Ex boyfriend is alpha as fuck (self.asktrp)

submitted by karmato

So I have always had the fundamentals down... I have a good career and make very good money for my age. I am tall and in decent shape (used to be in great shape but got injured). I got a good social circle of very high SMV friends. But I have been a pushover in the past and I have been changing that for a few months. Results with women have been good.

I had a date with a HB9 and it went very well. We are going out again soon.

I live in a place where everyone knows everyone. The thing is, I know this girl's ex boyfriend. He's the Chadiest Chad you can imagine. Ripped with a chiseled jaw line and majestic beard. He's a badass in every sense of the word. He's summited Everest ffs.

And then theres me.. I've been told im a good looking guy but I'm not exactly masculine looking. My chin is pretty weak and I can barely grow a beard. I haven't been on the pill for long (if you couldn't tell). How can I get over comparing myself with this ex boyfriend? I like to think I'm a "catch" myself and she did notice me and we had a great time.

[–]1atticusfinch1973 129 points130 points  (23 children)

She's not with him for a reason. Imagine that he looks like that and has a tiny penis and whines like a little girl. And stop stressing about what he's all about. She's dating you, isn't she?

[–]alphabachelor 24 points25 points  (6 children)

This is my thought process as well.

Dont go blind with her. Trust but verify. Look out for beta bux tells. But also don't be so insecure you freak out over the littlest thing with her.

[–]RedPillN00B 7 points8 points  (5 children)

explain "beta bux tells"

[–]alphabachelor 9 points10 points  (4 children)

Here's some:

1) Is she constantly short in attitude towards you?
2) Does she take potshots at you in public when annoyed by you?
3) Did the sex flow like water before marriage, drop off a bit afterwards but completely stop after having her required amount of kids?
4) Does the main responsibility to provide for her lifestyle fall to you?

[–]FuckRightOfff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lmfao I've know women who will do 1,2 to ANYONE they meet "alpha" boyfriend included to make up for insecurities , plus LTR's, thats what you call a rotten bitch

[–]RedPillN00B 0 points1 point  (1 child)

perfect, thanks

[–]alphabachelor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The main theme is she offers but controls sex, the sex always comes with strings and her underlying dynamic is she does not respect you and/or has contempt for you.

[–]karmato[S] 13 points14 points  (11 children)

I'm surprised at a positive comment in /r/asktrp.

I think I let the Everest thing get to me more than anything... because I also like mountaineering and climbing.

I should stop being a little bitch and just do my thing.

[–]Varelix 48 points49 points  (5 children)

Alphas are really rare, most guys that look alpha from the outside are really beta with girls. I've seen this countless times already. (military guys for example)

You have to the best version of yourself and stop comparing to other guys because you dont really know how they are. This works even if he is a true alpha

[–]bowhunter6 15 points16 points  (4 children)

Military guy here; can confirm. Most dudes in the service are some of the biggest simps out there. Outward badassness is not indicative of how alpha a man is with his woman.

[–]Pinnacle_Pickle 16 points17 points  (2 children)

When Gunny looks down on you but is married to a dependopotamus

[–]5beams5 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Dependopotamus added to iphone dictionary

[–]bowhunter6 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Amen brother, it's sadly all too common.

[–]Westernhagen 5 points6 points  (0 children)

A lot of military officers are filled with asinine bluepill ideas that "chivalry" is the proper way for them to behave towards women.

[–]94redstealth 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I should stop being a little bitch and just do my thing.

I never judge a book buy its cover. Sure, it has a nice hand made leather bounding over an ebony backing (or some other luxurious shit), but the pages are full of photocopies of instruction manuals of chinese made flea market knock offs.

[–]Blackhawk2479 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I'm surprised at a positive comment in /r/asktrp.

No, it’s more ask stupid questions, win stupid prizes usually.

To your question, stop comparing yourself to others - the only measures of success you should be using are the high standards you set for yourself and your own personal expectations for who and what you want to be.

Fuck everyone else.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yup. OP, you think this is abuse? If you can’t take this, how can you take the abuse you get when she nags you about being more like her ex?

[–]Pork_Sword3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

From what you see he might be an alpha but behind closed doors he could be the biggest beta in the world. Stop comparing. For all you know he could still be going home from work everyday and crying like a beta bitch because his ex isn’t there anymore and trying to figure out how to write a love note to get her back. Stop comparing and focus on yourself. All that matters should be you. If she’s dating you, then you got nothing to worry about.

