I've lived the beta life. It sucks. I want out, here is my plan. Critique and berate me. (self.asktrp)

submitted by LukatDaBigWhiteMan

Age: 23

I spend my time:
- smoking weed
- gaming
- watching reruns of cartoons
- sleeping

Education: Dropped out of the same college program within the first semester two years in a row.

Health: I don't lift. I am a 6'2" 135lbs. Nuff said.

Finances: In debt ~$5,000. Defaulted on my student loans which I am unable to pay right now. My credit has been shot. I have no savings and only a handful of possessions worth >$300. The most money I've ever had was $4,200 and it was a tax return. The second most was $3000 which was a student loan. I have never even earned and saved a few thousand dollars.

Intelligence: I have squandered potential. My family sees me as an intellectual. I have always thought highly of myself, but I now realize I am wrong. If I was intelligent I wouldn't be living this pathetic, shameful failure-ridden mess of a life I am living now. So I've come to the conclusion that I'm an egotistical, unintelligent fool that rationalizes my mistakes and weaknesses into strengths. This was a big realization. It hurt.

Women: I'm not a kissless virgin. I'm a naturally good looking guy. Ages 8-18 I always had a girlfriend. I got laid at 15 and had several girlfriends after that, but I hit a wall when I got to college. In the last 4 years I've had sex maybe 5 times. The problem isn't that I can't get laid. I can, relatively easily, by going to clubs and bars and just approaching women. The problem is that I settle for ugly girls. Fatties, dirty bar sluts, losers, idiots, etc. The few times I've brought a girl home from the bar, she was like a 6 at best, and for some reason I felt proud of it. Like I'd accomplished something. But really I just settled.

The simple plan:

- Go to local community college. Complete 1 year computer science course with honors. With proof of success, get into university for CS.
- Learn to create high-quality media (video, audio, website design) in order to have the option to create my own shit whenever I'd like.

- Bulk. Meal prep once per week. Eat only what I plan to eat, ignore cravings for shit food.
- Lift - SL 5x5 to begin with. My starting goal weight will be 175lbs.
- Stop smoking weed. Weed makes me lazy. It makes me enjoy shit I normally would not, like gaming. It's been detrimental to my growth so I'm cutting it out.
- Stop jerking off and watching porn.

- Develop self discipline. Stick to plans, decline immediate gratification, invest my time instead of spending it.
- Practice stoicism. I already do this, but I would like to improve my discipline.
- Read more. I love to read. I love ancient history, philosophy and anything that talks about the nature of men and women. So I'll dedicate a specific amount of time every day to reading. I'm also sticking to historical and non-fiction. Right now I'm reading Thus Spoke Zarathustra after one of you recommended it to me.

- Find full time job. This is in progress and shouldn't take longer than a week or two now.
- Clear debts. $5k isn't much. It's a few months of consistent payments. I need to get it over with.
- Learn about investment while I save.
- I've set a goal of $10,000 in savings plus being debt free by August 2017. That's not unreasonable.

- Improve my game. Set a beauty standard and don't stoop below it. It might sound pretentious but I think I have a solid understanding of women and how they act. I just associate my lack of inner strength and perseverance with low quality women, so I think that's all I can get, or all I deserve. I think once I implement these other changes, my sense of self-worth will rise and so will my expectations from others.

So that's it. Quit weed, quit porn, quit jerking off, quit gaming, meal-prep, lift, get a job and keep it, save money, learn more, read more, get an educational foundation, learn to create media, set and achieve quantifiable goals. Pretty simple.

Can you please berate me for the shit I did/didn't do from 18-23. I sat in my room doing fuck all. I ignored meetups. I ignored hot ass sexy 18 year olds that were DTF. I ignored responsibilities and opted out of being a man. I burned $5000+ and quit school without even trying. I've done nothing. It's not even like "Yeah when I was 18-23 I got wasted all the time, I barely remember it!" nah it's more like "I did nothing. I sat on my ass and did nothing."

I literally wasted some of the best years of my life and no one gives me shit for it. My family say "Well you'll learn, you'll realize what's important and realize everyone makes mistakes." my friends say "So what dude? You're a man you do what you want." even my fucking dad will say something like "Well I did some stupid shit too"

..fuck man it's not the same. I basically put myself into a loser-coma for half a decade and everyone around me, the people I thought cared about me, ignore it and act like I just skipped a vitamin or something. No one gave me shit for my laziness. I wish someone would. Tell me how awesome your life was at 18-23. Shame me for pussying out of life. Yell at me. Come on, I need some fucking negative reinforcement. I can only self-berate so much.

