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Any chance to get past "let's just be friends" talk? (self.asktrp)

submitted by melkijades

I'm positive this has been asked a billion times before, but I would like to know if there is any way to get past "let's be friends" talk with a girl.

I asked this girl I know from university on a date, she said yes. We wen't to see a movie, after it had finished it started raining outside and I suggested to go swinging on a hammock in a nearby park... She said "yes"... It was heavily raining and we were swinging there soaking wet... I tried to be funny, cracking jokes and everything, she reacted by smiling, joking back, touching me etc... We spent 6 hours together... she told me I was funny... and that she had the time of her life....

I did teasing, qualify/disqualify...

When saying goodbye I didn't kiss her because somehow I didn't feel it was the moment to... (I can't really explain this...)

The next day we started texting again... she even sent me some photoshopped photos of me in different memes...

And in the middle of texting she asked me if I talk like this to every girl out there... Wanting to act cool, I replied something along the lines of "Yes... but you're the only one that reacts positively..."

She told me: Yeah... not really... let's just be friends.

Out of the blue. Just like that.

I would like to know if there is any hope for this situation and hear if anybody has overcome it.


[–][deleted]  (38 children)

[deleted]

[–]SeamusAwl 41 points42 points  (17 children)

There is NO path from the Friend Zone to the Bone Zone.

Not entirely true. The only path is to do exactly like you said and if your paths cross again down the road, time and being a much more valuable man could reset it. But who cares because you are not "just friends" with other girls.

[–]BurnieSlander 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Advice from master slayer Richard LaRuina: the only way out of the friend zone is to treat her like a friend; game girls in front of her, get her to wing for you, call her bro, etc.. Forget about her as an individual and use her as an opportunity to expand your social circle.

[–]Endorsed Contributormallardcove 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It's absolutely true

She will never see you "in that way". Even if you completely improve yourself and turn into a male model Chad celebrity.

And even if that did happen and she did find you down the road and she did want you, enough time would pass that she would probably be post wall, and/or used up.

[–]Merwebb 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Could be but why bother?

[–]SeamusAwl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You dont bother. Thats the point.

[–]Dmva100 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Women who put you in the friendzone want you to commit suicide

[–]DntPnicIGotThis -1 points0 points  (0 children)

this is also true but you have to keep the mentality of the parent comment

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]chim_city 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Scream that shit in front of a mirror, every morning

    [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    OP You are not going to get a better truth bomb than this one. Please actually take this advice

    [–]Yonski3 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    You have limited time, money, and emotional energy. Do not waste any more of it on a woman who isn't attracted to you.

    Amen.

    [–]TheDreadnought1 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    This. As said in The Book of Pook, "Friendship: ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER"

    Maybe in a few months without contact, when you've improved, you can try again and have success, OP. But not now

    [–]DntPnicIGotThis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    church.

    [–]alphabachelor 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Dude, I've been upvoting your comments for the last few months as you contribute much needed insight. And with this gem, you managed to outdo yourself.

    Enjoy the gold.

    [–]4TBhdd 0 points1 point  (4 children)

    Question for any of the guys out there who are connoisseurs of game "lines"...

    Instead of "Yes... but you're the only one that reacts positively..." (format edit) what would have been a better line?

    And when she shot back the LJBF bomb, what would have been an effective counter response? I know most are saying to just go radio silent right then and there, but let's try it anyway.. what would have been a good response?

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]4TBhdd -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

      Thanks for the great reply. Asking her to introduce you to other girls is clever. She's obviously not going to, but it's a good counter-punch. How's this...

      "Sure we can be friends.. and since friends help each other out.... do you know any girls you could set me up with? I wanted to take you to dinner at (name of nice restaurant) but I could take her instead." Obviously she'll say no, but that's not the point.

      [–]Merwebb 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Nope.

