51
52

Gf's ex called me... (self.asktrp)

submitted by Kale8888

So I'm on vacation in Florida, my girlfriend (33) who I've been dating for a year with absolutely no issues until last night, decides to get drunk and embarrasses me in front of my parents by being extremely sloppy.

Pissed, I tell her she's sloshed and making a fool of herself. I lead her back to room and put her to bed making sure she had her phone if she absolutely needed to get ahold of me. All I wanted was to go out on the town tonight and enjoy last few days of vacation.

Sometime after leaving her to sober up, her Fucking ex calls me saying shes stuck outside the room feeling abandoned and hurt. Still trying to figure out why the fuck he's calling me or how he even got my number, I tell him to mind his own damn business and that I'll handle it.

Find gf, still blitzed, and she confesses that she called him and her mom because she was scared. At this point I really don't give a fuck, tell her if she's going to resort to calling her ex everytime there's trouble she can find a new fucking boyfriend. Also thinks I cheated on her after I left her in the room.

Tell her that when we get home in two days I'm moving out (yeah I fucked up by getting on a lease with her prior redpill), and I'll get her a roommate to cover my side of bills. We got 3 months left.

She begs for me back in the morning, I remain firm saying she crossed a personal boundary of mine and that I'm holding to it. I get the tears and the "how could you just break up with me so fast after a year" deal. Disregard as well. Today and tmr Im putting on a save face to mitigate any more drama in front of my family.

Did I handle this right? Could've been better?

TLDR

Gf gets drunk in front of parents on vacation, makes a fool of her self and I put her ass to bed early to sober up (can't walk kinda drunk)

Gf leaves room, gets locked out and calls ex. Ex calls me and I go let her back in room.

She yells at me, says I abandoned her and plays victim. I tell her it's over and that she'll be finishing the lease with a roommate. Gf pleads and begs this morning to no avail.


[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 77 points78 points  (1 child)

So now you have a funny story to tell about your EX-girlfriend.

33 years old and doesn't know not to get sloppy drunk? Egad.

[–]Pelikahn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Her excuse is probably "I was nervous to see your parents!".

[–][deleted] 63 points64 points  (4 children)

No one has mentioned it so I will. She called her bf to raise the level of dread with you. She wanted you to know just how fast she can get another guy's attention should you ever pull shit like that in the future.

Wonder if everything was a power play meant to drive a wedge between you and your family in favor of her.

[–]jakeecio 25 points26 points  (2 children)

I have seen this repeatedly happen. A woman, not all woman would try to drive a wedge between man and his family. Don't let it happen. A woman is replaceable not the family.

[–]Kommanderdude 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Eh, I could live with out mine. All they do is beg for money and favors.

[–]jakeecio 1 point2 points  (0 children)

True. But when its your parents, take care of them in their old age and not ditch them for a woman.

[–]LaRedPill 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Insightful

[–][deleted] 87 points88 points  (14 children)

Also thinks I cheated on her after I left her in the room.

Projection.

She's dropped. You handled it fairly well although ideally you probably would have just played it cool until getting home then ghosting her, but since you live together it's more complicated I suppose. Really though as long as you leave her and don't let it get too messy you did good

[–]justblaze5687 13 points14 points  (11 children)

I feel like there's times for ghosting...and times to lay down a firm "you fucked up, and now you're being punished". She acts like a child, gets treated like one.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (10 children)

The single most effective way to tell a woman "you fucked up, and now you're being punished" is ghosting her.

[–]LaRedPill 6 points7 points  (0 children)

this

[–]htbf 5 points6 points  (8 children)

I'm not so easily convinced.

It speaks volumes that a man can keep his emotions in check enough to not avoid confrontation and actually deal with it and make hard decisions in her face. The proof is in the pudding : she is begging for him to stay.

It seems nothing make a woman weak more than a resolute face on a man letting her go with no hard feelings.

Ghosting on the other hand can easily be seen as passive agressive and butthurt. No woman can fuck up enough that I can't just calmly deal with it to tell her she's fired. That's the stoic way.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

You're still giving her the attention and the drama that she so desperately craves and 9 times out of 10 you're just gonna end up trying to explain your behavior to her rationally and trying to make her understand which is never good

[–]htbf 2 points3 points  (4 children)

There is no drama if you just drop her without any negotiations, the way you treat kids.

Do you ghost a kid that misbehaves ? Of course not, you give him a stern scolding, you stay completely immune to him screaming and kicking and you send him to his room until he gets back to his senses and apologizes and earn back your trust.

Exact same thing. Ghosting is effective but people here need to realize that there are better alternatives for men with solid frames.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

you send him to his room until he gets back to his senses and apologizes and earn back your trust.

