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20 years old. got a girl pregnant. (self.asktrp)

submitted by appleateaperson

I got into a relationship with a girl my age and I willingly had unprotected sex with her. I don't love her or like her that much and was more or less just staying with her because I was too much of a pussy to leave and go through the trouble of finding something else. I still don't know why the fuck I risked so much and for what. But I did. Anyway, 5 months after we started seeing each other we figured out she was pregnant. she's 1 month in now and dead set on keeping the kid. I recently had the courage to break up with her because that's what I always wanted. She's now threatening me with anything she can think of, she's messaging my friends and family etc.

Anyway I realize the direct consequences (financial, legal, emotional) are fairly obvious and nothing I can escape from now. So on a deeper level I'm just looking for advice on how to move forward as a man and continue growing through these fucked up times. I was hoping to have a specific question at the end of this but I'm struggling to. If you can offer any advice concerning my situation I would be grateful.


[–]stonefit 48 points49 points  (0 children)

You're going to get fucked for the next two decades and there's not much you can do about it. Sadly.

There are people fighting for men's right to decide - find them and study it. It might bring you some solace knowing you aren't alone.

Also, it might sound shitty to some people, but if you have no interest in raising a kid, then don't. The only rules in this wotld are human invented and weren't made in your favor for this kind of scenario

[–]radianceofparadise 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Get a paternity test. Take it one step at a time. Make sure it's yours first.

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (5 children)

You fucked up man - sorry. Get a paternity test. Also, google 'Hail Mary - Tom Leykis'. If it can work for me, maybe it can work for you too.

[–]DillonDockery 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yo EDTA_ I would be interested in hearing the story of how you pulled off the 'Hail Mary' and how she reacted after you dumped her if you're willing to share.

[–]RampantD 2 points3 points  (1 child)

HOLY SHIT! I never knew this was a thing, but this works. My friend did this. he went back on all his promises once abortion happened. she would say "i killed a baby for you"

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And now hes off the hook for 18 years child support

[–]batfish55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This guy.

[–][deleted]  (18 children)

[deleted]

[–]InformalCriticism 2 points3 points  (15 children)

Child support is a small price to pay for fatherhood, my friends spend more on beer

You got off easy.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (13 children)

My child support is more than most people's mortgage, and that was calculated on $12/hr.

[–]RealRational 0 points1 point  (12 children)

You pay more than 1200/month in child support based on 12/hour?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (11 children)

$614 a month. Most people in my area pay in the area of 600-800 a month. 1200 a month if you are renting maybe.

[–]InformalCriticism 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yup, my payments are more than my monthly housing. It's the government's way of ensuring that she doesn't qualify for government assistance; they butt fuck the dad as hard as they can to save themselves money on their own idiotic policies.

[–]SoRedSuchAlpha 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Indeed, I think bringing back welfare would be a good way to reduce the burden of child support

[–]RealRational 0 points1 point  (8 children)

Ah, well national average mortgage is about 1200.

Where I live, IL, it's considerably higher. One bedroom apartments start at around 1200/month though, average about 1400.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (7 children)

The national average isn't a single male living on his own unfortunately. I would have to literally move into my parents house or file bankruptcy if rent/mortgage was that high in my area, and I make 41k a year as a 25 year old male.

[–]RealRational 2 points3 points  (6 children)

No, it is not, even close to that.

My dad got his first job by walking into the fire department and asking "you guys hiring?". They asked him to pickup this heavy bag, he did. Hired.

Then, on that salary, after saving for only 3 months, he bought his first house. He now receives 125k/year for doing nothing. Retired at 55.

As opposed to me, who had about 2 dozen jobs and a professional career of 12 years before I could afford to buy my first house.

Shit suck's man, shit sucks.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (5 children)

That is why I laughed in class when we were getting ready to graduate college and this old ass professor was giving career search advice. Old fucker hasn't looked for a job in 30 years, yet thinks he knows all about landing your first high paying job straight out of college.

"Be sure you hand in your resume in person, that way they know you're serious"

Yeah what fucking college level job's HR department won't laugh at your face if you try that shit? And what else? Print it with red ink on grey paper too? Come on grandpa.

[–]RealRational 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Yeah, today you may not even meet the hiring manager until you already have the job. Sadly you negotiate with HR, the single most useless department ever conceived of. Only exists as a place to put affirmative action hires.

