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Girlfriend flashed a group of people, next? (self.asktrp)

submitted by sluttygff

22M with 20F LTR of 10 months, she was a plate for 6 months before that. We've had some ups and downs, but I've kept a good ratio of AF/BB and she is a sweet girl, lots of sex, surprises me with nice gifts, etc.

Last night we were in a parking lot drinking with a couple friends and we went over and introduced ourselves to a group of gay guys. They were nice, but long story short my gf flashed them to show off her nipple piercing.

I played it cool and acted like I didn't care at the event, but later that night I told her I was disappointed in her, that I was shocked that she thought that was okay to do, and left her house. I haven't responded to her since.

Is this a nextable offense? I honestly never thought about this type of scenario so I'm just not sure. I'm not jealous or concerned that a few gay guys saw her nipple. Its more the lack of respect and boundaries she showed for the relationship.


[–][deleted] 63 points64 points  (0 children)

Every woman I know with piercings like that are above average attention seekers. Then she does this to confirm it.

She probably thought it was just fun and she spontaneously did it without thinking it through.

It's a red flag. Just keep your eyes peeled and take care of yourself. Avoid oneitis with a chick of this age that is capable of that sort of thing.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 112 points113 points  (14 children)

You set your boundaries yourself.

You could argue that drinking alcohol and flashing tits to random dudes is not LTR-worthy behaviour though...

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (1 child)

I find it highly ironic that dudes will asktrp about what to do when clearly someone crossed their boundary. If they didn't, you wouldn't post about it. It's almost like they want permission to take action and be a man. But hey, we were all there once.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Actually they most of the times want to get excuses and validation to not act like a man. They know what they consequences should be, but they do not want to punish or even loose their unicorn bebe gurl and are looking for excuses to act against their gut or even conciuos logic thinking.

[–]menial_optimist 39 points40 points  (7 children)

True. In No More Mr Nice Guy, it outlines how important clear boundaries from the beginning are. You can't just set nothing, then get mad later when she does something that bothers you. It's your fault for not setting broad boundary crossings you view as unacceptable.

For the flashing part, I think she reveled in the belief that it wasn't "real cheating" because they were a bunch of gay guys. She got to slut it up and show her tits to a group of men whom probably were fitness freaks. Gay or not it gave her slut energy validation and attention a lot of women crave. It was the ultimate plausible deniability screen because if you had a problem with it, "they're just gay its not even real!".

[–]losectrl 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Are you suggesting OP should have listed his boundaries, and within that list it should have stated "no nipple piercing flashing"?

When a girl shows disrespect within the context of the relationship it is a nextable transgression. Whether that is soft or hard is up to your perception of how bad the transgression is.

In OPs situation, I personally would relegate to plate status.

[–]Arnoux 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't even understand the comment above. My girlfriend probably knows it is inappropriate to do something like this. She may do at some day but she knows it is wrong to do. I never had to state to her to not act like a whore.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The thing about boundary setting is, it isn't something you do but rather someone you are, if that makes sense. Everyone knows when they've crossed that mean looking mother fucker's boundary, right? He fucking snarls at you. The problem with beta men is that they don't eminate the aura of self respect necessary for women to respect their boundaries. Op's ltr knew his boundary was there, she isn't stupid. She just chose to cross it because she knew he wouldn't do anything meaning full about it. His self respect just isn't that high, or he just isn't that valuable.

[–]_sell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Will there not always be a certain scenario of plausible deniability that would make any woman do something like this? Does that not fall under AWALT? They're all made to push boundaries, there's no unicorn, so they're all always capable of an offense in some scenario. She faced a very challenging one and, yes, failed. I think if this is where she pushed it and OP shuts that behavior down and extends that boundary, he's sitting with a pretty good situation for an LTR. Can't expect perfection, just keep working towards it.

[–]beginner_ -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

True. In No More Mr Nice Guy, it outlines how important clear boundaries from the beginning are. You can't just set nothing, then get mad later when she does something that bothers you. It's your fault for not setting broad boundary crossings you view as unacceptable.

And that is why sometimes it's to harsh to drop and LTR if she makes one small mistake if you did not set a boundary. Of course something obvious like cheating doesn't have to be said explicitly. It's up to OP to define what belongs here. For me personally flashing tits is a no-go. Obvious validation seeking behavior. And that right in front of OP. (I would say the nipple piercing already is a huge red flag, plate yes, LTR no).

[–]No_senses 1 point2 points  (0 children)

that is why sometimes it's to harsh to drop and LTR if she makes one small mistake

I'd argue that most boundaries don't need to be explicitly stated. A girl who doesn't want to lose the man she is with doesn't make very many "mistakes".

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–]i_forget_my_userids 20 points21 points  (1 child)

    You don't. "Don't pull your tits out in public" is common courtesy, which she severely lacks

    [–]jackandjill22 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    Word.

    [–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

    The problem isn't her flashing her tits, it's you expecting her not to. She is acting outside of your expectation of her. This means you're more invested than she is. Any girl that'd flash her tits at other dudes (gay or not) isn't really concerned how her bf would feel about it. Ie- she knows it's disrespectful and she did it any way because she knows you'll take it on the chin like the good little boy you are.

