Why do girls still leave their chad boyfriends/husbands for a guy we'd consider "lower" than him? (self.asktrp)

submitted by [deleted]

I hear about this kinda stuff happening, a girl's dating some ripped 6'5 guy and his girlfriend will cheat or leave on him for some skinny kid who's in a rock band. Biologically, i don't get it. Evolutionarily i really don't get it.

[–]quicklogaccount 56 points57 points  (3 children)

There are two things to consider here.
1 - We don't have the same perception of male value they do:
SMV is basically Status + good genes, and most often Status prevails. The guy in the rock band has HIGH smv: He has status, which makes his social group, which is enormous, prone to help her raise his offspring and support her, even if he doesn't stick to her. That is HIGHLY attractive.
Most times, high status beat good looks (good genes). It's WAY more rare. Women can pick up guys with good genes at ANY time. A 5 chick can pick up lots of 8 guys, she knows it. High status men are WAY less common and WAY harder to get.
Only chicks that are used to high status and bad genes fellows actually go the opposite way. A common example here is high born women that grew used to high end businessmen. Common example, but these chicks aren't common. lol

2 - Something called evolutionary egoism:

Take some axioms.

  • Once you have something granted, you want more. If your paycheck is granted, you'll strive to make it higher or work less. Once a man is granted to a woman, locked, she will want a better man (or invest less in the relationship);
  • Girlfriends perceive their boyfriend's SMV lower than they perceive other men's. They see them crying, losing boners, sick, whining, tired, stressed out;
  • When in LTRs, women go in "nesting" mode, they MAKE their boyfriends granted. Incentivize them to become less attractive and betafy;
  • We see people that SERVE us as beneath us. Women see servile boyfriends as beneath them, and automatically consider themselves to be worth more then they are. If Brad Pitt serves a landwhale, she feels she's above Brad Pitt and any guy who beats him in literally any aspect is good enough to trigger her hypergamy.

So basically, she finds an alpha, makes him a beta (or sees him as such) and cucks him so she can get even better genes.

I've seen this conversation my ex had:
"But you're a confident and beautiful woman. Does he think he'll leave you and manage to fuck around? He looks like he's mildly autistic."
"I'm not really confident, I'm insecure and anti social. I can act confident because I know he's there.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

the taken for granted thing makes sense and probably clears a lot of things up

[–]arul20 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Did your ex have that conversation about you or what? A little confusing there. Great post though.

[–]quicklogaccount 6 points7 points  (0 children)

She did.
It was the clearest example of women adding their SMV in top of their partner's I ever had.
She had a lot of issues, maybe more than I did. But she owned me, so she was sure she was above me. When I broke up her confidence crumbled.

[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 43 points44 points  (11 children)

"Alpha" isn't "the guy women never want to leave". It's "the guy with sexually attractive traits that women want to fuck."

She fucked him, she's gotten bored with him, she needs a guy who has money and takes care of her, she moves on.

"Alpha" and "Beta" aren't superior and inferior men, respectively. They're just shorthand for various traits and behaviors.

Alpha characteristics are things that make a woman sexually attracted to a man, sometimes (in fact often) at the expense of feeling comfortable and secure with the man.

Beta characteristics are things that make a woman comfortable with a man, but sometimes (in fact often) at the expense of feeling sexually attracted to the man.

When a married woman is horny and goes to the club, she's looking for an alpha man to cheat with. Or if she's married to an alpha man, she fucks him instead.

When a woman isn't as horny (such as being in the non-ovulating phase of her cycle) and wants to feel good about herself, valuable, and loved, she'll cuddle with her beta husband, or if her husband is alpha, she'll seek attention and validation elsewhere, which can sometimes cause her to question why she's married to an alpha dude and what the future holds for her.

[–]randomperson123321 3 points4 points  (10 children)

There is more to that. It's somethings that most guys miss completely.