With all that said, I'm sticking to this plan. I just want to be a well-rounded, respectable MAN that owns up to his mistakes. Sorry for the wall of text.

[–]50pluspiller 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Remember the goal is to eat the elephant. Amd how do you do that?

One bite at a time.

Remember, too that you will have failure, you will skip the gym, eat shit, fail a test. Just don't give up, ignore the failure and carry on.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This. I used to fail at my diet, and just say 'fuck it' for the rest of the week. NO NO NO. One bad meal, or one bad pint of ice cream doesn't mean I can just fuck off the next 4 days and wait till Monday. You fuck up, acknowledge the fuck up, and in that same minute, start over. Also, missing a gym day isn't near as important as your diet.

[–]Lordoffunk -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Professor Corn?

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

It sounds like you know what you need to do. Truth is no one does it right bro, we all fuck up, some times you never learn from it. Sometimes you catch on early like you did. There's some folks here that post frequently that didn't get it until much later in life, i.e. in their 40's. Be grateful you realize the error in your ways, and grow with it.

My advice is to not change everything at once, instead pick one thing a week, or every other week, to focus on incorporating into your life and follow through all the way until it becomes a habit, rinse and repeat. Changing a lot of things at once sounds like a good idea, but the reality is the opposite. Small steps the whole way, change doesn't happen over night, it takes patience and focus. Too many moving parts your unfamiliar with can send you spiraling. Disciple is what separates success from failure.

[–]Pokemon__Close 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This piece of advice is golden. After months of frustration, I realised my problem was trying to change too much too quickly. I would do great, for a short while, then bounce straight back to my old habits. Now, I'm starting small, working on one problem at a time.

Mark Manson has a fantastic article on this.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If I was intelligent I wouldn't be living this pathetic, shameful failure-ridden mess of a life I am living now. So I've come to the conclusion that I'm an egotistical, unintelligent fool that rationalizes my mistakes and weaknesses into strengths. This was a big realization. It hurt.

Actually, you can be intelligent, but completely lack discipline, which sounds more like your problem.

You have laid out an ambitious program. Now go execute it.

[–]1HS-Thompson 15 points16 points  (0 children)

The good news is you're an infant still at 23. Only advice I would give is don't let the best be enemy of the good. You feel like you've accomplished something because you wrote all this but you've accomplished nothing. Don't worry about checking all these boxes and perfecting your plan, worry about making some small incremental but real progress every single day, period.

[–]RedneckInternational 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Stop jerking off and watching porn.

Just want to throw out there that jerking off is generally seen as fine once you're off of porn.

Good luck man.

[–]mr_nate_ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I love that you're willing to have us rip you a new asshole -- but it seems like you already know what needs to be done. You have many good years ahead of you. Best of luck.

[–]brooklynisburnin 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Seems well planned, I'd add that, you shouldn't really stress that much about foods, I mean, at 135lb 6'2 you're pretty much a walking skeleton my friend, obsessing over the cleanness of your diet my actually be detrimental to you, just make sure you're getting enough proteins, micro nutrients and good fats, then feel free to eat out and enjoy stuff as burgers or pizza.

[–]Don_Keydick 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm 22 and was somewhat in the same boat as you, but not for that long. Either way, I have some suggestions. • Education: It's cool that you want to do honors and stuff, but keep it simple. Give yourself the simple goal of 'I'm going to graduate from computer science'. Because then if you don't get honors, you're going to be getting your diploma and not enjoy and feel proud because you're just gonna beat yourself up about not getting honors. And if you do get honors, it's a BONUS, not a necessity. I graduated with my AA doing the bare minimum. I was always late and turned in unfinished projects. I wish I didn't but hey I have a job in my field now and I can only move forward.