      [–]DntPnicIGotThis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      pivot into a different direction. tbh their text conversation went on way too long if she was able to get this question out.

      he was on the edge when she asked and the fact that he basically told her no women found him the least bit interesting was him jumping off the cliff.

      [–]1z1z2x2x3c3c4v4v -3 points-2 points  (4 children)

      If she reaches out, asking "Can't we be friends," the correct response is to say, "we are," and then don't.

      Can you explain why the appropriate response is not something more along the lines of "No we can't. I am interested in you and can't accept just being friends with you. Let me know if you ever change your mind?"

      I mean, why play along with the answer of "we are"? Wouldn't a better frame be that he won't accept that? In that he asserts what he wants?

      [–]knitro 9 points10 points  (1 child)

      Because your response is overly emotional and dramatic. Everyone knows the score, but you are still trying to change the result of the game with that response. Further, it's pretty hard to claim assertiveness when you text 'let me know..' anything. If she wants to get back onto your radar, she'll do it. Calling women out on their shit doesn't accomplish anything - accept the rare honesty of her response to you (LJBF), and move forward.

      By saying 'we are' you are basically letting her know that this is the level of attention she can expect as a friend, and nothing more. You aren't interested in her games. Women are generally pretty socially savvy, and she'll get the picture without you typing that 'end of a 80s movie protagonist' declaration about your own feelings.

      [–]1z1z2x2x3c3c4v4v 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Thank you for the explanation. Something to think about this weekend...

      [–]Heyitworks -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

      Sidebar. Now.

      [–]Zanford -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

      If she reaches out, asking "Can't we be friends," the correct response is to say, "we are," and then don't.

      Beautiful.

      [–]mrpthrowa 30 points31 points  (0 children)

      Of course you're friends, you're acting like a friend to her, apparently you spent 6 hours together, including some hot wet soaking stuff in a hammock and you didn't try to kiss her or get your hands in her panties, much less fuck her.

      Any girl will be downright insulted by that - they'll think they are either not hot enough for you, or you're clueless. They have a huge ego so they assume the latter.

      [–]fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck- 48 points49 points  (4 children)

      You fucked up in the date itself.

      • Movie
      • Swinging on a hammock
      • Tried to be funny and cheesy
      • SIX HOURS

      Amount of moves made: 0

      She got one out of two possible vibes from you.
      1) Disinterested. You didn’t even try.
      2) A giant pussy. She already has one and doesn’t want or need you.

      Once you showed your hand (being the only way you get off), you had less than 0 frame. No amount of agree and amplify would have helped you.

      Game over.

      [–]Turkerthelurker 20 points21 points  (0 children)

      I don't see how you can hang in a hammock with somebody and not make a move. Those fucking things will force 2 people onto each other by design.

      [–]ATrashMan 23 points24 points  (0 children)

      this. you nexted yourself by being a pussy and not making any moves. Should have made a move and let her reject you but instead you decided to reject yourself. "you miss 100% of the shots you dont take"

      [–]Barkingtaco 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Facts

      [–]DntPnicIGotThis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      everything you listed is correct but 6 hours is really the hair up my ass.

      time is an asset but can also be your undoing. From my experience if you cant bed her within 2 hours of the meet-up (not including movie time) then it ain't gonna happen unless you're already well on the panty payroll.

      [–]refusewool 18 points19 points  (0 children)

      There is no hope. You have been friendzoned. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

      Please salvage your dignity and cut off contact with her. You either kept things too friendly on the date (didn’t even kiss) or your SMV is too low.

      Work on yourself and move on.

      [–]360_no_scope_upvote 10 points11 points  (2 children)

      And in the middle of texting she asked me if I talk like this to every girl out there... Wanting to act cool, I replied something along the lines of "Yes... but you're the only one that reacts positively..." Yeah.. Not really

      Damn the moment you can tell her pussy was completely dry.

      [–]mrpoopistan 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      you're the only one that reacts positively

      This is where you fucked up.

