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Do I warn the poor guy of his soon to be fiancee? (self.asktrp)

submitted by borderline_sociopath

There is a friend of my wife, a cute girl a few years younger than us, and she met her current boyfriend a little less than 2 years ago (I think - I don't pay attention to this shit).

He's a nice kid, even younger than she is, works hard, has a decent job, and is getting ready to propose to her. But he's a complete beta. She's his second or third girlfriend, at most. Very emotional, very attentive to her needs/wants/feeeeelings.

Now this girl tells my wife everything. Girl is total alpha widow. She partied, dabbled in many drugs, and hopped on every athlete cock in the university. Sometimes several cocks at the same time. After, she walked into a high paying job due to family connections. Now she professes her love for this guy but still keeps in contact with the alpha caveman who rutted her into oblivion for a two year period after college (while never agreeing to be exclusive). And she tells my wife that she and the current boyfriend are a great match because neither of them need sex. They have sex maybe once a month and they rarely "finish" because it's just not that important. And she made it very clear that any masturbation on his part, any at all, is grounds for breaking up.

I'm very tempted to sit him down and explain a few things about women and specifically about his girlfriend. She gave it up in delightfully depraved ways to other guys but isn't going to touch him until she wants a baby. My wife prefers that I stay out of it, and maybe that's the best course of action. I just have a hard time watching a car crash happening right in front of me.

Should I mind my own business?

TL:DR; I'm debating whether or not to warn a beta about his girlfriend's history.


[–]4Stayinghereforreal 69 points70 points  (7 children)

Frankly, you should be more focused on the fact that your wife associates with such a woman.

You cannot save that young man from his foolishness, so don't bother trying. If you speak to him, most likely he would dismiss you as some oddball crank, out to sabotage his life.

But you sure as heck can regard the fact that your wife would tolerate this female friend's conduct--and even partially excuse it apparently--as an indicator of how she views the way women should treat men.

Always pay close attention to how someone in your life treats others or reacts to how people treat others. It tells you what to expect from them when it is your turn.

[–]borderline_sociopath[S] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Frankly, you should be more focused on the fact that your wife associates with such a woman.

Very, very true.

But you sure as heck can regard the fact that your wife would tolerate this female friend's conduct--and even partially excuse it apparently--as an indicator of how she views the way women should treat men.

She doesn't excuse it, at all. She's tried talking to this girl a few times about the fact that guys usually need some sex in a relationship, and gets absolutely nowhere with this girl. Wife is very anti-feminist, has only been with me, stays home with the kids, and is very trustworthy. But I still have my antennae up, just in case.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup always be prepared to be willing to walk out in case things go haywire. Not saying it will, but the sooner you're ready to take on such an obstacle mentally, the more prepared you will be for if it ever does happen.

[–]raceAround126 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Frankly, you should be more focused on the fact that your wife associates with such a woman.

This was my first reaction too!!!

[–]stillnoturday 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I love this subreddit because we were all like...... hmmmm thats your wifes friend bro lol

[–]raceAround126 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Although it's not a guaranteed reflection on his wife by any means, it's still grounds to be wary! I mean, the people you associate with, you do so because of reasons...

[–]KyfhoMyoba 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I was just going to say this. The fact that your wife is all 'Team Woman' on this should set off alarm bells. The longer I live and the more I read the manosphere I realize that women need to be restrained. They have NO self-discipline in regard to sex, and are incredibly easily led astray. Their friends are such huge influences on them. Tell the poor schlub, and then tell your wife that she needs to dump this cunt.

[–]borderline_sociopath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fact that your wife is all 'Team Woman'

No, she is not 'Team Woman' on this. I've known too much about this girl since before she met the current boyfriend. The wife's attitude is "we have plenty of our own shit to deal with right now; leave their shit alone."

[–]New_Horiz0ns 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It is very much up to you.

However if you are going to change the course of nature, do no point out that his girlfriend is doing this all this bad shit to him. Tell things in a context where things will just click in his head and he will feel like he figured it all out.

Otherwise, he will be quick to call you an asshole. Keep him in the matrix.

[–]captainbloodd 22 points23 points  (7 children)

Mind your own business bro. The kid wouldn't even listen anyway. He's in looooooove.