• Health: For sure you should bulk you're skinny af. You can cook your meals more than once per week. Keep your meats and steamed veggies fresh. You don't want stinky ass broccoli on day 6 with some dry ass chicken breast that has a weird green color on it. For sure stop smoking weed. It's bringing you down. I smoke occasionally, I'm a fan of reggae so I like to smoke a joint when I see live music, but when I used to smoke every weekend I would be very unproductive and get munchies and not want to eat my meals and crave a pepperoni pizza. I quit porn and masturbation and it improved my life in so many great ways. Strongly recommend it and check out /r/NoFap if you need motivation or want to know more information on the benefits you can receive and why.

• Intelligence: You're not dumb. You're just fucking lazy. You're too lazy to do your homework and go to your classes. You're lazy and just want to game all day. Take that shit little by little. I'm reading right now 2 books at once. But guess what, I didn't just get into it just like that, I started off by buying the Walking Dead comics and I slowly started reading more productive shit.

Don't feel bad bro. Feel proud that you're slapping yourself in the face. I also had people telling me 'It's okay' to be lazy and unproductive. Just set some SIMPLE goals and work towards them. Don't burn yourself out.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ok, I'll try and help as you clearly want to improve. I'll try not to mock too much.

135 lbs at 6'2? You sound skeletal.

$5k debt is nothing, don't sweat it. Fix it, but don't worry about it.

Most money you've ever had? Again don't sweat it. Not relevant. You need a plan to financially survive, that's all. There are many ways to do that.

I have always thought highly of myself

You're clearly bright. But what have you DONE with it? What will you do? Intelligence is only potential, nothing in itself.

Women and settling: who cares if you don't. If you DO care, then fix it.

Ok... your plan is good. Make sure you get incremental benefits as you go. You're biting off a lot, I'm concerned you won't be able to follow through with it, Create short term goals rather than big goals. Writing this shit is easy. Doing it is hard. Find a path to reward yourself as you go.

You can do it. I did no work at all until I was 25. Objectively I wasn't a loser, I looked like I was doing great. But compared to what I could be doing, I was a complete fucking loser. I achieved more in the next year than the previous five. How? Why? Because I decided to. I saw the benefits, I saw the work, and realised it was worth it. And it was.

In conclusion: keep focusing on what you WANT (it's allowed to change). And keep the small incremental changes going, they provide a foundation for the next step.

[–]Sementeries 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Seems like you already have a good grasp on what it is you wasted away, and now plan on doing about it. That is, if you are actually about it.

I'd say to get your own car, place, learn to cook, make a spreadsheet budget (net income, saved, spent recreationally, bills), and keep raising the bar.

[–]homelessWOOKIE9 4 points5 points  (1 child)

getting his own car might be rough w/ the debt and his credit after defaulting. I'd suggest a bicycle for the meantime

[–]Sementeries 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Obviously I didn't put that in there for him to get one right away.

Priorities first.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Going along with the spreaadsheet, it might help to use an online calendar to schedule time. When I decided to get my shit together in school the google calendar synced with my phone was a blessing.

[–]WE724 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Meditation. Do it and dont look back.

[–]bigk12345 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed. Try Headspace app. Helped me tons already

[–]2comment 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Here's an idea, come back in a month and tell us how you've been doing. I wanna see how much theory you translate into action.

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 5 points6 points  (11 children)

There is a subset of TRP that's gets of on publicly beating themselves in the dick. You are part of that is set. Beating yourself in the dick isn't going to help you furthermore no one wants to watch while you beat yourself in the dick.

[–]LukatDaBigWhiteMan[S] 0 points1 point  (10 children)

So you think im here to mentally masturbate, get temp motivation, feel good about being pitied and then head back to my couch to play call of duty again? whats your alternative suggestion? do more talk less? are there not catalysts in people's lives where they realize past behavior sucks and must change if you desire a different outcome?

im not here to waste your time. At least not intentionally. I'm going to do the shit I say I will do. If you have suggestions on taking action, I'll follow.

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 8 points9 points  (9 children)

Thats exactly what you and 80% of the men here are going to do. I know this as a fact because Ive skyped 500 of you.

You need to force yourself into the Real of masculinity, powerlift Box or sighn up for Brazillian Jui Jitsu. Force yourself into the uncomfortable state of being a man.

Then again those thing are hard so your probably not going to do them.

[–]LukatDaBigWhiteMan[S] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

My gut reaction was "im in terrible shape I cant just join, I have to be able to match up to these guys first"

Fuck. Ok. You're right, I get it. I just signed up for a beginner BJJ course Sunday. Im scared shitless, dunno of what, but its a good sign. Thanks.

