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Feeling Alone (self.asktrp)

submitted by Donny577

I’ve gone ghost on my ex, burned, deleted everything in the last month and a half. I’ve been working out, got an internship for something I’m passionate about. Been working, grinding, meditating and reading. Deleted my social media apps and have been ok. I feel like working on myself and not really talking to any women because I’m sort of still in the anger phase. I feel angry, sad, happy all in one day and it’s everyday. What the fuck do I do when I feel so lonely?


[–]manwithoutwire 28 points29 points  (6 children)

You've got the groundwork done, you gotta learn to be happy being alone.

[–]lifehopper 1 point2 points  (5 children)

While I'm not saying you can't be happy being alone, why should you want to? Being comfortable and happy with being alone does seem like a smart thing to invest in but relationships with people you like and admire can be so uplifting sometimes. And idk if it's just me but being alone just gets unbearable sometimes no matter how much I tell myself that I don't need anybody to be happy. But i feel thinking you don't need anybody is also an extreme, like how being too needy can be.

I think there should be a balance to how much you want to rely on relationships for happiness but finding that balance is gonna be a lot of trial and error.

[–]TheShearerComplex 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Sounds like you have some issues you have to sort out if it’s unbearable about being with yourself.

Do you like yourself? Would you hang out with yourself, if you were someone else?

[–]lifehopper 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I'm talking about it being unbearable after weeks of just focusing on yourself. And that's me being unbearable in the context of not having any social contact with a friend or someone I admire, not because I hate myself. I enjoy alone time and find it necessary sometimes.

I do like myself and is my driving force to improve my life. I was just talking about how social relationships can sometimes take a backseat when people are getting into self improvement and it really shouldn't. Especially since they can be a great positive impact on your life.

[–]TheShearerComplex 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I do agree there. I think it’s almost like a cycle. You start off really wanting to improve yourself and if you stick with it you achieve your goals but then you realise the actual thing you set out to achieve wasn’t the thing to make you happy but the struggle and the connections you made with people along the way.

It’s one of the reasons I don’t think people should go “monk” mode for a long period of time.

[–]BrutalMan420 1 point2 points  (1 child)

i think the point is to not make a significant other be the pillar of your happiness. if youre lonely make friends, not plates or girlfriends or serious relationships. the fact is women will chew you up and spit you out. you can live the BP dream of giving your heart to the right girl and treating her right and letting her be the source of your happiness and it may last weeks or months or even years but in the end youre gonna be right back where you started. get a dog, go make friends, join communities, be creative and give something to people that draws them to you. boy girl relationships cant be the source of your happiness because they all blow up sooner or later. thats why TRP preaches so much self investment, mission, improvement, etc.

[–]lifehopper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup, I think I'm now just realizing how important positive male relationships can be.

[–]lifehopper 34 points35 points  (6 children)

I've been working out, eating right, cutting out bad habits and just going all out on self improvement these last few weeks. I thought I would be happy with all the improvement but I just feel so numb sometimes.

I'll get happy sometimes when I'm with people I like. I think positive relationships shouldn't be neglected, even though you should definitely be focusing mainly on yourself.

But I feel lonely too and I think that's just part of the process.

[–]Donny577[S] 10 points11 points  (5 children)

I guess that’s the shitty part of all this. But at least I know someone feels the same throughout this process

[–]lifehopper 6 points7 points  (1 child)

It's funny, I was about to write out the same post asking if it was normal to feel this way. But reading your post made me realize how isolating self improvement can be and the few times I've been genuinely happy the last few weeks is with people I like and admire.

So I'm gonna give forming relationships with people I admire more attention and see where it gets me.

But yeah it does feel good to know you're not alone in this.

[–]Ricklogical 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Being a good person who takes care of themselves and doesn't allow bs into life can be a very isolating situation. You take on chaos and drama at a risk to your path upward and outward away from the world you come from.

It is essential to recognize that good people will enter your life in the future, you just have to be more aware of the fact that good people that match up with you very well will be rare, and not settle for garbage that drags you down.

[–]TheShearerComplex 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This journey takes years not months. Like 5-10 years.

It gets harder before it gets easier. Learn to love yourself and you won’t be lonely.