[–]Hellsteelz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everest is one of the easiest mountains to climb if you take into account the big ones. It has several pre-determined route up to the top with few actual climbs and several log camps.

It's still an achievement and requires you to be somewhat experienced in mountain climbing and in shape but not as hard as K2 for example. You are making the Everest thing too big of an issue.

Also, you are dating the girl and not him, and there is a reason for that.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is pretty much it.

I would imagine she spent enough time with him (seen his beta side, seen him sick and weak, smelled the bathroom after he shit, etc.) that the mystery and therefore attraction all but faded.

[–]jackandjill22 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]RAiderNat88 0 points1 point  (1 child)

She's dating you, isn't she?

One date doesn't mean they're "dating" and it sounds like he's going to end up being a beta-orbiter.

[–]Guardian_of_Justice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's why he should act NOW. Don't give too many fucks about her. Do ur thing, but don't give the vibe "fuck off i don't care", let the relationship flow as it may- with careful steering, you will take it where you want to. In theory.

[–]chachaChad 18 points19 points  (0 children)

If you're interested in him, you should isolate and escalate.

Otherwise... who fucking cares about him? Doesn't matter. It's your turn now. Enjoy. You can't do anything about the past so why even bother to think about it.

[–]Steve_Chiv 33 points34 points  (5 children)

She's not your girl so don't worry about it. Smash if you can but understand that she's most likely an Alpha Widow and thus unLTRable. Again: DO NOT DATE

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (4 children)

Whats an Alpha Widow? Is there a post of common terms on here?

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)


[–]throwinghthisoneaway 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Can you really not take one word and the other a draw a simple conclusion as to what it might be? You dont even need the sidebar for this one

[–]xovyz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To be fair to people with English not as their primary language it's not always so obvious, same case with myself. I've not really used the word "widow" if ever so when reading the definition of alpha widow it clicks and makes sense but I couldn't really understand it just from the two words.

[–]Steve_Chiv 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah check the sidebar. I'd drop the definition here but it's really way more important to read all the shit on the sidebar. Maybe you'll thank me someday? Maybe not? I don't know

[–]450k_crackparty 13 points14 points  (4 children)

How did their relationship end? This plays a big part. If he cheated on her or was too much of a dick/lacked comfort/ minor beta qualities then you are wasting your time working towards an LTR. Read about 'alpha widows'. Basically once a girl has been with a top Chad, that shit is burned in her for life. She will forever return to him mentally even if she never speaks with him.

The only chance for healthy LTR with her is if he was only outwardly alpha and actually really emotionally needy and beta in their relationship. That will negate the alpha status he has in her mind since that is the greatest pussy dryer of all.

The other chance is that you can out alpha him, but by the sounds of your post that is not possible at this point.

So ya. If it's the first case, get your bang in but be extremely wary of her attraction to you. She is likely just looking for a beta bux to fill that need that he wouldn't give. She will bang you and even go for an LTR, but you will never be her alpha. Good luck dude.

Edit. And in reference to alpha widow, I must stress top Chad. Like not just a dude with muscles. But like a brash confident dickish dude with good physique. That dude makes alpha widows.

[–]karmato[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

No idea how it ended exactly but it's been over a year.

I'm just gonna mentally picture him as a pussy for now hahaha.

[–]Ricklogical 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I dunno either but I would assume if he was rp alpha that he nexted her because of some stupid bullshit.

Don't hesitate to do the same if she acts up. Maybe she will recognize and be a better behaved woman in the face of getting dropped by yet another man.

Or expect it. Many hot women can't help themselves, they turn into stubborn cunts and lose dudes all the time because they have no acrite.

I wont stand for bad behavior, I don't care how good they look. There are more and she's old news if she can't be good.

[–]xovyz 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Just curious but how'd you figure how their relationship ended? Straight up ask her? Find out through social circles?

[–]450k_crackparty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good question. Tough to ask without coming axross insecure.

[–]RedDespair 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You shouldn't care what she thinks. That's how you become Chad

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (5 children)

You are her Beta Bux. Get what you want out of her but understand that you’re not going to be this girls Alpha.

