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Went to the gym for first time, went well, got laughed at in locker room, how's my banter (self.asktrp)

submitted by gr0w9iwe09i

So I found TRP two weeks ago. I read a lot and am bulking now (so skinny) and today I went to the gym for the first time. Was nervous honestly but I did squats, overhead and deadlifts and it went well.

Then I shower, and as im in a towel getting dressed 3 guys walk by. They're all way bigger than me obv. They're opening lockers and doing whatever, then one of them turned to me and just looked at me. I looked back, he shook his head and laughed like a dick, loud enough for his friends to hear.

In my head I got all nervous for a split second but then thought "Wtf I'm here to improve myself fag" and I said to him "You laugh, but I'll get bigger. You'll never get taller though."

He got all pissy, going "Oh yeah bud, big words for a scrawny piece of shit, you sure you wanna talk shit?" and I just said "you're embarassing your friends" and his friends laughed.

Then I packed my bag and left.

So, obv this guy is a fag, maybe I'll run into him again. He wasn't even that big. I can probably pass him.


[–][deleted]  (37 children)

[deleted]

[–]Late30sMasculist 32 points33 points  (16 children)

Where is this a high school? I've literally never seen anyone give a small/fat guy shit at a gym (to his face anyway) since becoming an adult

I wondered the same thing....or a troll post maybe.

[–]awalt_cupcake -3 points-2 points  (15 children)

how does no one on this sub never encounter shitty people? I've run into them all my life.

[–]bumbuff 18 points19 points  (5 children)

The gym is the only place where I've seen obvious douchebags keep their mouths shut

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]landon042 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    this man, ive seen guys small than me, guys with tons of muscle on me. 240lb+
    older guys fat guys. on the way to the water fountain or out of the locker room, you just nod, and hit the weights hard

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]bumbuff 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Well, they're still douchebags at the gym. Loud, inconsiderate, etc. But they never bully.

      It's a golden rule at the gym.

      [–]ChrisBenRoy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I generally mind my own business and no one bothers me.

      [–]648262[🍰] 3 points4 points  (7 children)

      You know... the issue might be with you?

      [–]awalt_cupcake -1 points0 points  (6 children)

      if everyone else around me is a dumbass, that makes me a dumbass?

      Shit don't add up

      [–]Exaiphnes 6 points7 points  (5 children)

      if it smells like shit everywhere you go, check under your shoe

      [–]awalt_cupcake -2 points-1 points  (4 children)

      you don't get it

      [–]adam_varg 3 points4 points  (3 children)

      You dont get it. Thats what guys are traing to tell you..

      [–]awalt_cupcake -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

      no dude, the point is bullshit

      [–]648262[🍰] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      You escalated a pointless comment to this comment chain, involving 3 other people. You might be a difficult person to be around was my point, but I don't know you other than what I see here.

      It doesn't really matter though - it was a stupid joke, but you really didn't do yourself any favors in trying to disprove the stupid joke.

      [–]MuhTriggersGuise 8 points9 points  (2 children)

      I have never in my life seen this either. And on the first visit? Smells fishy.

      [–]BabyFaceElephant 6 points7 points  (1 child)

      I've only seen the opposite, dudes approaching a scrawny/fat guy and welcoming them. Maybe offering a bit of really basic advice for more complicated lifts like squats or deadlifts if they saw him trying. OP, if true find a different gym it sounds gay. If false... you are going backwards my friend.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Exactly. I have been to many gyms. The gym at my college and other ones, like LA fitness with some big fucking dudes. Like bodybuilder looking dudes and they are actually fairly nice people. Obviously, there might be jerks, but I've never seen bullying other gym goers.

      [–]gr0w9iwe09i[S] 2 points3 points  (14 children)

      Not a high school, a community gym. I'm 22. The guy was anywhere from 20-25. I thought it was pretty petty

      [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (13 children)

      yeah it was, it's not normal adult behaviour. that guy obviously has internal issues and is not happy with himself. he's not going to do anything to you like fight you or attack you dont worry

      next time you see him make strong eye contact for a few seconds then look away to the side slowly. stand tall and with good posture and carry on walking slowly to where you were going. this will show him that you aren't scared or a pussy

      kinda like when a tiny dog shows no fear to a massive predator (there was a vid of a jack russell doing this to lions recently). It triggers something primal in you that makes you scared of the tiny dog even though you would beat it in a fight.

      SHOW NO FEAR

      [–][deleted]  (9 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]landon042 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        this lol

        wait inb4 he wanted op to get his ass kicked and post up next week

        "guy in locker room kicked my ass on 2nd gym day"

        [–]gatorslim 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        this, why not walk up to the gym and try to sort things out. A simple "hey it seems we got off on the wrong foot" type approach would work better than trying to puff yourself up like a mongoose.

