I've been turned into a woman in a mans body. How to escape the conditioning of a devouring mother? (self.asktrp)

submitted by jvckdaniels

Hello all,

First off, thank you for viewing my post. I am a follower of TRP however I've created this alter account as it is pretty heavy in my opinion and I don't want it to lead back to my main account. I am in desperate need of help. I'm 22 -turning 23 shortly, and am living at home with my parents. My problem is that I've been heavily feminized. We all know of the common narrative here, that we are born into single mother households, or households with unavailable fathers and because of that we don't make out to be ideal men, in addition to indoctrination and brainwashing....and I don't want to make myself out to be a special case here however my pathology runs deep and that is.... I've been feminized to the point where I actually feel like a woman and it scares the living shit out me.

My mother was and is still a ball busting a masculinity hating woman. Absolutely toxic to be around. She has raised me as a daughter it feels like. Her own mother didn't raise her, instead another female guardian who also holds an "I can do anything myself, I'm a tough gangster bitch" mentality and abused/neglected my mother. Therefore my mother carries her pathology. She does not allow me and my brothers to openly neither express or explore our own masculinity. She shames us for it. Every thought and attitude we formed, was immediately crushed by her. We weren't aloud to sit alone and daydream or think. If she saw us, she would disrupt us and try to convince that whatever we were thinking would lead us to bad thoughts. Anything related to sex was forbidden, hidden from sight, and anything referring to sex was shamed. My dad is neither present. He crumbled beneath her feet, once a warm and caring father who I used to know and adore as a very young child, now into a shell... his only comfort and hope in life now is the opioid of Christianity. He gave up on himself. My mother runs rampant and our father was not truly there to provide a positive example nor defend us from her toxicity, shaming, and endless criticism.

I've tried to express this ailment to my father, but what he cares most about is my conforming to Christianity instead of my actual core condition. That I feel like a woman.

I'm not quite sure how to describe it but I am extremely uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel like a wretch...like smeagol from Lord of the Rings. Interaction with other people is extremely difficult because of this deeply ingrained inferiority complex. Everything that comes out of my mouth is inauthentic and a petty attempt to one-up and bolster up my non-existent status in hopes for acceptance. I know it sounds harsh to say about myself but it's fucking reality...I haven't done shit and my accomplishments are nada. I have nothing to fucking show for. I deeply fear judgement. It runs even deeper than that though. I actually tremble in the sight of masculinity being exercised because I lack it. I am deeply jealous of guys who are able to get their way and proud of who they are. I've even sexualized it, because I want masculinity so bad. In other words, you could call me gay, but in a vampiric way. I've done ayahuasca before and it showed me this.

I've been spiraling downhill but enough is enough and I want to set my shit straight and I need some damn support from my other brothers. This family is in shambles with the facade of wholeness to the outer world. Can anybody help me, or just simply relate to me so I don't feel like I'm the only one facing something like this? I just really need advice and/or support.

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T 52 points53 points  (3 children)

Your mom likely has Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Head over to /r/raisedbynarcissists

TBH this isn't the best section for how to handle psychologically abusive parents.

Step 1:


Do your research and look into getting housing assistance where you live.

Don't tell your mom or dad you're leaving. Pack your most shit when she's out of the house and GTFO.

Step 2:

Establish zero contact with your parents. You may consider limited contact with your dad, but make it clear that you can't have a relationship with him until he divorces your scumbag mom.

[–]reditsdf23423 12 points13 points  (0 children)

While doing that read and apply ‚the 48 laws of power’. Do not apply to fight your mother and win some petty arguments, apply to save yourself where absolutely necessary and gtfo of there.

[–]LateralThinker13 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Establish zero contact with your parents.

When doing this, make sure you also send a certified letter to your parents that you are leaving volitionally, of sound mind, and not running away or under duress. This will help if they try to assert legal control over you because you bailed on them.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

TBH this isn't the best section for how to handle psychologically abusive parents.

It's the best place to learn how to be a man though

[–]dutch602 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Ok, so it sounded to me like you were nearing a rage at the time of writing your post. I hope that you've had a chance to take a breather and calm down a bit. Go easy on yourself and your situation; forgive yourself and your family (mom included) for your perceived & factual shortcomings. Make peace with them so that you can move forward with your life.

