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Girlfriend texting another guy (self.asktrp)

submitted by firewelt

We've been together for a year. Things have been slowly moving up to the pace I set. Friday night she went out with her girlfriend and got drunk enough to have plausible deniability but to also carry on a conversation with a guy well into 3 am. We grab each others phones regularly and neither of us have a problem with it. So that night when she got back I grabbed her phone to look something up, it was on her texts and an unnamed number had "Ok, have pleasant dreams." This was a little before 3am.

I'm not stupid, and further, I've been that guy before texting chicks that late at night. I haven't brought it to her attention, but i want to. I personally don't think 12 levels of dread will work here because I'm already most if not all those things. I have a life separate from her, I'm a personal trainer, I ride horses, I have a group of friends I see regularly, I have had girls flirt with me in front of her etc.

In the texts the interest seems one sided (his) but this isn't a guy she met that night this is someone from her past, plus she initiated. What i want to do is flat out ask her "do you think it's ok to text another guy the way you have while you're in a relationship?" Then tell her to go home. I refuse to be a guy she believes she can do this to, regardless of how she treats me personally. Its a slap in my face. I'd like, obviously because a year has been invested, for her to drop everything, but I am more prepared to cut her off right now. I didn't want to be rash, which is why you're reading this now


[–]bluepillcarl 98 points99 points  (4 children)

It isn't rash at all. Don't put up with that shit. How many girls don't text back? She's texting back lol.. End that shit now before you regret it later

[–]firewelt[S] 15 points16 points  (3 children)

You are right. I know what i have to do now.

[–]ocebitkaj 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Oh hi Kylo Ren

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 144 points145 points  (2 children)

    Girlfriend

    You spelled "ex-girlfriend" wrong.

    [–]firewelt[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    I did.

    [–]babybopp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Classic attempt at a branch swing

    [–]FuckboyAWALT 71 points72 points  (4 children)

    she initiated...

    Aaaaaand she just scored at least a soft next. She’s texting a different guy, hasn’t told you about it and thinks it’s okay, boy you gotta set some boundaries and show her disrespectful behavior has consequences.

    What I want to do...

    Don‘t. You do not communicate. You do not communicate. You do not communicate. You show her by actions what you tolerate and what not.

    However if you want the full shit show do what you wanted to do and tell her what you think, she is gonna turn everything against you and make you look like a paranoid, controlling freak, in the end you feel guilty for thinking she did something wrong because writing with a different guy at night while being drunk is totally acceptable and tolerable. She just had a little chat with different cock.

    Since you spent 1 year of your time and energy on this bitch I wouldn’t hard next her immediately however since trp advocates you should have back up girls.

    Remember the day you met her is the day you lost her.

    [–]BlackCrowRising 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    This is absolutely why a soft next will be the best course of action. This is worthy of a five day. Minimum.

    [–]know_your_path 5 points6 points  (2 children)

    Really aggressive text but agree with the logic

    [–]RedPilledRoaster 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Oh it’s too aggressive my pussy hurts boohoo

    [–]know_your_path 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Is that what happened?

    [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 30 points31 points  (0 children)

    "do you think it's ok to text another guy the way you have while you're in a relationship?"

    You are trying to work it out with her. You want her to apologise.

    Won't work. You know what she'll say: "it was nothing", and "yes it's fine if it's just a friend".

    I refuse to be a guy she believes she can do this to, regardless of how she treats me personally.

    But you ARE this guy, because she's still around.

    e. I'd like, obviously because a year has been invested,

    No. You've had a year together, but it's not an investment in any way.

    but I am more prepared to cut her off right now. I didn't want to be rash, which is why you're reading this now

    The only thing you can do is tell her "it's not acceptable to give guys your number. Don't do it". When she says "but what if it's just friends" you say "You know what I mean. don't do it".

    If she agrees great. If she doesn't, you have your answer: demote to FWB.

    [–]dontbedenied 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    I'd like, obviously because a year has been invested, for her to drop everything, but I am more prepared to cut her off right now.

    Sunk Cost Fallacy.

    Look at it another way: you could stick around longer, wait for her to REALLY disrespect you, and wish you could have all of that time back.

    Do you want to make a commitment to a girl who texts other guys at 3:00 in the morning? I don't.

    [–]creating_my_life 32 points33 points  (2 children)

    You can't control her, you can only control you. Remember this.

    Do you know what you can control? Who your girlfriend is. And how awesome you are. I'm guessing since she doesn't give a shit about losing you, you still have room to improve your Awesome Score. So get to work.

    The correct thing to do is not explain to her why you're ending the relationship. That's a bit mean and spiteful, because it won't give her closure and her hamster will go crazy.

    If you MUST explain something, the most you need to say is, "My girlfriend doesn't text other men in the middle of the night." And notice how this is an "I" statement and not a "you" statement. You're stating a fact about yourself, nobody can argue that or change that.

    [–]RolandTheDickslinger 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    Don't explain. You might think you must, but you don't. Explaining creates a target for her craziness. If you don't, she can't attack you. Don't give her ammo.

    [–]creating_my_life 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Agreed. But he's going to blather anyways. I figured I might as well give him a go-to that's going to be a thousand times better than what he'd make up on the spot.