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your welkies

[–]ToSeeAndToHear 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of the best bjj athletes I know started out where he couldn't do a lap around the room without breathing hard. Now he wins gold medals at international tournaments.

He's also super nice to new students. Most BJJ guys are.

Have fun with it, and expect nothing of yourself while taking it seriously and seeing just how well you do.

[–]Bulk_king11 0 points1 point  (5 children)

I'm tight on money at the moment and my work schedule is pretty much smack dab in the middle of the day 9-6 and then gym after and school. I always wanted to take jui jitsu but idk if it's in the budget at the moment. Any other suggestions, what is the real of masculinity?

[–]LukatDaBigWhiteMan[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)


[–]Bulk_king11 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Still don't know?

[–]tag2man 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Check glo's post history from about two years ago. There should be a post titled 'the real'

[–]Bulk_king11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you

[–]BrodinsOats 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I only read the first few lines. You're thinking too much (I'm guilty of the same). Thinking about everything all at once can be overwhelming.

Take consistent small steps in the right direction. Stop thinking about the monumental effort it's gonna take to scale the mountain. Just fucking move, one step at a time.

[–]Spread_The_Red 5 points6 points  (6 children)

Yo why the fuck do people keep coming here to jerk off their ego. This long ass post is a waste of fucking time you could have spent doing the shit you know you need to. YOUR PLAN DOES NOT MATTER. Do the shit, actually do it and come back in a few months.

Stop talking about the changes you plan on making and just do it.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

The writing process can be a tremendously valuable exercise to clarify plans, thoughts, etc. Don't knock on the dude for hashing out a damn good plan. Having a solid plan isn't synonymous to paralysis by analysis. You would never bitch at a carpenter for going over blueprints and measuring shit multiple times before commencing the construction of your house. "Stop wasting my time, Mr. Contractor. Your plan doesn't matter! Do this shit!"

Fuuucck out of here.

[–]Spread_The_Red 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is different than a profesional laying down plans for a thousandth time before getting to work, this is somebody still sotting on their ass talking about how they are gonna do so much better and expecting a pat on the head for "trying".

This is more like a fat bitch talking about how they are gonna start on their diet next week while scarfing down a jumbo bag of M&Ms.

If its a solid plan then shut up, stop talking about it and put it into action.

[–]LukatDaBigWhiteMan[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Ok. I will.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You go this, bro.

[–]UHadUnoJob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Literally best comment I've seen in a while. This community is fucking amazing it blows my mind

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Planning is an important step in the road to success. However, some get stuck on it.

[–]demilitarizdsm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My life was all the same at that age with alot of partying mixed in I did enjoy. What came to my advantage, and what is rarely embraced on TRP is that changing your environment in a big way rattles you out of lazy patterns. Move far away once you get a chance, get around and travel and put yourself in some situations where you need your wit and some nervous nights about where you might sleep or eat. It pays off ALOT to get out there for breaking out of these kinds of slumps where being sedated felt better than pushing yourself.

[–]redditatt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pay no mind to the fools saying you can't do this all at once. It is possible to make a wholesale change. Start by printing off your post and pasting it on your bathroom mirror.

The only thing I would add is to PRACTICE APPROACHING WOMEN. Approach women, chat them up, and leave without getting a number or anything. This both takes the pressure off the situation and can be good for maintaining motivation.

Godspeed comrade.

[–]FrameWalker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great list make sure to prioritize. Doing all of these things at once can be very difficult. If i were you id prioritize finances and career above all else until out of debt or halfway there and then focus on health. Women last or minimal tinder effort. No LTRs until you've hit everything on the list.

[–]vorverk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You dont need our guidence. You allready know what to do. Just remember. Progress is not linear. Its not a sprint, but a marathon. You will fall. Its the guys that can pick themselves from the mud and keep on running that win the race.

[–]Frigzy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What's your purpose in life?

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


[–]LukatDaBigWhiteMan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't really seek to be berated by strangers online. I think that was more of a realization that no one told me my shitty behavior was shitty behavior as I grew up. No one asked 'wtf are you doing man?'

[–]d4ng3rz0n3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your ability to recognize this problem, outline it and create an actionable solution makes you smarter than like 80% of people in the world.

Your ability to act on it and execute will put you in the top 10%.