You need to be level-headed and able to think clearly before making any important, life-altering decisions like moving out and throwing yourself into uncertainty. On the plus side, you've discovered this hyper emasculation about yourself relatively early on, so you can get started on fixing it now; whereas in my case, it took me until the age of 38 to realize the same thing about myself before I could start doing something about it (which also lead me to Tomassi's books).

I always had the indicators flashing at me that something wasn't right, but it took a recent fling that ended abruptly in order to realize that the inauthenticity I regularly sensed during my interactions with others (both romantically & socially) had to do with this inability to allow my genuine masculine side from coming out. The irony is that I'm the byproduct of an alpha father, so avoiding this misstep should have been second nature for me theoretically.

My dad however, passed away when I was five and Mom never remarried, so I grew up in a household full of strong women who obviously didn't have a clue on passing masculine traits onto me. Instead, I grew up emulating my Mom and sisters, so being emotionally reactive and dramatic were the primary tools in my arsenal when it came to certain social situations.

I've had above-average success in dating women during my lifetime (slept with around 25, messed around with plenty more) and have managed a few LTRs, all which I would end after a few years when I'd see things getting stale—but it was the short-term flings that would clue me in on something not being right about my interactions with the opposite sex. In fact, I've had two women at different points in my life tell me that it was as if they were the guy and I was the woman whenever we'd get into an argument.

Reading the Tomassi books have helped demystify the woman for me, and also learn why things went wrong with certain situations in the past (I'm on the second volume at the moment). There's also a book out there called No More Mr Nice Guy that goes into what you and I have experienced as men—and what it teaches essentially is, that you'll need to learn to become a bit more selfish and take care of your needs more than others (similar to trp teachings but from a more psychologically-authoritative standpoint).

Also—when reading this material, it is of the utmost importance to be able to relate it back to your personal story. Why? Because by connecting the dots of past events with what you're learning now will aid in internalizing it so you can feel more and more like a man as time goes on. TRP teachings on masculinity aren't a script (unless the ultimate goal is to become a pickup artist)—it's internalizing it for greater personal change where it really shows its value.

Good luck to you.

[–]_A_L_3_X_ 23 points24 points  (0 children)

gtfo of there. as far and as fast as possible. cut any contact.

earn money, rent a flat, and stop being a pussy.

[–]2johnnight 8 points9 points  (1 child)

  1. You don't need practical advice, you need an ideology from which practical conclusions on what to do will spring by themselves. Read The Way of Men by Jack Donovan.
  2. Move out. You say yourself that you are under toxic influence.
  3. Take up boxing. You need to be punched around so that you internalize the truth that you can only count on yourself for help. Begging others for protection is female.

[–]RedRocket310 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why are you still live at your mom’s house at 22-23. Move out already and find hobbies that will you out improving your masculinity. I agree, boxing sounds perfect. Don’t be afraid to have healthy competitive (trash) talk.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)


[–]Dehryll 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Joining the Air Force is probably the U.S.'s best kept secret for pulling yourself out of poverty. Less military than the other branches, the government pays for you to learn trade skills like fixing airplanes, and the variety of jobs is surprising. Plus it's an experience to always look back on, and you'll get college paid for after getting out.

So you come out with not only valuable trade skills and experience, but also a blank check for four years of schooling.

Unless you specifically want to be an infantryman, though, I wouldn't go that route. The Army, Navy, and Marines (though you probably shouldn't look at that last one too much if you're just looking for a job) all have jobs for pretty much anything you can imagine. If someone needs to be convinced to be infantry, they probably won't belong in it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good news, there's a whole generation of people like you accomplishment wise. The Bible goes through waves on how to treat women-but generally as almost equal. I would get a physical with blood work done (check estrogen testosterone vitamin levels). Your diet and environment can normalize these out a bit. I think you need to decide if feeling like a woman is actually caused by some taboo desire instilled in you or is a side effect of your daily life. I mean every country has a military that will you give you accomplishments, housing, and should help to man you up. (If you end up actually being gay it's probably not a bad place to go either lmao)

[–]TooTacticool4U 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Get a job , hit the gym read some red pill bibliography and gtfo of your house , I would suggest you joinning the army , they will rebuild you , they will give you money , they will make you strong both physically and mentally . Marines , Air Force and navy will do the job just fine .

[–]wildnight98 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. Move out. The suggestion to join armed services is a good one, I think, if you qualify.

