How do I build a social circle and how can I do better without one? (self.asktrp)

submitted by my2secondaccount

I've never struggled much with doing well personally. I lift, i work full time, go to uni part time, learn whatever skills I can in my very limited spare time and train BJJ. I do pretty much everything I can alone as an individual do that the sidebar reccomends.

I have however always struggled to build a social circle after high school. I moved cities and never had the time to do anything or go to any parties etc. I met people platonically but that was it. Nothing progressed from there. This has severely hampered my ability to get lays and understand basic social convention. Like I am totally out of loop of what everyone is into nowadays and am falling further and further behind in my red pill journey since I can relate less and less as time goes on. I literally didn't know what Snapchat was until mid 2017.

So I've got 2 questions going forward.

  1. How does one build AND maintain a social circle outside of a uni setting? I prefer to build one outside of a university setting cause uni is almost done for me and I need something in the real world.

  2. Obviously I cant depend on my friends to help me get more lays, I need to pursue this as an individual on my own and I'd much prefer that then depend on social status. However outside of online dating it's been a disaster since everything else requires social proof which I am severely lacking atm. Like if I go to a party alone in the creepy one there and automatically get rejected. How do I do better as an individual to get more lays? Like where can I go and what do I do to make my success rate less dependent on social status? Do I do more cold approaches at coffee shops? Do i go to clubs/bars more and game alone?

Like I honestly don't know the answer to this one. I want to be able to not depend on having a social circle but it's really hard without it.

Id love to hear your responses to these two questions.

[–]2chazthundergut 34 points35 points  (0 children)

  1. Prioritize making friends over getting lays. Friendship with men you respect is worth much more than sex.

  2. Don't worry about "keeping up" with the latest social conventions. Instead, focus on building yourself up as a man. Believe me, masculinity is a universal that transcends social conventions, and is also in extremely short supply right now. It is a seller's market for any strong man who is living life fully on his own terms and is grounded in his own reality. I don't use Snapchat or Instragram at all and I'm currently seeing a 20 year old (I am 30). You think she cares? More importantly, do you think I care if she cares?

  3. There must be dudes from BJJ you are vibing with. That's a great place to meet real men. If you want a friendship, however, you need to be willing to put in a little effort. Like, suggest grabbing a beer after practice, or invite them over to watch the UFC. Don't be needy or pushy at all, but you need to be willing to take initiative and of plan an outing.

  4. Do not write off men from university. You are in no place to be so picky, and there are plenty of solid dudes there. Again, start shooting the shit with some guys in your class and plan something.

General advice: chicks bond over talking, men bond over doing. So try to plan stuff that is action-based. Hikes are a very good place to start.

[–]lucasven 1 point2 points  (0 children)

1 You need to put on the effort, time and money to do so. Go do the stuff even if you don't want to. When it becomes an habit, you'll be doing it without even thinking about it. Hang you with different groups of people, one is going to introduce you to 3 or 4 others and when you get to know them, they'll introduce you to more and more people. That's the only way to do it, and it takes time.

2 you can game girls anywhere you can, but without social proof your frame needs to be the best. And you have to seem like you don't care, which I personally find hard to do without a big social circle. Build your social circle with people you enjoy being with, with people that ask you out now and then. Last LTR dumped me for lack of social proof, among other things.

[–]JohnKway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"and train BJJ" these are your brothers. You literally trust them with your limbs. Just shoot an invitation to watch UFC/BJJ or choose a time in weekend open mat where you can bro out. Things will come in time you just need to take the first step sometimes.