I'm writing this report to get this out of my system and hopefully prevent other guys from falling into the same trap and unplug before it's too late. Non-native english speaker so please forgive me on grammar.
So first a little about me, i'm a 28 yo. student about to get my degree on a tough major this year, consider myself at least a 7, having built myself an interesting life through hobbies, goals and passions. Yet i got almost destroyed by a woman recently.
Three years ago, having returned from middle east as a combat veteran, i beat my PTSD and got accepted in a prestigious university, felt like on top of the world. Had my share of ONS's and made progess in every way each passing month, upping my SMV and getting closer to my goals.
Onward a year, i took this 19yo. HB8 chick home pissy drunk from a club, had good sex decided to plate her (mistake). Two weeks in she wanted to introduce me to her family, shrugged it off and kept on fucking for the year, sex was good and the chick seemed more unicorn-like as time went on. I slowly developed a dreaded ONEITIS and upgraded her to LTR.
The first year into the LTR red flags started to fly like in the Soviet Union, to mention a fraction:
-GF admitted to n-count of 20+ by the age of 19
-Told me she felt like a town whore when we first drove to visit her family at Sucktown where she lived 30min drive from me.
-Told me by these exact words "My mom (hypergamous as fuck) used to be a true whore in her youth."
-Super slutty girlfriends, handful of orbiters giving validation.
-Broken family by said mom, dumped alpha CEO father over tingles-generating cop.
-GF sought advice from mom whenever facing difficulties.
-Caught genital warts from her two months into the relationship, i shrugged it off "well, the damage is done anyway"
-I could go on and on about these but also her closest friends dubbing her with the name of a know porn star was one thing i should have recognized.
Still blinded to all of these because of my textbook oneitis i managed to play the alpha role and dismiss my gut-wrenching feelings that this may not work out. Positives topped the negatives.
As i finished my bachelor's, i moved 2hrs away to get my master's degree and plans were to move in together soon after. (I know right) During this time i broke my frame for the first time, expressed heavy stress for my studies and my SMV started to plummet. Things were still smooth a year into the LDR, when just before christmas she called out of the blue to call it quits, no closure exept "she wasn't haaaaaapppyyyy".
Turns out after a week since the breakup she dated a major league athlete, (which in my country isn't that major but the guys SMV was definetly high). Managed to shrug that off and push on despite my looming depression. Yesterday checked her FB again to see that she had branch swung to a successful 30+yo. investment banker, top tier ultra alpha, a true 1% male. All within two months while i'm still struggling to get out of bed in the morning.
I'm slowly starting to catch symptoms of my PTSD again, which i fought off years ago. Feels like this alpha i dont even know has struck a knife through my core. Haven't had a full night's sleep in two months.
I know i backslid from recovering beta to a full-on one, and i feel like these alphas have spat on my face. Looked for therapy but the queue is months in my shitty country.
On to the lessons and the question itself:
-There is always someone more alpha than you lined up.
-Trust your gut, do not ignore red flags.
-Birds of a feather flock together.
It feels like i cannot kill my oneitis and get back on track, anyone with similar experiences/insight on how long it takes to recover?
I've been forcing myself to lift, eat, and pull through but it is difficult as fuck. Also vigorously reading through the sidebar only to get devastated by the truths, tearing open my wounds all over again. Cannot consider looking for new plates at the moment, depression has caused me ED or something.
How to get out of this misery?
Thanks for all the great responses, you have really helped me to put things in perspective and take action!
I know i will come out stronger one day, if anything i hope this would help someone somewhere not going down the road i had, as the saying goes:
"A wise man learns from the mistakes of others while fools learn from their own mistakes."
Don't be a fool like i was!