Do you greet everyone in the room? (self.asktrp)

submitted by bondbandito

I have been a clown the whole time.

I'm an extrovert so I used to chat to everyone. Problem is, any guy with a bit more social calibration would know that not everyone ought to be talked to - they might be feeling uneasy that day or are naturally guarded. So, I need to calibrate.

Upon entering each event, do you,

A: Talk to everyone in the room, try to build rapport, make sure everyone knows you.


B: Pick out those who which there is a future with in the interaction and work solely on building a strong bridge with them. (e.g. hot girls even if just as friends for social proof or cool guys that you can exchange pointers or hang out together with)

[–]1redhawkes 81 points82 points  (22 children)

Talk to everyone, but don't be clingy/annoying sperg. Calibrate.

This is how you develop the 'halo effect'.

[–]bondbandito[S] 16 points17 points  (20 children)

Could you elaborate on how that leads to a 'halo effect'

[–]1redhawkes 57 points58 points  (19 children)

People see you around talking to others, they assume you're high value person since you know all this people (social status).

Next thing, they want to know more about you, get to know you.

[–]DropDeadTyrant 25 points26 points  (0 children)

to comment on this. since I discovered trp, I've made the attempt to talk to people in class I'd never talk to. The amount of girls and guys I see turn around and start watching when I do it is ridiculous. It works.

[–]bondbandito[S] 12 points13 points  (10 children)

How about people you've nexted who you see sitting around in the same setting?

[–]1redhawkes 29 points30 points  (9 children)

Don't act butthurt. Say 'hi' or ignore, who cares.

[–]bondbandito[S] 11 points12 points  (8 children)

And those who've backstabbed you?

[–]Beardy26 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Definitely always say hi and acknowledge them. Otherwise they will just talk about you like you’re some asshole. Let them feel totally awkward, by acknowledging them

[–]bondbandito[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like a pro move

[–]ReformSociety 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ignore. Act like they don't exist. Why would you greet someone who backstabbed you?

[–]professor_mcamateur 2 points3 points  (6 children)

what if you do casual small talk better with other men? i've been asked how i know so many people (by women, once or twice, seemed like a positive thing) but also i've been asked by women if i'm gay (negative, not good strategy to build on...) so it can help you or hurt you depending on attitude.

[–]1redhawkes 5 points6 points  (4 children)

You just have fun and dgaf as long as you don't sexually escalate with those men lmao.

The second one was a shit test you failed.

[–]professor_mcamateur 0 points1 point  (3 children)

yea i mean looking back i had been lucky to get out a clear yes or no to any question coming from a gal my age but, practice. i guess.

[–]xddm2653 0 points1 point  (2 children)

"gay for pussy;)"

[–]professor_mcamateur 0 points1 point  (1 child)

are you quoring neil gay-patrick harris in that one movie? coz that dude aint straight

[–]xddm2653 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not quoting anybody lol but he's funny as fuck so I approve

[–]bondbandito[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I do. But the adage - "Power comes from your ability to walk away" - I think people had the impression that I would always keep the bridge alive, and would permit shit just to maintain friendships. Hence the 'clown game'.

Recently I've been counter-acting this by actually actively putting on a serious look (LOL), and this is all quite new to me, cause I've always been the kind of guy who wanted to be friends with everyone and not pick.

[–]jackandjill22 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

No, don't talk to everyone. Talk to who you're introduced to & whoever their mutual connections are, otherwise don't speak unless spoken to. It's not about being a dick it's just about not seeming to "thirsty" & being nosey into social situations that aren't there's. People will let you know of you're unwelcome. But when you're in an invite only social gathering if you have a good opener & find a person who interests you. Don't hesitate. That's the best time to approach.

Make your time seem somewhat scarce & the people who know you have a sense of exclusivity. If you project/radiate an aura of interest people may come to you.

[–]a_nus 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You don't have to talk to everyone. You can acknowledge everyone, and be friendly to everyone, but talking to everyone is an overkill and not necessary.

Scope out the people who you deem of value in the room and talk to those. If you talk to them, everyone will eventually know you.

[–]I_LOVE_CHIPS 10 points11 points  (3 children)

I'll just leave this here. This man walks into a room knowing no one, and by the end of the night people are shoving other people out of the way to have a picture with him.


[–]MYMOUTHISNUMmn 1 point2 points  (2 children)

That shit would be considered creepy now a days

[–]I_LOVE_CHIPS 4 points5 points  (1 child)

The truth is that it depends on how handsome/debonair you are. If you do this and you are Brad Pitt you are charming, if you are Steve Buschemi you are a creep.

[–]bondbandito[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea it's an odd thing. I used to always chat people up and being an Asian society where even that's uncommon in college, others would assume that these were people I already knew before.

I think it helps that I'm considered moderately attractive, face-wise; am a skinny fag lol. But yea, I never saw the importance of looks until recently - it's something that being into RSD, they've actively tried to discount/hamster away

[–]johnnydanconia45 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Depends on the situation.

If it’s a party, greet the hosts first, shake hands with your boys as you walk by. Find the interesting people and start there. But definitely talk to everyone. Even if they are boring or not part of your plan, it’s still good practice. Make it a game to get a smile or a laugh out of them.

[–]matibalzamo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm more of a B type. If there's someone in special I want to talk to I'll start a conversation with his/her friends

[–]Flintblood -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I tend to at least nod my head to acknowledge everyone I meet eyes with, but optimize who I end up talking to. That’s probably mostly because I’m very much like my INTJ personality typing says I am. I tend towards smaller circles with more analytic or ‘deeper’ discussion as opposed to light banter with ‘the room’. I also acknowledge that my tendencies may handicap my social network reach, but I do what I can with what I got.