I spend my time:
- smoking weed
- watching reruns of cartoons
Education: Dropped out of the same college program within the first semester two years in a row.
Health: I don't lift. I am a 6'2" 135lbs. Nuff said.
Finances: In debt ~$5,000. Defaulted on my student loans which I am unable to pay right now. My credit has been shot. I have no savings and only a handful of possessions worth >$300. The most money I've ever had was $4,200 and it was a tax return. The second most was $3000 which was a student loan. I have never even earned and saved a few thousand dollars.
Intelligence: I have squandered potential. My family sees me as an intellectual. I have always thought highly of myself, but I now realize I am wrong. If I was intelligent I wouldn't be living this pathetic, shameful failure-ridden mess of a life I am living now. So I've come to the conclusion that I'm an egotistical, unintelligent fool that rationalizes my mistakes and weaknesses into strengths. This was a big realization. It hurt.
Women: I'm not a kissless virgin. I'm a naturally good looking guy. Ages 8-18 I always had a girlfriend. I got laid at 15 and had several girlfriends after that, but I hit a wall when I got to college. In the last 4 years I've had sex maybe 5 times. The problem isn't that I can't get laid. I can, relatively easily, by going to clubs and bars and just approaching women. The problem is that I settle for ugly girls. Fatties, dirty bar sluts, losers, idiots, etc. The few times I've brought a girl home from the bar, she was like a 6 at best, and for some reason I felt proud of it. Like I'd accomplished something. But really I just settled.
The simple plan:
- Go to local community college. Complete 1 year computer science course with honors. With proof of success, get into university for CS.
- Learn to create high-quality media (video, audio, website design) in order to have the option to create my own shit whenever I'd like.
- Bulk. Meal prep once per week. Eat only what I plan to eat, ignore cravings for shit food.
- Lift - SL 5x5 to begin with. My starting goal weight will be 175lbs.
- Stop smoking weed. Weed makes me lazy. It makes me enjoy shit I normally would not, like gaming. It's been detrimental to my growth so I'm cutting it out.
- Stop jerking off and watching porn.
- Develop self discipline. Stick to plans, decline immediate gratification, invest my time instead of spending it.
- Practice stoicism. I already do this, but I would like to improve my discipline.
- Read more. I love to read. I love ancient history, philosophy and anything that talks about the nature of men and women. So I'll dedicate a specific amount of time every day to reading. I'm also sticking to historical and non-fiction. Right now I'm reading Thus Spoke Zarathustra after one of you recommended it to me.
- Find full time job. This is in progress and shouldn't take longer than a week or two now.
- Clear debts. $5k isn't much. It's a few months of consistent payments. I need to get it over with.
- Learn about investment while I save.
- I've set a goal of $10,000 in savings plus being debt free by August 2017. That's not unreasonable.
- Improve my game. Set a beauty standard and don't stoop below it. It might sound pretentious but I think I have a solid understanding of women and how they act. I just associate my lack of inner strength and perseverance with low quality women, so I think that's all I can get, or all I deserve. I think once I implement these other changes, my sense of self-worth will rise and so will my expectations from others.
So that's it. Quit weed, quit porn, quit jerking off, quit gaming, meal-prep, lift, get a job and keep it, save money, learn more, read more, get an educational foundation, learn to create media, set and achieve quantifiable goals. Pretty simple.
Can you please berate me for the shit I did/didn't do from 18-23. I sat in my room doing fuck all. I ignored meetups. I ignored hot ass sexy 18 year olds that were DTF. I ignored responsibilities and opted out of being a man. I burned $5000+ and quit school without even trying. I've done nothing. It's not even like "Yeah when I was 18-23 I got wasted all the time, I barely remember it!" nah it's more like "I did nothing. I sat on my ass and did nothing."
I literally wasted some of the best years of my life and no one gives me shit for it. My family say "Well you'll learn, you'll realize what's important and realize everyone makes mistakes." my friends say "So what dude? You're a man you do what you want." even my fucking dad will say something like "Well I did some stupid shit too"
..fuck man it's not the same. I basically put myself into a loser-coma for half a decade and everyone around me, the people I thought cared about me, ignore it and act like I just skipped a vitamin or something. No one gave me shit for my laziness. I wish someone would. Tell me how awesome your life was at 18-23. Shame me for pussying out of life. Yell at me. Come on, I need some fucking negative reinforcement. I can only self-berate so much.
With all that said, I'm sticking to this plan. I just want to be a well-rounded, respectable MAN that owns up to his mistakes. Sorry for the wall of text.