        [–]mr_wiffles -1 points0 points  (3 children)

        Total bullshit. Staring people down works when they instigate social (non-physical/not a fight) conflict because they're already in a state of fear, stress and/or anxiety to begin with; there's simply no other reason they'd start shit in the first place. Try it next time some one tries to talk shit and I guarantee they'll back down. Provided you don't wuss out first.

        [–][deleted]  (2 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]mr_wiffles 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          It's extremely naive to make such a guarantee.

          Wrong. It's a guarantee based on logic, psychology and personal experience. I've personally done this on more than one occasion and never has the proverbial douchebag had the balls to back up his bullshit. And on the off chance he's just plain stupid? That's why I suggest learning a true combat grade martial art. (Hint: if you progress through a system involving points, tournaments or point sparring, you're training for failure, I'm sorry to say.)

          You must also realize how foolish it is to speak in such absolutes.

          This statement itself is speaking in an absolute based on the assumption that my previous statement is universally wrong. Having done this myself on several occasions, I damn well know it's not.

          Don't pretend to know things for a certainty when you don't.

          The saying, "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" seems to apply here. Try taking your own advice.

          You sound like a young man.

          This has nothing to do with the information offered and is obviously a passive-aggressive attempt at disparaging me. You sound like a dumbass. You're pandering to fear and complicit in implying that the OP cower for safety instead of embrace his own manhood and stand up for himself. I mean, dude, that's some hardcore beta bush-league shit right there.

          Sack the fuck up, son.

          [–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

          Can you fucking read? Or understand what words mean? Did I say to behave like an animal? Did I say to stare him down?

          You're a fucking imbecile

          [–]ControlBlue 4 points5 points  (2 children)

          next time you see him make strong eye contact for a few seconds then look away to the side slowly. stand tall and with good posture and carry on walking slowly to where you were going. this will show him that you aren't scared or a pussy

          Seriously, I would say to just ignore the guy and keep focusing on what you are there to do.

          What you want to show to those type of people is contempt, not wanton agression. If he looks at you, look back at him and show that you don't have an ounce of respect for him and then go back to lifting.

          That tiny dog is stupid and will get eaten one day before he can get big enough to do anything about it.

          [–]Mobrowncheeks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          This literally happened to my tiny dog. He thought he was Billy bad ass until he met Billy bad ass.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          You have misunderstood what I wrote. I did not imply that he should act aggressively. I was explaining how to act confidently to let the guy know that you are not scared of him. Not making eye contact with someone or cowering away when they are near you are signs of being scared. Bullies pick on the weak and the vulnerable.

          The dog was not meant to be a literal example. It should be clear that I was not recommending to literally act like a tiny dog. The example was made to illustrate my point. When you show fear you are become a target. Ask anyone who has been in prison

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Sounds like a scene from an American Pie movie.

          [–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 26 points27 points  (6 children)

          Where the heck do you live? Nobody talks shit at a gym. Like ever. You may have accidentally wandered into your local high school locker room on the way to the actual gym.

          Dudes at the gym are typically friendly and social. Not shit talking high fiving meat heads. You probably fell asleep during an 80s movie and dreamed you went to the gym.

          [–]fake7272 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          highschool maybe

          [–]awalt_cupcake -2 points-1 points  (4 children)

          he's probably in the south

          [–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 9 points10 points  (2 children)

          I'm in the south. We ain't like that.

          Maybe he lives in west bumpkinville, and the muscular quarterback captain of the high school football team with his cool hot rod is dating the cute girl next door even though he's a bully and asshole and gives OP a hard time at the gym, but one day, the scrawny guys are gonna get him, with hilarious hi-jinx. Rated PG for some kissing, mild sexual innuendo, and food fights.

          [–]awalt_cupcake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I'm from the south too and quite a few are like that. They're the types who have a relative(s) in the local government (lawyers for instance) or just generally AMOG'ing everyone. Like local city country boys.

          Then there's the

          [–]gatorslim 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          fellow southerner and i agree. everyone gets along at the gym - white, black, brown, purple, etc

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I guess the north south thing happens in any country.

          [–][deleted]  (10 children)

          [deleted]

          [–]gr0w9iwe09i[S] 2 points3 points  (9 children)

          I'm eating a ton. It's been almost a week since I started actually eating to bulk and it's draining me. After like 2pm I'm forcing every plate/shake down. I know it's necessary - not gonna stop - but when does this constant tiredness/bloating stop or normalize? I am eating ~1000-1200 over TDEE

          [–][deleted]  (4 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]gr0w9iwe09i[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

            Sweet potatoes, eggs, rice, potatoes, broccoli, tuna, chicken, beef, beans, frozen veggies, bananas, pb, bread, a lot of olive oil and 1 weight gainer shake a day. I also try to limit sodium and sucrose, weight gainer has none. Maybe random fast food 1-3 times a month too.

