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Was I wrong for leaving a plate... (self.asktrp)

submitted by vulgarpickle

A plate of mine who I have been spinning broke this evening. Haven't seen her in a month and pretty much have been radio silent with her. She asks me to go do various things now and then. I haven't seen her since the last time she stopped by. I picked this girl up (her car was totaled recently) and head on my way back to my house. She has everything prepared to stay the night and do what we have always done.. and have wild animalistic sex.

Along the way she says she is hungry and wants to eat. I had just eaten and was not hungry and I explained this to her. We end up stopping at a restaurant and I order nothing but water. She gets wine and a rib/ steak combo. Check comes and she hands it over to me.... I hand it back to her and tell her I did not pick her up to buy her dinner. She backpeddles and claims "that's the gentleman thing to do" and "my last relationship he was such a gentleman" to which I promtly remind her that we are not in a relationship and I have no obligation to pay for her dinner.

She throws a silent tantrum and tells me well fine I will just go and do something else ( or someone else imo).

I left the restaurant after SHE paid for her meal got her bag out of my car and left her about 15 miles away from her house.

I do not feel as if I was wrong at all for this decision. What are your thoughts?


[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 73 points74 points  (4 children)

Do you seriously need an answer to this?

[–]vulgarpickle[S] 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Not at all. I just put it in a question for for asktrp. This was a plate that was about to break regardless. More wanted to share my story.

[–]alamsohel1990 1 point2 points  (0 children)

.. regardless. I think this is the most important take away for you and for us from this story.

[–]gains_o_clock 0 points1 point  (1 child)

so wouldn't that be a field report on the main sub?

[–]vulgarpickle[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Worded differently yes could have been a fr

[–]officerkondo 69 points70 points  (0 children)

You took her to a sit-down restaurant and just watched her eat? You should have hit the drive-thru.

[–]satanicpriest13 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Thot patrolled.

[–]Martysteiner 39 points40 points  (6 children)

As much as you've done the right thing & handled the situation well, there's something missing in this equation.

I wouldn't bring her to a restaurant. Just think about the whole event again. You've banged a chick on birth control pills. Her brain is being bombarded by unexplainable feelings. For a second, she acknowledges that she's nothing but a disposable cum bucket.

What should she do, just makes you do a gentlemen move: Dine with her!

You don't eat with her: pay for her!

You know, she'll therefore seek your gentlemen attitude. Give it to her, but in smaller pieces. If she's hungry, get quick hotdogs at a petrol station.

[–]i_like_herr 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This

[–]mrHappyPotatoe 5 points6 points  (4 children)

I agree you completely but i cant see where he mentions girl is on birth control. Tho her actions yes suggest it.

What I see is HE werern't clear with her in what relationship they were in thats why girl thought he should act as gentelman and pay for her dinner.

Bottom line is dude miscommunicated his chadness/alphaness to her. He could have milked it longer.

[–]Yngwie_is_god 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Curious, what about her actions suggests birth control?

[–]vulgarpickle[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

There was no time frame suggested in my post. She knew what relationship we had and this may have been a weird comfort test. Or just because the other guys she messes with do this so it's expected? Either way doesn't really matter to me.

[–]mrHappyPotatoe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dont get me wrong. Its not about u. Its about how she precived u as.

And noone can really say wheter you did right or wrong.

[–]Martysteiner 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good catch. I've just given it without-proof hours cause it probably happened that way(had to imply that part you're right)

[–]Retstortion 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Lmao, she’s a cunt. Good for you

The entitlement in her and attitude = hard next

[–]vulgarpickle[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My thoughts exactly.

[–]iknowthewhey 20 points21 points  (1 child)

wine and a rib/ steak combo

What the actual fuck? The fact that she expected you to pay for that shows an intense failure of every man she's ever dealt with before you.

[–]vulgarpickle[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

She is a hot blonde with big tits. Has tons of orbiters and tbh she probably is just used to it. I'm sure she has plenty of beta bitches just dreaming of getting into her pants that they will buy her 50$ mean anyday. Not I.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (7 children)

You werent wrong at all in your conclusion but maybe a bit of technique. Like most guys, meaning someone not insane, you DEERed when there was conflict. There was no need and it actually presents a weaker frame.

They know when they are stepping out of line. The problem is almost never a rational misunderstanding.

[–]FUCK_YEA_GLITTER 1 point2 points  (2 children)

What does DEER. Mean again? I've been looking around for the explaination everywhere but can't find it

[–]RPenginerd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Defend Explain Excuse Rationalize

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Defend, explain, excuse, rationalize.

[–]lookoutitscaleb 1 point2 points  (3 children)

What would you suggest he did differently?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I realize in the moment a girl stepping this far out of line would be surprising so it would be easy to DEER.

