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Cucked by Alphas. How to recover? (self.asktrp)

submitted by betastictendencies

I'm writing this report to get this out of my system and hopefully prevent other guys from falling into the same trap and unplug before it's too late. Non-native english speaker so please forgive me on grammar.

So first a little about me, i'm a 28 yo. student about to get my degree on a tough major this year, consider myself at least a 7, having built myself an interesting life through hobbies, goals and passions. Yet i got almost destroyed by a woman recently.

Three years ago, having returned from middle east as a combat veteran, i beat my PTSD and got accepted in a prestigious university, felt like on top of the world. Had my share of ONS's and made progess in every way each passing month, upping my SMV and getting closer to my goals.

Onward a year, i took this 19yo. HB8 chick home pissy drunk from a club, had good sex decided to plate her (mistake). Two weeks in she wanted to introduce me to her family, shrugged it off and kept on fucking for the year, sex was good and the chick seemed more unicorn-like as time went on. I slowly developed a dreaded ONEITIS and upgraded her to LTR.

The first year into the LTR red flags started to fly like in the Soviet Union, to mention a fraction:

-GF admitted to n-count of 20+ by the age of 19

-Told me she felt like a town whore when we first drove to visit her family at Sucktown where she lived 30min drive from me.

-Told me by these exact words "My mom (hypergamous as fuck) used to be a true whore in her youth."

-Super slutty girlfriends, handful of orbiters giving validation.

-Broken family by said mom, dumped alpha CEO father over tingles-generating cop.

-GF sought advice from mom whenever facing difficulties.

-Caught genital warts from her two months into the relationship, i shrugged it off "well, the damage is done anyway"

-I could go on and on about these but also her closest friends dubbing her with the name of a know porn star was one thing i should have recognized.

Still blinded to all of these because of my textbook oneitis i managed to play the alpha role and dismiss my gut-wrenching feelings that this may not work out. Positives topped the negatives.

As i finished my bachelor's, i moved 2hrs away to get my master's degree and plans were to move in together soon after. (I know right) During this time i broke my frame for the first time, expressed heavy stress for my studies and my SMV started to plummet. Things were still smooth a year into the LDR, when just before christmas she called out of the blue to call it quits, no closure exept "she wasn't haaaaaapppyyyy".

Turns out after a week since the breakup she dated a major league athlete, (which in my country isn't that major but the guys SMV was definetly high). Managed to shrug that off and push on despite my looming depression. Yesterday checked her FB again to see that she had branch swung to a successful 30+yo. investment banker, top tier ultra alpha, a true 1% male. All within two months while i'm still struggling to get out of bed in the morning.

I'm slowly starting to catch symptoms of my PTSD again, which i fought off years ago. Feels like this alpha i dont even know has struck a knife through my core. Haven't had a full night's sleep in two months.

I know i backslid from recovering beta to a full-on one, and i feel like these alphas have spat on my face. Looked for therapy but the queue is months in my shitty country.

On to the lessons and the question itself:

-There is always someone more alpha than you lined up.

-Trust your gut, do not ignore red flags.

-Birds of a feather flock together.

-PAST MATTERS

It feels like i cannot kill my oneitis and get back on track, anyone with similar experiences/insight on how long it takes to recover?

I've been forcing myself to lift, eat, and pull through but it is difficult as fuck. Also vigorously reading through the sidebar only to get devastated by the truths, tearing open my wounds all over again. Cannot consider looking for new plates at the moment, depression has caused me ED or something.

How to get out of this misery?

EDIT: Thanks for all the great responses, you have really helped me to put things in perspective and take action! I know i will come out stronger one day, if anything i hope this would help someone somewhere not going down the road i had, as the saying goes:

"A wise man learns from the mistakes of others while fools learn from their own mistakes." Don't be a fool like i was!


[–]joaoluizsn 52 points53 points  (6 children)

Stop checking on her fb, no, actually, delete her and don't mind what she will think about it, actually forget she even exists

[–]betastictendencies[S] 22 points23 points  (4 children)

Just did it. Deleted completely. A huge step for me.

Thought it would make me look petty and butthurt but fuck what she thinks. She's no longer a part of my life and never will be. Let her seek validation elsewhere, i know she'll have more than plenty.

[–]nsareadsmyemails 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is much better than checking. You did the right thing. ALPHA is paraded around like they are immortals, infalliable creatures when in reality ALPHA is a relative term. Don't aspire to be Alpha, aspire to be yourself, don't beat yourself up.