Formal education does not equal intelligence.

Dont just have a goal for $10,000. Start with $1000, $2000, $5000, etc. and put timelines for those milestones. Never let the balance go backward. Always add more every month.

23 is not too late to get started.

[–]omegalot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just found this, how's progress so far?

I've been through something similar, I'm in my late twenties now. I went to Uni and "wasted" two years on a major I wasn't passionate about. Luckily, I had my parents cover the costs but it made me feel super guilty ever since.

So once I got out of Uni, I got a job and put myself through school while all of my friends were graduating (which made me feel like shit). About one year later, I got depressed, failed classes and got into lots of debt (about 17k).

I pulled myself out of depression, focused on passing my classes and eventually graduated. Getting a decent job was a struggle in itself, but I kept going and eventually got a very good job that helped me clear my debt within months.

Shit like this happens in life, but once you learn to understand yourself and why you feel the way you do and decide you want to improve, you start making magic.

One point I do want you to know is that you shouldn't overwhelm yourself with doing everything at once. Breaking habits and making habits are equivalently hard as shit, try to focus on improving the most important parts first to get the ball rolling. Never give up.

[–]lord-denning 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you try all of this at once you are going to have a bad time.

Start with one or two small base things that will drive everything else. For example: don't spend any time alone in your place. Even if you go sit in a library or Starbucks, you won't be smoking weed or masturbating and that is a good start. Let that take hold and build from there.

[–]JAK11501 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omce you pay off your debt do your best to stay debt free. Also break down your goals into concrete steps you must be doing on a daily basis and make them reality. I think the forward momentum of the small accomplishments will help to get you going.

[–]MOCKxTHExCROSS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I managed to get out of substantial debt, work my way up a career, lift, read countless books, and take on personal projects, all while being a daily smoker. Eliminating weed can't hurt, but I wouldn't blame it for your lack of success.

You're only 23. Many successful people spent their early 20s doing similar things to you. You have a great plan, just stick with it.

[–]koppok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As the saying goes, The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The next best time is now. As long as you know where you went wrong, and more importantly how to avoid it this time around, you should be good. Try seven weeks method for habit building. Habits/Routines/Systems will push you towards your goals better than just motivation. And seriously lay off the weed, it may not affect you health like other drugs but it surely fucks up your life.

[–]2ndLion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Smart people often think - instead of doing, stop reacting, go for action. As top post said; one step at a time. Accept that it takes years to improve. 3 years from now you will have walked quilte a distance if you start now.

[–]flatox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To me it does not sound like you settled.

But good on you for having a plan, now stick with it because until then nothing has been accomplished.

[–]silvergulch 0 points1 point  (1 child)

First, you should thank your parents for not kicking your worthless ass out onto the street but I suspect they enable your shiftless lazy behavior.

Honestly, you lack smarts and frankly, come off as "special".

Uh, put women on the back burner. You have have nothing to offer and resemble a walking Skeleton. Much laughs at your "beauty standards" considering the ugly fuck you are right now.

[–]LukatDaBigWhiteMan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol, I get the resentment. I moved out when I was 17, no one helps me pay my bills. Spot on with the skeleton/ugly bit though. What I'm saying is that although I get laid as an ugly useless peasant, they're usually just as ugly as I am, and I'm over that.

So 'put women on the backburner', meh, I'll just leave the ugly ones there while the oven preheats.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good plan.

You really need to take that CS shit seriously. I recommend identifying the curriculum before you start (through course schedules, course websites, students, etc.) and learning some of it before you start to increase your chance of success.

[–]RealMcGonzo -1 points0 points  (0 children)


Yeah, no. These days, you can get all the info you need from the web, books and experience. At least for most things, hard to gain surgical experience from a book, LOL. For this, yeah. You'll be less credentialed, and a silly number of places do not hire unless you have a 4-year degree, but it's not worth the coin, IMO. Especially at today's insane rates.

Develop self discipline. Stick to plans, decline immediate gratification, invest my time instead of spending it.

You'll go a lot further down this road than you realize. This is a deep thing. I mean, wow. I'm 51 and still digging. And still mixing my metaphors, LOL. If I were your age, this would be a major focus. Not just now, but for the rest of your life. Especially since I was far further down this road at your age. This path, you need to win. More than any other. And continue to improve. Focus here. A lot.