    Feel like a chump yet?

    At the very least you best hammer some dread game hard and pull back on your investment card. Personally, I'd start looking around town for more pussy. This one knows she has your balls.

    [–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 29 points30 points  (0 children)

    I think we all know what sexually impulsive women are known for.

    [–]returnofthemackX 73 points74 points  (8 children)

    Girls with piercing, especially nipple or vagina piercing, are hoes. I don't recommend LTRing them.

    [–]hrm0894 8 points9 points  (2 children)

    I've also never met a bitch with a nose piercing worth wifing.

    [–]Vrixithalis 20 points21 points  (0 children)

    The nose ring or any piercings other than ears, the "problem" glasses, vibrant colored or short hair, tattoos, a feminist... These are the things a woman of poor judgement is made of. They can have their cats, because I will be going in the opposite direction. It's just not worth sticking your dick in crazy.

    [–]returnofthemackX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Word

    [–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

    A good rule, but I think there can be exceptions to the nipple piercings.

    Vagina piercing? 110% dealbreaker.

    [–]redaftrp 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Does this rule apply if they got them during a relationship with you, at your request maybe?

    [–]returnofthemackX 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    If a girl is only a hoe for you it is a good thing. But those are rare, and too often dudes think it is the case when she is just a hoe period.

    [–]redaftrp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Agreed

    [–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (1 child)

    In the words of Dirt Nasty, "she the type of girl that'll go and whip her tits out in front of all your friends, bitch you gettin kicked out."

    Just from hearing this one story she's obviously trashy as fuck and doesn't have the same respect for the relationship that you do so if you aren't into that next her

    [–]lLoveLamp 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    First time im seeing Dirt Nasty being quoted ever

    [–]brinkleybuzz 18 points19 points  (0 children)

    Congrats. Your girl will be starring in the next Girls Gone Wild video.

    Your call if you next her. Just understand that your LTR is a trashy thot and prepare accordingly.

    [–]varrr 23 points24 points  (5 children)

    Meh, I think people on this subreddit always overreact to everything. Everything must be black or white, if a girl isn't wife material she must be a whore. Maybe it's just that I'm a little older than the people here and I'm a little softer, but I don't understand why you should trow away a fine relationship for a stupid thing like this. Have fun, don't take things seriously. It's just fucking and having fun. You don't need to have kids or a family whit this girl. Take note of this event, pay attention to future signals.. You can always dump her if and when you'll feel she has disrespected you past the point you PERSONALLY consider acceptable... I mean... are you seriously asking strangers over the internet if you have to dump your girlfriend or not? You can describe to us the events of last night but we weren't there with you, we cannot possibly know if she did that to disrespect you or she did that because she was drunk and she's just naive. We don't know her, you do. I have to add that girls often tease/disrespect gay guys because they (girls) don't feel sexually threatened/desired by them... I think gay guys recieve a treatment similar to the one reseved to "beta" men. ... I hate all this red pill '80 discount psychology book bullshit. Just have fun. It's time to dump her when you stop having fun and realize that you are spending more time worried than amused.

    [–]No_senses 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    Sure it starts with flashing a group of gay guys. Next its a group of bi/lesbian girls. Then its a group of guys who are into tattoo/piercing culture (but don't worry it wasn't anything sexual).

    You can say it's all in good fun, but regardless its a red flag either way. The severity of the transgression is up to OP, but I'm sure most guys aren't into their girls flashing tits to guys, gay or not.

    [–]varrr 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Dude you sound like an anti marijuana PSA: "sure it's just a marijuana cigarette today, but tomorrow it will be cocaine. And before you know it you will be shooting heroin!!". Stop being paranoid. You are paranoid. The thing you talk about might or might not happen, it doesn't matter. Who gives a shit. Have fun today. If tomorrow that girl will show her tits to a biker gang then OP will come back and we will talk about that WHEN IT HAPPENS. This subreddit is full of paranoid people that likes to paint apocalyptic scenarios full of filthy whores, nymphomaniacs whose sole purpose is to make us miserable. Just try to get laid more and have some fun instad of worrying about the future. In every other post in this subbreddit the advice people gives is to "dump her" "dump her" "dump her"... like you all are so miserable that dumping girls is the only bit of power you have to excercise. You can't fuck, you can't dominate, You can't subdue a woman, so you just dump. And after all this dumping those girls will still fuck someone, while you will be alone. Just play the fucking game.

    [–]No_senses 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Don't get me wrong. I agree with you that this isolated incident isn't "break up" worthy on it's own, but its still something that OP needs to be aware about. Just telling him "it's perfectly fine" is no better than saying "hard next," "ghost" etc.

    [–]maxofreddit -4 points-3 points  (1 child)

    Wow... Someone talking sense?

    Flashing a nipple ring to a group of gay guys? Is that really a big deal to you? Is she flashing her tits to her coworkers? That's a little different. It has to do with context. Most every guy here, whether he admits it or not, wants his girl to be a "whore" only just for themselves & no one else.

