Ask IllimitableMan - June 2015 (self.asktrp)

submitted by TRP Vanguard: "Dark Triad Expert"IllimitableMan

If you've been around awhile you'll remember I did an "Ask IM" here in May which I consider to have been quite a success. If not, here's the thread so you can gauge the level of answer I was giving to the questions presented: https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/34f0zr/ask_illimitableman/

After that I asked my followers on Twitter if they thought it would be a good idea for me to do a monthly mailbag. Seeing as the response both here on AskTRP and on Twitter was positive, I've decided to go ahead with it.

I'm doing this for a few reasons:

  • There is demand for it.

  • I want to interact more with the community on a visible level. I do a lot of essay writing, but some people may learn better from a more organic interaction, such as this. Also I have some very interesting 1-on-1 discussions from time-to-time, interactions I'm sure others could learn from had they been public. Consider this an opportunity to make that a reality.

  • If this proves to be successful I will do it every month, picking the best questions over the month and publishing the mailbag to my blog on the final day of the month.

Some guidelines:

  • If your question is of a personal nature, give a pseudonym, and I will refer to you by that if I publish your question with my answer.

  • This isn't an AMA, it's more an "agony uncle" type deal. If you ask me personal questions I'm not going to publish any answers to them.

  • I will only feature the best questions. The better/more in-depth your question, the more chance it will have of being answered. This is being published on my blog, so asking questions that can easily be answered by the red pill sidebar aren't going to get published. Think more relationship problems or scenario based problems (Asking for Machiavellian advice is fine.)

  • I won't publish answers to every question I get, only the questions I hand pick as being the best ones, and as many that fit within a max 2,500 word article. I won't answer every question. It's not possible.

  • If you ask a question about the dark triad I won't answer it in the mailbag, I'll reserve it for the dark triad Q&A like when I did this one. It's not the upcoming post, but part 2 is in the works.

Leave your questions here, or choose any of the methods shown here to get in touch. Remember, I won't answer your question here, if I answer it, I will answer it in a blog post at the end of the month. If other people want to answer your question in the comments here, that's fine by me.

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 13 points14 points  (10 children)

Would you be interested in getting together with the other endorsed contributors and publishing a Red Pill handbook to preserve this communities values in case of a ban?

Have you considered tailoring some of your content to Red Pills 17 year old ADHD crew.

Do you believe that speed limits apply to you, or do you consider yourself Illimitable in that regard as well?

[–]ModAerobus 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Would you be interested in getting together with the other endorsed contributors and publishing a Red Pill handbook to preserve this communities values in case of a ban?

I don't know if I'm allowed to say anything about this matter, so I won't be detailed. RPS talked to me about something related to this. He's busy and I haven't heard back from him however.

Rest assured, in case of a reddit ban, our values, posts, and other information won't be lost forever. RPS does not want that.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

The 17 year old adhd crew is a lost cause. ADD and it's derivatives are just excuses for normal behavior they gotta realize that they have control over their own lives before anyone can help them.

My reason being that anyone who grows up with a nonstandard label is brainwashed into believing they're substandard because they can use their disease as an excuse for life.

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 4 points5 points  (1 child)

ADHD is short hand for people who don't have the patience to read IMs dissertations. Its not litteral

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh. My bad. Here I am going full tryhard. Woops.

[–]Johnny10toes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Speed limits are for people who cannot handle driving fast. They aren't for me. No matter what the police say.

[–]3alreadyredschool 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Fair is anything both parties agree on.

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil 0 points1 point  (1 child)


[–]3alreadyredschool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah this is where this comment vanished to, my res sometimes fucks things up. I thought that comment just didn't got posted so I made it again.

[–]YouDislikeMyOpinion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm onboard.

[–]Temuzjin 4 points5 points  (2 children)

As a TRP newbie, I'm very grateful for yet surprised by the amount of energy and time you and other TRP veterans are expending to help other people for free. I'm sure you personally have enough knowledge and discipline already to basically do whatever you want to do, so why are you choosing to spend your valuable time on TRP? Is becoming just a tiny bit more knowledgeable yourself worth the time investment, is it charity, is it a hobby, is it a "perfection in all things" philosophy, something else?

[–]3alreadyredschool 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Helping others is extremely rewarding. That's why old men often become mentors.

[–]Temuzjin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have to admit that my view of the average TRPer was someone who simply tries to make money, lift weights and fuck women until he's 80. Yet I guess that TRP is just a set of highly effective tools that you can use for whatever purpose you choose.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children)


I wanted to ask something about having all the answers and internalizing them in a way that they are embedded deep inside you. Basically an internal level change, what process is it usually that takes place in the transformation and how do you generally come to accept a belief that you believe to be right but not in a pragmatic manner (say TRP principles)?