[–]appleateaperson[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Thanks I appreciate the comment this one really resonates with me for some reason

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To add to above advice, get an attorney, and work out custody/visitation as early as possible. Try to think of every possible scenario that will arise and address it in the custody orders. If she protests, just tell her it's for both your protection. Some things to consider is not allowing another parent to move x miles away from place of birth, etc. Fatherhood is awesome.

Edit: To echo most others here: Paternity test. Right after birth, before you sign anything.

[–]Endorsed Contributorstickfiguresk 15 points16 points  (1 child)

When she get past the possible abortion window, talk to a lawyer. If you dont have a good job, find one and save up some rainy day money, because it's about to pour.

If you had any intention to join the military, enlist NOW and act as if you have no idea she's pregnant. Single parents aren't able to enlist, and it'd be easier to do both while already in the military.

[–]Redditis4virgins 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats actually a really good idea.

[–]randomperson123321 10 points11 points  (2 children)

If the child is really yours, bite the bullet and care for it. You want to stay close to the kid, even if living apart (which is understandable, most men lack the frame to handle the burden of raising a child when young).

Remember to establish and maintain frame when around the mother and child. Play by your rules. It's a tough job, yet easier than what most people in here claim to be. As a matter of fact, ignore the comments telling you how unrecoverably fucked you are. Most men end up with a child or two sooner or later, it's the natural biological outcome. Men can be prepared for it or not, regardless of their age.

The future mostly depends on whether you're established as "the man of the house" and the frame you establish and hold, with money being of significant yet secondary value. You caring for the kid is what matters the most for both itself and the mother. You may even get away without paying child support as long as you do a good job... which is usually not the case, yet possible.

In any case, prepare your future financials in a way that covers both you and the child. You'll be fine even if doing so-so, as long as it's evident that you do something and maintain frame (frame is KEY, you can spend millions for the kid and appear as weak who can be milked for more, or you can spend like 50$ per month and seem as willingly giving your all).

Good luck... and remember, whether the ride is fun or not depends mostly in your mind. You can curse and yell and want to die there and now when the kid acts as... well, as a kid, or you can laugh it off and keep going on as if nothing happened.

[–]appleateaperson[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I was just about to pass out but this comment stood out to me. I would like to turn this into something good in the end and I do think theres hope although I don't see a clear path at the moment. Ill concentrate on bettering myself and seek out more advice

[–]randomperson123321 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The amount of slimey comments in here is sickening. There is nothing red pill when it comes to comments that tell you to sneak abortion pills or run away as fast as you can from your mess. Men face their choices, kids run from them.

An abortion is technically the best choice. A kid will greatly impact your life, and the mother's. So if you can work on it, good. It will save you a great deal of trouble. If not, it's not the end of the world. A child is always a positive push to your status... one of the very few pros that fatherhood has.

[–]alphabachelor 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You should have attempted a Hail Mary.

You pull her aside and tell her how she's the one, you can't wait to have kids with her but now isn't the right time. You don't have the money to provide for them and her. You want both of you to be able to focus on your career, getting a home, etc so when you have kids, you'll be able to fully provide for them.

If the purpose of having this kid is to trap you and not because she really wants one. And if your delivery is perfect, she'll have an abortion.

Leading up to the abortion, you stay on her like a hawk. Be attentive and caring. This will ensure she carries through with it. Once she has it, move on.

EDIT: To add, if you're unable to pull off the Hail Mary, then consult with a lawyer and find out all your options and the best course of action in situations you're going to encounter (ex. signing the birth certificate or getting a paternity test).

If the paternity test confirms you are the father, decide if you want to be in this child's life or not. If not, then do the legal bare minimum and that's it. Be civil and firm. If you do, set the expectation that you're only going to be around to support your child and while your girlfriend is a good girl, you don't think you'd be good together (you may not believe this but this is what you want her to think).

In both instances, I'd avoid giving cash to her, I would buy everything required and provide it to her. Again, double check with a lawyer if the courts would accept this and best record-keeping practices you should do in case of a dispute.

[–]FrankVillain 3 points4 points  (13 children)

Well she's obviously a fruit. What is she saying to your relatives and friends?

[–]appleateaperson[S] 3 points4 points  (12 children)

She doesn't have that much on me because I've always been open and honest with my friends and family. But she's took it upon herself to share the news of her being pregnant with my child and me leaving her with people leading to some awkward phone calls from people wondering why this crazy bitch is messaging them. besides that she's threatened to tell people about some personal things but they're all petty and stupid and I'm not too concerned

[–]FrankVillain 0 points1 point  (9 children)

Well, you obviously got a good reason not raising a child with her and not even taking care of her from now. That's pretty harsh but she is being irrational.