[–]joaoluizsn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great, the "i bet she thought she was hurting me" thought won't ever come up to your mind because you won't ever hear from her again, think of it as a "i don't care" move, great job btw, keep moving, doing your stuff, enjoying the things you enjoy, if you can, stay out of rebound relationships, but hey, it's life, don't judge yourself too harsh right now if it happens, be your best ally.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't sit on your ass. It's okay to be down, it will go away, but don't sit. When you feel shitty and have the urge to check her, get up and go for a walk. Just walk.

[–]bestCallEver 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good man.

[–]Benny757 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Best yet, block her ass and any other way she can check you. You are GONE!

[–]Borsao66 72 points73 points  (9 children)

What's the old saying?

"Never get upset when you see your ex with someone else. We're taught as children to give our used toys to the less fortunate.".

[–]betastictendencies[S] 12 points13 points  (8 children)

Thanks, had not heard that one before!

[–]Borsao66 14 points15 points  (7 children)

And as a fellow vet, I never want to see a brother become one of the daily 22. If you need anything, message me, I'm here.

[–]betastictendencies[S] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I appreciate the support, this is why i love this community.

And it's crazy how i thought after returning home, having seen all the death and suffering that i was somehow stronger and nothing would faze me.

Yet i let a vapid basic bitch get to me. Well i guess the most important lessons ain't the easiest ones.

[–]ihateyouguys 8 points9 points  (4 children)

22!? Does that number mean what I think it means? :(

[–]Borsao66 13 points14 points  (3 children)

Yes, 22 veterans commit suicide daily, often because of untreated depression, PTSD and health care issues. Search for #22kill on twitter or Facebook for more information.

[–]TitsAndWhiskey 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Most dangerous tour you'll ever serve is coming home

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And yet some still say there is a war on women.

[–]DoubleTappp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Look into "Irreverent Warriors".

[–]betastictendencies[S] 12 points13 points  (9 children)

One thing that soothes the pain is knowing that the new cock is now stuck with a CC-rider without knowing it until it's probably too late.

Feeling like shit for feeling anything for someone not giving a shit tho.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 15 points16 points  (2 children)

One thing that soothes the pain is knowing that the new cock is now stuck with a CC-rider without knowing it until it's probably too late.

Don't forget the genital warts. What a cunt.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

to be fair, the majority of sexually active people have hpv and not everyone has symptoms

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And some STDs are worse than others.

[–]idgaf- 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Sometimes we can't grow unless we've felt the true pain firsthand. It's just another turn on the path of life.

Have sympathy for your fellow man, man. It will soothe you better than wishing bad for him.

[–]itsbooming 3 points4 points  (2 children)

He'll pump and dump her and she'll come running back to you. Will you be ready, that is the question?

[–]betastictendencies[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Just got back from the gym where this song came up on my playlist, had to stop to listen:

Motörhead - Bye bye bitch bye bye https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEsoyJDlY0o

Although now that i've blocked her everywhere it would take some heavy investigation to reach out to me anyway. Incredibly RP song to be honest. Think i'm gonna act something like that.

[–]nsareadsmyemails 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Do not fucking take her back. You deserve better. remember you served, and that is appreciated by a lot of people, you have an edge already, use it to your advantage.

[–]bikemike45 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lean into those shitty feelings. Realize something....just because you FEEL bad doesn't mean you ARE bad. Fundamentally, you are a person of value. Furthermore, remember that she was (hopefully) only PART of your life not your whole life.

Go through this process of pain and don't push it away. Life's greatest success often comes on the heels of failure.

[–]Turbosuperfastlaser1 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Dude, they got the warts too. Just laugh and know this too shall pass.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 6 points7 points  (1 child)

How to get out of this misery?

Recognise that a woman cannot save you. Sure it's comforting to believe in a LTR, but you can't rely on this. Not now, not ever.

You kill your oneitis by literally pretending she doesn't exist and gaming other women, and prioritising doing your own thing.

You might need further help with your PTSD, or at least finding ways to relax / meditate / be at one with yourself. Avoid stress.

Do what you love, own your shit, live your life. Women are a bonus, not something to ever be relied on or counted on.

[–]blackhorse6 5 points6 points  (14 children)

Thank you for sharing that story, this is a good reminding for all the boys that thought they had unicorns. The best way to get past one is to get others, which doesn't mean you have to have sex with them. Your ego was crushed and it's time to start to build it back up.

