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Wanting more than sex (self.asktrp)

submitted by JerryLawlerPigFace

Believe me, I’m fully feeling like a beta bitch writing this or even feeling this way.

I had a tinder date on Friday with an HB 7. She came over, we played n64, and started fooling around shortly after. I’ve done this date many times, where I invite tinder chicks over to play n64 (plausible deniability), we eat pizza, then we go at it if all goes well. This time was different, it made me seriously reevaluate things.

About 2 minutes into the foreplay she starts taking her own pants off and asks me if I had a condom. I’m not sure what it was but this almost turned me off in a way. You’d think it’d be sweet, but it was almost like I lost all respect for her or I saw her with little to no value.

She showed no intensity, energy, or any burst of enthusiasm throughout. The whole ordeal felt robotic, and was one of the least satisfying sexual experiences I’ve had.

I think that for me, personally, I need a level of emotional involvement/mental stimulation for the sex to enjoyable at all. Maybe I’ve just reached a point where the one night stands don’t do it for me anymore.

I used to think I just wanted sex, and then the girl goes home. Now I’m not sure. I do not want a “girlfriend”, but I want more than a one time thing that essentially fills the biological urge.

So my question is: did any of you ever reach this point, where you were honest with yourself about what you wanted? TRP principles can almost make one feel guilty about wanting any sort of emotional involvement


[–]Dystaxia 96 points97 points  (0 children)

You want intimacy, not just sex. Nothing wrong with that. Need someone to fuck your brain too, not just ride the dick.

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T 35 points36 points  (4 children)

Women want intimacy so they can have sex safely.

Men want sex so they can have intimacy safely.

[–]DulceDeLecheMardel 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I don't understand the second statement.

[–]_Ulan_ 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I think the comment should say "emotional intimacy" instead.

Men are not expected to show or express their emotions. Once a man submits a woman to the point of sticking it in her (with her consent, ffs) he is then safely able to show how he feels, to enjoy the interaction without lowering his value.

Women are expected to protect their physical intimacy as much as possible, and offer it as a high value reward to the man she desire. For her, having sex without emotional intimacy does lower her value.

[–]DulceDeLecheMardel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So you are saying that basically a man is supposed to be emotionally intimate with every plate?

That doesn't sound right.

[–]redd_reality 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jesus, that's really well put.

Men and women both require a 'locking in' of the other, only in opposite but equal respects.

[–]1morescoobysnacks 61 points62 points  (3 children)

It has nothing to do with being beta or alpha. Masculinity desires femininity and vice versa. Her behavior is not feminine. She's acting like a guy. It's gross.

[–]JerryLawlerPigFace[S] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

That’s a good way of putting it. The best sexual interactions I’ve had came when both myself and the girl were in our respective “masculine and feminine poles” if that makes sense.

[–]redd_reality 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And the real kicker and the thing that makes things infinitely interesting is that men and women contain both feminine and masculine qualities, only in different ratios.

It is this ratio of masculine and feminine in each of us which makes life interesting. It is a balance of accepting what is vs attempting to control and change what you decide.

[–]furcryingoutloud 10 points11 points  (9 children)

OP, you don't want intimacy. You just want the girl to look like she wants you. Like she likes you. And if she looks like she just wants to get over it, then you get turned off. I think you just need to see her sexual excitement.

No this is not blue pill. This is you not wanting to jerk off inside a pussy. You are more interested if the girl is interested. So yeah, been like that all my life. If the girl doesn't seem too interested, I've been known to get up and just leave, mid fuck. Just pull out and walk.

I don't care if a girl doesn't like me. But I refuse to just fuck a dead body.

[–]hb8only 1 point2 points  (6 children)

you are retarded.. she wanted his dick - she was interested

[–]newlifeRP 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Nope. She wanted ANY dick, his was just the one available at that time. There's a difference.

[–]furcryingoutloud 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Dick, she wants validation. Dick is just a way to get it. From OP's story, it seems she was just going through the motions. She had her validation, she just knew she had to put out in order to seal the deal.

[–]FatmanO 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You are too far in TRP my dude. Its not always about a dick

[–]furcryingoutloud 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No of course not, it's not always about dick or money, or status. There's also love isn't there? Is that what you think? It's ok to think that way. I haven't been that lucky. I wish you all the luck in the world.

