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Had a fight with my fiancé tonight. Soft Nexted her. Was I right? (self.asktrp)

submitted by GiantEsophagus

My relationship with my fiancé is weird. I display as many RP behaviors as I can, and she reacts warmly to me. Sex whenever I want it, acts like a child to me (in a good way), does whatever I say, and constantly tells me what kind of an amazing man I am. Tells her friends too.

However, once in a while, she'll bring drama and fight with me for no reason. NO REASON. A few months ago, she went apeshit on me, screaming at me, the whole nine, because I told her I wanted Pizza Hut for dinner. She said she didn't want it. One thing led to another, got into a huge fight, she went to the other room, I went home (we don't live together). I soft nexted her. After 3 days, she went full on Pyscho because I wasn't responding, she showed up st my door step in tears apologizing profusely. That weekend she bought me the $400 Nintendo switch "just because." She even waited in line in the cold for it.

Tonight, all was going well. I fucked her good. She was starting to be a bitch for a few hours, slowly but surely. She kept telling me to get off my phone and to show her attention. Then, as I'm texting my friend, she grabs my phone, throws it across the room, and it lands on the couch and then falls on the floor. Scream scream scream. Bitchy bitchy bitchy. I didn't say one word. She gets up and goes to the next room. I left.

Am I doing this right? I know some of you guys are going to tell me to leave this girl. But I can't do that. We have s long time together; and she's amazing when it's not these short bursts of drama and absolute bitchiness. Part of me thinks this soft next was good and to continue. Another part of me thinks all girls are like this and that I handled it wrong?


[–]rmcassio 187 points188 points  (4 children)

Don't respond her at all, maybe this time you'll get a PS4 Pro.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I am looking at the lake

[–]ProfessorSlapaho 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Seriously this.

You can't soft next a girl you're marrying, but you can give her time and space. It's clear she's your everything, and you're likely hers too by the sounds of it.

At the end of the day, if you can tolerate this behaviour, and are willing to work/communicate with her afterwards, then continue to do it. It's working well :) She needs to better communicate to you why she's upset, there's always a reason. I think she's no different than any other woman in the sense that she just wants attention. So don't give it to her. You can't reward "bad" behaviour. Let her self-reflect and work on improving herself and keep the line of communication open.

Maybe let her know you won't tolerate it forever, but are willing to be patient with her if she promises to work on better handling her emotions and reactions. Down the road it might be funny watching her, and your kids throw the same style of temper tantrum for attention. But not funny at the same time since she'll be like quadruple their age.

I feel like you're doing it right. I haven't ever been with a woman like this, but my tolerance is very short, and I don't have the time or patience to teach.

[–]arul20 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bad advice right here. You're the alpha. She should not feel she can even treat you like this. Leave.

[–]JorixKienu 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That could be a good point.

I don't know what console OP prefer but Nintendo Switch is supposed to appeal to everyone. That means even girls like it and could be easily something she may want to have ( or at least want to give a try ).

So basically she gives to OP a gift she likes to have for herself but apparently she do a "forgive me" gift.

I'm not surprised at all, I just wanted to point it out as OP does not seem aware of this implication.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 114 points115 points  (5 children)

My relationship with my fiancé is weird.

It's particularly weird that you refer to her as your "fiancé" rather than your "fiancée". I realize that English doesn't use gendered nouns, but those are both loan words from French, which does. For a minute I thought you were talking about marrying another dude (NTTAWWT).

However, once in a while, she'll bring drama and fight with me for no reason. NO REASON.

There's probably a reason. It may not be a good reason, but there's a reason.

I told her I wanted Pizza Hut for dinner.

Ok, I'm kind of siding with her, now.

One thing led to another, got into a huge fight

Never fight with women. It's not a percentage move.

(we don't live together)

Hey! You got one right!

After 3 days, she went full on Pyscho because I wasn't responding, she showed up st my door step in tears apologizing profusely. That weekend she bought me the $400 Nintendo switch "just because." She even waited in line in the cold for it.

Behold, the Power of DREAD!

I guess you made out pretty well. I'd have settled for a backrub and an (enthusiastic!) blowjob.

She gets up and goes to the next room. I left.

Hmm. Where have we seen this before....

Am I doing this right?

Not really. Read on.

I know some of you guys are going to tell me to leave this girl.

You mean leave the "sometimes good, sometimes insane" girl?