  2. Read No More Mister Nice Guy. The other book suggestions are good too but I'd read NMMNG first. It will be an eye-opener.

  3. You'll be all right. Imagine trying to fix yourself before there was an Internet and RP.

[–]helaughsinhidden 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry my friend, sounds like your father has missed a couple bullet-points. Forgive him and move passed him to keep fighting to be the man you know you are born to be. My dad was the absolute definition of passive and submissive to my mother, although she wasn't nearly as soul-crushing. I feel a sort of pity for him and a void where I wish I could follow him, but it's just not who he will ever be.

To be honest, an authentic biblical man is a married red pill man. Leader of the house, strives for excellence, doesn't chase pussy, doesn't apologize for being manly, doesn't look to a woman or peers for approval (looks to God), is a leader among men, rejects being cowardly and passive, understands that women are simpler creatures to be lead not followed, being a man is the greater position to be honored, not ashamed of. It goes on. Look at the life of King David, he was called "A MAN AFTER GOD'S OWN HEART". His exploits inspire awe and should not only be envies, but emulated.

Get a mentor you admire and trust. Could be a christian from church even, as long as he emulates the kind of masculinity that you recognize is authentic. I have at all times two men in my life that I look up to and that I trust to speak wisdom, correction, encouragement, and honesty into my life. Find them, humble yourself, tell them your situation, and legit ask them to mentor you and meet for coffee once every week. Once you start to feel the ground under your feet, mentor 2 younger men yourself. Men HAVE to do this.

<rant>I absolutely hate on Fathers day when all the single mothers say "what about me!". Well, fuck you, that's what. You robbed your kids of a father by choosing poorly or running his ass off, so fuck you. </rant>

  • Quick list to change immediately:
  • Read the books recommended on r/TheRedPill and also https://www.amazon.com/12-Rules-Life-Antidote-Chaos/dp/0345816021 (maybe even start with that one)
  • Never ask a woman for anything anymore, rather tell them what you are doing or what you want.
  • Don't ever apologize, pout, sulk, or participate in any self hate or self pity. You are the top of the mother fucking food chain, so be proud of it.
  • Move out and never look back. Build a dope ass life for yourself with healthy thoughts, friends, and activities.
    (I have posted before, but just got a new user to cover my ass for doxxers)

[–]GrandmasterHurricane 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What state dp you live in? Why don't you have a job? Do you know how to drive? You need to move the fuck out now. Do you even lift? I doubt it.

[–]jm51 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Get yourself a copy of 'When I Say No I Feel Guilty'.

Learn the techniques and keep practicing them. It will help you to get from automatic 'flight or fight' responses to 'stand your ground without being aggressive'.

Lots of things you can do to improve your life but imo WISNIFG is the best place to start for a person that has parent problems.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am extremely uncomfortable in my own skin.

This is caused by relentless criticism. It's going to take you a long time to get that out of your system, but it can be done.

I have nothing to fucking show for

Not a problem. You're young. Decades left to accomplish amazing things.

Can anybody help me, or just simply relate to me so I don't feel like I'm the only one facing something like this? I just really need advice and/or support.

You're not alone. To a greater or lesser degree many many men face this today.

Relentless criticism of masculinity leading them to hate their own nature. It sucks and you can't just flip a switch and make it go away.

HOWEVER.... you do need to leave. You need to get out of that situation. Getting away from your family is the first step.

[–]Velebit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You dont feel like a woman, dont even label it that way because there is no such thing as a man or a woman the way you think of it.

In that case your mom is the man and all the rest of you are women. This is just a stupid and incorrect way to interpret things.

Your mother is controling and the rest of you are powerless. What you did wrong is to associate your dick or not even dick but the abstract notion of being 'manly' as being opposed to powerless.

Your dad and you are both 100% xy chromosme men. But you are both powerless.

The problem with your situation is not that you are becoming a woman which is bullshit. You just know its not in your interests to be with under foot of someone who is oppressing you, regardless of your or their sex.

You fetishise power and connect it to masculinity. Since there are few positives in that and you yourself dont like that, I suggest to find strong and powerful female sex objects to focus your power lust on them and not a random man. Search goddwss Brianna, Antscha, goddess rapture etc... if you get muscle you can bang these muscular girls and its a much better resolution or a step towards something you desire and that is to be an independent straight guy it seems.

Get a job, rent a place or get a camper and that is that... in 50 days you are done with her bs