40
41

LTR Trickle Truthed me about cheating (self.asktrp)

submitted by curvvthrow

So my girlfriend of 10 months just threw a fucking curve ball at me. She's admitted in the past (it was roughly 10 years ago) that she had cheated on a long term partner because she was unsatisfied with him. I brushed it off because she made it seem like a mistake and AWALT right?

Cue her now feeling terrible & saying shes a better person despite never revealing to the partner at the time that she cheated on him.

"I was young and very unhappy....I'd been with this guy for 6 years and I didn't know how to end it....I'd known I was unhappy for a long time" her exact words.

The problem is, she made it sound like it was a one time thing. She actually said "I've only cheated once" I guess this is what they call trickle truth because when I pressed her further she goes on to tell me the full story.

Turns out it was her brother's friend and it happened more than ONCE. They met up roughly around 3-4 times behind this poor guy's back. Her excuse being "my partner started feeling like a brother to me"

Now, after digesting the Red Pill, I'm sat here wondering why the fuck I am LTRing this woman. Once a cheater always a cheater right? She says and swears that she will just end it if she was ever that unhappy again. But alcohol + impulses.

Cue Girls Night Out this weekend. Cue how much her cousin is a single past the wall sloot and how the clubs are a meat market. What are my options here? I can't outright tell her not to go out. I feel like I cannot trust this woman. The cheating story has got to me big time.

She's not done anything for me to distrust her but then what happens behind closed doors... Is dump the only option here?

Should I just follow Rollo's advice (https://therationalmale.com/2012/08/27/girls-night-out/) and let her go without bringing this up?

My issue is that I do not want to be fucking cuckolded if this woman is capable of cheating and never telling her partner. Right now, I feel almost betrayed by her trickle truth. Cautious at first but now I know the full story I feel almost led on and that I cannot believe anything that comes out of her fucking mouth.


[–][deleted]  (10 children)

[deleted]

[–]curvvthrow[S] 12 points13 points  (9 children)

So in this case is it better to state my boundaries or disregard it and silently plate?

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–]slurmfactory 13 points14 points  (2 children)

    Yeah, and she'll probably use his "lack of trusting her" as justification to cheat anyway.

    [–]billybobjoecarl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Jesus Christ that is frighteningly accurate

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    A girl likely to cheat or primed for it will use anything as an excuse to cheat.

    [–]alltrueism 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    You are 10 months in. Stating your boundaries now won't do anything. Your current inquiry shows you are invested, and that's understandable. You can lay it all out on the line for her, but if she intends to cheat, she will tell you exactly what you want to hear, all the while doing exactly the opposite. Look for these signs: -trickle truth (she's already done this) -projecting (she will say things like "aren't you tired of me?" or something similar disguised as a comfort test -she spends more time on her make up and appearance than usual, even if she's just going to work -she starts being flakey, distant, or busting your balls over stupid shit

    All this creates a gut feeling that you may want to ignore depending on your investment. Your best option is adapt the mindset that you are single again and ready to mingle.

    [–]krefnasterploc 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    I’m not going off much information here but yeh I’d keep her around but dust off your resume and start finding better plates on the side

    That way when you finally see her on her phone deleting texts or being weird about shit you’ll be in a good spot.

    I had an ex that told me she cheated on her ex and that she didn’t even like the guy and I literally couldn’t take it anymore and watched her type out her phone passcode and one night and read every text and email for the last 2 years. She was clean as a whistle and I never had an issue again. I tolerated her another 2 years

    So do your thing man. Make yourself comfortable and don’t torture yourself if you don’t want man. It’s a giant fucking world out there and there are shit loads of fish in the sea

    [–]Sensei_Hensei 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    It's hard to plate a woman that you have even somewhat of a oneitis for.

    [–]nastynickdr 36 points37 points  (0 children)

    Once a cheater always a cheater right?

    Very likely. There will be some time that she will get "bored", you didnt give her enough attention, "im not haaaaaaaaaaaaaappy!", etc, and as we know, then it only takes the right Chad at the right time saying the correct words. You can do better. This is the kind of girl I refer to as "bored bitch": you have to keep her "entertained" 100% of the time, giving her highs and lows, push and pull, or she gets bored and sits on another cock. I bet she has no hobbies, other than "laughing, traveling and going out with my gurlssssss". Not viable for long term, fine for plate.