What women consider a "chad" (a guy women never want to leave), is someone having the perfect (in their eyes) balance of "alpha" and "beta" traits. Essentially a man who they are attracted to, and comfortable with.

[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 15 points16 points  (8 children)

The idea of the "good alpha" -- a confident, good-looking leader who cares about his woman and mixes the right about of "beta" with his "alpha" to become a perfect man who never gets cheated on or left is a myth. That's not actually a thing.

Once you commit to a woman, you are weaker. You lose power, she gains it. And she hates that, even though she thinks it was what she wanted all along. There is not some kind of magical fine line between alpha and beta you can walk that will let you keep a woman forever. No such thing.

That's just loser blue-pill thinking. A bunch of internet intellectuals who've figured out something that sounds possible on paper, but doesn't actually happen, but they're desperate to believe that they can make this work.

[–]randomperson123321 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm talking from experience. Been seeing that for years.

What's known in the manosphere as a "comfort test" relates to this balance. Failing enough of them costs you the woman.
It should also be noted that a "shit test" also relates to this balance, and is used more often, since women instinctively look for more "alpha" traits than "beta" traits.

One more thing. Having a woman not wanting to leave you and not wanting to cheat on you are two completely different things.
Pay more attention to what I've wrote. It's consuming enough to be "alpha" enough, let alone taking the right amount of "beta" traits into account.

It's the "the more alpha, the better" thinking that messes up the "Internet intellectuals" who proceed into implementing this approach into their lives, and end up all alone and miserable in the end. If they don't kill themselves that is.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

So is it possible for the alpha to be happily married - to settle down? Or are you saying that the alpha needs to sacrifice many alpha characteristics in order to be "happily married"? It's definitely very grey. I'm getting married soon and definitely the alpha in the relationship. Dread game is strong. I don't forsee becoming the bitch, but maybe that's naive.

[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 6 points7 points  (2 children)

It's not so black and white. "Alpha" and "Beta" aren't things you are or become. They're just shorthand for attraction-building (and often comfort-diminishing) behaviors and comfort-building (and often attraction-reducing) behaviors.

It's not a matter of which one of you is "alpha" in the relationship and whether you "become the bitch" or not. It's a matter of whether you remain her best option, with 100% certainty, from now until the end of time -- and she's the one judging what her best options are, not you, so her perceptions are what matter in this decision.

Obviously, if you slip in value or she gains in value, that changes things, but if her mere perceptions change, or she makes an error in judgment, that can also cost you.

[–]babybopp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

To put it into perspective, alphas are like high heels and betas are like sneakers. High heels are uncomfortable but make the girl look good. Sneakers are comfortable. Both are shoes for different occasions.

[–]Endorsed Contributorseattleron 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fucking Gold! Remind me! 6 months

[–]quicklogaccount 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She will inevitably see you as less of an Alpha, less attractive, the moment she realizes her power over you increased. It'll probably happen as soon as you sign the papers, but it can take a bit longer. Not much longer. You'll have to make up for that loss of attraction (or settle with the new sex life).

As for being happily married, women are rarely unhappy. They no longer have social motivation and pressure to remain unfulfilled, she simply cashes in the divorce. They might be unhappy if they're locked by an abusive fellow, women have a hard time handling that.
The problem there will be you. Monogamy is inherently anguishing, you'll have to cope with it, and ideally she has to be worth the hassle coping with it is for you. Otherwise you'll grow into an afc, yet another guy who's committed out of sheer scarcity mentality and inability to pay the price to leave.

[–]MrTyler_Durden 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes fucking finally. This is absolutely correct and your original comment should be made into its own post and studied by the new guys.