[–]anabolic92 1 point2 points  (1 child)

My life consists of:

  • working from 08:00 to 16:00

  • commute to house 17:00, take the bus to the gym at 17:45

  • train from 18:20 to 21 (1h weight lifting, 20 min cardio, 20 min tanning bed, 20 min sauna and shower) or MMA from 18:30 to 20:00.

  • Sleep, prep some meals and repeat.

Weekends are kind of hard, socialize from time to time but I am mostly alone too, I usually read, go to the lake swim/tan, do house stuff (laundry, cleaning, meal prep).

Joining MMA recently has been good to meet some men and I could try to build some relationships there.

[–]Donny577[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well that made me not so bad. Mine is wake up, go to work, from work the gym, from the gym, i come home shower, go to my internship, from there home and more work that I do at home whether it be my business or my music and then sleep. On the weekend it’s the same thing honestly

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Being young is tough dude. Just hang in there and keep taking the leaps of faith.

[–]DayGameChirality 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Playing an instrument works for loneliness every time. Highly recommended.

[–]aaaGreg 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I run about 3 miles after I workout to release the rest of my energy. Also teaching myself piano, etc.

You have to stay busy, transform those busy activities into good habits, and then life falls into place. Everyone gets what your feeling. I think staying busy is the solution.

[–]cunha057 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel the same way, the only downside to staying busy all the time is that you dont have time anymore for those "philosophical", deep thoughts and discussions you have wihtin that really lets puts your life in prespective... Its the old "the more i think the more difficult it is to be happy, on the other hand, if i live the simple ordinary life without questioning it i can never reach my full potencial". Well just a personal thought tho

[–]redblueninja 4 points5 points  (1 child)

[–]ownthatshitmanup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

brilliant.

[–]RedMindBlueEyes 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Read up on existential loneliness, understand what it is, accept and embrace that it will always be there.

You are alone, you live alone, and you die alone. Regardless of who you surround yourself with. Appreciate people, but don't grow dependent on them. None of them are here for you, only you are here for you.

Also, don't pursue happiness. happiness is a byproduct of achieving something, overcoming enormous obstacles, not a state of mind to be sought after. Grow, and keep on growing, you can wither when you're dead.

[–]JAAM510 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I recently went through a faze like this that lasted for a month. In the end, I literally broke down in front of someone and realized just how important other people are in my life. Yes, we are alone in this life, but that doesn't mean you cant try and obtain a great group of friends and build meaningful relationships that will bring happiness to your life as a byproduct of having them. So I began to focus on these relationships, while still improving myself every day. Don't become so self centered on improvement that you push everyone away.

Also, smile a little more

[–]BeyondAccess 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You aren’t alone, I’ve felt the same and I’ve found that having a few intimate relationships help keep you grounded. Humans are social creatures by creation, find out how much social/intimate interaction you need to be satisfied. Some only need an hour a week, others may need more. By intimacy I mean being able to share what’s happening in your life. How much you want to share is up to you, make sure that when you are sharing (emotional investment) a lot it’s with people that want to keep that relationship. i.e. - when you tell someone you got a promotion, their first reaction is being genuinely happy. They’ll want to celebrate because they see that it calls for it. You may not need to be intimate, just social. Find out what works for you. It’s a process.

Keep sane gladiator, godspeed.

Edit: TRP principles still apply.

[–]gains_o_clock 3 points4 points  (1 child)

alright bro I know this can be hard and it's probably way easier said than done but what I've learned is you need to fill your day with things that distract you and that you enjoy, so much so that you don't have time to think about the stupid things. If you're feeling lonely go join something that requires you to be around a good group of people like a hobby or a sport or a martial art.

I have the same problem and even though I don't do it everyday, the days where I'm out of the house doing things I love and spending time with good friends are the days I go to bed the happiest. Good luck bro and don't forget to report back we're here to help.

[–]Donny577[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate it brother.

[–]rice19 7 points8 points  (1 child)

"Eagles fly above, eagles fly alone." Embrace it my friend, it will all be worth it.

[–]Donny577[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I like this advice, thank you

[–]2SirKolbath 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Get a dog. Seriously. There is no animal better than the dog for reminding you that you're not alone, without simultaneously taking up all of your time.