She doesn't ever have these outbursts in the kitchen, where there might be knives, does she?

But I can't do that. We have s long time together

Google the "Sunk Cost Fallacy".

and she's amazing when it's not these short bursts of drama and absolute bitchiness.

Actually, you're in a bad relationship, you just don't realize it. Bad relationships aren't "bad all the time". Bad relationships are: "He's great except when he beats me up and takes my money to buy drugs" or "She's great, except when she gets drunk and fucks my friends."

You don't next her, permanently, because you're afraid. You're afraid that you won't find someone "like her, only not crazy".

Riddle me this: do you think this shit is going to get BETTER or WORSE over time? Because I'm betting heavily on "WORSE", so before you fucking PROMISE to put up with her shit whether for "BETTER or WORSE" you need to think that shit through.

[–]CrodudeClassic 33 points34 points  (1 child)

This. So much this. Also, keep in mind: you are not married yet. Marriage will not improve the worst, it will AMPLIFY the worst. Men get married to women because they want to have kids with them (and much evidence shows this is the most beneficial choice for your future offspring). Women get married for validation and safety. Once that ring goes on all pretext is dropped and you get the 100% fully unabridged version of this girl. Sure you're ready for that?

[–]BPasFuck 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Yep. Uncle Vasya has it dialed in.

This shit is not going to get better with time.

Right now, the parts of her you like are those parts she's adopting in order to keep you around. The outbursts are the result of her not being able to keep it up full time. (No one can.)

So, she rushes to the store and buys you some shit to keep you around longer.

Just let it go man-- you've had some good times. The only thing staying in it will do, is ruin those good times for you.

[–]arul20 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You hit it right on the head bro. Nailed this.

Just one more point. She sounds bipolar. Run, don't walk OP.

[–]trenchknife 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Run.tldr: "run fast and far"

[–]lietruth 33 points34 points  (6 children)

Hahahhaa adorable man.

She's acting like a child. Tantrums are things children have sometimes, as well as grown ass women. All women have these if you stick around long enough. The good ones at least. The reason she's doing this is because she doesn't fully respect you. That's your problem and I advise you to read up on u/Archwinger 's post history for past posts on boundaries and respect.

Just hold frame through the storm. Not going to excuse her crazy behaviour- sounds insane. But as you eluded to, it's a rare 1-off situation and within context.

Honestly, sounds like you need to be more masculine & present, hold frame when you want Pizza Hut and pick her up and spin her around in circles when she gets bitchy.

[–]RedEyesBlueShades 8 points9 points  (4 children)

pick her up and spin her around in circles when she gets bitchy.

This is gold! Love it... Will need to keep in mind if I get into an LTR.

If she's not too big, that's basically telling her she's a child. Or rather treating her like one.

[–]war_drunk 24 points25 points  (0 children)

'If she's not too big [...]' If she's too big, you're hitting a fatty, or you aren't strong enough. Either case, better get lifting.

[–]mountainbiker178 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I don't understand. Why is "picking her up and spinning her around in circles when she's bitchy" so awesome? I would imagine her trying to squirm enough to make you drop her...

[–]shadexs55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're essentially making it known that her bitchiness won't affect your frame and that she's being childish, which is laughable to you. It reasserts your dominance, as long as you do it in a playful manner. It'll also distract her from her current state of mind. It's recommended a lot on RP, and seems senseless (thought it was dumb before I tried it), but works wonders.

[–]Fryguy48 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Swdx

[–]ahcas19 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Going cold and ignoring her is only going to make things more difficult because it is (probably) making her feel like you don't care about her problems, I would just let her rage a bit and not react/say anything and wait it out. Once she's calmed down/started feeling silly, ask her "is there something else going on? Or are you really that upset about INSERT SILLY THING" she'll tell you her 'real' reason, (probably feeling like she isn't getting enough attention) then just acknowledge it and hug her (eg. "Okay I understand and I will avoid it doing this in future since I know it hurts your feelings" OR "Okay I understand but this is something I can't change but tell me how I can make it easier on you").

If you keep doing this she will probably stop the flare ups and rages altogether. The best way to diffuse anger is using compassion and kindness. People hurt others when they are hurting, so think of anger as something similar to crying - she needs a hug and bit of loving.