[–]furcryingoutloud 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your experience is mind boggling. Thanks for your display of maturity. It really just...

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]MiZiSTiK 20 points21 points  (2 children)

    Uninstall Tinder

    [–]JerryLawlerPigFace[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Lol already done. I’m slipping into monk mode for a while to reassess some things and reset my focus/goals

    [–]Tough_Connection 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Lol "monk mode" I love that term. I decided to take 28 days of monk mode. Its been 10 days.

    [–]MisterMisfit 6 points7 points  (6 children)

    It's tinder so it's not surprising. That happened to me before and when it was done I felt like I could've masturbated and spent that evening doing something more productive with my time. On the upside, at least she asked for condoms.

    [–]JerryLawlerPigFace[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

    Yeah, and I was almost half tempted to test another posters technique (he wrote the article on “Sad Eyes”) of claiming I didn’t have any to see what she would’ve done. My guess is she would’ve given me the green light anyways.

    [–]RPAlternate42 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    That's the move, though. IF she asks, you say, "No, I think I ran out." If she starts saying anything other than something along, "let's get a condom first," then interrupt and say, "wait, I do have some..." And then get them.

    And then decide if a condom is enough for someone who was about to say, "sure, whatever..."

    [–]ThrowingRandomThings 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    If you happen to have a link to that article, could you send it to me? I'd appreciate it.

    [–]JerryLawlerPigFace[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    If someone can link the article written about the SAD EYES girl that would be fantastic. I believe it’s on the manosphere

    [–]ThrowingRandomThings 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    I looked and couldnt find it, which is why I asked.

    [–]JerryLawlerPigFace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Gotcha my man, just putting it out there in a comment so someone who knows what I’m talking about can see it and provide said link

    [–]Herdsengineers 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Nothing wrong with wanting more. Not gonna meet a girl for more on Tinder (or any online dating these days), and not gonna happen at a bar or club either. You gotta change where you go to meet women. The ones that are fit for what you want, they don't go online or get picked up in clubs.

    [–]TheBadGoy 14 points15 points  (4 children)

    TRP principles can almost make one feel guilty about wanting any sort of emotional involvement

    We are simply warning you...you really wanted something serious with a tinder slut? What we preach is "always have your shield up" because in this day and age, you'll get burned real quick, especially naive guys like you.

    [–]JerryLawlerPigFace[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

    Not at all. I know the deal with tinder, I know that none of the girls on there are even remotely acceptable for an LTR. I downloaded tinder 2 years ago because I thought I just wanted to bang these sluts. Now, as I get a little older, I am realizing that I do indeed want more. This last date made me realize it. Something about how easy it was, how little respect she had for herself just got to me. Tinder has been deleted as I contemplate whatever I’m feeling these past few days.

    [–]Invalidity 5 points6 points  (2 children)

    Give yourself a few years of a relationship and you'll want to go back to where you are now. I guarantee it.

    You want a relationship with a woman but you also want to be able to satisfy your sexual urges at the same time. Doable, but you'd have to find the right partners. And even then, it's even more work to maintain. You're toeing the line between keeping them around and keeping them in your frame.

    [–]JerryLawlerPigFace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I think you nailed it there. I sat down and wrote a journal post where I was totally honest with myself about what I wanted at this point in my life.

    I’ve never had a “relationship” before and it was because I wanted one so badly. TRP did for me like it did for many others and exposed my wanting of the blue pill Disney fantasy. This led me to desire wanting to spin plates and avoid emotional investment of any kind.

    Now after some trial and error I can see that I desire more than just fucking them and that’s it. Not necessarily a girlfriend but I do want some level of intimacy.

    In my journal post I wrote that I’m fully aware that no relationship is permanent. By becoming a little emotionally invested with any girl means that you will feel feelings of sadness once it’s over, and that’s normal. I accept both the impermanence and the inevitable period of sad feelings once it ends.

    Knowing those two things are fixed, I think an LTR can be a fun, added bonus to supplement an already awesome life. That being said, I will never consider 1) getting into an LTR before the 5-6 month mark and 2) getting into a relationship of my shit is not in order. I cannot seek an LTR to fill an emotional void.

    [–]LethalShade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Probably but it's all part of the journey. TRP has a repulsion to relationships but it's a good idea to get in a few of them in your 20s to know exactly what you want and are getting out of them, as long as you're self-aware.