Plus, dogs pull ass like nobody's business. Having a dog in your Tinder profile pic gets you 123.25% more chicks. That'd be science, and you don't want to argue with science, do you?

[–]Donny577[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I wish but I have no time to take care of one right now

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You need male friends. Connect with guys who have a common interest w you

[–]BusterVadge 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm in the same boat as you brother... Except I was the one who was dumped after 4 years of LTR. I blocked her on everything and put all of the sentimental stuff away in a box. Doubling down on lifting heavy shit.

I've been so angry and lonely for 2 weeks but met a potential new plate yesterday and I feel a little better now.

My suggestion: Find a plate or two. BUT.... Work on yourself and allow yourself to feel the pain of the breakup. There's no way around it and the pain is part of your healing process that makes you stronger.

[–]Endorsed Contributormallardcove 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a real phase that I went through when I called it quits with my LTR as well. Continuing to tell myself "its for the best" and "look how much you have already grown/improved since ending it" and "if you didn't end things with her you wouldn't have accomplished X, Y, or Z" didn't really make me feel any better inside. Despite the leaps I made personally after ending it with her, were probably the largest personal leaps I made since taking the pill. Still didn't really make me feel better. I wasn't depressed or miserable, just felt like something was missing. It wasn't so much her that I missed, it was the companionship, experiences, and always having someone there who cared about you. Yeah you have family and friends who care, but its not the same as having a girl you are attracted to and care about who also cares about you.

Abundance was helpful but didn't solve the problem. Yeah I fired up Tinder and Bumble and went out on dates and smashed girls, but it didn't make me feel better because it was all shallow. The problem that happens when you call it quits with an LTR is that there was a lot of depth involved. There isn't much depth to girls you smash or date a time or two off Tinder.

One girl in particular. Blonde haired, blue eyed, slim body, above average sized tits girl, 24 years old. Solid HB8. Still had a couple prime years left before hitting the wall. Probably more attractive than my ex LTR. We had a lot in common. Not much to not like about her. Tried to make it work. Went out several times, all of that. But the thing is, she didn't have "it". She checked off so many boxes, but she didn't have "it". For every guy, some girls just have "it" for them, and others don't, even if they check off so many boxes. My ex LTR had "it". This blonde didn't, as hot as she was. Every guy should know what I am talking about. You can't really explain what "it" is, but every guy knows what his "it" is when it comes to girls.

Time is really the only thing that is guaranteed to fix it. Then when you find another girl or two or three that you can cultivate the same depth/experiences you did with your ex, and she also has "it", can you truly move on. This too shall pass. From my experiences, 100 days is usually how long it takes.

[–]matrixtospartanatLV 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Your ability and willingness to be alone gives you abundance in EVERY relationship in your life.

Think about it...

[–]Donny577[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmmm that puts things into perspective

[–]trtanon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well grats on ghosting her. Women will mind rape you non-stop if you allow it at the end of breakups. Despicable creatures.

[–]acala69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Give it some more time, it's a long period of readjustment and it does get better. For now, you can work on feeling those negative emotions and diving head on into them instead of trying to avoid them. Most people spend their lives avoiding the negative feelings and trying to cultivate the positive. The irony of it is you have an innate ability to rid yourself of the negative feelings if you only stop trying to avoid them. The minute you decide to make your home where you stand as of right now, and decide to accept everything as it is, as if you had chosen this situation, is the minute those negative feelings will dissipate. Best of luck

[–]Donman876 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Relate to this post so much cause I'm literally going through the same thing, ghosted my ex bout a month now and just working on myself. Its best to hang out with friends or do some social activity. The loneliness eventually goes away and you'll start to like being alone.

[–]EvanPetersDouble 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You broke up recently. It's normal to feel all these things and by time as you meet new people and connect, to break this loneliness you'll forget about the past.

Just enjoy life and don't let it pass while you're crossing your arms thinking.

[–]mrHappyPotatoe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Being happy is bullshit. You cant be happy. Happiness is temporal feeling. Its an emotion like pain.

What you want is to be content with yourself. Also: being content gives you frame.

Like House once said... I feel nothing and it feels great.