    See how she is hamstering that it wasnt her fault. If there was ANY chance of you giving a shot at this, she should be completely admitting that it was completely HER fault, that she was a shitty person for doing it and she regrets it completely. But of course shes a woman, she wont take responsability for her acts.

    Also, is she going on GNOs with slutty friends? Dude... Have some self respect. Shes already bored. Why would she prefer grinding her ass and tits on other guys instead of being with you? Hint: she has zero fear of losing you and doesnt respect you. She should be the one wondering "what is my hot stud of a boyfriend doing alone at a saturday evening while im here, what if some bitch makes a move on him and steals him from me!". Think for yourself, are you OK with that? Do you value your commitment so low like that? You have to value yourself, value your commitment, or no one will.

    [–]Aaren_Augustine 21 points22 points  (0 children)

    I've had three women at work admit the same thing. AWALT doesn't necessarily mean they'll do it to you. Doesn't mean they won't.

    Then they'll tell you about the branch swinging that happened. You'll get the indirect comments that are putting her in a light a politician will use when he got caught with his hand in the pussy jar.

    You'll see some of that on MRP as well. Its very common. Its a feature with women in general. This is why you know how to pass shit and comfort tests. This is why you have your mental point of origin and develop frame.

    THIS IS WHY YOU SET BOUNDERIES IN YOUR LTR.

    Cue Girls Night Out this weekend.

    "Women I give my commitment to don't go to clubs." Broken record.

    Its not a no, it's not a yes. its consequence. Should be an easy choice for her. Just be prepared to ghost if she goes.

    [–]clint_bronson 31 points32 points  (1 child)

    Oh look another LTR going to a girls night out... You know it, I know it, everbody knows it.

    Act accordingly.

    [–]TheGatesOfValhalla 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    The American people know it.

    [–]fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck- 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    This girl has “that guy,” the one she fucks in between boyfriends or even just fucks because they do dirtier shit than she even does with you.

    They will always fuck.

    P.S. EVERY cheater says, “Next time I’ll end it first” BEFORE they cheat.

    [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 30 points31 points  (13 children)

    She hasn't cheated yet.

    All women will cheat at some point, most have cheated in the past.

    She's not yours, it's just your turn.

    If this bothers you this much, maybe LTR's are not for you. And they don't have to be. Why should you invest everything in someone who responds to niceness with asexuality? ("feels like a brother").

    I'm saying either make your peace with the fact that cheating might happen, or don't do LTR's.

    [–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 21 points22 points  (0 children)

    Why should you invest everything in someone who responds to niceness with asexuality? ("feels like a brother").

    Genius.

    [–]curvvthrow[S] 6 points7 points  (9 children)

    The cheating is easier to deal with than a woman who hides it and cuckolds you which ends up in you never finding out. This is what worries me, it's being potentially cucked whilst I hand her my commitment.

    Of course every woman is capable of it. So I guess I act accordingly with Rollo's advice and not show that it bothers me.

    [–]dontbedenied 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Some women are more likely to do it than others. What kind of woman do you want to be with? This girl is going to cheat on you, and you know it. Why else would she divulge that info about her cheating in the past? She's laying the groundwork to cheat on you, so that she'll later be able to say "I told you I have problems being faithful." If she respected you, she wouldn't say that shit. It's only a matter of when and how long before you find out.

    [–]BusterVadge 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Why does not knowing bother you so much? Does it attack your feeling of security? Maybe that's what you should focus on, or get out of the LTR so you can work on yourself.

    [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    it's being potentially cucked whilst I hand her my commitment

    If you mean literally cuckolded, then DNA testing is the answer (AND let her know you'll be doing so, so she doesn't ruin your family by cheating after the first kid).

    If you mean metaphorically cucked.... well, if you're the provider of security and commitment, it's highly likely she'll cheat eventually.

    I guess I act accordingly with Rollo's advice and not show that it bothers me.

    Disagree. Telling her "there are no consequences for cheating" is just allowing it to happen.

    My solution is not to commit at all.

    [–]aDrunkenWhaler 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Do you think it is a coincidence that this 10yr old story popped into her head just now, with the girls night out coming? Even if she doesn't plan to cheat, her subconcious knows what's up. Tell her to enjoy the party, then soft next or plate.