"The guy that a woman never wants to leave" because he also sprinkles in some "beta" traits is not the alpha that girls just want to fuck. Women HAVE to leave the alpha because if she ever hopes to have a successful relationship with a man... she knows she won't be able to trust herself around the alpha. If I had a dollar for everytime I was hooking up with a chick, and she ghosts 3-6months in and then started dating a guy right away... id be one rich bitch. They have to get away from you in order to make the committed relationship they wanted from you, work with the beta they settled for.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yep. remember, you are either the alpha the girl is fucking, or the beta who only cuddles with the girl

you cannot be in between. it is physically impossible

none of us will ever be happy in this life

we should all just die, because happiness is a social construct - an illusion

Ltr's are a fools game.

brb killing self

[–]MrTyler_Durden 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is wrong

[–]dadstartingover_com 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Women have needs. Lots of them. These needs pop up sporadically and have to be addressed on a regular basis. It's ok to miss one every now and then... but miss the same need regularly and she WILL find somebody or some thing to fill the void.

Skinny guy in rock band? Alpha dude didn't fulfill her "just be fun and spontaneous and not give a shit" need.

Relationship NEEDS

[–]1walawalawa 7 points8 points  (6 children)

This happened to me. The girl I was banging was grooming orbiters and they gave her lots of validation whereas I soft-nexted whenever she misbehaved...which was a lot.

She figured out after the first 3-4 times that she could somehow eventually come back. That probably lowered my value to her.

Meantime she's making "Friends" with two of my "friends" who I would never have considered serious challenges...except one of the guys who was really putting in his time orbiting because he wasn't aware we were banging...ended up going out to a fancy dinner, buying her a bottle of wine, getting her sloppy drunk and throwing herself at him.

I hard-nexted. So now she's no longer chasing that loser because...well, it's not in her interests now that he served his purpose.

Women don't have the ability to plan or think logically. They figure they can always re-seduce a guy or then rationalize "He was an asshole anyway..."

There's ALWAYS some orbiter ready to try his luck on the rebound.

[–]mr_dannyocean 0 points1 point  (1 child)

This your BPD ex again? From your reply to my other comment and your recent ones, I swear we were fucking the same girl.

[–]1walawalawa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Funny how these girls all have the same patterns and then again so do we.

Breaking out of it takes work.

[–]Late30sMasculist -1 points0 points  (3 children)

I hard-nexted. So now she's no longer chasing that loser because...well, it's not in her interests now that he served his purpose.

I do not get your point. What was his purpose?

[–]1walawalawa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His purpose to her was to make me jealous...no that I've completely ghosted her...there's no reason for her to keep him as an orbiter.

[–]mr_dannyocean 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Females (especially low IQ ones) tend to mistakenly believe that dread game has the same effect on on males as it does on them.

[–]Endorsed Contributorseattleron 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly. It makes them love us more. It makes us no longer love them.

[–]BestSC86 6 points7 points  (0 children)

With the vast majority of women, STATUS is the number one criteria.

The skinny dude in this case is in band which makes him the center of attention.....>>>> girl who is his GF is then also the center of that attention.

In the usual case, don't discount the hamster as well. Women are lazy and the constant worry that the 6-5 built Chad has to be watched 24/7 because of the numerous opportunities available is hard work. So many jump ship to a dude about whom they don't have to worry and then they let their hamster run wild trying to convince themselves and trying to convince everyone else how "awesome" their beta neckbeard really is.

It makes for some funny office Christmas parties, where people hear about some Superman BF for months....so they get excited to meet this Ryan Gosling look alike with David Beckham skills, then the freaking chubby dullard walks in??? And people spend the next hour going "no, really, where is the real dude?"

[–]Peter_B_Long 7 points8 points  (3 children)

It's all about how she feels. If the less alpha guy can give her more tingles, then she'll get wet panties for him

[–]moontripper1246 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Straight up. This is the right answer and it's flying over EVERYONE'S head.

[–]AcidMal 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Came here for this. Why do people assume a 6'5 ripped dude couldn't be a giant pussy?

[–]moontripper1246 2 points3 points  (0 children)

r/theredpill really really wants all guys who get laid to be ripped, rich and good looking. Doesn't matter if your fat, doesn't matter how much money you have, doesn't matter how you look. All that matters is emotional stimulation.