[–]SnowBastardThrowaway 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I don't get why you feel the need to be alone I guess. If your ex was your main source of social activity before, that's fairly normal, but she shouldn't have been your ONLY source for it.

What the fuck do I do when I feel so lonely?

Listen to yourself. You feel alone. Start working on finding people to hang out with and develop real friendships with.

[–]Donny577[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a ton of friends close ones that I work with my music and consider family too, but I isolate MYSELF because I feel alone and I don’t understand why

[–]Mojiitoo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I take it you still have guy friends? Hangout with them. Have a bbq. Plan a holiday. Do whatever social stuff not involving girls. Or do just that to overcome anger phase. Goodluck.

[–]Killing__Time_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Find your tribe.

[–]alucard1uk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go spend sometime with some friends.

[–]imsorted 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You need a life term goal, like learning an instrument, or learning to paint.. Build, craft, create.. be the teacher

[–]Ricklogical 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I don't get it. One of the things you are supposed to be doing is approaching. IMO approach men and women that are around you on your journey. You should develop some friendships over time. This new you has a whole new community of people to lean on, you just need to go out there and approach.

[–]Donny577[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I literally don’t care for women right now.

[–]Ricklogical 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lonely seems to imply you would like more interaction.

Go find it.

[–]adool999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Get Tinder, Bumble, and POF. Volunteer for shit. Join sports. Go to events.

[–]throwinghthisoneaway -1 points0 points  (11 children)

This will get downvoted into hell but read the bible. Join a college aged church. There is more evidence today than ever before of the truth of god through jesus

[–]abudun79 2 points3 points  (8 children)

He's working on himself to get stronger and better, don't try to make him weak and mentally ill

[–]Donny577[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

LOL thanks brother

[–]throwinghthisoneaway 0 points1 point  (6 children)

How does having a faith make you weak or mentally ill.

[–]abudun79 0 points1 point  (5 children)

No one said that. It's the other way round. You've got to be weak minded and mentally unstable to base a single decision on an imaginary friend that strangers tell you lies about.

[–]throwinghthisoneaway 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Look it seems like you have had a bad experience with understanding God in your past based off of your emotional response. Im just here to tell you that God can be proven through factual evidence in the life of Jesus that any adult can intellectually comprehend. Just takes a little research on your own time.

[–]abudun79 0 points1 point  (3 children)

1) You dodged it all 2) I cannot remember the last time I read something as amusing as that.

What do you want to do, once you reach puberty?

[–]throwinghthisoneaway 0 points1 point  (2 children)

1) What exactly did I dodge? I gave you a pretty straightforward answer. 2) You should read more

Seriously if youre getting so emotionally invested into this argument that you begin to try making fun of me or anyone who disagrees with you then its very, very obvious who needs to reach puberty here. Let go of being so angry dude. Learn the truth of the creation of the world, stopping reading the red pill and actually develop your own opinions through experience

[–]abudun79 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Stop crying, Sissy.

It's perfectly fine if you're willing to waste your life to god, jesus, religion. But don't try to make it an intellectual thing and drag others down your shithole.

[–]throwinghthisoneaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah man youre hurt emotionally. Just give it up to God man. Theres no shame in giving something up to God. Nothing you accomplish in life will ever come close to the love and glory God can offer you.

[–]it_takes_the_redpill 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I've always wanted to read the Bible to gain perspective. Do you believe the Bible itself is effective at conversion? I can't get past the leap of faith which I refuse to take.

[–]throwinghthisoneaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pm me. Ive been a believer of Jesus for almost two years now. I always felt there was a god in my heart but couldnt intellectually rationalize it UNTIL i actually started doing my own research. The difference between the history of Jesus and every other religion in the world is the insane amount of prophecy behind his coming and the things he would do in his life all located in the old testament. The bible is the most historically accurate book on the face of the Earth, the recent findings of (google this) the dead sea scrolls, confirm this.

I an only 22 and am still working on reading through the entire bible itself as well as comparing and contrasting historical references given by atheism and believers. Archeologically, the bible is completely validated. There is a wealth of intellectual knowledge behind the validity of Christ if anyone wishes to actually do their research and find out for themselves.