This isn't a case where you're waiting for her to apologize and earn back your trust. The fact that you even consider the idea of a woman "earning back your trust" is very problematic. Don't go digging through the trash. I just don't understand what you have to win from confronting a woman that wrongs you. All you do is give her a chance to be heard which she doesn't deserve and isn't beneficial to you

[–]htbf 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I try to leave the place better than I found it.

I don't care what she does after she's out of my life for breaking my trust in her. Maybe she'll make a nice plate in the future. Maybe she'll be a crucial business partner. Maybe I'll be sick and she has the only organ in the world that can save my ass. Maybe it's none of those things.

But I have to leave the place better than I fount it. Ghosting creates resentment and spoils any chance of having any sort of adult, sane and healthy relationship going forward.

Digging through trash means YOU regret ditching her and going back after her. It has NOTHING to do with what I'm writing. I'm just saying that if you're capable of dropping a girl (actually dropping, not simulating a break up to have her run back at you) without being manipulated into drama by her pleading, then you should always choose that route.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Maybe she'll make a nice plate in the future. Maybe she'll be a crucial business partner. Maybe I'll be sick and she has the only organ in the world that can save my ass.

Why are you even considering ridiculous unlikely shit when you dump a woman?

Ghosting creates resentment and spoils any chance of having any sort of adult, sane and healthy relationship going forward.

Clearly you would know since you've never tried it

Digging through trash means YOU regret ditching her and going back after her.

No, it just means you go back after trash that you already put out. You seem to be advocating for it though by suggesting plating the trash.

I'm just saying that if you're capable of dropping a girl without being manipulated into drama by her pleading, then you should always choose that route.

Sounds like ghosting to me. You don't have to talk to a girl and explain yourself to drop her, it's not her decision

[–]htbf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok. I've said my opinion, you've said yours.

[–]1walawalawa -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Ghosting on the other hand can easily be seen as passive agressive and butthurt. No woman can fuck up enough that I can't just calmly deal with it to tell her she's fired. That's the stoic way.

This is bad advice and Blue Pill thinking. The OP made a firm decision that is very difficult but the right choice. Out of no where his girl creates a huge amount of drama and calls an ex to bail her out. The white knight calls the OP...

This can ONLY get worse. You're thinking logically like a guy would rather than dealing with the drama in the most appropriate way possible---cutting it off.

I just did this a month ago...I ghosted a plate who had always given me drama but in the last instance flipped out on some flimsy pretext, sent me a nasty text devaluing me. Do I calmly argue back with her? I tried that...it NEVER worked. I just never replied and walked away.

Since that month she's stalked me, sent back my gifts, deleted me from every social network and yet...I remain resolute. Eventually I run into her and she'll be parading a guy in front of me...

Do I then try to reason with her? NO.

The OP did the right thing and second-guessing it by those who haven't faced this situation only confuses rather than clarifies.

The problem many guys face in adopting the Red Pill is that it is counter-intuitive to EVERYTHING they've ever been fed: "talk it out" "go to couples counselling" "be attentive"....when a girl acts out in the way the OP's girl did...there is no other solution than to shut it down and walk away.

[–]htbf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know what's blue pill? Not being able to read correctly.

[–]the-bum-hammer 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This.

[–]NikoMyshkin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ideally the whole leaving thing would have been initiated once at home since now she knows she can and likely will make getting home quite a pain. OP just get out as soon as you can..

[–]MarcusAureliano 36 points37 points  (1 child)

I think you handled this correctly. Sloppy drunk is disgusting behavior, calling an ex even more so.

Walk away...

[–]plenty_of_eesh 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Sloppy drunk is disgusting behavior

Hmm, for me it has its time and its place. Okay, in front of parents it's a bad choice... But when sloppy-drunk GF remains her sweet self, just sloppier, and sloppy BJ ensues later, who am I to judge? I have been sloppy drunk myself, enough times.

calling an ex even more so.

Now that's deal-breaker territory for me too.

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

That's pretty messed up. Not only did she embarrass you in front of your parents, she had her ex on speed-dial to come save her by validating her feelings as if he had any context to the situation she was in with her actual boyfriend. She knows he's on stand-by and she doesn't care what you think about it. Plus she deflected by accusing you of cheating.

You handled it appropriately, no reason to think she won't dial her ex again when a problem comes up.

[–]abdada 21 points22 points  (0 children)

You are judged by the company you keep.

[–]Endorsed Contributortepper2 26 points27 points  (2 children)

Locked out of the room, but had her phone? She had that guy on speed dial.

You did fine. Move out and ghost. You probably shouldn't sign a lease with a woman anytime in the near future.

[–]bonekeeper 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Not to mention the ex was her go-to on her drunk stupor.

[–]Luis_McLovin 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Do phones still have speed dial?