      You basically admitted to spamming a bunch of chicks, then you said only one, her, responded well to the spamming.

      There's no fix. Stop doing super eager shit. Also, don't fixate on one girl.

      [–]Herdsengineers 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Reiterating - stop contact. Build your SMV. If you run into her again, you need to have it be in a manner that a reset happens, and that only happens if it's months or even years down the road, AND you have built your SMV so the increase is sufficient it's like she's meeting a new guy.

      Go game other girls in the meantime. And if you run into her again and she's interested, by then you'll have plenty more and better options and you likely won't give a shit enough to give her another chance with you.

      [–]melonsle 10 points11 points  (1 child)

      Honestly I don't know dude, life is a mystery, and so is dating.

      Most guys on RedPill blow themselves out because they aren't laid back and cool enough to play the long game, so they save themselves the heart-ache of being put in an ambiguous situation which they are too emotionally needy and intense to handle, by telling themselves this "she was never interested, move on" story. In your first years, when you are getting your footing, its good to approach only unambiguously interested women. Later on, if you become non-needy and cool enough, you can relax and play the long game. Many women who are not interested on a short time line, are in fact interested on a long time line, if you can lay back and actually apply 0 pressure and not expect anything. That's a huge if. Most guys do not have the ability to lay back like that, so burning all these bridges to the ground is great advice, I guess.

      I like saying whacky contrarian Anti-RedPill shit because I had really, really, really mixed results implementing RedPill when I was younger. I don't believe all its fairy tales, so here's some more contrarian musings...

      she even sent me some photoshopped photos of me in different memes...

      This is a huge sign of investment. A woman photoshopping you into memes? Do you know how much effort that takes? A girl who texts me two paragraphs about her day is feeling me hard.... a girl who photoshops me into pictures for our mutual amusement --- WOW! That girl is feeling me sooooooo hard, in my internal interpretation of events. In that world, I'm already wearing the crown. She admires you a lot to do this. In your shoes I would see myself as a conquering hero, fvcking going in smashing down buildings like Godzilla... but... there's more...

      she asked me if I talk like this to every girl out there...

      This is really tricky psychological territory, that I don't think a lot of people will understand. It could also mean multiple things. I'm gonna tell you my main interpretation that I think has 70% likelihood of being true, but no guarantees.

      This may have been her trying to sound out how serious you are, and seeing if you have player-vibe. This means, again, (if this interpretation is true) that for some godforsaken reason, you are very high status in her eyes. She wants to be reassured that you are into her specifically, and that you are not a player. Because she thinks you are very handsome, attractive, a good mate - and she is thinking you are just acting like a player, not really interested in her.

      If that was the case, then you failed, even though your response was good. "Yes". To a person with a certain mindset of uncertainty, that's saying, "Yeah I'm not really that serious LOL lets joke it up a bit more while I date other girls, hahahahaha u know?". If she was uncertain or intimidated, that is not going to be reassuring.

      Then you have the swift reversal "lets just be friends". Interesting, because just a moment ago, she was asking you about your mating behaviors and your relationship life (implicitly). She went from interested to putting you in a holding pattern.

      I think it was because she detected player vibe. Maybe she wants a deeper assurance than "Hahaha lel maybe I dunno I'm just splashing around in these dating waterz let's have fun u know haha". Maybe she wanted you to sincerely make a bid of affection, e.g. seriously express interest.

      Or maybe not.

      If you can pull off 0 expectations, 0 neediness, laying back but not burning bridges, you can probably play the long-game on this one and turn it around. Dude, she was photoshopping you into images. Do you know what I'd give to have a woman do that? Sorry, maybe I'm nuts. Lots of dudes have GFs that aren't that interested in them. Maybe I just have a fetish for this kind of thing, that I'm just discovering now. To me that's as high interest as it gets, almost.