[–]beltfedshooter 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Trying to give someone in love advice, is like trying to spoon-feed them the Ocean.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I need to sit my brother down before one of these girls gets him.

[–]borderline_sociopath[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Unfortunately this might be the case. But after two years, in his mid twenties, of getting no ass...maybe he's receptive to the idea of the eject button?

[–]captainbloodd 8 points9 points  (1 child)

One would hope, but I don't see it happening. He's probably rationalized the near-sexless relationship like this:

"she doesn't like sex, but it's okay because sex really isn't that important to me (even though it really is). I'm different from that last douche she used to hang out with. All he cared about was sex. I actually care about HER! I love her!"

I would probably ask the kid if he's aware that his wife to be is still in contact with a guy she used to fuck around with.

[–]Manuel_S 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She'll be in contact all right. Pump-pumpitty-pump.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

talk to him. Stop asking redditors when you can ask him.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My wife prefers that I stay out of it, and maybe that's the best course of action. I just have a hard time watching a car crash happening right in front of me.

Some people would rather have an inconvenient truth than a pleasant lie. Is he the type of person who would he rather die peacefully or find out at age 80 that his wife cheated on him 20 years ago and the die. Find out what type of person he is and act accordingly.

[–]thefamiliarsound 2 points3 points  (1 child)

If this guy was in the same position, but the woman wasn't your wife's friend...would you hesitate to talk to him about it?

[–]borderline_sociopath[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If he was my friend and I didn't know her side of it? I'd use my greater experience with women and marriage to gently steer the conversation towards the realities of life. And ask if this is really what he wants to sign up for, forever.

If I only knew her socially, as a friend's girlfriend, I'd be scared for him but wouldn't say anything. Love is a wicked fog.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't warn him. He probably won't listen to you anyway but from then on you'll be the guy who tried to break up a "perfectly fine" relationship.

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

[–]KyfhoMyoba 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"praising" her sluttyness and how "lucky" he is.

Another form of 'agree and amplify'.

I am stealing this.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I second making a sex tape with his girl.

[–]borderline_sociopath[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Never. I like my junk STD free.

[–]bassivemalls 1 point2 points  (3 children)

He probably won't listen, but this is gonna be bad. And this chick doesn't deserve to get her beta bucks especially since she's not even putting out in the engagement phase (WTF is that?). Actually ask him about his sex life and see just how much he "doesn't need it"--I bet we'll get a different viewpoint on their sex life.

I'd gently broach some red pill theory and keep dropping hints and telling him stories of other guys you know that were in similar situations and how that worked out for them. Hopefully he'll start to question what's happening and then you can elucidate him a little more.

If he sees what you're getting at and is not convinced, let him be. If he's not picking up on hints just drop the hard truths on him all at once.

Like I said he probably won't listen, but I wished someone had done that to me long ago. And he's about to marry her? This is gonna ruin his life. At least get him to agree to make her sign a pre-nup.

[–]borderline_sociopath[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I don't know how to bring it up in a way that doesn't clue him in to the fact that his girlfriend tells my wife every miserable detail. He's a very conservative, very private guy. He'd probably have a mini-stroke to know she runs her mouth about their non-sex.

Normally I'd laugh and keep my energy out of other people's shitty lives. But he's a genuine Nice Guy™ and I could help the course of his life.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How close are you with this guy?

Would there be the chance of ending up in a situation with him, maybe with a drink, where you could "open up" to him about how shitty your sex life in your marriage is right now, asking him for advice and lead it from there about what you've just recently read/heard about the nature of women hinting some RP truths to him?

[–]borderline_sociopath[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

you could "open up" to him about how shitty your sex life in your marriage is right now

I'm not going to lie to him.

[–]theecharon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The naive, want to help the world, kid in me says do it, but you have to be ready for some/a lot of blowback.

[–]skinisblackmetallic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can't help this man, unless you simply want to become his friend and lead by example. You can, however, tell your wife to stop hanging around shitty women in fucked up relationships.

[–]gohammer3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If he is a friend of yours I would sit him man to man and tell him the truth. Honeslty If you were in his shoes you would probably want someone to tell you.

[–]InformationFetus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Anonymous note? Hah...

I feel terrible for the guy. Knowing all this information but not being able to do anything about it because it's not your business...

Not doing anything about it means that his life is going to be a living hell while doing something about it COULD either make it worse or save another man from the worst years of his life.