[–]savagedealer 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Don't doubt yourself this type of behavior is no coincidence your saving yourself from years of torment only thing I see troubling here is you being so mad at finding out AWALT . Look into yourself and do some searching you hooking up with her and falling for this type of girl is completely your fault . Scan your memories and learn to spot the red flags much sooner man . Good luck brother

[–]Kale8888[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Truth. It's amazing how AWALT always rears its ugly head eventually.

[–]SpinPlates 8 points9 points  (4 children)

You did well mate.

Calling her ex is bad. But giving him your number to call and talk to you? That's insane. And her ex is a phaggot.

[–]MuhTriggersGuise 7 points8 points  (3 children)

her ex is a phaggot

Really? I mean, I took it as he broke up with this chick, she calls him being drama bomb and wanting him to come save her (IE fuck her or at least give her some kind of validation). Instead he's like "Aw honey that sucks, hey, what's your ex's number so we can solve this?" Then let's guy know "Hey bro, BTW my ex, your current girlfriend, is blowing up my phone with drama. This is the the fucked up shit she's doing to you."

Dude did him a favor to let him know what's up. He's a bro.

[–]SpinPlates 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Uh no.

Guy probably got broken off from the girl but she played the "lets be friends" card and now he's an orbiter.

She calls him for a shoulder to cry on and now he's gotta slay the dragon and save the princess. I've been in this situation before. I've gotten texted from a friend zoned ex boyfriend, it's fucking pathetic on his end.

If a guy posted this story but from the perspective of their girl he would be crucified for 1. Contacting his ex gf and 2. Giving his ex his currents number to call her.

[–]1walawalawa 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Blue Pill thinking. No guy does anything without a reason. There is no "being nice".

The ex is her orbiter on speed-dial, the go-to guy when things go wrong---she calls him. OP is Alpha, Red Pill, ex is Blue Pill beta orbiter.

Calling the OP to passive-aggressively signal that if OP isn't going to treat this little unicorn right...well, he will.

[–]MuhTriggersGuise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Weird how you say "being nice" in quotes as if you're quoting me.

Ex could have a million motivations. We don't know what they are. It's hilarious how guys you like you insist every action anybody else takes makes them a phaggot and a cuck. Go tell someone who cares.

[–]PeopleHateThisGuy 8 points9 points  (0 children)

"Ya, we're done. Pick up your stuff... Etc etc"

Elaborate: Abundance mentality. This is the kind of bullshit no one should put up with. If you have Abundance Mentality, you won't either.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You did right bro. Although I may have held back until you got her home. What a cunt to pull that in front of your family.

[–]huge_gap 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Why you dating a post-wall woman?

[–]Kale8888[S] 25 points26 points  (1 child)

My own ignorance. Won't happen again after this one.

[–]huge_gap 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Good. Bang hot young thangs.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 5 points6 points  (0 children)

http://archive.is/iYXcR

Level 3. Unintentional offense, demote by one level. She's now level 2: friend with benefit. Can't ever be your gf anymore

[–]bpjsdrp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was just in a similar boat recently.

Ex showed she was a nasty and violent drunk when went on a double date few months ago. Last month we go on vacation and she ends up in the same boat.

This time, I had suspicions about her previous behavior and went through her phone (she never hides her phone and always lets me use it). Find texting with her ex and they met up at the airport when he was back in town for holidays.

Asked her when we got back if she crossed that boundary. She admitted to it and said she lied + being a coward. Told her that I wished her the best of luck and take care.

What's funny is she said it was a "slap to the face" even though she was told about this boundary at the beginning of the relationship. Hold your ground and don't think twice about nexting.

[–]0kool74 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Girl gets sloppy drunk....check! Girl calls ex because of feelz....check! Boy drops girl for screwing up.....PRICELESS!!!!!

Can't figure out a MasterCard tie-in here, but yeah you made the right move.

[–]MrAnderzon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You handled it well. Ghost her. Onto the next one.

[–]1walawalawa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bravo! This post totally made my day and inspired. You managed this perfectly. Drop her, leave. I wish I had done this in the past. It's a blind spot for me. Thanks for this.

[–]Modbsutansalt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck her rotten and IMO downgrade her to a plate. You've got the upper hand with mountains of dread. Whether or not you actually call it quits and move out is up to you.

[–]ThisIsMyPotPie21 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd say the only thing you did wrong was give her an explanation, you don't owe her shit.

[–]crew6dawg0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You handled it flawlessly.

By the way, her accusations of being a cheater is a last ditch effort to throw mud at the wall and see what sticks. It's a desperation tactic to try and force blame on you, so you''ll feel guilty about taking a hard stance on a serious matter (Such as her calling her ex-bf). She was reaching out to her ex because she felt like punishing you and because she felt the branch she was holding onto was about to snap.

I like to call alcohol the truth serum.



[–]ecosci 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you asking is she still banging her ex?well yea,a drunken fool never lies she let the cat out the bag dont ask if you did the right thing of course you know that answer nobodys going to tell you to take her back.