Being not socially skilled, unattractive, bad with girls, and overall beta, how do I deal with family members who are the complete opposite? (self.asktrp)

submitted by TheManWhoSlays

Yesterday my dad celebrated his birthday. Every year he makes a big party where he invited friends and family. Cousins from out of town and from town and whatnot. I always look forward to them because I always have fun with my cousins. Lots of laughs and fun stories.

The thing is though, that even though I have a lot of fun, I spent the next couple days with extremely low self esteem because I’m always reminded how bad I am at life.

You see, my dad’s family is filled with masculine men. They’re very socially skilled, have lots of friends, can get laid like nothing, good jobs, have fun stories to tell. Me? I’m the opposite. I have no friends really. I suck with women, having barely lost my virginity at the age of 20 few months ago with a very slutty 6, I have crap social skills (I am told that I’m funny however), and I’m unattractive. I stand out as being the beta of the family. My dad is a very upbeat out going guy, so I can see the disappointment in people’s faces when they meet his son.

What really fucks with my self esteem is how I’m constantly reminded how bad I am at life, specifically with girls.

For example, at the party, my 17 year old sister had brought some of her friends who freshmen in college over to the house. Now these girls have been coming over for years. Usually once or twice a week. These girls I would rate 8-10. Varsity basketball players with nice legs and whatnot. When my cousins and such saw these girls they were in awe on how hot they were. And then they started giving me lots of shit.

“Man, what’s is wrong with you? Why don’t you fuck them?”

“I tell him to do so, but he is all fag”

“You’re ruining this”.

On and on do the reminders go. Man I kid you not a few days ago my cousin who lives here and hang with a lot told “hey dude when all the family is here, tell them all that you finally lose your virginity. They’ll all lose their shit and finally it’ll confirm you’re not fucking gay”.

Shit like that really fucks with my self esteem.

I’m even self improving for months now. I’m reading a lot. Lifting for 4 months. I began bike riding a week ago, a hobby that I’m looking forward too actually! Been having lots of fun with it.

But in all honesty I have nothing to show for it and I still appear extremely beta and probably will for a while.

I just don’t know how to deal with my family members. It’s most just with them too. Every social circle I’ve involved myself in, whether it’ll be hanging out with my cousins and his friends or the people at work, it’s always like this.

[–]BPasFuck 105 points106 points  (5 children)

Young man,

Take a deep breath. Relax. You're going to be fine.

Like a lot of people, you're so caught up in comparing yourself to other people, and using the signposts of their lives to measure yours against, that you fail to realize that the only signposts that matter are the ones on your path.

Here's a big secret: You are not playing the same game as everyone else. You're not even in the same league or the same sport. The game you are playing is your own. And while it is sometimes hard not to try and draw comparisons with others, shit really doesn't apply. People's circumstances are too unique for any comparisons to be helpful to you.

Fixating on these other people like this will only serve to depress you further. You should be fixating on the person you were before discovering trp.

Ask yourself, if you would really want to go back to being him.

The answer is of course, no. You are already light years beyond where that guy was-- I don't even have to quiz you about him.

It is impossible to choose ignorance again. By that virtue alone, you are already winning.


4 months of lifting is not bad. 4 years is better.

As for all of the teasing from your cousins-- that's all that is. Teasing. Remain focused, and keep grinding.

[–]mvb28mvb 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Wise words

[–]UserMcNameFace 6 points7 points  (0 children)

A lot of good points here. For me my improvement come from taking all of my focus and putting it on me. What kind of man do I want to be? How do I want to be successful? I have friends that know how to flirt and fuck plates and all that shit. I'm still working on lifting, confidence and socialization. Hell, I'm 22 and still a virgin.

But the thing about that is that I don't give a fuck about their success compared to mine, and I don't care what people think about me. All I care about is working on building the path towards my big picture. It's gonna take time but you'll get there. You'll be amazed at what you're capable of once you become who you envision yourself to be. Just remember, it's all about you (to an extent anyway, don't be a selfish prick and tell everyone "no").

[–]cobalt1728 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I do not understand this whole "do not compare yourself to others" shit.

The world is based on "comparing yourself to others"

Want to go to a good school? -> What is your gpa and sat scores compared to other people?

Want a good job? -> what are your qualifications compared to other people?

To say we shouldnt compare ourselves to other people is the equivelant of male hamstering to justify our own mediocrity.

To the OP: Compare yourself to others but embrace the differences and make changes to be like them. Dont dwell on the dofferences between them and you, make effort to make change. Aka lift weights and become more social.

[–]BPasFuck 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yes and no.

When you get it twisted, the way OP has, you have to take a big step back, chill the fuck out, and get your head on straight.

Day-to-day, the competition is against the man in the mirror, and he is the most valuable measuring stick.

There of course will be no shortage of occasions where we have to compete against others, as you have pointed out. But it is in improving against our past self, that we make the progress necessary to compete against others successfully.