I feel like I would personally try to help, but it's my own nature to want to help another human being from being taken advantage of... Good luck to OP and this poor soul.

[–]NakedFist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I'd try to warn the guy in an extremely subtle way, and then if he was clueless to my attempt I'd mind my own business. That way I could tell myself I tried. Kind of the moral coward, go-to-church-once-a-year way out, but that's probably what I'd do.

Or maybe I'd grab my balls and tell him, "Dude, I don't think this girl is a good idea for you."

Dunno, depends.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He is responsible for him. Tend your own garden.

[–]ADarkerNight 2 points3 points  (1 child)

He'll find out soon enough on his own.

If people want to drive drunk, the best you can do is visit them in the hospital after they crash. Getting in the car is a bad idea.

[–]borderline_sociopath[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not going for a ride, just not sure if I should shout something from the curb...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Do you want to get sucked Into personal affairs of a plate?

[–]1kick6 1 point2 points  (1 child)

A wife's girlfriend is not a plate. Stop trying to use plate as a term to dehumanize women. It just makes you look butthurt.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Who is dehumanizing?

[–]borderline_sociopath[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

No no no no no. But...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Then there's your answer

[–]Walktillyoucrawl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds to me like they deserve each other. One is a train wreck the other is a fool. Match made in heaven.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

[–]benmarvin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Best to lead by example.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

TL;DR He won't listen. Betas are incredibly brainwashed these days.

If it were the case that you know this girl cheated on him, it would be right to tell him. However, it does not seem like there is a specific incidence of this sort that you can concretely refer to.

Yes, he's a fool, and he is making a big mistake being involved with this harlot. However, he won't change his decision because of your advice. Unfortunately, a lot of young guys these days are more feminist than women. He will just see you as being rude about his goddess.

Probably best to stay out of it. Some men will only ever learn the hard way.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

[–]through_a_ways 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The 80/20 rule ensures that ~80% of men will be stuck in their beta tendencies.

Recognizing TRP =/= success with women

Employing TRP = success with women. It's the difference between a physicist and a basketball player. One knows the theory, the other knows the practice.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does he trust you? If not, then this situation will the catalyst for how he swallows the red pill.

[–]RPthrowaway123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go for it. Honestly, the mini-stroke might help break this woman's hold in him.

He probably won't listen. But I feel like you should try. If he's a good friend, you should at least give it a shot.

[–]greycloud24 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i would be tempted to offer him a blue pill or a red pill. and let him decide.

[–]cheeky--kunt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Without Morpheus, Neo would never wake up. Also nobody believed him from beginning.

Can you find a crack in his beta shield, or is he completely BP beyond saving? give it a try. Grab him for a drink, and if the things go well, you two do a long walk through city in the night.

If he dismisses you, then close the case and move with your life. Even he is beta, I think he does not deserve to be lied like this for the rest of his life.

[–]phaseonx11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even if you wanted to, I don't think there's anything you could do to save him.

It's too late at this point.

[–]RedBigMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's entirely up to you man whether you should mind your own business or not.

The only way that this could play out for the best is if the guy already has his doubts and is just waiting for someone, anyone to reassure him that he's right to doubt the stupid bitch.

PS: We all know full well that the baby wont be his and he'll get suckered into beta bucks provider role for the alpha's spawn.

[–]TiniF 0 points1 point  (0 children)

he has a right to know.

[–]shitonmyass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All women end up like this. They've gotten too comfortable. We should put them to word in the mines and feed them semen for income

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I would say warn the guy. He probably won't listen, but at least, down the road, when shit gets fucked up, he'll remember your words.

He won't be able to say "why didn't anyone warn me about this?"

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Why are you listening to your wife on matters she knows shit-all about? IE, relationships?

[–]borderline_sociopath[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Wife is not trying to protect the friend; she's trying to avoid getting mixed up in someone else's crappy situation. He's not family, he's not a good friend.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd stay out of it personally because I have no moral compass, but I say go with what you're conscious tells you to. If you want to tell him to get it off your mind, do it, damn what the wife wants. And don't give me this stick by her no matter what or you won't get any ever again nonsense.

Women don't like men who give in to them on issues where the man will compromise something of himself (morals, happiness, beliefs, etc.) They say they do. They SWEAR they do. But they really don't.