She is against abortion in general?

Do you still talk to her? Like said before, paternity test and lawyer. Except if you want to join the army, in this case no paternity test.

[–]appleateaperson[S] 3 points4 points  (8 children)

This is all very recent. I only broke up with her yesterday. I've known she was pregnant for about 2 weeks. Long before this we both agreed she would have an abortion if an accident happened. When she tested positive I let her stay at my place for a full week because she was going with the plan. I thought i would wait this out an extra month before breaking up with her. Then she went home for a night and told her mom who is all for having grandchildren and all of a sudden abortion was not an option. I started ignoring her yesterday because she was getting really psycho and I think replying at all was just fueling her

[–]FrankVillain 1 point2 points  (6 children)

That seems a bit f*cked too be honest. It hasn't happened to me but to at least ten of my friends.

You can expect her to keep it definitely. Her mother is not going to go with your opinion since you broke with her daughter she is probably fueled by the fact you're an asshole anyway, your opinion doesn't matter anymore I guess.

Have you ever talk with the mother before that? Are they against abortion like some kind of christian? You talk only about the mother, there's a father around?

Since you already broke up you lowered your chances of having an opinion that matters. They think you don't make sens and you think she doesn' toot. So it's stuck.

Lawyer dude, lawyer; you have to know what are you obligations and all that stuff.

Did you told your parents all the story?

[–]appleateaperson[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

I haven't really gotten to know her parents well at all. I think they arent really religious but I think I remember her telling me that they might of been brought up with Christian influences. the 5 or 6 days after she changed her mind about getting an abortion but before breaking up with her i spent trying to change her mind (for both our own good I believe) I was desperate so I lied and said that we should have a better time and blah blah etc.

I told my parents after breaking up with her so they would find out from me first. luckily they said they will support me no matter what happens.

[–]batfish55 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I love it. She's religious enough to not get an abortion, but she's anti-religious enough to fuck you bareback outside of marriage. I love hypocrisy.

[–]FrankVillain 0 points1 point  (2 children)

That's good. Go and see a lawyer with your parents.

Then you gonna have to talk with her parents (probably without her if possible, and without your parent at first) about you not wanting/being able to raise a child (I guess that's your state of mind...)

A child raised without a father is a big BIG deal. They have to understand all the consequences for the kid and her.

Wait for some other advices than mine. Ask a lot more around, from some guys that had the same experience, ask every details. Call some specialist.

It all started the same but then a millions different things can happen and there's A LOT of guys who've been throu this.

Check with a lawyer.

You'll be fine, worst can happen from unprotected sex.

[–]appleateaperson[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yes. I agree with all of that. Appreciate your input.

[–]FrankVillain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cheers.

Last one: if you met her parent be prepared to be strong and firm about your choice. Think about everything they might say and all the shaming and sh*t they might try on you. They gonna try to reason, to say it's gonna be alright, to ashame you. Who knows!

You gonna need to know all that they can say and what to answer with strong arguments.

And stay or go to school, you gonna need money. That's really important, you can't be a fuck up.

[–]Ill_mumble_that -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

If she doesn't want to get the abortion, you could try making your DNA look really, really bad. Get some fake medical reports drawn up and make it look like you are the shittest sperm donor on the planet earth and show this to her. Something that says you're terminally ill and were hiding it from her. Etc.

"The reason I broke up with you, is I know I won't be there. I wanted to save you the pain of seeing me pass on." "And I wanted the abortion, because the kid will probably end up like me." "I couldn't tell you, it was too hard, I loved you too much, I still love you."

That's probably the only thing that will get her and the mom to change their stance. You have to appear to them to be the worst candidate for her to have baby with on the planet earth. If you can show Down Syndrome or some other fucked up disorder runs in your family, do it.

In all honesty, by breaking up with her you kind of fucked up. Now she's less likely to trust you. You could have even slipped her a miscarriage pill, but that's off the table now. It really depends on how far you are willing to go to save yourself.

Of course, you could always just walk away, change your name, and do what you want. If you don't sign the birth certificate it's on her to prove you're the father and she has an uphill battle to try to extract resources from you. - Which is why I think the paternity test is a bad idea unless she does actually manage to reel you in legally, then get the test just to be sure.

Note: The above is amoral advice. I myself probably wouldn't ever do these things. But then again I wrap my shit up and don't make women pregnant.