    Also, they help you to work on your frame massively, nothing will tear your frame faster than having a girlfriend. Straight road to betaville if you're not careful, been there.

    [–]RedHoodhandles 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    Just wondering. How old are you, how old are your Tinder lays and in which region do you live that you can order them to your house on the first date to play n64?

    [–]hb8only 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    op answer!

    [–]JerryLawlerPigFace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I’m 25, I have a full time job as a gym manager and I’m also a certified personal trainer. I live at home with my parents, however, with a strong frame you can pretty much pull anything off. A first date playing n64 with a 25 year old guy at his parents house is drastically different when you hold a strong frame about it.

    The girls are usually aged 20-25

    [–]MikeAlphaGolf 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Go for hotter girls.

    [–]anusbleach11111 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Just like with video games, you eventually get bored of “gaming.” You’re maturing and realizing that there’s more to life than unlocking these false achievements that say little about who you are and do little to fulfill your emotional and spiritual needs. Take a break perhaps and figure out your calling in life, and stop wasting wasting time playing games, be it with your N64 or with other girls.

    Like the old rap saying goes, if hoes still excite you, you still a lil nigga.

    [–]danp64 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Should’ve invited me to play n64 smh

    [–]JerryLawlerPigFace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I hope you’re better at Mario Kart than the Tinder thots

    [–]dbz0x 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Feel ya man. It’s like tinder thots are automatic with putting out, its kind of sad and there’s no chase.

    [–]Dakutsuki 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Dude there is nothing wrong with wanting something more, it is how we are wired biologically. Hell even I want something more permanent. However I know that is not possible or rather highly unlikely. I would spend more time with friends and away from tinder for a while.

    [–]bookloverphile 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    How do you get girls to come to your house on the first date?

    [–]MakeMenGreatAgain44 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    You 're overthinking my friend. It was just an awkward chick. Don't make it into a big deal

    [–]JerryLawlerPigFace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This is also quite possible as well.

    [–]IIIII---------IIIII 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    A lot of girls on tinder will fuck you and ghost you right after.

    [–]wobbleelbbow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I was like this when I was 16. Then I grew up.

    [–]Peter_B_Long 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    She showed no intensity, energy, or any burst of enthusiasm throughout. The whole ordeal felt robotic, and was one of the least satisfying sexual experiences I’ve had.

    IMO this is a red flag. It could be a symptom of her riding too many dicks or she's been alpha widowed. It's like "she knows the drill" right?

    A girl shouldn't be acting like this on the first time. The first time should be exciting and sometimes intense.

    I think you know that if you do want more intimacy, you're gonna want to stay off Tinder. If you want something a little more emotional, approach girls in person or meet them through friends.

    [–]JerryLawlerPigFace[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child)

    Agreed with everything here. And just to illustrate that you are correct, before we started fooling around she told me about her ex BF. They broke up back around June, he was a coke head whom she dated for 2 years. She lived with him as well. He broke it off. So it does seem to be the case of her being alpha widowed by the typical bad boy druggie.

    “You know the drill” is just about as perfect as you can describe how the sexual interaction went. Just totally automated and no excitement.

    [–]Peter_B_Long -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    Yeah man. She's probably had some really aggressive sex that she's become desensitized to the regular romantic intercourse that most people have, or she's just slept with so many guys that she doesn't even play LMR anymore.

    I've been with a girl like this. It was off Bumble. She would keep wanting me to invest in her before we had sex. I'd decline anything that wasn't 50/50 or not in my favor. She was pretty clingy in public and would get all sensitive if I didn't want to kiss her every few seconds. When we did have sex it was one of the worst sexual experiences I've had. No emotion from her, no reaction even when I would speed it up. I was like, "wtf is this". She was also really loose. Like the loosest I've been with. After a few minutes I pulled out without even cumming.

    [–]bookloverphile -1 points0 points  (5 children)

    What does “HB” stand for?

    [–]hb8only 0 points1 point  (4 children)

    hot babe level

    0 - shit

    10 - godness

    [–]warthundersfw 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    I thought it was hot bitch

    [–]hb8only 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    :D can be...

    [–]bookloverphile 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Idk why we don’t just do the # lol

    [–]hb8only 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    in my country, we have direct numbers :)