[–]360_no_scope_upvote 6 points7 points  (0 children)

She's also asking to be put in her place, she thinks she can at that moment walk all over him but taking him out of his masculine frame or testing his frame, ghosting her is a good idea because it teaches her if you act like a shitty person I'm not going to stick around, while comforting her is the wrong thing to do when a woman is acting like a bitch so to speak. But he's going to marry her so he's fucked either way, can't even dread game her soon.

His attention to her is important that's why when she acts out you withdraw attention to let her know she fucked up.

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Wow sounds like an amazing relationship you should definitely have children with this woman. It sounds like she will make a great mother. There is absolutely nothing better for a child than to have a mother who Yells randomly, throws shit and makes impulsive buying decisions.

Put a ring on it as fast as you can!

[–]arul20 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Even better if she falls in love with alcohol, smoking and drugs!

[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Marriage will make a woman stop trying. No more effort to keep you. Her positive traits diminish by half, and her negative traits get 50 percent worse.

You sure you want to invite that into your life?

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 13 points14 points  (1 child)

However, once in a while, she'll bring drama and fight with me for no reason. NO REASON

Read up about borderline personality disorder, check it doesn't ring true for her.

NEVER get into a fight with girls. She starts bullshit, you tell her "This ends in ten seconds". Say nothing for ten seconds. Then walk out without saying a word, and don't come back or have any contact for a day or two. Then carry on like nothing happened.

Next time.... "this ends in ten seconds". If it stops then fine. If not, walk out.

You were right to walk out, but should have done it after ten seconds rather than after a fight.

After 3 days, she went full on Pyscho

Psycho bad.... or just lots of apologising?

. Then, as I'm texting my friend, she grabs my phone, throws it across the room, and it lands on the couch and then falls on the floor. Scream scream scream. Bitchy bitchy bitchy. I didn't say one word. She gets up and goes to the next room. I left.

Grabbing your phone is a physical escalation towards violence.

You have to get her under control. This means instant soft nexting when this flares up.

But you should leave. Grabbing your phone is the step towards violence. Violence ends up with YOU in jail.

[–]Trail_of_Jeers 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Violence ends up with YOU in jail.

Best case scenario.

[–]Tiway22 13 points14 points  (2 children)

She sounds awful man. Are you going to live your life on eggshells, hoping another outburst wont happen?

All girls get upset, but yours is extreme.

You'll probably stay with her anyway, but you should leave.

[–]Ganaria_Gente 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Few things are as harmful to one's Independence and freedom as marriage or having kids

[–]JackGetsIt 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I had something similar happen with my fiance. When women are LTR, Fiance, or married they have two things going on. One they are invested in the relationship, and most of the time they are anxious that the relationship will fail because if they've gone this far they think the guy they are with has a lot of value. Women are always risk averse and more concerned with losing what they have then gaining something more. So a lot of drama comes from a place of insecurity, comfort tests are more likely then shits tests; but that can be wild childish comfort tests.

I think what's going on is that because you have a lot of redpill knowledge and most men are downright clueless about redpill she's probably picking up on a lot of inadvertent dread you're throwing out. Basically the narrative in her head is going heywire because she thinks you should be shifting to Billy Beta by now and every time she throws a tantrum you don't respond with backpeddling and trying to save the relationship. Even if you deeply like her and want to continue to marry her in her brain warped by modern media and feminism you should have switched by now. A lot of modern women don't have redpill training they can't be comfortable if they haven't nearly cucked their men. Then they wonder why years from now she finds no attraction. Go to redpill women and you will find countless posts from women who 'broke' their husbands because of all the power the state give them if the divorce goes down. They are very upset that the attraction is gone.

The answer here if you want to stick with her is to start trickling out a very very small amount of beta; and watch for actions that she might interpret as dread. Women pick up on the smallest things and run with them in their heads all day.

http://img0.joyreactor.com/pics/post/auto-218082.jpeg

So since you have decided to live with and marry this person you better get very good and all the covert communication she will be attempting to elicit from you. A lot of times even telling her, 'hey I don't mean it that way' won't help. She will think what she wants to think.

Finally get over to MRP and start learning about the differences between dealing with women inside of a marriage and outside of a marriage. Redpill knowledge still applies but it's a whole different ball game because you've neutralized your most potent weapon, being able to walk away. Women know this and use it to their advantage relentlessly in relationships.