[–]speed3_freak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

definitely try the hailmary. Sounds like it could work.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]batfish55 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Because 'man up.' Because 'take responsibility for your child.' She gets to socially shame him into staying with her, committing to her financially, giving her a kid, and paying for it. It's a win-win for her. She gets to prove her uterus works, and she gets money from the dad.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Lawyer the fuck up and push for a paternity test.

    [–]appleateaperson[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I'm going to throw one more thing I'm thinking about out there. If I was to take responsibility for my child and fight for my right to see it, what should my position with the girl be? I would love it if she were to eventually respect me and we could be supportive coparents but I really don't know. I will obviously not have sex with her anymore from now on or lead her on in any way. I would like for her to calm down and accept that we won't be a thing but maybe after a month has passed I can get both our parents involved and come to some sort of truce. Although I know that that could go out the door whenever she felt like... we both have supportive parents although I have got the impression that there is a bit of dysfunction in her family.

    [–]LifeMedic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    NO. You need to avoid her like the plague, stay civil and that's it. Her family will always hate/resent you and perhaps even your own mother will turn on you.

    GET A PATERNITY TEST. Period. Don't even wait for the child to be born. If it is yours, dig into work and get used to it.

    Record everything that is legally allowed to be recorded when interacting with her or her family. Minimum, keep a journal of dates/events/times.

    You F * ed up. Don't F * up more by trying to fix relationships or becoming the nice guy, because all you are really doing is bending over the barrel and shackling yourself into getting f*ed for the next two decades. Again, avoid, paternity test, record.

    -Added reiteration on another fellows comments. DO NOT GIVE MONEY. for anything. If the kid is yours, and the court makes you give money, always always do it in the form of a check and document it well.

    [–]RunawayGrain 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Get a paternity test ASAP. They can do it from the amniotic fluid, while the kid is still in the womb. If she gets combative about having one, that's a pretty good sign that it's possibly not yours.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    F

    [–]InformalCriticism 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Whatever you do, don't marry this psycho. If you do have to go to a support hearing, make sure you are making no money and living at home.

    Make sure you collect evidence of the harrassment (a judge likely won't care even if she commits low-level crime against you - assault, stalking, harrassment, etc., but if the bitterness is only one direction, then it can serve to keep you on equal footing). Get a lawyer if you can.

    Just don't marry her. She's already proven herself incapable of a healthy relationship. Do not cave to family pressure, do not let her "convince" you she is a good woman, or the best you'll get, or anything of the sort to get you back in a relationship.

    You said it yourself, the nuke has gone off. No need to walk around in the fallout. Get yourself in a suit and stay underground and wait for the radioactive decay. The sooner you get your head in the long game, the easier you can breathe.

    [–]F_Dingo 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You got a long rough road ahead of you, honestly. My best advice is to not play into the drama with her, let her act a fool and call everyone and stomp her feet for attention. Once you take the reaction away, it's done. Every interaction needs to be about the kid, only, take control that way. Next, lawyer up and get a paternity test once the baby is born. If you want custody, file for it. Just take control.

    [–]Endorsed Contributorfnordsnord 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Sign NOTHING until a paternity test comes back positive. Paternal fraud is unusual, but it happens more than people like to think.

    Get your own lawyer and refer ALL communications with her or her family through the lawyer.

    [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    Wear a condom you fucking cavemen

    [–]RealRational 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    I can't get off with a condom on. I would rather just fap than have sex with a condom.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Well then learn, they were invented for a reason. Or put your woman on anticonceptionals.

    And don't buy shitty ones

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

    [deleted]

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [deleted]

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]RealRational 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        You make friends everywhere you go. They feel special, but they aren't. Travel more and you'll know what I'm talking about. IME the entire world pretty much boils down to a few dozen different people, and just copies from there.

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

        Can't find the thread but I got it saved in a document. Read it. Someone tell me the author so I can give credit.

        What is her motivation? What emotional leverage does she have that is compelling her? Is it religious? Is she afraid her family will kill her if she aborts? Why is a person motivated to behave like this? (in certain different ways) What logical and emotional roots / buttons does a person have?

        KNOW A PERSON INSIDE OUT BEFORE YOU ATTACK.

        What are a person’s 10 biggest fears and insecurities? What are a person’s 10 biggest hopes, dreams, and desperate wishes?