Many people don't have to worry about it so much-- they're not hung up on a bunch of baggage from their past that has them singing 'woe is me.'

This is just another tool in the toolbox, for those that want to freeze up when looking at others around them and thinking 'man, I'm never going to have my shit together like Chadasaurus Rex.'

[–]RP_Br3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Compare to yourself and seek improvement. If you get stuck on the mindset that you always compare yourself to others and give up when you're behind, you'll never succeed. Want a better body? Comparing yourself to someone who has different genetics or who might be on the juice will never be an even field, and you may give up after a year due to improvements taking too long or that being an unreachable physique. Comparing to your past self is much better. Want to go to a good school? How can you improve your grades? It's not about ignoring everything around you, and you can still seek inspiration from your surroundings,but rather maximize the only one thinh that will be with you throughout your life, you

[–]MisunderstoodAsian 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Learn from them.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 23 points24 points  (9 children)

See. That's the difference between you and me. I would look at what they are doing right, instead of bitching and whining in envy about how good they have it and how bad I have it.

Also [email protected] "Four months of lifting". This is a marathon, not a sprint and get used to the idea that it might take another year until you might finally see some positive results.

[–]DevilishRogue 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Came here to say this. Watch, learn, emulate, improve.

[–]TheManWhoSlays[S] -12 points-11 points  (7 children)

What’s “right” about them is the fact that they were born attractive, and didn’t get picked on through out their whole school years and probably had good masculine role models in there lives. They didn’t need “the Red Pill”. They didn’t need to read How to Win Friends and Influence People, No. More Mr Nice Guy, or the Rational Male or anything like that to improve their lives. They’re naturals.

I on the other hand have to read the Red Pill everyday and try to improve myself more and more while at the same time still have to deal with being picked on for being a natural weak man.

[–]2000inchbiceps 15 points16 points  (0 children)

You're jealous. Just do what you can. Life's unfair. Deal with it.

[–]modHalitenina[M] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Take a walk, pal. I can't stand whiners.

Think about it for a week and come back when you're ready to stop being the victim. Take responsibility for your success.

[–]mieato 2 points3 points  (0 children)

trp knowledge > naturals in the long run.

Keep lifting and doing fun shit, read meditations by marcus aurelios and learn some stoicism, meditate, improve financially and learn to laugh at your bitch bluepill past self.

Become a man, do wharever the fuck you wanna do, be dangerous. Stop beijg a bitch, life is not fair, but you have 2 arms and 2 legs, go fuck yourself with this victims.

[–]AnonymousADC 0 points1 point  (3 children)

You have two options:

1-Keep crying and “accepting your destiny” and making the base of your life an excuse: “They are natural alphas”, “They didn’t have to read TRP or Rational male”, “They always ggot laid since highschool” and if you choose that option,it’s sad, you only live once,don’t waste your time looking in another’s life

2-Accept yourself and start to work on your weaknesses,keep improving,pass through every obstacle and become attractive (even more than those guys you are mentioning) and a succesful man.

Cmon man,if you pick the first option you are fucking yourself,thats a shame that you want to let your fears and excuses win,but in the end,you choose want life you want to live

[–]TheManWhoSlays[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Obviously I’m not choosing the first option. If I did, I wouldn’t be lifting weights, trying new hobbies like riding a bike, reading books, meditating, etc.

It’s just shitty that to this, even as an adult as 20 years old, I still feel like the middle school kid who got picked on for many things. I have no idea how to deal with it. Mentally I’m still 15 years old.

[–]AnonymousADC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First accept yourself by not telling yourself that you are still a shit and that you are like a 15 y/o,just develop a dgaf attitude about what others say about you and laugh of it very hard,i mean VERY HARD.

You can accomplish everything you want,you are made of flesh and blood like for example dan bilzerian,if he could,the you can,the only thing that separates succesful from fail its effort and time,and if at the end you cant acomplish it,at least you tried

Man,accept yourself,the person that will always be with you no matter what its yourself,don’t say shit and keep good mindset.

Just keep hustling

[–]xddm2653 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck em dude. All that teasing should rile up your competitive spirit and you should be striving to surpass them all in every aspect of life within the next 5 years. And there's nothing stopping you from achieving that besides willpower

[–]mvb28mvb 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Also Idgaf attitude would help. Show them that comments like telling ur parents u lost ur virginity don't phase u. Also don't seek their approval or validation in conversation, for example lets say someone makes a joke or u meet one of ur dads friends and they seem disappointed or some shit look them in the eyes and act like nothing they could ever say would ever phase or upset you. Work on getting girls that u could realistically be with and be proud of it. That combined with literally not giving a fuck what they say will eventually get them to respect you.

[–]id05245 1 point2 points  (2 children)

That last bit couldn't he technically have a shot with any girl if his frame and approach are good enough? Which would lead to that attitude of ngaf.