    [–][deleted]  (4 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 10 points11 points  (3 children)

      Why would I sacrifice my own morality and integrity just to make myself believe that I am in a commited relationship with a woman? Just don't promise them exclusivity and you are not cheating. It's as simple as that.

      [–]curvvthrow[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      So in this case is it better to state my boundaries or disregard it and silently plate?

      [–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      You never state your boundaries once they appear. That is something you should have done waaaayy earlier. I wouldn't plate her as well. Just next. The fact that yyouhave to ask for advice here is a dead give away that you are not in a mental state where you will succeed. You will crawl back into your comfort zone with her after you have hamstered sometime to yourself why that should be OK.

      [–]HappyMexican 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Yeah this is more the voice of reason. TRP says "NEXT HARD" all the time. But /u/mattyAnon actually took 10 seconds to remember core beliefs and apply them to the situation.

      No matter what the LTR, you are only renting her. Always have a plan B and defensive's up. I would only caution next her if you were thinking about proposing to her right now and just find this out. You guys still under a year so keep banging that puss and keep it satisfied.

      You could also start uping security. Read her texts, emails, and IMs. Women with clean conscious will give you permission.

      [–]Chahhhles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Why should you invest everything in someone who responds to niceness with asexuality? ("feels like a brother").

      aint that a bitch?

      [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      There are a large number of red flags here. You should have broken up with her already.

      [–]ReddJive 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      Your problem isn't her cheating slutty past.

      Your problem is how you are dealing with it.

      [–]bobtheseal 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      Sounds like shes deployed some sort of dred level on you to either buck up or she will take her pussy somewhere else.

      Becareful with this woman..

      [–]ReddingtonsShitList 7 points8 points  (2 children)

      I can't outright tell her not to go out<

      Yes you can. You can set the boundary and if she ignores it or violates it then you show her the door.

      You are not engaged. You are not married. Set this boundary and she will either have some new respect for you or you next her.

      [–]TRP Vanguardnicethingyoucanthave 8 points9 points  (1 child)

      I just want to point out that I don't think I've ever seen women believe that they're not allowed to set boundaries. Women tell their boyfriends "no" all the time.

      [–]ReddingtonsShitList 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      They do that with beta bitches. It's a shit test on their part.

      [–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      So why is she bringing this shit up now?

      And how old are you and how old is she?

      She actually said "I've only cheated once"

      "I fucked one other guy a lot...ok probably more than one but I'm only admitting to one."

      [–]TRP VanguardWhisper 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Do you think she told you this just because?

      She is testing your attitude about cheating. To see if you will forgive her when she does it.

      Not if.

      [–]SovereignSoul76 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      "Once a cheater always a cheater right?"

      Maybe. I dunno. Sounds like a perfect example of "Once a liar, always a liar" though. Bitch is full of shit. "Turns out it was actually 3-4 times"....HA! Hey buddy, wanna buy a bridge?

      She is incapable of being honest with herself. "... saying shes a better person" what the fuck is that based on? We all know the answer: that's her current Feelz.

      [–]quicklogaccount 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Once a cheater always a cheater right?

      Nope. People learn.

      They met up roughly around 3-4 times behind this poor guy's back. Her excuse being "my partner started feeling like a brother to me"

      On a rule of thumb cheaters tell or trickle truth to ease the guilt, but she won't tell because of that, her hamster could handle it then and it can handle it now. She might tell because she developed some sense of morality or trusts herself enough to be able to overcome the consequential dumping (this inability is why she never told him).
      BUT guilt isn't the only tell away of cheaters, there are others. You can trust that she'll give other cues. Lies (lies are easy to catch, most people suck hard on them), obsession about your schedule, defensiveness, sudden and uncalled change of behaviors, among others.

      But alcohol + impulses.

      Yep. That's one way for it to happen. Another is a skilled player being interested and you being absent.

      Is dump the only option here?

      Ok. For YOU, it is. Here's the thing.
      The answer for "will she cheat?" can't have any weight on whether you commit to a chick or not. That answer is yes, to every woman, if there's a stranger with enough sum of patience, game and attraction.
      The thing that should account for you to commit to a chick is her having the potential to make up for all the pussy you won't be fucking. This is a continuous thing, she has to be able to make up for you not banging one new gal a (day/week/month/year, you know you).
      If she managed that much and eventually cheats, well, lame, but you haven't really lost anything. You'll handle it however you feel you must, and you must be always capable of that. You need to always be capable of leaving, and cheating isn't the only bad a woman can do to her partner.