      Here's a strong suggestion: DO NOT EVER, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, have emotionally significant or relationship-dynamic-discussing conversations via text message!!! Don't do it! If you had been talking with this woman on the phone - whatever interpretation of her motivations is correct - you would almost undoubtedly not have received that reply!! I'm serious! Do not text about serious things and don't take her texts too serious.

      So, I really can't say. Maybe you're friendzoned forever. But I think a long-game slow-cooker-style approach could turn this one back into photoshop mode. Good luck. It would be a learning experience either way. :D

      [–]Merwebb 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Just leave it in the background while actually doing improvements and talking to other women.

      Dont make it your mission.

      [–]Shredderick420 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      I escaped the LJBF zone, but its not worth the time and effort. Game other women.

      [–]_Ulan_ 9 points10 points  (0 children)

      I asked this girl

      Don't ask, invite her along your fun hobby.

      We wen't to see a movie

      We sat awkwardly in a dark room for 2h

      I suggested to go swinging

      Don't suggest, bring her or carry her. Anything that surprises her.

      I tried to be funny, cracking jokes and everything

      Hm, the others said it. That's not any useful for flirting.

      We spent 6 hours together

      You could have kissed her back in the cinema

      she told me I was funny

      This is the sound of failure, if you did proper push-pull, teasing and banter she would playfully say you're an asshole, or that she's not into you.

      she had the time of her life

      Woman's word for "ok bye"

      I didn't kiss her because somehow I didn't feel it was the moment to

      Aany moment is good moment to kiss.

      I would like to know if there is any hope for this situation

      This ship has sunk long ago, move on

      [–]Two_kids_in_a_coat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      If it starts like that then no. Sorry. You need to quickly cut it off before it gets painful. She doesn’t see you sexually. Next time more kino and always at least K-close.

      [–]MagnumBurrito 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      When you didn't pull the trigger on the first date.. it was a major turn off.

      Hang out with her again, as friends if you must, flirt with other girls in front of her.. comment to her how she's right and you should just be friends.. never verbally say you're into her again. Do make physical moves though.

      [–]Zanford 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Yes and no. There is one and ONLY one way to get past this:

      Treat it like a firm 'no', and ghost her completely, and/or ONLY keep contact insofar as it is 100% for other reasons (like social circle game / party invites). Act as you would act if Zeus himself told you with oracular certaintly that you will never hook with this girl. Or if she suddenly gained 100 pounds.

      She might come back at some point (especially if your SMV rockets up, like you get jacked or become the popular guy) but you should assume it will not.

      Just move on.

      [–]Deep_freeze202 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      Movies make terrible dates just FYI, I would go with "I can't be friends with someone I'm attracted to, if you're only interested in friendship we should just go our separate ways." She'll either reconsider (unlikely) or that will be the end of it. If you want you could accept the friend zone and use her as social proof and to explore her circle so long as you don't become her orbiter, to do it right you need to remove all attention outside of that which you would show one of your guy friends. If you go the friends route be sure to give her nothing, don't pay for anything for her don't follow her on social media or like her posts none of that.

      Also that line "yes, but you're the only one who responds positively" was terrible cringe worthy self depricating humor.

      [–]Fulp_Piction 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Rollo has a good post on this, if you need more convincing. Short answer is no. Cut contact.

      [–]RisenFromBelow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      There's nothing you can do about it. Only thing you can take from this is learn from your mistakes and move on. If anything, I would have said "All good, I put you in that category last night". You're kind of saying you rejected her first in that aspect

      But you're the only one that reacts positively

      There was a better way to say this cause it was bad. "I'll just put this way, you're not the first" is a better way. Also, Movies are a horrible date and don't spend too much time with them. 2 hours at best, you got more important stuff to do than hanging with her

      Ghost her. Forget about her. Go after other girls who are into you. Lift. Build your frame up. You MIGHT run into this girl, months or years from now and then she might "feel" attraction towards you and realized she messed up and you can put her in her place but that chance is slim to none. Ghost and move on

      [–]PhaedrusHunt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I move fast and early. An hour, tops. If I'm not attracted, or she's not attracted, end the date. Move along. Nothing to see here.