[–]1tino125 8 points9 points  (13 children)

At no point was this girl a unicorn. 20+ at 19? 20+ at any fucking age is automatic plate-only status.

[–]betastictendencies[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

True, i was in too deep after learning the truth that trickled out. The relationship was never the same afterwards, even though oneitis was strong my mind was never at ease.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I usually try to figure out a rough estimate of a girl's n-count on the first date, or at a minimum before I sleep with them.

How? Be sexually positive. Pretend that not only do you not care about how many men they have been with, but act as though you are kind of impressed by it even.

The true number will still likely have to trickle out, but you can make some good estimated guesses based on their first number.

Genital warts dude? I would never next a girl faster.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (10 children)

What about 8 at 28?

[–]betastictendencies[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Seems rather prudish from my point of view!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's my thought pattern.

[–]1tino125 0 points1 point  (7 children)

Honestly that's not bad at all for today's environment. Not sure it's quite unicorn-level, but if she started having sex at 17 that's less than one person a year.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children)

Eh. 15.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children)

LOL no. More then 5 n count and it's useless. Look up about female Virginity and Oxytocin, a chemical which is released mostly by the first few guys she fucks.

Virgin or nothing else then a plate. Standards high m8

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

No. Having sex since 15.

The effect of oxytocin is temporary. You can "dick down your mate" i.e. use oxytocin to bond but that bond isn't some mystical forever. Also, virgins are bad in bed.

I've already read some literature in the area. I get my MD in 6 months.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

So marry a CC rider, clearly. More then 5 partner count is a no no in my book for anything else than a plate.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Are you 12? I'd love /u/gaylubeoil take on this.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Haha I just laugh at the idea of a beta buck marrying and providing for a former CC rider which has had 10 miles of cock through it.

[–]vorverk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How to get out of this misery?

You know how to get out. Lift, eat well, get hobbies, read TRP, build yourself, your career, social life etc. It will not be easy and it will not be soon. But once you get out you'll be 100x stronger than you've ever been.

[–]redpillavatar 2 points3 points  (1 child)

One of the most important things for you to realize is that she is a toxic individual, and likely to divorce rape you, more than the feelings-rape that already occurred. She comes from a radioactive family, and was damaged goods. The cesspool of shit that she is, you dipped your toes in for a bit, but are now smart enough to leave behind. I am certain that she will reach out to you again once she gets dumped, or her SMV starts to dip.

An N+20 count by 19 is a promiscuous whore of Babylon. Seriously, that is a Major League Slut.

Go Monk Mode for a bit and get yourself past this bad time period. There are lots of other women out there, much more beautiful, and less damaged goods. You can find one, two or three for that matter.

Also a vet here too. Feel free to PM if you need anything.

Cheers mate!

[–]betastictendencies[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn right about the sluttiness level. She told me she didn't even know all their names.

[–]mintegral 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Like mother like daughter. My father always told me: "Wanna see how your future wife will be, then take a close look at her mother."

Eraaaaaase her from your life! There is no substitute for deleting her completely out of your life. Delete all messages, delete her and her friends from facebook. Actually fuck facebook for a while and just live without social media until you feel much better and stable. DELETE her number. No contact is rule no1.

Start building a new life, take the TRP principles into practice and realize that you will need time to heal. Don't stop taking actions like lifting, eating well, socializing and just do it, despite feeling like shittiest dogshit.

Forget plates if that stresses you out, and focus on the things that you can do, not necessary like to do but can do at the moment (like lifting). The moment you stop doing good things for yourself even if they are unpleasant at the moment will be the moment you fall back and your depression will get much worser.

Forget revenge! This mindset will only hinder you at this stage. Read 'Meditations' by Marcus Aurelius and listen to Eckhart Tolle 'The Power of Now'. Second is a bit new agy, but if you understand the principles you will find one of the best tools to live an awesome and centred life. These two books should calm you and aid you very much in the heat of the moment and will give you a good emotional and psychological foundation to build your life on.

Need some catharsis? Take a week off and feel sorrow. Cry if you need to, let this shit out. It's okay. But once this week is over, start building your life.

Never ever let her in into your life again.

Stay strong my friend!

Edit: If that aids a bit, I am years old and starting nearly from scratch. It's never too late.

[–]betastictendencies[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Already got rid of all her shit before, every single reminder. Just now deleted her from facebook, was the hardest but it's done!