Dread is your new tool and if a women thinks you are dreading her for no reason she will get a lot of emotional damage and you will pretty soon have an anxious wreck of a women on your hands. I basically did this to my wife for years and it ended our relationship.

Don't rule out that you might need to walk from this relationship. She hasn't got the ring and should be on best behavior. It can only get worse after marriage even with the proper leadership from you.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is the best response. Game inside of a marriage is entirely different. When you as a man have decided to give up your freedom and dignity to a woman through marriage, redpill is truly on hard mode.

[–]MentORPHEUS 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Then, as I'm texting my friend, she grabs my phone, throws it across the room, and it lands on the couch and then falls on the floor. Scream scream scream. Bitchy bitchy bitchy. I didn't say one word. She gets up and goes to the next room. I left.

Stay gone and radio silent for days to forever. She'd have to do some extraordinary introspection, apologizing, and reform to get back after this kind of episode. It speaks of poor impulse control, conflict resolution skillset, and anger management. Do you want a woman like this bearing and raising your children one day? This is a bright red flag my man.

[–]Kalidane 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"But I can't do that."

Well, you're fucked.

Sidebar bro.

[–]the_baked_potato_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Give her a Pepsi and it'll all work out

[–]recon_johnny 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When you start putting restrictions on what you will or won't do...you cannot ever be fully red.

Everyone here tells you this behavior is normal--it's not. They say you can manage it by treating her like a child--when women are teenagers, really.

Sure, you can somewhat manage her reactions. My guess is that they're tied to her cycle. I will tell you that not all women are like this, and by taking this nonsense, you tell her that you're allowing her to continue to react like this.

Your best action was to STFU, and leave. Yes, soft next was good. But by accepting her gift, you said that you'll continue to accept her behavior.

What I would do if much different from what you say you can't, or won't do. Why not leave? If she fucked someone else, would you leave? She's fucking with you now, friend. You're just taking it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She's throwing comfort tests, but in a psycho way.

[–]disgruntledearthling 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In my book, any screaming tantrum is cause to end the relationship. That should never happen. It's just going to get worse.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you should have hard nexted her. I would never take that level of blatant disrespect.

[–]DM112090 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Man, I want a Switch so bad.

She sounds alright tho. Hold the frame.

[–]Trail_of_Jeers 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All the comments here are gold, but I wanted to add, like you, the following

NO REASON. A few months ago, she went apeshit on me, screaming at me, the whole nine, because I told her I wanted Pizza Hut for dinner.

Well, her reason is Pizza Hut sucks.

[–]neveragoodtime 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You had better make damn sure you train that behavior out of her before marriage. After that she has a free pass to be as big of a bitch as she wants because it will cost you thousands of dollars to walk out that door and she knows it. Soft next, and continue ignoring her completely for a few days after each one of these episodes. If she can't learn to control herself, you need to move on and not resign to a life with her.

[–]itreallyissimple19 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't ever be with a girl who screams at you, even once means it's over. Period. People don't seem to understand that, it's so disrespectful to scream at you, especially if she isn't walking in on you with another girl or something.

[–]Azzmo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The 16 year olds who've never been in a relationship have chimed in with "hard next" as they do in this subreddit. However, it's encouraging to see the top voted comments contain appropriate advice. Hopefully you'll listen to them.

Somewhere in her childhood or past relationships she's learned that this is a thing she can do. Whatever method you employ, this behavior needs to be addressed and gently deconditioned.

[–]vorverk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you give a speciffic example of how your conversation goes, when it escalates to a fight?

[–]AssMaster95 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Man idk, I once had a fwb turned gf, somewhere in between she got mad at me for looking at her in the eye while we were having a conversation. That relationship was doomed from the start with her mood swings.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Butt slam her at her place then afterwards, get up and say you're going to the bathroom to clean up but actually lock the bathroom door from the inside and sneak out the bathroom window. Have your things packed in advance. Delete and block her on everything and ghost until she comes crawling back on your terms.

[–]TRP Vanguardnicethingyoucanthave 0 points1 point  (1 child)

she went apeshit on me, screaming at me, the whole nine, because I told her I wanted Pizza Hut for dinner.

Regardless of what you end up doing with this particular relationship, there is very likely more to the pizza hut story - specifically, something about it that you could have done differently to get a better outcome. So, whether it's for this girl or the next girl, you might want to examine that incident more closely and try to learn from it.