            I'll drop to 750 and stick to that for a month to see how it goes.

            [–][deleted]  (2 children)

            [deleted]

              [–]gr0w9iwe09i[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

              Thanks man

              [–]thor_away92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              It never stops. Pooping becomes a constant lol

              [–]1grubek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              You get used to it, plus as your muscles grow your body needs more energy just to do the basic stuff, so you'll get hungrier.

              [–]MuhTriggersGuise -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              Your body is still adjusting to a new diet. Also, are you avoiding shitty food? Processed food makes my body feel like shit, and if I cram a bunch down for the calories, its a recipe to feel like ass.

              [–]gr0w9iwe09i[S] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

              Also after I left I was pumped with adrenaline. Why? Like shaking a bit, just for a snide comment as I'm walking out. No idea why I was so nervous.

              [–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

              Fight or flight response.

              [–]mr_wiffles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              This is normal, so don't doubt yourself or worry about it. You recognized danger from some one trying (and failing) to act like a predator. He took intentional first-strike offensive action against you. Evolution has taught us that if somebody starts something with you, it's for a reason, which means that unless you ready yourself to deal with the threat, YOU WILL DIE.

              Your brain was simply seeing obvious danger, and you also got angry (and rightly so). Intentional offensive action plus anger very often results in cranial trauma and far worse.

              The only way to not react as you did would be through repeated exposure to the same kind of stimuli over a long period of time, such that your brain learns that these cues aren't actually dangerous. The problem with that is that your brain might pick up through conditioning that other cues aren't dangerous when they ARE, thus putting you at risk.

              So don't be ashamed, be happy your survival instincts work as well as they do. :-)

              [–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Bro this doesn't usually happen at gyms. Are you sure this isn't the beginning of a gay porn?

              [–]thetreece 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              A couple friends and I finished up a great chest and tris session. We were in the locker room getting our stuff when some lanky kid in a towel was awkwardly death-staring us when he thought we weren't looking. At one point we made this prolonged, awkward eye contact. I laughed a little bit to ease the tension this (clearly autistic) kid was creating, but apparently that was the wrong move. He completely sperged out and started calling us "fags" and talking about how he was "6' 2" master race". I asked him if he was really talking shit to strangers in the gym locker room, and he muttered something and ran away. He didn't even get dressed, just grabbed his bag and walked out wearing a towel.

              The whole thing was so bizarre. We went out with our girlfriends and laughed about it over a couple beers.

              [–]gatorslim 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              well done

              [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (8 children)

              That wasn't really banter. It was someone getting your goat and you responding out of anger. I would also have been upset. But here's the advice I'd give myself, being away from that situation.

              Responding in this situation netted you nothing. If you had self confidence and respect, then it wouldn't have bothered you. It bothered you and you felt disrespected. So, you acted from a place of not being okay with yourself in order to prove that you are okay with yourself.

              If you had to respond at all, a smirky head roll would've sufficed and gotten your point across without as much provocation.

              I'm also tall and lanky, and short dudes have given me shit, like you experienced. It really is often because they are deeply insecure and a tall and skinny guy is a soft target they can safely use to gain self esteem and some cred. Short macho douches really don't deserve to live (to quote Randy Newman's song Short People).

              I don't know what kind of gym you go to, but I'd consider somewhere else if you can switch. Go to a gym with older people in it where you don't have to deal with this shit and can focus on why you are there.

              Also, eat more.

              [–]gr0w9iwe09i[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children)

              Solid advice.

              I am eating 1000-1200 over tdee, because I have never weighed over 140 at 6'2". I aim to inflate.

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Get your testosterone levels checked. If you have decent testosterone, and start lifting 5 days a week and eating a lot more, you can gain weight fast because your body is almost begging for it.

              Just don't eat shit and get fat, and work hard (like 1 to 1.5 hours a day for 5 to 6 days a week) in the gym.

              Source: 6' and went from 165 to 185 lbs real quick and my lift numbers shot up fast.

              [–]Eros-Anteros -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              How do you know it's your tde? Are you weighing yourself several times a day? There's more to it than just gorging yourself too, and a lot of processed and fast foods are high in sodium which doesn't help that full bloated feeling. If you haven't yet you should check out r/gainit, just beware the gomad thing they boast about unless you plan on also doing a few hundred crunches a day

              [–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (3 children)

              You've never been in a fight or had to stand up to someone

              So a guy is up in your face shit talking and you just stand there and do nothing? Nah that guy is a pussy. There's a time and place for holding frame, but sometimes you have to retaliate. Difference between actually being upset and responding to a threat.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              I've been in fights when I had to and when I did not have to fight.

