'Give her your jacket' - 'No' (self.asktrp)

submitted by let_terror_reign

Out with my mates and their SOs and some female friends of their SOs. Girls are all dolled up, and it's pretty cold outside. No one is wearing a jacket because they wanted to be see in all their dress glory.
One girl in particular, tends to dominate this group. Let's call her Alice. Note that we're all...friends. I'm the only one who bothered to carry a jacket, because I have sinus issues.
Alice looks at me and says, 'see Charlotte is shivering. Give her your jacket. Be chivalrous. '.
I say 'no. If she wants it, she can ask me for it. She's a big girl.'.
Later on Charlotte asks me for it and I give it to her.
What annoys me is that they all left theirs deliberately because they wanted to look good. And now when you realize how stupid that was, I have to give my jacket away? Fuck that shit.
This was running in my head, but I didn't say any of it. I kept my frame.
I'm pretty pissed at Alice's entitlement. I'm not her subordinate for her to shame me for not being a gentleman.
Goof or no?

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (3 children)

I've had that "chivalry" line used on me before. "You should do x for this other woman, that's chivalrous". My response was a horse laugh followed by teasing: "Chivalry? That's when she puts her jacket down in a puddle so I can walk across it, right? No? Oh, do you want to put your jacket down instead?"

I'm not her subordinate for her to shame me for not being a gentleman.

Exactly right.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (2 children)

I get scolded for not being chivalrous enough everyday since I study with a group of girls.

I forget to hold the door sometimes, and I refuse to carry purses. The reason why is the same reason why I swallowed the red pill in the first place. I'm a dick, and I accept that but yet they follow me around all the time.

[–]dongpal 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Same for me.

You know that nice guy who tries to be an asshole to get girls attention? I'm actually the opposite. I'm an asshole who tries to be nice.

[–]the_number_2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I refuse to carry purses

I swore off being "purse-watching guy" around the time I found TRP after one too many times of "can you watch my purse?" left me sitting at a table alone while some guy chats up the girl whose purse I'm watching.

It's amazing the look on a girls face when she asks you to watch her purse and you simply respond "No".

[–]SirBootyLove 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I'd let a girl wear my jacket during the cold months if during the warm months I put anything I don't want to carry around into her purse.

Otherwise no deal.

[–]favours_of_the_moon 7 points8 points  (5 children)

keep a spare wool overcoat in your car.

[–]let_terror_reign[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

What for?

[–]favours_of_the_moon 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Wool will keep you warm even if it is soaking wet, as it is a natural fiber.

Anyway, you don't have to lend it to a bitch. Maybe your bro is stuck in a pinch. Maybe gramma had a few too many.

[–]let_terror_reign[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see, got it. I thought you meant for someone else.

[–]duglock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is good for emergencies. I got stuck while driving in an ice storm while and having MREs, bottled water, and warm clothes in my emergency bag in the trunk saved my ass. Lots of people got stuck in the same spot as the day went on they were about half dead by the time emergency vehicles cleared a way to us the next day.

[–]1oldredder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why, so I can rent it out to those who are foolish enough not to wear their own? Why not let a hot girl cuddle with me under my jacket while I'm wearing it, turn away the non-hot girls as I please? I'm not her/their servant, are you? Are any of us? I'd hope not.

[–]1oldredder 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Ya, this happened in the line-up at Halloween to the bars, girls shivering. They can look cute huddling with each other or they can come cuddle with me in my jacket while I'm wearing it.

Men own their right to keep warm bringing their own coats. Girls want to sacrifice comfort for appearance, they pay the price, including begging us for warmth.

Don't like it, don't choose that way next time. But they love it because validating the Hamster is her primary goal, more even than retaining body heat in -5 C (23 F) temperature.

You did it right & if all men stick to this then all women will realize they put themselves in a place to beg for our help and we didn't make it so - just because we are able to help. We're not obligated but a simple request would be a good start to getting something she wants from one of us men.

I didn't make her go outside in the winter cold dressed like it was the hottest summer day, in the middle of the night, now did I? NO, she made that choice. It's on her, not on me.

[–]let_terror_reign[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Her choice to pick appearance over functionality.

[–]Goldfulgore 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I wouldn't have given my jacket.