And one more question, how do you remove the notion of the 'time running out' when you try to focus on multiple things and your productivity generally deteriorates rather than increase?

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As with everything in life you need to actually apply the knowledge you gained to make it a part of yourself. It's called "practice" for a reason.

I like the analogy of learning a martial art. You'll never become a fighter by reading books and watching videos. You need to go and learn the techniques then repeat them in exercises and even more importantly by sparring with people and ultimately by fighting with some of them. A real fight is different from sparring or exercise in every possible way, or like Mike Tyson put it: "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face."

Only by endless repetition will the moves become a part of you and your brain will only make the necessary connections to let these moves become reflexes, allowing you to not having to think about when and how to apply a certain move, but using it creatively to "just fight", if you do them over and over again.

Also get rid of the idea that one day you'll know all the answers. Finding answers just means finding more questions. Even if you mastered your martial art, and are able to creatively apply all the concepts freely - take the things as they come and deal with them - there will always be somebody who knows a technique you never heard or thought of.

Never loose the urge to keep improving yourself. You can always do better.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I'm not IM, but I can sort of relate to your first question. You're essentially asking about the difference between knowing your theory and actually practicing it, right?

I've found that meditation helps a lot. Your mind will always roam when you begin meditation, and the longer you sit still, the more your mind will churn, and the more unfiltered it will become. The goal of meditation, at first, is not to necessarily still the mind, but to empty the mind instead; this is best done by letting it do its thing until you watch your thoughts cohere together into one "ocean." Then you can put what you want into the waters and let it digest. This is how you find answers to dilemmas and situations you can't quite explain, but you know has substance for your goals.

Then you come upon this "eureka" moment, when the answer jumps out at you, an answer that makes your mind go completely quiet and that unifies your heart and mind. This is when you focus on the stillness of mind and let the answer sink in. This is the harder state to maintain, as your mind will eventually start churning again. Keeping it still for as long as possible is how you introduce change into your psyche.

Try having many explorations in your waking life so you have a lot to digest as well. I often find myself meditating for answers, when in reality there is nothing to meditate on. Meditating for the sake of finding answers will get you nowhere if there is nothing foreign for you to meditate on. The effect is like searching the desert for a pocket of water. The longer you search, the more you deplete yourself.

Hope I helped.

edit: slight grammar error and added desert analogy

Edit: The more I read over this the more I feel I should add. When you're meditating, make sure you are breathing from your belly. Breathing from your chest promotes bad posture. Really make a conscious effort to feel the breath in the belly, as this will bring the relaxation you need for your mind to empty. Doing this right will send a small dose of pleasure through your body, and will also release some tense muscles, which in turn promotes good posture. You will likely maintain the posture for the duration of the meditation.

Meditate with a harder pillow. I roll my bed pillow up and sit the base of my spine on that. It is difficult for me to achieve the right posture without this, but you may be different.

I suggest closing your eyes when you begin. You can open them or close them after the "eureka" moment, and this depends on whether your goal is one of realignment of the senses, or of the mind. Observe the room around you in perfect stillness, or deprive yourself of vision and focus on the bright fire burning within your mind and heart. Neither is better or worse than the other.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude thanks a lot for your detailed advice on meditation! This helped a lot and I've never read such a practical advice on the technique to this day!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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[–]soontobgrad 2 points3 points  (1 child)

IM: Your redpill antibiotic nuke post was one of the best I have ever read in my entire life, by that, I mean one of the entire internet. Now that I have let you know about that, I want to ask you a question that has been bugging me for weeks ever since I have finished school. I realize you're British so you can't completely relate to me about this (I am an American) but I thought I'd give it a chance.

Unlike a lot of the red pill sub, I am not a late bloomer, I learned the game much earlier (started when i was 14) and made decisions throughout my adolescence and college years that led to favorable circumstances in terms of getting laid. In high school, I played sports to raise my status and hook up with some hot girls. I also went to a high school in the upper middle class neighborhoods which meant we had a lot of hot girls my age.

After high school, I went to college where I would get a bid for one of the biggest and most respected houses on my campus. My college is a big state university with thousands of hot girls. I slept with a good number of attractive girls and it seemed so easy, it was all in front of me.

I graduated college this past spring semester and ever since then I have been worrying about life. I feel like I experienced all there is to experience in terms of women, getting laid, and having fun/partying. In a way, I feel very jaded and feel as if there is nothing for me in the future. Never in my life will I be around an abundance of hot girls, have an easy time making friends, and so much free time on my hands.

Now I feel like I have experienced all that the game has to offer me now. I feel like at this point, I will be pushing myself and fighting for scraps because so many of the hot girls I knew in college are married and have degraded in looks throughout the 4 years I was there. A part of me feels like there is nothing the world can offer me now that will rival my amazing experience in college and I just feel so jaded about it. So many of these days I have felt like just getting married and having kids as soon as I get a stable career going.