[–]Benny757 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Atta boy, you are on your way. delete, delete, delete. Everything. Also read Seneca's letters, slowly, and read over and over. Start your day like this.

Go monk mode. The pain will seem hopeless and constant at first, but like a bad cloud, these feelings will dissipate, and the time you experience the grief and pain will become shorter, and shorter.

Now, the most important factor to remember and don't you ever fucking forget this. You have been down the road, friend. You know pain, you know fear, and you are a rock star student. Yes, you have handled this shit before. Never forget the frame your experience provides to you. You are a fucking soldier, man. Iron-core. You can handle this. Never underestimate your own experience and ability to persevere. From this you draw your frame. And throw yourself back into your own life.

Keep reading TRP. Re-read the side-bar. Consider studying concepts of the Dark Triad.

And one last piece of advice.... Go pick up a copy of Moby Dick. Yep. Moby Dick. Start reading, one short chapter at a time. The story is a man's man's story. And it is about a journey, a journey which will be somewhat like your own. It is a dark, dark tale but the journey is a journey to understand the soul and evil. So it can provide you with escapism. I'm three and a half months into my journey from the mighty AWALT dump. 200 pages into Moby. 50 pages into Seneca. And the Dark Triad is very appealing right now. You have been given the chance to become better. And you are free to pursue that which will make you so.

Losing her, yea, it hurts. A lot. I know. But your ghosting her is the only revenge you need, and the best revenge, because now she has no power over you whatsoever. And you have vanished. Powerful. Powerful. Be well brother.

[–]Kiwikeeper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are on The right path. Keep lifting and reading. Work your body and your mind. If you're in need of someone to talk to, you can Pm me aswell.

[–]rurpe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How to get out of this misery?

Focus on other successes in your life. If you "need" a woman to be happy, you will never be happy.

[–]Dr_D1amond 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Its not easy dude

I've recently had a woman wreck my shit up and made me question everything about myself and what i thought i knew. Its a daily struggle not to let it drag you down.

If you can beat PTSD and get your life back on track, you can certainly get over a woman who clearly doesnt deserve to revel in any of the success you are going to bring yourself.

When you are going through hell, keep going

[–]brokengamerhusband 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"truth will set you free" cit.

[–]momomotorboat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As you can see, Alpha/Beta/Etc are not permanent states. After a brutal breakup when I was 24, I was crushed for 8 months. We had shared a place, although she moved out when we broke up, so I was in the place that reminded me of her, alone, for those 8 months.

The thing that cures oneitis is a change in belief, from the belief that she's 'the one' to the belief that you don't need her. These beliefs are NOT rational, so sadly, rational thinking frequently is worthless against it. I slept with a few chicks in those 8 months, two who were hot af. Still couldn't shake it cus I still believed my ex was 'the one'. I told myself she wasn't. But the oneitis in me was deaf.

For me, it lifted right when I moved out and went back to school full time, which all happened simultaneously. Due to this, the recovery was sudden. Weird. A few months later the ex came crawling back. By then I was spinning plates and she didn't faze me. Same girl, different me.

Not everyone's recovery is the same, because what causes oneitis isn't the same in everybody. But I agree with all the recommendations - evict her from your life as best as possible, don't just sit around and sulk, create the life you want, etc. And rest assured that you'll be much better off when you come out the other end of this.

Good luck.

[–]3rt41 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Dude at start i was boringly reading your post, then it started to get interesting because it looked like I WAS THE GUY WRITING IT.

I have been exactly where you are and i can tell you it gets better, the more you completely detox from her and start meeting other people/girls.

Absolutely go no contact with this specific girl and fight the urge to check updates on her life.

DO NOT DO THAT.

You will be ok, but you have to stick with the discipline of turning your back on this long gone relationshit.

[–]Benny757 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely agree again no contact. NONE. Your Alpha response was to ghost her. Your Alpha test will be NO CONTACT. She doesn't deserve you. You check her status, you lose your frame, you lose your alpha-moj and status in your own mind. No contact is for you. Everytime you move to contact and say "Fuck it, I WILL NOT" is alpha.

[–]anti_erection_man 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That guy may be alpha as fuck, but now he's next up to deal with your shitty ex. I see a costly divorce for that guy in the not-so-distant future.

Count your fucking lucky stars that she left before you plummet even further in shit. I see tons of people here, every week, telling the old story, about how she took the kids and all the money and house.

You are fucking free now.