That being said this is such a nuclear option shit test that the only real option I see is nuke the site from orbit and be willing to take the L. As soon as she did this shit you know the evening is over, you are done. All that's left is getting this irrelevant bitch out of the way so you can salvage your time.

So you treat it that way. You slide the bill back across the table, tell her you need to excuse yourself to make some calls, and that you'll be taking her back to her place after she settles her bill. Then you do that. On the way back you just dont engage. When you get there you unload her shit and drive off without a word. Go do whatever you planned.

One of two things will happen. Plate breaks as her gambit fails. This is most likely but at least this way you minimize the time sink, preserved your self respect, and made a point. Otherwise the feedback from being shut the fuck down when she thought she was making a power play gets her tingling and she throws it at you. Accept and decide later if it is worth it.

Odds are the plate breaks but every girl will provoke that moment where you have to decide of it's time to cross the rubicon and lay it on the line. If the relationship survives that moment or moments you are golden for a while.

[–]dthlist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why bother dropping her off?

[–]02537-41101 7 points8 points  (1 child)

You taking her to a restaurant to eat when you've already eaten is the elephant in the room here

[–]i_forget_my_userids 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If the story had any credibility left, he lost it at steak and wine dinner

[–]bookloverphile 3 points4 points  (4 children)

I’m surprised you put up with her this long

[–]vulgarpickle[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Me too. Sex was fun and she was really hot.

[–]bookloverphile 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Yeah, i love sex and hot women too, but that girl sounds like she was a handful

[–]vulgarpickle[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Yep, next

[–]bookloverphile 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just think about the hamster running in her brain right now. You actually did the right thing by teaching her that men aren’t just objects to manipulate to get money out of. Good job brother!

[–]2chazthundergut 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I don't know dude; you sound almost too hardcore.

I'm all about prioritizing your own happiness and not being a chick's ATM

But on the other hand, you've got to give her a little bit of care. If she's being a good soldier, and she's having you over for wild animal sex whenever you feel like it and not giving you too much drama, then why not buy her dinner once in a while?

I'm not saying you did the wrong thing, but that's how I would play it.

I've got a 21 year old that I'm seeing. Same situation- I hit her up, she invites me over, and she's got dinner ready to eat, weed ready to smoke, and a dvd ready to watch.

So yea, once in a while I take her out to the movies or take her out for dinner. I wouldn't make her pay for her own food if she's been sucking my dick all month with zero complaints. Don't forget that chicks' brains are swimming in hormones after sex, and they feel extremely vulnerable. I want to give her enough affection that she doesn't feel completely used.

But I'm not saying you're wrong. Just my 2 cents. Good luck dude.

[–]vulgarpickle[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

In that scenario I would have no problem paying. This particular girl I get really annoyed being around when are aren't hooking up. She was never anything more than plate material. When I was seeing her weekly she would bring me food and cook with no questions asked. When I started distancing myself because she annoyed me was when she started acting different (more shit tests, attitude for no reason, ect) this could have been her response to this. Either way I don't have time for it and it took me no more than 10 minutes after leaving her to pick up another plate to enjoy my night with.

[–]cl3537 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But on the other hand, you've got to give her a little bit of care. If she's being a good soldier, and she's having you over for wild animal sex whenever you feel like it and not giving you too much drama, then why not buy her dinner once in a while?

I agree with this it keeps the plates from breaking too quickly. Its cheaper to do this than to constantly have to replace breaking plates.

I have no problem buying a chick dinner if it gets me ass

No this is very wrong, you don't pay for her ass. If she is already giving you her ass then you can reward her for good behavior.

In this scenario OP stopped fucking this plate a month ago and tried to spin up again and failed. So he was right not to buy her dinner or really entertain going to a restaurant with her. If she was truly hungry I would have taken her home to order delivery or to a fast food takeout place close to my place.

[–]turtlings 3 points4 points  (0 children)

bruh

[–]Werewolf35b 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I'm still not understanding the whole cheapskate thing.

I'm sure there's better ways to communicate to a tramp that she's just that.

I have no problem buying a chick dinner if it gets me ass, and I don't cry into my hands at night that a "better" guy can get the same ass without taking her to Chili's first.

I get that OP already ate, but generally, your gonna eat dinner, is it really that much of a moral issue to buy the bitch some ribs? Lol.

Also, for arguments sake, it may even help establish that the tramp, is a whore. She fucked for something... The meal. Making dealing with her that much easier as its no longer based on just her whims (her "attraction." for you. (since, who cares what she actually thinks.))

Later, it's an unspoken deal, you get ribs, I get to stab your guts after.... Im OK with this.

Fuck overly rigid TRP doctrine/dogma. Watch the virgin spergs flip out on me now. Over feeding your pets, of all things.