[–]mountainbiker178 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Serious question - Are you basically saying that if he's not her alpha, he won't get good sex? Does alpha=sex, beta=resources (no/bad sex)?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He is saying that he can bang her , but any real relationship is impossible because she will always compare him to her alpha Chad. He obviously can't out alpha the dude because he is on asktrp

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No - understanding the AF/BB dynamic will answer questions that will inevitably arise. For example, why is she making me wait for sex?

Alpha/beta are behaviors on a spectrum. Things like dread and comfort are used to establish enough of a balance of alpha and beta behaviors to keep a relationship going.

For OP, this girl is looking at him as a provider. He's going to need to work on exhibiting alpha characteristics to get the best sex possible.

[–]Guardian_of_Justice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He might be if he shows his attitude and takes action from the very beginning. Treat her as a 5/10 girl and it either will be your way or no play. Don't agree to being a beta orbiter.

[–]2chazthundergut 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The only problem you're going to have is your own frame.

Nothing is less attractive than a man who feels inferior and insecure about a woman's previous lovers.

[–]Endorsed Contributorfnordsnord 2 points3 points  (5 children)

deleted What is this?

[–]Westernhagen 2 points3 points  (3 children)

When OP is fucking her, both OP and the girl will be imagining that he is Chadiest Chad.

[–]Endorsed Contributorfnordsnord 3 points4 points  (2 children)

deleted What is this?

[–]RAiderNat88 0 points1 point  (1 child)

When the skin boat sets sail for tuna town

Not the most attractive analogy brotha.

[–]Endorsed Contributorfnordsnord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

deleted What is this?

[–]empatheticapathetic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So he knows what to expect before it happens.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Get whatever you can get from this chick and enjoy the experience before she goes back to Alpha Chad (for good, she might be hitting him on the side) for good.

[–]Ou-tis 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Man, in my blue pill day I was pretty cringe in relationship,even if outside I was considered quite badass. Or a couple I know,he is handsome, very athletic and good in what he do,but he don't fuck her (and she is pretty) and she ended the thing. You can't know other people stories,do the best you can to pursue your interests.

[–]Guardian_of_Justice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Or a couple I know,he is handsome, very athletic and good in what he do,but he don't fuck her (and she is pretty) and she ended the thing

How the fuck? U are not a full couple im the west, or even here in the east if u can't fuck her(assuming both are independent adults) He was a real Beta, just shouldve pump and dumped her.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a date with a HB9 and it went very well. We are going out again soon.

Here. Read this:

Uncle Vasya’s Guide On Dating Models

-You Landed a 10. How to keep her in line.

[–]Herdsengineers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You know how no matter how good a girl looks, somewhere there's a guy that got tired of putting up with her shit in exchange the privilege of fucking her? It works the same way for girls. They get tired of guys no matter how RP'd or Chad they are.

Just go out with her, have fun and entertain yourself with her, escalate kino, and see how far you get. Enjoy while you can, take your turn, and don't let her sidetrack you from your mission or let her fit you up for her beta bucks.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Quit comparing yourself to other men. Focus on yourself. For all you know she caught him wearing women's underwear whilst jerking off to anime porn.

[–]liberty1127 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Go lift some weights and stop focusing on yoyr flaws. Be a tactfully cocky dick and forget about her ex. This is the present not the past

[–]TheLoneProspector 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do something different. Do something wild in bed. Get your calling card. Do something in the sack that makes it different, and make sure she busts every time you do it, it'll be your finishing move.

[–]cl3537 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are autorejecting yourself, don't compare yourself to him he doesn't matter, if she brings him up ignore and change subject.

What do you mean by had a date and it went really went well? Why is there even LTR being discussed here have you even smashed yet?

[–]Rares5555 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Okay, she dated “Chad”, but his turn is over and now it’s yours.

Do you want to let those thoughts sink into your head and betafy you, which will result in way less pussy and a shorter relationship, or do you want to behave confidently and aloof about the past and keep hitting it?

I’ve had past relationships (ended for 1-2 years), girls were with “alphas” as you’d see this dude. I’ve fucked them, still. They didn’t know a thing.

The most relevant example, one I’m also proud of, is once I met a girl who was with an “alpha” for three years. Swimmer, over 6 feet (I’m 5’9), built body, was older than me at the time, looked way better than me (I looked decent but wasn’t lifting as I am now). She tried to fuck my frame saying “do you know how good his body looks naked?”. Half an hour after I was giving her the best fucking of her life, by her words.