    It's the same way when you fire people. You don't give them a reason, because they use that to attack you. You simply say, "Today is the last day of your employment. Here is your check that pays you through today, and security will escort you out."

    [–]Ninokun 11 points12 points  (1 child)

    Friday night she went out with her girlfriend and got drunk well into 3 am.

    [–]Pluglord 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    😂😂😂

    [–]GuitarHero07 36 points37 points  (1 child)

    What was she talking about with this guy? The default answer here seems to be “dump the bitch” but I think we need more context. You mentioned that there didn’t seem to be interest on her part. It’s also interesting that she didn’t hide the phone. Is she setting up a branch swing? Using this guy as a backup plan or is she just being friendly?

    Any attractive girl is going to have orbiters. It’s just a fact of life that a lot of guys would want to get in her pants. Unless you’re going to make her wear a veil and never let her leave the house without a male chaperone, she’s going to interact with men who would love to steal her from you. The question is how she responds to this inevitable male attention. Talking to other dudes doesn’t necessarily mean she is seriously considering banging them.

    If you noticed flirty messaging or any mutual sexual tension in the texts it’s a cause for concern. If it’s just another chump trying to sneak his way into her pants I wouldn’t be too concerned as long as she is keeping him at a safe distance.

    [–]juliusstreicher 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Somehow, HE got HER number.

    SHE initiated, if I read the OP correctly.

    She's a goner.

    [–]nastynickdr 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    Not GF material, no matter how much you hamster.

    [–]MusicSports 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    "My girlfriend drunk texted a guy at 3AM and she initiated the conversation. He is intimate with her enough to be saying goodnight over text. How do I rationalize this so that it's less than obvious what's going on?"

    Come on dude who the hell is texting have pleasant dreams to a girl at 3AM. Girls don't even say goodnight to their best friends at midnight. Minimum soft next for the majority of the week.

    [–]nofilmynofucky 25 points26 points  (0 children)

    She's setting up to branch swing or at the very least cheat. personally I'd dump her immediately

    [–]iAMTinman_Dealwithit 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    It's done man. Sorry you had to see that shit. Generally, I not one for checking phones. If you're needing to do that - you're looking for a reason. If it gets to that trust in already gone. Have and beer, lament if you need to for like 2 seconds, and start rolling again.

    Even if yall got back together, you're not going to want to have that in the back of your mind. Crazy thing too - she'll probably start accusing you of cheating(make herself feel better), even though you did nothing all.

    [–]1walawalawa 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Happened to me...twice.

    I mishandled it by calling the girl out: bad idea.

    They get defensive and it triggers in them a turn-off.

    In the second case it was a plate who was chasing after my friends in a bid to create some jealousy plotline.

    After consulting this board I stopped calling the girl out on it.

    I just focused my attention on banging other plates until finally she pulled some additional crap and I hard nexted her walking away and haven't spoken to her or looked at her in a year.

    I also had to cut the guys out of my life.

    TL;Dr: too much drama ensued and when I cut her out...it was so much simpler.

    Now if a plate does crap like this I don't say anything...I just disappear. You should too.

    The problem is you're wayyyyy to invested in this girl and she doesn't give a shit.

    [–]AshyLarry27 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    At the end of the day, just remember, "she's not your's, it is just your turn."

    Say what you will about dread, I would distance myself from her more. See if she senses it. If no reaction, begin giving out branches for other girls to grab. You need to put yourself in the mentality it could be done.

    [–]2chazthundergut 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Don't talk to her about it. You have nothing to gain, and lots of frame and self-respect to lose.

    Demote her to plate. She is not LTR material. Sorry dude.

    [–]alexwan12 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    NEXT -->

    [–]catalisto 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Demote ex-gf to dog shit.

    [–]kregsslauggteepla 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    You think you are about to dump her

    You are wrong. She’s ALREADY dumped you

    [–][deleted]  (15 children)

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    [–][deleted]  (14 children)

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          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (11 children)

          I'm not a chemical engineer. And I wasn't "getting into" any argument. You just decided to give your unwarranted, irrelevant shitty reply to my legitimate question, which had some upvotes, meaning other users would have been interested in knowing the answer to the said question, by throwing in some lame insult.

          So you, firewelt, were the one who first came in contact with me, not me. I'm just giving out an FYI to others by pointing to your posts, which I guess you're ashamed of? Otherwise why would you delete some of them so quickly, huh? Don't be a coward, just because I'm bringing them up doesn't mean you should be deleting them... besides, as the undelete tools have proven, it's quite a futile endeavor...

          I dont even remember what i said to provoke

          well, are we playing dumb now, firewelt? Why don't you just read the beginning of my post above, it contains the links to your now, self-deleted comments that you made to me.

          I guess like so many chemical engineers these days you must be unemployed.

          Oh, well, that explains your activity on reddit! And perhaps, your angst too. Why would someone who's successful try to randomly come up to stranger's questions and project their own insecurities at them?

          Did you break up with your cheating gf yet, btw?