[–]catalina-out 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The problem with catering to this attitude, is that you're giving her the affirmation that her sex has value. Sex should be something that you get when you want, because you give her the time of day. You're the prize. She gets to spend time with you, have amazing sex, etc.

Putting any kind of monetary value on sex is how we got to the point where we all felt like we needed TRP.

[–]AfterC 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You made some slut be responsible for herself.

Welcome to the squad

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Isn't the whole concept of a plate that you can literally just walk away and feel nothing? also come on in the situation do you really need an answer come the fuck on here.

[–]vulgarpickle[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hahaha no I don't need an answer. More wanted to share the experience. Just shows the entitlement of these bitches though. She has big tits and thinks she can just get whatever the fuck she wants.

[–]Zanford 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You did fine. She was absolutely trying to beta provider shit test you and you passed it. Her comparing you to her sex makes it an esp smelly shit test. Def not relationship material. As you already know.

Your first mistake was going to a restaurant, at all, when you weren't hungry. Unless your fridge had nothing in it (which would be poor planning on your part), you should've just let her eat at your place. Or made a quick drive-thru or grocery store trip on the way home.

If you still wanted sex, I wouldn't have left entirely or gotten angry, I would have just told her to pay then meet you at your car (and that she has 5 minutes or whatever), then proceeded on to your place for sex. But it sounds like you're done with her (you'd been silent for a month) which is just as well.

[–]cl3537 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Girl you haven't seen in a month(wonder why?) gets you to pick her up and give her a ride, and with the lure of sex gets you to take her to a restaurant for steak and wine dinner that you weren't expecting and then asks you to pay.

You call her a plate but you aren't acting like a plate or treating her like a plate.

That plate either broke a month ago and this girl is trying to turn you into a Beta Boyfriend or you are seriously out of touch with reality.

You left out the details but obviously you know you fucked up ever stepping foot in that restaurant and probably fucked up way before that in the conversation where you agreed to pick her up.

[–]vulgarpickle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are right. Plate did break a month ago and I tried to get it to spin one last time.

I did offer food at my house or a drive through and she insisted on something better. Live and learn

[–]zboo1h 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This shit makes me feel good. Thank you, OP.

[–]lol_throwaway303 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Her: “I’m hungry and need to eat”

You: “Babe, I’ve got food at home.”

Even if you don’t have that much at home, say you do and if it ends up being a problem go to a fast food place later when you both need to eat.

[–]BlackMisc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

never pay for pussy every guy here that says he is a cheapskate should go read the side bar the only thing he should have changed is mention beforehand that he would not pay for her.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Send her a bill for what cab fare would have cost and delete block ghost

[–]theredcandy 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Next time, consider suggesting she make herself a sarnie or an omelette at your's. Or buying one on the way.

If she insists on going to a restaurant, you could insist that you really aren't in the mood and was hoping you'd get to spend some time with her alone, while stroking her leg and biting her ear or whatever the fuck it is you do, nomsayin'? Maybe even double down on this and say you just couldn't wait to "see" her today.

Is this beta? Only if it's true and you start acting like one. In this case, you're just saying half-truths and letting her fill in the blanks with whatever she deems appropriate in order to get you your desired outcome.

It's called spinning plates for a reason. It takes some finesse and even if someone says they want casual, feelings get involved and it's up to you to reinforce their position through your actions. At this point, being straightforward doesn't quite cut it.

Alternatively, just dropping her and moving on is a fine alternative. You did what you wanted, but if your goal was to keep her then you might've acted rashly. However, there be mo bitches. And I can sympathise with not having the patience to deal with a plate's random bullshit and just showing her the door. Sometimes, your threshold for shit is just that low. That isn't to say that she mightn't come back, some girls can be very persistent. If you didn't hurt her ego too much, and she's still able to rationalise it away, she could well hit you up again herself.

[–]vulgarpickle[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

There won't be a next time, I was more baffled at the entitlement than anything.

Honestly she was on her way out anyway this would have been one of our last encounters regardless if this happened or not

[–]theredcandy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah it was funny. Next time as in any other similar situation

[–]frontiermarine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

shouldn't have taken her to a restaurant in the first place, but you stood your ground for not paying her dinner, good shit OP, she'll be back.

[–]silent36 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Ummm you could have at least dropped her off home. That was cruel for no reason. Clearly for bravado since you’re here feeling guilty about. Also the fact you waited the entire meal to leave her so she could see/feel your wrath I suppose. And the fact in your insecure brain “do something else” meant someone else even though she didn’t say those words. You’re trying too hard.

[–]vulgarpickle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't feel guilty persay. Just not justified. I probably could have taken her home. At the same time in this day and age everyone has lift or Uber. In her case she has orbiters that will jump at the opportunity to spend 20 mins in the car with her.

At the same time I did want to smash one last time before the plate broke. That didn't pan out I moved on and went along with my night.