[–]RedEyesBlueShades 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Because after recognising (correctly) the AF/BB dynamics, the now extended RP community has has adopted a (wrong) idea of what constitutes the oh-so elusive 'alpha'.

Alpha is not what you have been led to believe, which is why you are asking the question. Alpha is simply "the guy a woman will fuck". So the woman never "leaves" an alpha, but always goes to fuck one.

Alpha is also very tightly related to status, and status is highly circumstantial. In a small rural community the neckbeard can be the alpha, and have all the women. Of course, when this 'alpha' moves out of his little community, he'll be nothing but a beta (very likely, not necessarily). Just like the super ripped Chad is nothing but yet another super ripped Chad who is at the skinny kid's concert. Who do you think is the high status dude here, Chad or the skinny kid who is recognised on the street by scores of people? Who would she "look cooler with"? Or when would her girlfriends​ envy her more?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

But rnt there times when all her friends look at her new bf not with envy but they literally yell "you dumped ur ex for HIM?"

[–]arul20 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She validates her fuck-target with her friends before banging him. Not after.

[–]mrpoopistan 8 points9 points  (0 children)

One issue that's not getting discussed here is mate retention fears.

If a woman is convinced her mate won't stick with her, she will drop him to preempt his inevitable betrayal.

There's a reason women want alpha with a side of beta. It's the side of beta that convinces her that -- against all logic or probability -- that the studly alpha male treasures her.

Remember, women keep selecting for mates until they hit an alpha male who overvalues her and goes a little beta to keep her around. That's the end game.

It's what makes women so goddamned nuts. It's hard to find a man who'll concurrently overvalue her without undervaluing himself.

This is why women heap so much blame on guys for how they act early in relationships vs late in them. In the early wooing and courting phase, she feels overvalued and fucking loves it. Then things slowly fall off because of boredom, familiarity, her aging, or his own improvement, etc. Then she no longer feels overvalued, and at that point you've taken her drug from her, and she'll go hunting for a new pusher.

[–]Frigzy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Probably because they are two different sides of the same coin. Biological/physical peak or societal peak.

The shredded guy can't properly touch an instrument while the artist can't properly lift a sack of potatoes.

Both are means to gain some sort of traction on the dominant side of society's hierarchy. Woman's interest generally isn't based on an either or mentality. As long as the trait functions in some form or another to make their partners appear higher up in the hierarchy, they can feel attracted.

[–]jay_jay_man 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Status - the leader of the pack will always have more status than an individual physical specimen. From an evolution standpoint, the leader and his five pack members offer greater protection than one individual protector.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because it doesn't make a shit what you think is "lower" than him.

[–]yomo86 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Being part of being perceived as alpha is oozing excitement or the chance to excite. No one even Chad from your example can project an almost James Bond-ques picture of himself forever.

[–]mabden 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Biologically/Evolutionary I don't get it.

My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday

Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan

Sperm Wars by Robin Baker

[–]ReddJive 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Money. Wealth. Being Mr. Universe. That shit means nothing compared to a man that has purpose. Direction. That other shit is just things one can easily change and grow.

But the other guy? He is the unmerciful god of everything in his universe. He makes shit happen despite the circumstances. This is an alpha.

[–]IVIaskerade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is more than one kind of status.

Looks, money, game, social proof, and boredom all contribute in this instance.

Sure, the guy is ripped and tall. Is his game on point? Does he give her the tingles? Has she already pigeon-holed him as her provider and is therefore "free" to fuck others?

Fundamentally, the band member represents something new and exciting. As attractive as Chad is, she knows him. She's already been with him. The band member, meanwhile, is a mystery - a new experience that she has to have (if he plays his cards right).

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She got bored and he started acting like a pussy around her.

Like literally every relationship.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)


[–]arul20 1 point2 points  (1 child)

'tis true. Well said m'lord.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

This guy is slightly broken