      Now, you seem to be basing your relationship with her on somewhat ethereal values, monogamy mainly. Monogamy harms you a lot more than it harms her man, a chick's capacity to monogamy isn't a reason to commit to her and her incapacity to it still qualifies her as a pretty decent plate. The only shit that really harms you is being a cuck and don't worry, you'll have to accept and embrace this role, you won't be fooled into it (if you stick to RP).

      Let this one go, go fuck around and get yourself a chick that, if you find out she fucked up, whichever the fuck up was, you won't flicker about all the time you lost but just let go and think about all the new pussy. (Or about how much you'll enjoy her efforts to make up for the fuck up)

      [–]Endorsed ContributorNightwingTRP 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Is dump the only option here?

      Yes, regardless of what you do it looks like she's set herself up to go sleep with another guy this weekend. Time for you to go sleep with another girl. Unless you can't... in which case you now have the explanation why she wants to go sleep with another guy instead of you.

      [–]900PercentSaltIntake 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Girls Night Out this weekend

      lol

      [–]GreatMenderTeapill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Random question... is your girlfriend in this picture and if so, which one is she?

      [–]Herdsengineers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Plan something like a guy's night out. Make sure she knows there will be other women in the environment. Inspire a little dread.

      You can do subtle things to let her know that if she cheats, you can replace her easily enough because you're High SMV. If she's into you, values your High SMV, and doesn't want to be nexted, then dread will motivate her to keep herself in line.

      [–]chasebandz01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      she sounds like a piece of shit. i'd plate her

      [–]TheRationalMale.comRollo-Tomassi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Women's hindbrains preplan things like this. This is why your mate guarding instinct is kicking in. If a woman has it decided in her head that she's going to cheat on you, she's gonna 'cheat' on you.

      All you have to do is decide what your own behavior is going to be and it looks like you already know know what you need to do. If she sees you as her Beta Bucks provider fall back guy I'd suggest not even considering her for a FWB. You'll be the one she resorts to when she "accidentally" gets pregnant with "your kid" when she comes back from her GNO.

      [–]TheDreadnought1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Dude, even if she is now reformed (which she isn't), even if she would never cheat on you (which she would and will), just the prospect of her cheating is terrifying you and leaving you angry and that's why you should leave. I can relate to that. It means you aren't ready for a LTR, specially a LTR with a ex(lol)-slut.

      I wouldn't recommend demote either, because emotional attachment. Just ghost her and work on yourself, fuck some random women, up your value and absorve AWALT so you can be less desperate at the idea of being cheated on. And/or find a less slooty GF. Cheated on the past several times and does GNOs with a post wall resented bitch? NEXT

      [–]1DubbleFUPAwitCheez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      One thing I personally try to keep in mind is, the more compromises you make with your own feelings on something, the deeper the hook goes and the more it hurts when it gets ripped out. It will make any rebound from this situation that much harder.

      To put it bluntly, you're not marrying this chick right? I would just start making moves on other girls and then break up with her.

      [–]RedwallAllratuRatbar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This goes to unpopular advice trash bin, but despite learning about guys learning things and banging girls right and left, one thing I learned is to NEVER end any relationship/plate. At least not verbaly. You want them to stay as long as possible, with reasonably small effort. You may be disgusted with some chick one day, then regret dissing her when you are forced to go to shitty clubs to find replacement. To my knowledge, girls only out is just codename for party without you. 0 parties without you are allowed in any relationships. Keep her, but don't marry her

      [–]dirtygarbage1974 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      No way man. People can learn from their mistakes. That all sounds very reasonable. AWALT is true. Every woman has a capacity to cheat. You've seen it first hand. Being unhappy in a 6 year relationship with way out makes sense. Is she unhappy with you now? If not don't worry about it.

      [–]drqxx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Be the prize or be replaced.

      I have two LTR we are altogether. I can't allow a crack to show. A moment of weakness or they will toss me to the curb.

      Be the prize!

