im a complete pussy, please help (self.asktrp)

submitted by PotatoWatt

Im acting like a complete pussy. I changed my style, I started lifting, I act differently, I speak differently, I dont give a fuck yet im missing the core points.

I get iOi's. I notice them. What do I tell myself? You are not ready. Or I just pussy out, saying I dont know what to do. Just this day I was using a dope streetwear outfit with a fresh haircut and was confident and I got girls bumping into me and giving way stretched out iOis. What did I do? Shit.

Im a virgin still because of this. I went to the movies with this one chick who is in love with me but I dont have the balls to make a move a long time ago so she let it go but due to my recent increase in SMV she wanted to go to the movies with me and I only managed to escalate slightly verbally and null physical with only her sometimes touching here and there.

Im friendzoning myself but the problem is that im self aware of this! But in the moment I just feel helpless but when I get home and relax thats when I start developing oneitis and overthinking and see where and what went wrong and just feel depressed about it and regret every second not spent on kino.

Please help me not be a complete pussy when it comes to apporaching and escalating... I have the opportunities I just... Dont know how to take them and im a pussy inside. I have other not-official-dates with this girl like the carnival and such and she set them up because shes into me, we are not going to be 100% alone but it can be arranjed easily, and I just am affraid of fucking up since this is an easy lay...

Lack of ambundance mentality here because like it was said many times and I believe this to be true, going from 0 to 1 lay is harder than 1 to 10. Any help?

[–]whitiker53 47 points48 points  (2 children)

I know this is probably not the answer you’re lookin for but you can start by not calling your self a complete pussy.

If you’re like me, you tend to conflate self-deprecation with virtuous humility. When really we’re just attempting to make light of our rampant inner critic that fucks our shit up. Better to act like a cocky asshole to balance the scales

[–]PotatoWatt[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

In my head I think that if I aim high I will fail and do mediocre, while if I aim mediocre I will fair and do bad and thats what makes me depressed because I had it in my hands and I fucked up. Thanks for the reply!

[–]1redhawkes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

inferiority complex, work on your frame and destroy this shitty self limiting beliefs.

[–]redd_reality 20 points21 points  (2 children)

Stop it.

You're not a pussy.

What you're doing is comparing yourself to archetypal Chad, who doesn't exist.

Not man approaches every woman who gives him an ioi or who he finds attractive, the moment he becomes aware of her.

Social context is such a massive fucking component in game and I barely ever gets brought up.

Easing social interactions by having valid context makes it easier on you and ESPECIALLY easier on her. If you don't know a girl and have never spoke to her, a smile and saying hi is all you have to do! Small steps! She expects this! The guy who comes up to her trying to put his cock in her mouth five minutes are meeting her, is the guy who she knows is desperate.

Stop thinking in terms of giant steps necessary to fuck that girl and think about what would be considered socially smooth. Start with saying hi, how is your day. Next time you see her, add a little more and escalate a little more. Do it slowly. Sure, make yourself a little uncomfortable, but if you're shit tying your pants because your expectations are so high, she knows! And she's gonna be weirded the fuck out. Chill hold frame and most importantly, enjoy the interaction!

[–]PotatoWatt[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I get what you mean, but im going extremely slowwww. I had my first shot like 6 months ago, I had her in my room and did shit. Then she ghosted me and we only spoke "hi" and so on when we passed each other. Then I increased my smv and then today she went to the movies with me and I went extremely slow again but with the slight verbal tease here and there but I left off with a bit friendzony type vibe thats why im worried, but hey, i'll try to escalate more next time. Thanks

[–]daymi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you keep this up she'll think you rejected her and let her down easy. Contact her again. Otherwise you'll fail by default.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)


[–]nebula79283 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Cold af but THIS is the truth. The only thing i could actually suggest is keep attempting, over and over and over. 1000s of tried later. You WILL succeed. Got that?

[–]PotatoWatt[S] 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Say fuck it and try, the worst that can happen is fail. Still better than being depressed over not doing it and venting on asktrp. Thanks dude

[–]damaged_goods420 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Everyone hits that low point and feels despair, we're human. It's great to have bros that can guide you to a result you're looking for but in the end you have to make the choice and have absolutely no regrets.

[–]stoicstephen 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Do you lift? - It makes your animal self come through (testosterone).

Do you meditate? - It takes your mind out of your mind, and into your body (you don't get cold feet).

Do you do nofap? - It makes you sexual as fuck, so much that when you are with a girl, you have no choice but to touch her.

I was just like you until the end of the last month, and what got me through "pussy" phase were these 3 points.

Oh, and girls are as/ or more sexual than you, that's why that other girl initiated kino with you, because she was tired of waiting for you to do it.

Go for it man, you won't die, and if you do who cares.

[–]chasebandz01 8 points9 points  (0 children)

you're never going to be "ready." you just have to stop being a bitch dude. just do it even if everything psychologically is screaming at you to stop. you might fuck up, but you'll realize its not as bad as you envisioned it in your mind. it never is.

always try to be escalating. touch her, direct the conversation in ways that makes her go through emotions (no boring shit like economics, etc).

i want to emphasize: you will never be "ready." every time i approach a girl i have a sense of "oh shit." everytime.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (1 child)


[–]Swanniie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a meme now.

Lifting may take you from 1-10, but it won't take you from 0-1.

[–]the_real_lunch_box 4 points5 points  (0 children)

you are fearing rejection. even when you are sure you won't be. You need to start taking risks and take the fear head-on. Ease into it by using kino, a touch on the shoulder becomes a touch on the knee, then becomes a touch on the inner thy. You will become more relaxed and comfy when she doesn't resist your touch.