        BUILD UP / PLANT DIFFERENT IDEAS AND OUTCOMES IN A PERSON’S MIND

        A) PAWN is going to be so alone and so miserable, her family will hate her, her friends will not hang out with her, she will be undesirable to men, no more dates, no more parties. B) Her kid will live a shitty life and you will desert her, she will never have any support or help from you, you will go nuclear, you'd burn your money before you gave it to her. Her own child will be ashamed of her and think of her one day as just a whore who was knocked up. You would rather die than bring a kid into the world like that, and if she was selfless, she would feel that way too. C) But, you do feel something for her and you think that the two of you could have a future. You think one day it could work out between the two of you in some beautiful future (that you have to create for her based on #1, her dreams and desperate wishes), and you feel like it can happen. But of course, that all vanishes if she carries the child.

        CRUSH SELF ESTEEM You have to act like you LOVE her and care about her, and you want whats best for her. Google "how to boil frogs" - you must slowly up her self-doubts and slowly create this vision of who she will be. Take what's most important to her (so, her lifestyle, her family, her friends, her body) and descriptively show her how they will turn on her and get ruined. You want her to reach her potential, to become something great, to write that novel or graduate med school. You can hear parents now - one sister went to Harvard med, one sister got knocked up and has stretchmarks on her belly at age 22. Think of the shame they will feel, etc.

        Use her failures against her. How could she be responsible enough to be a mother. Last year she couldn't even put the time in to study for the GRE. Her dog died because she left it's gate open and it got run over. You have been collecting info, leverage it to sunder her self esteem to the point where she does not think she can care for a child. This is hard; magazines and TV make motherhood look glamorous and fun. Talk about depression, about how mothers with a history of BPD or depression or OCD will often feel violent urges towards the baby. Convince her she would be irrevocably scarring a child by having it.

        DT CARD You convince her that you want to have a real future with her and you think she might be the one. (She is very emotional, wrecked, and hormonal - she is looking for a branch to cling onto for salvation). You tell her that one day, she'll graduate med school and you'll be a big so and so at your firm, and on that beautiful day, you'll take her hand and you'll have a child with her. You want that future with her so badly it's splitting you inside, and you know that you can take her there, but you just can't do it if she doesn't abort this one. If she wants that future, that beautiful American dream on the horizon, it's there, it's hers, she just has to be strong enough to make a decision for the family that she will ONE DAY create. You can even propose. Buy a ring from costco. Tell her she'll be yours, you'll take care of her, you'll have as many kids with her as she wants, but not now, not when you and her could not provide a good life. To get what you want out of her, you are going to give her the ONE other thing that she has been dreaming of since she was 8. A ring, and all that it symbolizes. All the ups and downs, the tears and fights and yells, it's made you realize one thing. That you don't want the two of you to get lost out there in the wide world. You want her to be in your life, and you want to be in hers, but only if she will do right by you, by her, and by the future family you two can one day have. Make it convincing, act your fucking heart out, and put a ring on her. Tell her you want to get to know her and in 5 years when you two are ready for kids, you will be the best father and husband you can be. Sell it.

        [–]Pabsmanhere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I highly recommend you listen to the free audio book "Real Time Relationships" by Stephan Molyneux. Regardless of how bad you fucked yourself with this situation, the lack of self knowledge about the choices you made will be a real boat anchor you drag with you the rest of your life.

        [–]ArtNoize 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Tell her if she wants to keep it then it's all on her. If she gets upset then tell her that you got someone else pregnant and that's more important right now.

        [–]GeminiEngine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Do not assume the child is yours!

        It probably is but to many women will lie left and right on it. She lied about willing to get an abortion, she might lie about it being yours.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        First things first. You need to take this step by step.

        1) Get a paternity test. Confirm that the child is indeed yours. If the child is yours, move on to step 2. If the child is not yours, end all contact with this woman and never see or speak to her again.

        2) If you get beyond step 1, see a lawyer.

        3) If the child is yours, gently broach the subject of abortion. Does she want to have one? If so, offer to pay the costs of the procedure. Pay ALL the costs.

        4) If she doesn't want to abort, broach the subject of giving the child up for adoption. You both will need to give up and sign away your parental rights irrevocably. once made, this decision can never be taken back. Offer to pay costs associated with it.

        5) If the mother doesn't want to abort or adopt the child out, then you need to accept that you will be paying child support.

        6) Decide whether you want to be a father. (This is different from paying child support, which you will do whether you wish to or not.) If you decide you want to be a father to this child and really parent him/her, go all in. If you are not going to parent the child, then stay out. You will be a monthly check to the child and that is all.