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Thots gonna Thot.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Ghost this unfaithful, mentally diseased whore

      [–]LordThunderbolt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Nexting is the name of the game ----->

      [–]Big_Daddy_PDX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      It’s like you are able to identify all the problems and actions but you’re still acting clueless. Why don’t you make a decision instead of asking us?

      [–]oldslut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      i hope you made great big plans with the boys this weekend

      [–]topapito 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      She's admitted in the past (it was roughly 10 years ago) that she had cheated on a long term partner because she was unsatisfied with him.

      Question. Why are you even having this conversation? Do you really believe she is going to tell you any truth? Women will only tell you what they believe you need to hear. They do not offer information that they believe may hurt them. There is a reason for each and every bit of info you get from a woman, and it is all meant to set up a theme. A show. A presence.

      You are acting on garbage information. People, men, women, they all fuck, and yes, they even do it with other people. Not everyone is waiting around to see whether they are going to disappoint you if they fuck.

      It is the quality of the exchange you have in your relationship you should be worried about. Not whether she fucked someone else or cheated or didn't. Who gives a fuck? Anyone telling me they have never cheated gets a hearty laugh from me.

      Everyone has cheated one way or another. We are humans, not fucking robots. Learn to live with the fact that your woman has seen, felt, been fucked by other dicks. The circumstances don't matter. And then enjoy yourself with her for as long as you can.

      When your turn runs out, you will be dismissed. You should have been scouting your next hit before then. Never stop scouting hits. Worry about you. Not her.

      [–]huge_gap 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Yeah major red flag. She's testing you to see how you react. Either she is dreading you to marry her "we were together six years and I didn't know what to do" or she cheated/plans to cheat on you and is building up to it. Either way don't ltr this ho

      [–]DiggerClam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Move on dude.

      [–]TxnyMontana 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Men, don't get paranoid. It seems like you're not having a good time with this but mostly because you're taking too much information from TRP and taking it directly to your case. It's not like this. AskTRP is like google for symptoms: you will always have cancer there. Use it but don't over react.

      The best response here is the one from /u/MattyAnon . At some point, every girl will cheat. I don't think your girl did yet, but it doesn't matter at this point.

      Once a cheater always a cheater? not exactly. Cheating is not something that happens once and then, eventually will happen again. Actually it could never happen, but that's not the best outcome.

      Supose your girl will cheat on you (at some point she might) so, what will you do?

      • you break up with her because she don't want to be a cuck? that's not a good move
      • control her everytime to guarantee she's not cheating? that's not a chill way to live

      My personal view? let her do whatever she wants. Yes, my GF may be cheating on me right now, but I could never know it. As long as she is not showing obvious signals, she's not being bitchy and she's fucking with me and doing the chores, I dont give a fuck. And you should be doing the same.

      PS: Lift

      [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Once a cheater always a cheater? not exactly.

      I've known a few girls (while seeing them as FWB) who tell me they've cheated in every relationship they've had. Perhaps this is why they're open to non-exclusive relationships, because they know they'll cheat anyway.

      They're also the best girls I've known, in terms of the quality of the relationship I have with them.

      Obviously commitment to them is a terrible idea.... but the point is that cheating isn't random - some girls cheat more than others.

      My personal view? let her do whatever she wants.

      This makes sense if you're not offering any commitment. The second you're making sacrifices for her (especially of the "not fucking other women" variety), you don't want her squandering your efforts.

      As long as she is not showing obvious signals, she's not being bitchy and she's fucking with me and doing the chores, I dont give a fuck.

      Sure, so long as you're happy for it to end... and you see a girlfriend as a girl to fuck rather than invest in.

      And indeed, this seems to be the only reasonable conclusion.

      [–]PurpleDrank88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Kind of an aside and not really answering your question (sorry), but I just wanted to note that this "once a cheater always a cheater" line doesn't really make as much sense in the context of TRP. The whole point of AWALT is that most women will cheat under the right (i.e. hypergamous) circumstances. If you are LTRing a girl, you should be accepting that there is a chance she will cheat on you unless your SMV is high enough to prevent it, and being prepared to dump her and be comfortable being on your own when it happens.

      [–]imn0tg00d -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      Man you guys are freaking out over little things. Who cares if she cheats, she was never yours, it was only your turn. You guys gotta learn to be independent.