[–]mvb28mvb 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yes but that sort of mentality and ability takes practice. He should start gaming lower tier girls and working up in order to build that mindset.

[–]id05245 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorFieldLine 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Learn from them. They're familia. Consider yourself lucky.

[–]Andgelyo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Your family sounds like a bunch of assholes tbh. I wouldn’t worry, just keep improving yourself, challenging yourself, and get out of your comfort zone. You’re only 20, you have tons of time. At your age however I was very involved in school and was director of public relations for my club. It made my status sky rocket. Just keep on working on yourself( go talk to strangers, dress better, lift more, etc).

[–]WeakExample 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Stop whinin’, start grindin’.

[–]redpilledcuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Excellent wagecuck advice. Don't forget to share the S.W.E.A.T. pledge too.

[–]cagedLion88 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The thing about naturals is that they do not understand or need to understand what they are doing right. Consider yourself lucky. Why? You can learn from them and improve. You would be less susceptible to losing this skill than a natural....It is you vs you.

[–]BrodinsOats 1 point2 points  (0 children)

God i wish i had a sociable father like that. Mine is just bitter, cold, and angry. You should count yourself lucky.

[–]JamalChic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You be getting roasted at family dinners? Lol

[–]daffy_duck233 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Shit like that really fucks with my self-esteem.

This is exactly where your problem lies. You are taking things too seriously. This is a weak mindset and people will find it very easy to throw you off. Like others have said, learn to take a chill pill. If you are trying to get better, then just laugh everything off.

[–]philbignig 0 points1 point  (0 children)

take notes

[–]Mofis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Things get better as long as you’re trying which you are. Soon you’ll start to see improvements and once you notice it you’ll be much more confident.

[–]Psilotheos 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just a bit of insight, i used to feel this way then before i knew it i was miles further than anyone else in my journey. Other people such as fathers or friends feel the way you feel right now towards me. Its quite lonely

[–]Cloudsurf89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like low self-esteem. Accept and learn to genuinely love yourself.

"I'm not attractive" - says who? Siblings the world over give each other shit constantly. It's not a fire that's there to burn you, it's a sparring ground and a forge that can create a stronger you. Learn to enjoy and laugh at their attempts, cultivate an IDGAF with this and respond playfully if you feel like it - siblings shit test hard so learn to be better - it'll be tough at first but they'll get it eventually - they'll respect you for it.

Be aware that they will resist any changes you make - as they see you rise up then consciously or subconsciously they'll try to push you back down as it's upsetting the order that they're used to. Just STFU, keep lifting, work on a better you and stop comparing yourself. As you improve, stay grounded and humble. You're already a better you than they could ever be.

Your attractiveness (in my opinion) is 80% in your head - believe in yourself, start playfully passing the shit tests, get some goals and vision and be driven, set yourself some clear personal boundaries, sort out your posture and body language (HUGE indicator of how your see yourself and how others should see/treat you - plenty on YouTube).

Your general grooming and physique are a physical manifestation of your self image over time. Treat your body like a puppy - give it nutritious food, don't let it raid the sweets drawer, take it out on walks and then runs (gradually build up what it can handle), give it regular strength training and be understanding when you inevitably shit on the carpet.

You'll be absolutely fine.

[–]Khiv_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe let them know of your difficulties and ask for help? You will find that most people who are good at something like to teach that something to others.

I'm not very socially skilled as well, at least I wasn't born so, but I've been making an effort to improve ever since I was a child, and today I'm much better. The best years of my life were in high school when I had a friend who was totally a natural; this friend saw my difficulties and went out of his way to help me, like a coach or something. He was one of the least attractive guys I've ever met but he had every girl in school chasing him, while I was more attractive and had none. I learned so much from this guy and I wish I still had him around now that I'm in college.

[–]Kanvaslaw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmmm I wished my cousins were good with girls, successful, skilled, popular. Then maybe I could have learnt something from them, maybe I could have hanged out with them and discover how they do it or if they were actually what they say they were.

Why not think this way? You all have the same blood and are family if they can do it, why not you. Too bad all my cousins were chicks.

[–]SteveStJohn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are being shit tested. Because you fail the shit tests, you get shit tested again. There is a lot on the side bar about shit tests. I recommend Illimitable Man's The Shit Test Encyclopedia.

Work on your social skills by approaching...everybody. Men, women, the young, and the old. Just cold approach. Day Game is a good primer on this. You only learn social skills by practicing.

[–]redpilledcuck -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Kill yourself and let it hang on their consciences. Make it completely unexpected, like they just discover your body somewhere. That will teach them to mess with you. This kind of thing really fucks with normies, they can't handle it like we do.

[–]WhiteGhosts 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The fuck?

[–]mayy77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ask ur dad for advice?

[–]Bruchibre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Be cool with them, no need to be jealous, no need to have resentment for what they have and you don't have. Life is unfair to begin with, you play the cards you're dealt, you probably have things to learn from these people.