        If you want to be a father, have detailed discussions with your parents, with the mom, and with her parents, about your rights and responsibilities. Insist on your rights. Insist on visitation. Insist on as much physical custody as you can get, so as to enhance your parenting and to minimize your child support obligations. Insist that the mother obey all agreements and court orders.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        If you want to take care of your kid, get shared custody. If you don't care for your kid, flee the country.

        [–]2comment 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I still don't know why the fuck I risked so much and for what.

        You were thinking with your dick. Maybe you ought to give it a spanking.

        Seriously, all you can do know is mitigate things. You already jumped off the cliff, no amount of arm flapping is going to get you back to the top. You gotta figure out how to make the landing bearable.

        edit: as others said, before you sign onto fatherhood, get a paternity test.

        [–]Ali0_o 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        First get a DNA test and find out if the kid is yours. If it's not, GREAT!

        If the kid is yours... You're fucked mate.

        [–]SocialJusticeWhiner 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        You could always gain a skill set either through college or trade then move to a different country and never look back...

        [–]KneeDeep185 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Let her know right now that you have absolutely no interest in being with her, but you will be fighting for custody of the kid. Let her know straight up that you aren't interested in raising the kid with her, and maybe she'll think twice about abortion? Hopefully she balks at a) not getting child support because you're perfectly capable of having joint custody and b) raising the kid individually. Single mothers make shit parents.

        [–]rektum_expander 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Why does this girl this young want to keep a child of a man she fully knows doesn't love her? Is there any way to convince her how fucked the rest of her life would be raising this kid? Any way to make her realize it isn't worth it?

        [–]Apexk9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Tell her that you had a vasectomy and she should go after the other dude she fucked as the first thing you want is a paternity test.

        It may be a bluff but never know.

        [–]gabilromariz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Get a lawyer NOW. If unable to get one, go straight for your nearest Law professor and beg for help/guidance. This has the potential to dictate the rest of your whole life

        [–]SwallowRP 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        .

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        "I don't love her or like her that much and was more or less just staying with her because I was too much of a pussy to leave and go through the trouble of finding something else."

        You're speaking to me right now, in a similar situation. I know what I need to do. She's not pregnant yet but I need to leave before that happens...

        [–]mr_nate_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        [–]binrobinro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Sounds as though you wanted to get her pregnant.

        [–]colucci 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Run.

        Get a fake id. Buy a ticket to Brazil and start anew.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        LOL.

        First piece of advice, go buy a box of condoms.

        [–]appleateaperson[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

        Another question I thought of. If I decide to not be a part of the child's life and successfully come to terms with that with some degree of peace and happiness... Would it not be as simple as just making 20% (or whatever the case may be) more money than I would plan to comfortable with? How else could this effect my life?

        [–]FrankVillain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        The problem is not your money, she probably gonna have some law making you to pay a share anyway.

        The effect on your life is that a kid without a father got his chance to become a f*ck up going throu the roof.

        [–][deleted]  (2 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]appleateaperson[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Yeah, you know I'm still in shock I don't know how I really feel yet but exploring options is helping me I think. If I could somehow completely drop any desire or sense of responsibility in me to raise this potential child of mine maybe I would. but thinking about it.. my father honestly did the best fucking job I could ask for and he came from a childhood that he's still in counseling to recover from. So for me to be any less of a dad would probably be devastating for me

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          you need to let her have abortion. just ask her politely, tell her a story and try to trick her into do it, or try to bribe her to do it.

          If she don't wanna do it at all, go to a lawyer, and ask legal advice.

          [–]Wiindu22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          This happened to a close friend. He separated from her hut gave her financial support wherever he could. She's still a total bitch but he's doing everything he can to be a great dad. He's really happy with his choice to leave her but still loved his daughter and has a great life. Long story short, take responsibility with your kid but you don't have to try to love the mum.

          [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

          Beg her in any way shape and form you can to abort it or pray for a miscarry.

          [–]Neuermann -1 points0 points  (0 children)

          So, I'm not as red pill as these other guys, but I definitely think marriage is terrifying. Having kids is terrifying.

          Personally, I am against abortions. You can't tell me it isn't murder. That aside there are other options.

          Plenty of old dried up cunts and newly married gay couples would love to adopt. Even young couples that can't have a kid themselves. This would make those families' world.

          Another option would to just leave the girl and she will eventually latch onto a beta provider. If that guy tries to become the father, you get the out legally.

          You could also raise the kid. This world needs more red pill fathers more than anything else. Only problem is the woman.

          Good luck on your decision, I wish you the best.