Maybe post another thread where you explain exactly what each person said. I bet there's a point where you fucked up.

One thing led to another

See, that's hypoagency. You may have lost control, or you may have just fucked it up, but there's a cause, and it's not "one thing led to another."

Examine it and learn from it - that's all I'm saying.

[–]count_bratula 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Girls need drama in their lives and emotional release.

[–]Luis_McLovin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you're failing comfort tests

[–]Idontlikekarmawhores 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe she is mentally ill man, i suggest you leave her. Would you be married to a female that once in a while goes all phsycho? Maybe next time she accuses you of rape or worse. Dude next her hard, never see her again. Best of luck

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Keep an eye on time frame. My girl has a tendency to get snippy at times, but I started to keep an eye on time frame, and it's always around the moon sickness. It may not be every cycle, but it's consistent in timing

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You fiancee'd a crazy girl with BPD. Congrats

[–]MrAnderzon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its gets worse with this chick.

[–]nightmancommeth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You need to learn the art of STFU when she starts her shit. Leave the room etc. This is MRP 101

[–]0kool74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You may be displaying RP behaviors, but it looks like your balls are still in her purse when frame testing comes about. Might wanna go on a recon mission and get those back brah

[–]Auphor_Phaksache 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry but I have to call you out on a few things. Why does she think it's ok to yell at you and throw your phone? Because you've let her do it before. Also I'm calling out "Pizza Hut of dinner"? I'll yell at you too for that shit.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can't do it huh? That means she is in control and it's no wonder your relationship sucks.

[–]IronMonk48 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please OP do not marry this woman. Have you even read the sidebar?

[–]qtpW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

she's batshit insane. HARD next

all girls are like this

no.

[–]LordThunderbolt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why are you getting married? Why are you getting married to this nutty ass bitch??

[–]arul20 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bipolar. Leave. Especially if she has any addiction to stimulants (alcohol, nicotine, opiates etc).

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My relationship with my fiancé is weird.

What a great omen

I display as many RP behaviors as I can

Do you, mister Alfalfa?

and she reacts warmly to me. Sex whenever I want it, acts like a child to me (in a good way), does whatever I say, and constantly tells me what kind of an amazing man I am. Tells her friends too.

Mkay

However, once in a while, she'll bring drama and fight with me for no reason.

Yes, there is a reason, its because you tolerated it. Try the 20 second rule to decide when to soft next (though its for plates, use it appropriately).

Time to get you Operant Conditioning on!

NO REASON.

Its called a shit test, women have them. Learn how to properly handle shit tests and she wont act crazy, cause shes the oldest teenager, etc.

A few months ago, she went apeshit on me, screaming at me, the whole nine,

Period? Bored? Forgot to put the toilet seat down? The reason don't matter, shit tests a shit test.

because I told her I wanted Pizza Hut for dinner.

lol, did she also tell you go get her a glass of water?

She said she didn't want it.

Obviously you failed as a Captain somewhere. You dont give children choices, you tell them how it is. You should have just bought the damn pizza, and she could have gotten Dominoes, Papa John or whatever artery-clogging trash you kids call food these days herself if it was important.

Sounds like she was pissed her captain forgot to put the toilet seat down or something.

One thing led to another, got into a huge fight

Why are you still getting into huge fights, mr Alfalfa? STFU should be your go-to response if you are caught unawares or dont know how to handle the situation/drama.

she went to the other room

I can see who the Alfalfa in the relationship. Does she let you borrow her skirts? She must have a bunch free since she has the pants in the relationship

I went home (we don't live together)

Good call

I soft nexted her

Good call

After 3 days, she went full on Pyscho because I wasn't responding

Shit test

she showed up st my door step in tears apologizing profusely

That's what dread's for. Another shrew bites the dust.

That weekend she bought me the $400 Nintendo switch "just because." She even waited in line in the cold for it.

Wow, you became Chad for a bit. What an alfalfa!

Tonight, all was going well. I fucked her good.

mkay

She was starting to be a bitch for a few hours, slowly but surely.

Cause shes a woman and she bored, hungry or something stupid.

She kept telling me to get off my phone and to show her attention.

I also think its rude, but you kids live on your phone so whatever...

Then, as I'm texting my friend, she grabs my phone, throws it across the room, and it lands on the couch and then falls on the floor. Scream scream scream. Bitchy bitchy bitchy.