          Wouldn't help OP, as he seems to have personal issues and is aggressive towards other readers for no good reason.

          firewelt, you're one testy prick, aren't you?

          why did you delete your other unwarranted comment in my thread?

          maybe your gf got tired of your shitty character if you feel the need to randomly come up to my thread and try to insult me?

          You seem to have issues.

          Here are the posts that you deleted rather quickly, what are you so afraid of? That other readers can see what kind of a piece of shit you are?

          Luckily, there's reddit undelete:

          When i ask for help all of ask trp with several endorsed contributors help me. When you ask, nobody gives a shit.

          (c) firewelt

          Ur not gonna get A virgin girl give up loser.

          (c) firewelt rapist troll from U.S. with chemical engineering degree, and who likes to take testosterone gels.

          ...

          ...

          Comes to UK with the intent of having sex with a 16 y/o (legal in the U.K. but not in the US, which is where firewelt aka "Jeff" is from):

          https://www.reddit.com/r/coventry/comments/7p5tlp/sex_with_a_16_year_old/

          ...

          Advocates banning women "on sight". (Gender banning is not allowed on reddit)

          Curious as to why an indian guy would want to date white women (not necessarily a red flag, but coupled with other factors, wouldn't be surprised if he's also slightly racist. I mean being a jerk and racist kinda goes hand in hand)

          "Let me ask you this, why do you think indians have an obsession with white girls?" (c) firewelt

          ...

          Complains about his gf cheating on him whereas, firewelt, himself likes the idea of going after taken/married girls/women:

          firewelt:

          "Do you have any advice for going after taken women or is it the same exact game as single/ short term relationship women? Any advice on getting them to be extra dirty like ass licking? Keep up the good work!"

          (c)

          ...

          ...

          Suggesting OP to do a girl some harm in some sort of revenge:

          OP: Need help pulling my life together after rape charge

          firewelt: Go teach her a fucking lesson. Show her what a felon looks like.

          (c)

          [–][deleted]  (10 children)

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            [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (9 children)

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            [–][deleted]  (8 children)

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              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (7 children)

              Yes, you are.

              [–][deleted]  (6 children)

              [deleted]

                [–]hellprince7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                Don't engage with her at this point,

                Pretend as if everything's the same, see how far she goes with this shit.

                Start being detached and indifferent to her,

                [–]TryhardPantiesON 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                What i want to do is flat out ask her "do you think it's ok to text another guy the way you have while you're in a relationship?" Then tell her to go home.

                Don't ask, you are leaving room for her to justify her behavior, be direct, "Baby, I don't like you texting other dudes, I want you to stop this inmediately", she will probably drop some crocodile tears, and say how you are oppressive to her, but don't be fooled by this, just state your boundary and if she doesn't respect it, she is out.

                [–]Syll0gism 0 points1 point  (3 children)

                I don’t have any advice for you but does she act the same as she’s always acted? Does she seem to love you a lot and seem very loyal? Curious for my own relationship

                [–]aDrunkenWhaler 2 points3 points  (2 children)

                It depends on the girl. She can act the same, she can be more distant or even more loving. Sometimes is obvoius, sometimes you have no idea. She can suck someone off and kiss you 30 min later without showing a hint that something's off. Her behaviour is not always the best indicator.

                [–]Syll0gism 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                So is there really no way to tell? Should we just stop worrying about it and focus on getting what we want and making sure we are satisfied in the relationship?

                [–]aDrunkenWhaler 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                So is there really no way to tell?

                Plenty of ways to tell, just nothing standard. But with experience you start noticing red flags immediately, and that is enough.

                Should we just stop worrying about it and focus on getting what we want and making sure we are satisfied in the relationship?

                Absolutely. This, and be prepared to walk away in an instant if the situation calls for it.

                [–]AshyBoneVR4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Break up with her if it's bothering you. Otherwise talk to her. Let her know it bothers you as much as it does. If she keeps doing it, or hides the fact that she's doing it, and you find out, break up. End of story.

                [–]Mofis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                You are 100% right.

                [–]chim_city 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Man I'm glad you found TRP.

                [–]liberty1127 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Its over dummy. Don't deny it.

                [–]juliusstreicher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                In this kind of circumstance, I am 100% in favor of an immediate hard or soft next. That being said, I always think that it may be advantageous to 1. Immediately demote her to FWB or plate...without her knowing it and 2. Start taking her out a LOT in public (cheap places) so that other chicks can see you with another babe for some preselection.

                [–]11-Eleven-11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Only read the title. Dump her.

                [–]yeahnahimgood -4 points-3 points  (2 children)

                Can we all at least agree that texting another male, even on 3 AM, is not necessarily in a sexual context 100% of the times?

                I’m not saying you should listen to her bs, but I would at least verify it’s not like a cousin or some gay “girlfriend” or some plausible shit like that.

                In any other case I agree with everyone here, ghost.

                [–]yeahnahimgood 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                Lol, so many downvotes. Bitter incels here I swear to god...

                [–]juliusstreicher -1 points0 points  (0 children)

                Can we all at least agree that texting another male, even on 3 AM, is not necessarily in a sexual context 100% of the times?

                No.

                [–]justicecantakeanap -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

                Lol