[–]1oldredder 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I didn't either on the 31st though I wasn't directly asked; none of the guys were. The girls used their hotness to cut in line until bouncers stopped them & cuddled each other, which looked hot but didn't feel hot for them since they were all wearing next to nothing.

Oh look, hard nipples. Oh look, there goes my incentive to help them keep warm.

[–]reddishman 8 points9 points  (3 children)

I would have said, "say the magic words"

Her: give her your jacket... Paleeez !!!

Me: No (wink and laugh)

Hold the other girl in your arms and give her the jacket. Or isolate with I might have something in my car for you.

[–]pinche_trp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's even better. My standard answer is the same as OP's, but making them jump through your hoop before doing that makes it great.

[–]EvrythingISayIsRight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alternate way of saying it: "You forgot to say please."

[–]-robknows- 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I wouldn't even have given it the second time, I'd have laughed and said they should've thought about it like me. Important to make sure it's a light-hearted refusal rather than a mean refusal, because I could give up my jacket and be alright, so refusal that doesn't come across jokey and difficult to shame is mean looking.

[–]let_terror_reign[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yeah, another poster said the same. I don't remember if I was gruff or not. Damn. I was pissed at Alice. I may have come off the other way. Then again, maybe not.

[–]R4F1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you're in a group of friends, I don't think its wise to give any excuse for people to start backbiting. And we all know women are masters of backbiting, I think you did the right thing by leaving room for the other girl to ask for it herself.

[–]3alreadyredschool 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Later on Charlotte asks me for it and I give it to her.

You should have made her buy you a drink for that later. Always demand something in return.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (7 children)

I think its good.

Not what I would have done. But I think your way is better.

[–]let_terror_reign[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children)

What would you have done? The girls seem to warm towards the ones who are willing to. I think it may be a cultural thing. I'm not sure if I may have come off as rude

[–]iseelivingpeople 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nah you did fine

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

I would've given her my jacket "Here you go." if I hadn't read your FR. But it's more fun doing it somewhat your way.

Now that I've read your FR, I think I'd change it up to. "Let her ask me herself, she's a big girl." With a smirk.

I'm not sure how you said it, maybe you were condescending or irritated rather than playful. The last thing I'd want to be is uptight. What I've learned from TRP is you can say whatever the hell you want, just how you say it.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

the problem is, is that chick gave him a command as if shes his boss.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was just answering his question, he wanted to know if he goofed up or not.

Mostly, no. It just wouldn't be my reaction if I were there. When chicks order me around, I just look at them incredulously and then look away as if they hadn't said anything.

OP is good on not letting women push him around, that's what's most important but definitely avoid being uptight.

[–]gqtrees 0 points1 point  (1 child)

yea, i wouldn't have given it to her after alice said it. I would have said something like let her ask me herslef shes a big girl...WITH smirk. The key is to always come off playfull. When i initially read ops response, in my head it came off rude. But i could be wrong, op may have said this in a fun, light way.

[–]let_terror_reign[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good point, I am nor sure if I came off right

[–]LeggyBlueEyes 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I would only hope for a jacket offer from my SO, and even then only really if the chill was unexpected. I'm a grown woman and hold myself responsible for making sure I'm properly clothed. That being said, my then SO would always make an effort to find a coat check or otherwise assist me with my coat. I think he 1) appreciated that I took care of my own needs and 2) wanted to show me off in my cute outfit so the coat had to come off!

[–]let_terror_reign[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, neither of them was my SO. So no. Charlotte was being OK, and she did ask me herself later, so no problem. But yeah, I'd like for my SO to tell me if she would like mine later.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like someone else has mentioned, but with a twist. Keep a old hoodie in your car. It'll be uniquely yours, and she might even like wearing a bit of 'you'. So, keep your jacket, give her the hoodie 😄

[–]Endorsed Contributorfnordsnord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Heh. My wife never wears a jacket because she can't be arsed to keep track of it. When I realized that, she quit getting mine.

[–]ArcadeGoon -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

So instead of telling her no, you gave it to her, said nothing. Then come here to cry?

[–]let_terror_reign[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Read the post fully. I've mentioned what I did say. My issue isn't even with Charlotte. It's with Alice.

[–]ArcadeGoon -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

Did I miss where you said no and kept your jacket?

[–]let_terror_reign[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I gave it to Charlotte when she asked nice. Alice is the person I'm concerned about.