Okay, I can see why Uncle V said next. Hes long in the tooth so hes probably forgotten more experience than I've had my whole life so I'd listen to him over me.

That being said, this may still be a case of more shit tests. MRP has much worse examples of shrews turning into kittens. But then of course, there were kids involved and nexting was very costly.

I didn't say one word. She gets up and goes to the next room. I left.

See, I don't think a crazy bitch would have the rationality to 1) recognize the crazy in their actions and 2) remove themselves from the situation before causing further harm/crazy.

Am I doing this right?

Unless shes BPD/crazy, you could be doing better. Maybe you needed to Captain better. Maybe she needs better self-control. Is she crazy when she's drunk? Any history of drugs/abuse?

I know some of you guys are going to tell me to leave this girl.

If shes actually crazy, yeah. Don't stick your dick in crazy.

But I can't do that.

Yes you can. If you died, she'd probably be over you as soon as Chad walked into her line of sight.

We have s long time together

Sunk Cost Fallacy. It really makes it hard to move on when it gets in the way.

and she's amazing when it's not these short bursts of drama and absolute bitchiness.

Has she hurt you so far? Any history of assaulting anyone else?

As long its just drama and bitchiness, you handle them as the shit tests they are and apply dread as appropriate.

Part of me thinks this soft next was good and to continue.

You use your tools as appropriate.

Another part of me thinks all girls are like this

AWALT

For a reason.

and that I handled it wrong?

If I got a game console for being wrong, I'd go rob some banks.

[–]trenchknife 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably, the real girl is the insane one. Her adopted persona is who you got duped into loving. It's obvious in your narration.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[deleted]

[–]sqerl 2 points3 points  (2 children)

She's insecure about marrying you because she doesn't know (really feel) that you care about her.

Her behaviour is over the top. If this is truly her problem, then talking about it rationally would be in her best interest. No amount of "feeling that he cares" will fix her emotional outbursts.

When you try to "be redpill" without being a normal person... you're like a computer that thinks in terms of algorithms and tricks to apply to women in order to have the upper hand, not listening to her emotion and to what she needs from her partner (which is love).

Wow. You should tell rewrite the sidebar material because you obviously know exactly what being red-pilled is all about /s

Women are not stupid, they are very emotionally intuitive

Best and only good part of your advice.

and she can tell that you're not giving yourself completely to her.

No shit. He'd be crazy to "give himself completely."

OP needs to lead his relationship and doesn't invest emotionally in a more productive manner. However, her violent outbursts are not acceptable. Either he takes control of the relationship or walks away.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]sqerl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Holy wall of text, assumptions, and triggering.

    Your method of persuasion is horrible: The sidebar references, beta/bluepill name calling, and 'grow up'? It's ok man, you're just trying to help out. It's all good. But anyway, back to the OP's situation...

    OP says that his fiancee is wonderful. It's everything it needs to be... EXCEPT:

    she went apeshit on me, screaming at me

    she went full on Pyscho

    Scream scream scream. Bitchy bitchy bitchy.

    I do agree that OP has a part in this and revolve around his ability to pass comfort tests.

    However, uncontrolled emotional outbursts - which are the hallmarks of BPD - are NOT the signs of a high quality woman.

    Tolerating this behavior now is akin to tolerating it from the mother of his children and his future ex-wife.

    OP should read up on passing comfort tests and see if that makes his life better. BUT... and this is the big one, there is a very good chance that no amount of comfort will change her behavior in the long run. It will put him in her frame, her whims, her lack of stability, and ultimately put him on the defensive trying to prevent her extreme behavior. While shitty relationships can be blamed on the guy for not leading properly, no amount of sidebar is going to fix a BPD woman. As OP is human too, one day he'll slip.... and what if his fiancee slips back into the emotional outbursts/abuse. If that happens when there's kids, career, house, and all the other things that are based on stability, he'll have to be prepared to kiss it all goodbye.

    [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    I think youre dread gaming too hard and you made her turn desperate for you and now shit hit the fan. Comfort her a bit then return to normal

    [–]InfiniteAscent -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    That weekend she bought me the $400 Nintendo switch "just because." She even waited in line in the cold for it.

    Seriously dude. Fucking video games!??!?! Da fuk is wrong with you. Try being a man and doing something of value with your time. Oh, and get over your one-itis, this one sounds rather shitty unless you're actually the problem.