerful they are by fighting other males. But if you look closely, the displays aren't *real* fights. They're actually highly choreographed, with specific moves designed to display strength while minimizing the risk of serious injury. Most of these males (the carnivores, at least) spend their days killing other animals to eat. It's not like they don't know how to inflict life-threatening injury. But the species as a whole would do pretty poorly if 50% of the males died each mating season just as part of the sexual selection process. So instead, species evolve mating displays which are supposed to serve as proxy for a male's ability in a *real* fight, but with none of the injury risk.

So we males have evolved "fake" fights which can involve plenty of drama (even among friends who can shit-talk and chest-bump each other knowing it's just for fun and no one's going to get hurt, but also stuff like sports, where guys are as breathless about the latest injury reports, trades, benchings, team squabbles, etc. as women are about the drama in their friends circle). But we tamp down the drama when it has the chance of escalating into a real fight (e.g. with a stranger).

Women never developed such a distinction between zones of their lives in which drama is acceptable and not acceptable. Thus, the presence of drama in *all* parts of their life.

Anyway, those are my thoughts but IANAEB (evolutionary biologist :-)

[–]exscionewhuman -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The questions you ask yourself shape your perspective. Strive to ask very specific questions, and challenge others to do the same.

That's a shitty question. People love drama. We learn that as little kids when we say we saw uncle joe at the park with a woman and see the adults interest peak.

Maybe a better question is why do girls love drama more than men? Is it a feminine quality to like drama? If it is purely feminine why are some women different?

Well I've thought about it and in my opinion liking drama as a human being is just a sign that your life is boring and you have no mission or purpose, you are normal, you are waiting for a spike of whatever chemical your brain is lacking.

Quit worrying about other people and focus on yourself, then the drama doesn't matter and you don't worry about dumb questions