      [–]onemantwo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Reminds me of this one girl I went out on a few dates with.

      We went and played mini golf, went to the mall, got iHop and then we went back to her place. I met her family they even made me drinks and offered dinner. Me and the girl went upstairs but apparently her dad told her to keep the door open. After a bit we started making out. Then she pulled away. We then made out again with heavy groping and she almost took her bra off but didn't and stopped. Then I got a can we take it slow, lets start off as friends talk. All in all we spent 9 hours together on the first day lmao.

      Granted at that time, my room was messy af because I didn't plan on having anyone over. If my room was clean I would have invited her to my place and we probably woulda fucked.

      [–]DntPnicIGotThis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      so much excellent observation in this thread

      the only thing I have to add is OP watches too many RomComs and needs to adjust himself accordingly to the sidebar.

      [–]Werewolf35b 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      "no, let's just fuck like rhesus monkeys."

      Just kidding, no, she doesn't just not want to fuck you, you gotta realize she really doesn't even want to be your friend.

      Sue pretty much wants you to go away, by death even, would be acceptable to her.

      Sorry.

      [–]brethrenelementary 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      If she says "Let's be friends" I would say, "No thanks. I have enough friends" And then ghost out.

      The problem is you're not showing enough attractive qualities and she thinks she's better than you. You've got to walk away and say No, I won't be a bitch. I can get other girls who are better than you.

      That's really your only option. She's already disqualified you from her vag, so you have to walk away and hope she contacts you to hang out again. If not, move on.

      [–]Merwebb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Why react in such way?

      [–]Peter_B_Long 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      IMO, even though she said that, you could've probably turned it around. You definitely should NOT have said, "you're the only one that reacts positively". It makes you sound a bit like a creep and a loser that girls don't flirt back to.

      [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

      Nope.

      You can either text her back or go radio silent. If you do text, go with something short such as, “Clearly we’re on different pages. Take care.” It shows you’re unaffected by it. Then soft next her. If she somehow contacts you again, she knows the deal. If she pushes to be a friend again, ghost her.

      [–]refusewool 6 points7 points  (1 child)

      Shows you are unaffected? This is passive aggressive and butthurt. The only option is no reply.

      [–]askmrcia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Lol I thought the same thing. Comes across a little passive aggressive, and it's even worse saying that in a text.

      You're better off saying "sure" and to not contact them again. Or just go radio silence off the bat.

      [–]DevilMayCry 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You should have kissed her.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Texting? Is that a thing?

      Movies? How do you get to know each other there? wtf

      "but you're the only one that reacts positively" damn you dried her vagina up there quite a bit

      Read the sidebar.

      [–]htbf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I would laugh it off. The proposition is entirely ridiculous. I would not ignore it because... well, if I ignore it, nothing is gonna happen ever.

      The only play after an "LJBF" is to go over the top with it. Don't do this, but it's like "you're such a good friend to me, I'm so glad I met you. could you practice some french kissing with me. totally platonically of course". The idea is to be completely ridiculous about it and show how you're not taking it seriously at all.

      In my opnion, everyone suggesting a "no reply" is still stuck in the "anger/depression" phase.

      [–]XT3M3 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      I suggested to go swinging on a hammock in a nearby park... She said "yes"... It was heavily raining and we were swinging there soaking wet...

      perfect time to make a move and you fucked it up and she knows it too. you dun goofed kid

      [–]Cissnowflake -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

      Her on date: I like you, but LJBF. Me: I should tell you...I believe that I am guided. It’s okay with me if you don’t want to date me—I don’t want to be friends, though—but its okay if you don’t want to date me, we’ll just get on with our lives. Her:...okay, we can go out again.

      Next date, sex.