    If it was my girl, I would've made it a joke all night "Anything else you wanna flash?" And had fun with it, then fucked her into submission. But hey, that's me.

    [–]BestSC86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    You think that she hasn't flashed her co-workers?

    She paid good money for her nipple rings, you think she did that just to show you and to look at in her bathroom mirror with the door locked?

    She is showing them to every dude she thinks might be interested in seeing her wild side.

    [–]GreenPiller 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    It's blatantly obvious she is a huge slut. Blac Chyna type of slut.

    [–]BlackMisc 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    no girlfriend of mine flashes her titties

    [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Just tell her not to do that anymore. If she gives you grief then next her, if she apologizes then drop it.

    [–]Cunt_Robber 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    Gonna go against the grain here. They were gay guys, relax. Was also prob shittesting you with that. You mightve just been a little shocked by it. It's just your turn, and you should keep improving and focusing more on yourself than on her or the relationship, but I dont think any action is necessary, other than expressing your opinion of flashing being in poor taste. Theres worse things she couldve done in front of other people. Come on now. Plus you two are young as fuck. Sounds like your relationship is just a fling so far. Treat it as such man. Don't overreact over anything, it ain't worth it, and money, property, nor kids are on the line. Just enjoy it

    [–]Icanus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I agree, most people here are overreacting.
    Just a bit of fun.

    [–]trpthrowaway2003 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You could go a few different ways.

    1. Next her
    2. Set the boundary, and move on.
    3. Demote her from LTR to Plate status.

    [–]CcaseyC 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I would be interested to see what the responses in this thread would be like if she was either sober or the guys were not gay.

    I do have to agree with majority of comments pretty much any girl I've met with nipple piercings was either an attention seeker or drama queen

    [–]Project_Thor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Appreciate people for what they are. Then treat them as what they are. Fuck sakes, are you that dumb?

    [–]_sell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Considering everything, I think it's simply a red flag and she can still definitely recover from it. Depends on how you want to invest your time. Try to keep this LTR decent or ditch and find something more reliable. Up to you.

    [–]mcr00sterdota 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Flashing her tits sounds like the tip of the iceberg. I would abandon ship.

    [–]justicecantakeanap 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    nah next

    [–]Jsieijejeieokkd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Take her to Mardi Gras next year!

    [–]Entrefut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Gay guys? Whatever. But the fact that she thought it was appropriate for her to whip out her tit in public is a huge red flag.

    I'd apply some dread, see how she responds, then think about how badly you really want to be in an LTR with a chick who plays show and tell with her tits in public.

    When you come to the conclusion that you don't, demote her to plate and find some dudes LTR who will flash you her nipple rings and laugh at that dude for thinking she was the right choice as you fuck her...

    [–]BestSC86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Bhahaha....this forum is comedy gold sometimes.

    You LTRed a girl with damn nipple piercings? WTF?

    She didn't pay that money for those things on her damn titties to just look at while she is in her bathroom with the door locked and the windows shades grown.

    She is going to get her money's worth by showing them off to as many dudes as she can....that means you and any random "sexy Chad" she stumbles across in her wanderings.

    And now she is getting drunk in a parking lot....damn dude you LTRed a slut.

    [–]asktrpuser 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Should've reacted straight away.

    I never punish my cat later than a few seconds of doing something bad - she won't be able to associate between her action and the punishment.

    [–]BraindeadIQ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Little late to the party, But anyway. Any girl's i've known, Not necessary very well or that well, I live in a small country. So rumors spread fast around here.

    All of them with nipple piercings love to show them off. Since my break up, I've been talking to few girls. Few with nipple piercings, Guess what? it's so easy to get them to show it to you, You can ask them straight up Oh you got niiipple piercing? Show me I've done it now 3x times over snapchat actually, but after my LTR i know that dating a girl with piercing like that, Is attention seeker.

    If she isn't showing them face to face, She is doing it somewhere else. Girl's in my country even share it on Instagram.

    [–]TheSilentOne12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    yes this is next worthy behavior. my ex cheated on me with a gay black man that was her sister's college friend and moved in with he r and her family. they were rich , dad was Air force turned BB. Mom was slutty wearing sportbras only out on public and around me. looked like ganondorf in a bikini and from what she told me about her relationship was she had fooled around behind his back while he was off in montana. NEXT she will say her guy friends are "FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMILY. AND IF YOU DONT LIKE IT TOO BAD!"That's when you know when to next a bithc. don't stay like I did

    [–]Anchor_Arm -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

    what's AF/BB ?

    [–]Modbsutansalt 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    I'll take Sidebar for $1,000, Alex.

    [–]Anchor_Arm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I thought you could only be one or the other. In a LTR do you have to balance being both?

    [–]Jsieijejeieokkd -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

    1. Gay guys
    2. She is a sexual person. It's not like she blew a guy in the parking lot.

    If that's a boundary for you let her know so she doesn't cross it again.