              I've also had guys try to punking me down, and had guys succeed in punking me down.

              I've had my ass kicked and kicked ass.

              My assessment stands.

              This was not necessary and made him seem insecure.

              When a dude looks at me and laughs what do I now do?

              I assume he must be looking at something behind me or including me in a joke. If I did think he was laughing at me, I'd think "fuck this guy, he ain't shit" and would not be troubled by it.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              There was no physical altercation here or continued further and direct insult that would warrant doing this.

              There was a dude potentially laughing at another guy.

              And if the OP is insecure, then it is possible the guy wasn't even really laughing at him.

              When I was a nerve ball, I took all sorts of things the wrong way.

              [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

              You got laughed at. It's called ego. You know what feels good, the iron.

              Life hates you. Let it motivate you in every way. It's a fucking gift.

              [–]JackGetsIt 0 points1 point  (1 child)

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              His is the path. Follow it and you will be a bad nigga. He took no shit and gave no fucks.

              [–]beginner_ 2 points3 points  (1 child)

              You did well. Set boundaries, not being a push-over. Yes, it's not a perfect reaction. The perfect reaction is you would not even notice because you confidence is so high. Should be more like " Is the dude gay that he is looking at me like that?" "This guy is retarded. Look at me like a moron". However you are not there yet and that is fine. In fact to get confidence you need to be able to act even if it is scary (3 bigger guys).

              Next time you see the guy just ignore him.

              [–]gr0w9iwe09i[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Yeah I'm not about to hold a grudge lol. Thanks

              [–]Blaat1985 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Never had anything happen like that in all my years at the gym, sounds like a shitty gym.

              [–]VYJ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              sorry not buying into your fantasy knight story/

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Contrary to popular belief, the fitness community is probably one of the most accepting and non-judgmental I have ever seen. This is definitely not the norm. Body builders types are usually very smart dudes and very welcoming.

              [–]FrameWalker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              That's an extremely uncommon experience. The biggest guys in my gym are the warmest. Joined their social media club and they are always encouraging each other and newcomers.

              [–]Hunter2isit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              locker room etiquette is don't check out the other guys in the locker room. eyes on your shit only. If this is true, that is probably why

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              I wish I would react the way you did in your situation.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              That's hilarious. Keep your golden wits, OP.

              [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Good answer, but the problem is that you care what some random person thinks of you, enough to put effort into addressing what is said. This is a weakness. Others will exploit it.

              [–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Wrecked.

              [–]shadowq8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Does this actually happen

              [–]Endorsed Contributorseattleron 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Bravo, Brah. I was expecting cringeworthy and you killed it.

              You're gonna be just fine.

              [–]JackGetsIt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Did you introduce yourself to your new best friend?

              Seriously. You will probably see him again at the gym and he will respect you for holding your ground and be your new spotter, gym buddy. Enjoy.

              [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              Perfect responce OP. Never back down!

              [–]Disaster_Voyeurism -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              Handled it really well.

              [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              Manlets, when will they learn? You did good, OP. Don't give up and keep lifting. You're on the right track.

              [–]RichieFinn -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              People will project insecurities. Relax.

              [–]BusterVadge -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              You're at the wrong gym. I'm on the skinny side, and I've never been laughed at. Not once.

              [–]mr_wiffles -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              (Pseudo-joke) Any cameras in there? No? Next time bring a real combat knife. Don't wave it around or anything, just let the douche catch a glimpse of it. He's chickenshit by definition so I guarantee he'll shut the fuck up rather quick.

              More realistically, treat him like a little kid. You can just cock your head to the side a bit, squint and be like, "dude, really?" Refuse to engage further no matter what he says next.

              Finally, learn a real combat martial art like Krav Maga and/or Brazilian jiu-jitsu. You'll likely never really need to use it, but knowing that you can defend yourself is a HUUUUGE boon to your self confidence which will help free you to not worry as much about what the douche bag will do once you make it clear (non-violently) that you see him for the beta bitch he really is.

              No matter what, don't stop. In fact, go out of your way to make it to the gym more often now that this has happened. It shows not only douche boy that you're not afraid, but you'll show yourself your own courage and hopefully improve your own self confidence even further. Good luck dude!

              PS - tell gym management about this too. Of course ask them not to do anything, just to be aware there's a problem. Chances are he's done it to others and if he DOES start a fight, now you've got a legal witness that'll testify that douche bag has been known to start conflict. This could be key in preventing your own financial collapse from legal and medical bills if a real fight does break out in the future.