[–]ichivictus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Think of every approach you do as a win. Rate it 100 out of 10 just for doing it. Doesn't matter how it ends. It's a win since you are taking action.

With more approaches you will get better at escalating.

And don't beat yourself for not approaching. Recognize the mistake and do your best not to repeat it.

The fact you came this far and you are getting iois sets you apart like at least 80 percent of all other men. Congrats.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

are you me?

[–]Reven311 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think perhaps if you got drunk before another date it might help loosen your ass up. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, and if she is drinking too, that's a good thing. It's really not hard to lose the V-card, and once you do maybe you will stop with this silly attitude. Take her to a bar, get her drunk, then take her home to fuck or just fuck in the car perhaps. Do something.

[–]kostas783 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Rejection is better than regret

[–]Ontopsoon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Every human is who they are, because of the dominating thoughts which they permit to occupy their minds."

You're the problem kid. This comes from within. You're not going to change if you first don't allow yourself. Get rid of the mental block. It won't happen overnight, but you'll steadily see yourself improve. Visualise the calm, confident man you wish to be. Be like him. At first, fake it until you make it. I've attached a couple videos to help you understand

https://youtu.be/hJLxJhMstrg https://youtu.be/e3jwYzxnqv0

[–]Jsieijejeieokkd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s like Nike says, just do it! Grab her kiss her and tell her you want her. She will fall in line.

[–]daymi 1 point2 points  (2 children)

It takes a long time for your unconscious to catch up.

What I do is I "watch" myself passively and find out what I do wrong and why (what feelings were there in me). Later on I fix it in the next interaction.

You are not ready.

Nobody is ever completely ready. Wing it. You'll NEVER have complete information on anything in life. You think the others aren't winging it? They are. Failure is the only way to grow. If you only do things you are good at you won't improve anything. What do you do when you fall? Stand up again.

I went to the movies

Bad location if it's a main movie theater. You can't do shit with all the people around. Whose idea was that? To save the situation, go for a walk with her afterwards. Say "Let's go for a walk" as you walk out of the movie theater.

If you absolutely have to do movie theater, take the seats in the very back. P.S. If you don't kiss her a bit for a greeting, I'm gonna personally come over and kiss her myself. It's 2018, a kiss is no big deal. Motivated yet?

only managed to escalate slightly verbally and null physical with only her sometimes touching here and there.

Hold her hand (I hope to god you sit next to each other - otherwise it's hopeless). Better than nothing. Movies SUCK as a date.

affraid of fucking up since this is an easy lay...

There are several billion women in the world. She is not that special.

P.S. Carnival is great for a date. Move around, stick with one attraction for 10 min, move around to next attraction etc. Take her hand from time to time like it's not a big deal (so she doesn't get lost in the crowd - I even do that to female friends-not-lovers sometimes).

[–]PotatoWatt[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)


How is the carnival a great place? I mean, I get the hand holding thing its awesome but how do I kino there? In the movies you already have it on your mind but on the carnival?

[–]daymi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How is the carnival a great place?

You have a lot of small ... shops there which if you stay some time at each will feel like she knows you forever.

In the movies you already have it on your mind but on the carnival?

You can have a sexual vibe (almost) anywhere. It depends on the shops how you kino (you don't have to kino at each shop).

After you got your energy up and "ran" around, you can suggest a drink. Most have drink shops too.

[–]stiffmiester786 0 points1 point  (0 children)

workout, lift and eat clean maybe a martial art(thai boxing or bjj) will boost your confidence and make you less of a pussy and approach new people everywhere you go

[–]stiffmiester786 0 points1 point  (0 children)

workout, lift and eat clean maybe a martial art(thai boxing or bjj) will boost your confidence and make you less of a pussy and approach new people everywhere you go

[–]insanity_wow27 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just learn to be direct with what you want. Women appreciate it. There is a time for nuance and a time for directness. Like someone commented above your time on this earth is limited and it goes quick. You don't want to look back at all the times you sat near a woman missing your chance. Take a few risks! He who dares wins.

[–]Elitevaz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"I just am affraid of fucking up"

That's the root of your problem. Fear makes a pussy out of you. Stop being scared of fucking up and do as you please. Take the risk and stop giving a fuck.

[–]Kommanderdude 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How old are you?

[–]Casd12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're not a pussy. A pussy will never admit that they're a pussy, that's what makes them a pussy.

It's hard to get a ball rolling, but you need to keep pushing that ball. Eventually it'll start to roll and it'll only get easier and easier.

[–]RexPillerson 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What you need to do is go out and take a bunch of Ls. Go up to as many women as you can in a might with the sole purpose of approaching, gaming, and learning. If you approach 10 women in 1 night and fail with all of them wouldn't you consider that better then not trying at all? Know that if you do fail it's not a reflection on you as a person, it's a reflection on your game and her state of mind. Even the most alpha Chad you've ever met had tried and failed with women. You don't think Brad Pitt has been shot down before? Abundance mentality means that trying and failing with a woman WILL happen, but it doesn't matter because there are plenty of other women who would love to fuck you.

[–]PotatoWatt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly dude! I have the idea that I should have that mindsent but just today I got an easy iOi I could have approached or at least made small talk to test the interest level and I did shit. I just need to gain some balls...

[–]SergiuIlescu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Simply, go to a prostitute and loose your virginity, your whole perspective will change

[–]Cmdrj-nice -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think you need to do some self reflection think about your journey.