[–]Cunt_Robber 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Hey I had a similar experience back in October, I'd like to share it with you. Went to a large party and met a bunch of people and afterward some random girl added me on facebook (I'm a 7-8, and from experience I know girls don't add me on fb just to be friends), so I started asking around about her. The feedback was that she was a huge whore and also crazy, literally crazy (if these aren't the red flags I was looking for, not sure what were), which at the time signaled to me: score, easy pussy! So I started pursuing her. She was a sorority girl. Another red flag. Long story short, we fucked for 3 weeks, with me acting like the douchiest alpha ever, and her the most submissive, gentle, docile creature, saying she wanted a relationship and that she was clingly (as I recoiled in horror). I ignored it all. She had adopted a kitty and I became quite fond of it when I'd come over to fuck her after a hard day of work. I was lonely. I was not pursuing other women. Naturally, within a few weeks I caught a bad case of oneitis. Within a week I went from full-on alpha to weak, pathetic beta. She immediately noticed a change in my behaviour and dumped me. In hindsight, it was nice of her because she didn't let it get serious and didn't want to hurt me, but still... lying cunt only wanted alpha fucks. She had been fucking random guys when we weren't fucking, and I stopped using a condom thinking she wants a relationship, she can't possibly be fucking around. Lucky I didn't catch anything, but man, were there some lessons learned.

So your story resonates with me quite a bit. Here I am 2.5 months later, completely over it, about to start dating a nice girl who I was introduced to through a friend. It did take a little more than a month to get over her, or mostly to get over myself for letting the oneitis blindside me like that. My advice would be keep busy, go after other girls, go after what you want, and never ever waste your time if you don't get what you want. There is no "the one;" the bitches keep on coming as you work on yourself and succeed in life. Don't ever get hung up on a cunt, don't break frame to get them to like you. Get in the habit of doing your own thing regardless of how many women enter/leave your life.

[–]betastictendencies[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Solid response, keeping frame is indeed the hardest thing over long periods of time. All it took for me was a month of weakness and visible stress after two years of handling all her shit tests almost perfectly. Once it's lost it's lost.

[–]Cunt_Robber 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's the hardest thing period, because life goes up and down and you tend to go with it. I'm bipolar, and the hardest thing for me is to stay steady. Women weave in and out of my life because of it, and I'm starting to stop giving a shit. I have my mind set on achieving a professional goal in a great career field, and the only one standing in my way is myself.

Women come and women go, and that's all that is. She came, she stayed for a bit, then she left for somewhere better--that's if you focus on her. If you focus on you: you let her come in, you got a little worse since she came in, and now you're off to somewhere even worse because you're wallowing in self-pity and oneitis regret feels. Lessons learned? Good, in your mind thank her for the TRP lessons, and focus on getting over her cause there's a few more thousand you'll meet over the course of your life and you want to be better for the next one. Improvement. Best of luck man!

[–]SlothOnRoids 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who cares she was a fucking thot to the tenth power. She did you a favor man, I wouldn't want to LTR some hoe who's been long dicked 20x over. She will probably end up sucking dick on the side anyway being with that dude.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What country?

[–]betastictendencies[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In Europe, i'd rather not go in detail.

[–]sixtysixpixistix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBwH2iYC-8c

The bad news is this is the best I can offer.

The good news is that it's all you need.

[–]bigcitytruth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Time heals all wounds. In a few years you won't even remember this bitch. They key is to completely erase any evidence this girl ever existed. Delete old texts, emails, photos, profiles, anything to do with her. Throw out any gifts she has given you, no matter how much it cost. You will have moments of weakness, but you WILL feel better in the future.

[–]1walawalawa 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Dude...read what you wrote....again...and again. You're somehow thinking it's going to be better or better for her with someone else. It's not.

I had a similar situation with a Borderline Personality Disorder--symptomatic girl...

Goes great...until suddenly and without warning she's pulling back and suddenly I'm chasing. Thinking it's "Me"...it's not.

It's discipline, mind over matter. Stop thinking what might have been. You have this notion that you've missed out on something and you haven't.

Now...I meet and bang a variety

[–]betastictendencies[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah indeed i've thought that there was better days to come with her that i'm now missing out on. Just lately i re-read this gem from CH: https://heartiste.wordpress.com/dating-market-value-test-for-women/

According to this a woman's SMV is highest from 17 to 20 years old, after all i banged her from 19 to 21 so i guess i could say i got the most out of her better years, or at least my male hamster tells me so.