Point is: it doesn’t matter who, what and when. Live life egoistically. You got dick, you want to cum, use her and her holes. Doesn’t matter who also did before you.

[–]UncleWarwick 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Side topic - how did you respond to the frame test? "Idk I think that girl over there looks good naked too?"

I honestly don't know how I'd play that.

[–]Rares5555 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We were alone in a room, in bed, chatting, getting her comfortable. And she drops the line. I said “do you know how good I look naked?” Clothes started coming off.

[–]Merwebb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stop comparing to the guy. There is always a higher mountain, and you can only grow your own shit, i mean, better yourself.

Do your thing, have fun.

[–]freedominlight2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Doesn’t matter how great he seems. Still just a man. Flawed in more ways than you can count. If a superior alien race rocks up you’re allowed to worry.

[–]red-arctic-tern 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't worry about him. You got his girl.

[–]Casd12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How can you stop questioning why shes with you and not him?

  1. You dont know him. He looks good and done some cool things like climbed a big mountain, but thats it. The thing about climbing mount everest is that you can only really brag about it once. Then it gets old, cus it doesnt affect anyone. Theres no benefit yielded unless he constantly tells everyone he climed everest and people are like "wow." but thats it. The wow factor wears off fast. Its like being on a superbowl ad, its cool and all but thats about it.

  2. He could have major personality flaws (eg. he is clingy, constantly whines like a lil bitch, autistic, clumsy, sadistic, is a stutterer and the list goes on)

  3. He can also have physical flaws: small dick, three nipples etc

  4. Diseases: He can have aids, herpes and other shit

Overall, you cant really judge them by their pics. Heck, it could just be the camera angle and lighting. He could have gained weight or some shit, you just dont know. Also, the guy could also do some shit that annoys her, also because she was in a relationship, she could have felt no connection or something. At the end of the day, who cares; the more you think about it, the more it will subconsciously affect you until you feel insecure and start acting like a lil bitch.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah you sound like you’re on the pill alright. You sound hormonal and insecure as fuck.

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's an emotion activated immediately upon the encounter of a perceived higher person. Human beings are genetically designed to "fall into their place" in the hierarchy depending on how they perceive others so top people can breed and acquire resources. This ensures some form of stability in a population. A bunch of people fighting for the top spot creates chaos. These emotions are like strings on a puppet. Where the mind goes, the body follows. Ignore it and push through. Knowing what these emotions are should cause resentment and help you in this task. She's with you now. Enjoy it.

[–]Raniharb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its your inner beard and jaw line that matters.

Internalise that and stop comparing yourself to other alphas, coz alphas don't fear other alphas, betas do.

[–]Kommanderdude 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you keep letting this guy live rent free inside your head. He’ll ruin the relationship with out even doing anything.

[–]GlennBeckAmerica 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stab him to assert dominance and garner respect .

[–]RAiderNat88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a date with a HB9 and it went very well

What is your idea of very well? Mine is closing her, so again, what made it very well?

[–]poisedStygian 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Everest is bullshit, you basically pay a bunch of sherpas to get you to the top with trails, ladders and luxury rest stops along the way.

[–]downvotesanimals 2 points3 points  (0 children)

At that elevation you can barely get a breath in for every inch of progress. It's by no means a tourist trap.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re misinformed.

[–]Fun2badult -1 points0 points  (3 children)

But what if you’re more manly than him as in more of a gentleman, sophisticated, good taste in food and music, good with kids and pets, and just more mature than the ex bf? What if the ex bf was way too into his things ignoring her and she just wants a man who will make her feel wanted?

Not all muscles are in the arms and legs right?

[–]prostaddict 2 points3 points  (1 child)

He could have been super possessive, jealous, or 'too nice'. Let her figure out why she shouldn't want to fuck you over her ex, don't self sabotage

[–]Fun2badult 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea basically don’t assume what and why she’s not with him. Then you’re becoming more beta since you’re the one focusing on the relationship and not the girl. Also you might sabotage yourself because now you’re in the wrong frame and start acting differently

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get what your saying but this is feel good platitudes. "Alpha" traits are more about execution than the actual trait.

Seriously hate to sound like an echo but does anybody read the fucking sidebar!?!

[–]Palikan27 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I am sure if you could meet with him, you would think it is not a big deal at all

[–]FlyingSexistPig -1 points0 points  (0 children)

"ex" boyfriend. Ex for a reason.