What is the best thing for men in my situation to do? Do I just go into monk mode and find other hobbies? Do I go down the marriage route?

[–]3alreadyredschool 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You build your happiness on sand. There is more to life than women, find your mission, become a self actualized man and do what you truly want to do. Women are just a side dish of life. Most guys can't reach that state because they still hunt validation of women, they want to get laid. Once that need is satisfied you can focus on new challenges. Yes, you will have to satisfy that need again and again but when you are not starving you can focus on something else.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You've written extensively on the importance of Machiavellianism and the Dark Triad concept for RP people. Articles about it's nature, how it works and how we can and should try to incorporate aspects of it in our daily lives.

But at the same you have also written quite a lot about morality and immorality, which seems to be mutually exclusive with DT & Machiavellianism.

How do you manage this dichotomy? Is the DT & M aspect purely theoretical and the moral aspect your personal conviction? Do you draw a line based on some moral principlecs?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (8 children)

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[–]TRP Vanguard: "Dark Triad Expert"IllimitableMan[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I'll answer this in a future dark triad FAQ. It's too abstract/meaty to fit with what I had in mind for the monthly mailbag and would probably dominate the entire mailbag with my answer. Thanks for the comment. I will ponder over it in future.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

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[–]Zeparic 0 points1 point  (3 children)

In the paragraph where you address the question regarding whether or not to sleep with a married woman, you state that one should consider weighing the potential value vs the potential harm. How do you define value in that instance? Gratification, validation perhaps? Or are you making a point that there is no value and thus sleeping with a married woman is a pointless endeavor?

Or perhaps you mean to say that depending on the resources or utility you can obtain from sleeping with a woman you obtain value.

In short, how do you define value?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

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[–]Zeparic 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The only reason someone might think the risks for sleeping with a married woman are minimal is if they have analyzed the situation and concluded that they have control over, and/or the agency to deal, with the outcome.

But personally, unless there's something to gain besides sexual release I wouldn't consider such an exchange to yield any true value.

eDIT: Actually I take it back, sex is valuable in and of itself, but its like you said the reward has to surpass the risks.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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    [–]Johnny10toes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    What is your process for meditating? In some of your articles you state of stoic meditation and in others suggest zen and the art of archery which would be mindful meditation if I'm right.

    [–]LiLBoner 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    What do you think is the best cure for depression?

    [–]RedditArgument 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Just to throw in an anecdote from my own life a few years back; the solution was to start exercising, eating healthy, dressing well, sleeping ~7.5hrs, and getting heavily social outside of the internet.

    The first three parts build confidence and self-image. The final bit finished it off. Are you missing any of these?

    This would probably get attacked elsewhere on reddit but it's safe to say here that I feel that depression is often a result of day to day choices and routines you get into and less of permanent disease. It was for me. Shake up your life and the pieces may fall into place.

    [–]LiLBoner 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    That's exactly as I thought. I'm doing the first things, and life has improved a lot already. Only thing I still struggle with is being social outside of the internet. But I decided to go to India alone for a month to step out of comfort zone and force myself to be social. Thanks.

    [–]AB_6 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    As a recently turned 20 year old university student who lifts and reads, what else would you recommend one do to go about making the most of the next decade to becoming the best version of one's self possible in terms of socially/sexually/career-wise?

    [–]AWALT_AWALT_AWALT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Once a man decides he wants to LTR a plate, how should he go about it?

    In today's hookup culture, many relationships naturally progress from a more casual fling. A man of value expresses his interest in a woman, and they end up having a sexual relationship. After long enough, one or the other may develop feelings and wish to become exclusive with the other. My question is, what if you're the one who reaches the conclusion that you want to commit to a woman?

    From my understanding, TRP theory holds that because men are the gatekeepers of commitment, a healthy relationship is one that a woman requests and a man grants. This allows the man to enter the relationship from a position of power because he is accepting an offer. Of course TRP endorses a male-dominated relationship, so this would seem correct. Also, blue pill men often attempt to nurture an emotional connection/commitment from women before pursuing a sexual relationship with them (they're over-occupied with proving that they respect the woman and desire things from women that women are not wired to provide in a relationship). Would this mean that any and all progressions from a plate to a LTR should be initiated by the woman?

    To me, this seems so. If a man is high value enough, any woman he's fucking should desire his commitment; hell, in theory the prospect of an LTR with any plate should rarely be difficult to obtain. Does it necessarily follow from this that if a woman is fucking a man, she would/wants to commit to that man?

    What about casual, friends-with-benefits arrangements, in which both the man and woman understand that each other is also seeing other people? That's the situation I've found myself in. I've been sleeping with a girl for a while (one of a few I've got on rotation) but her personality, attitude, etc. have me developing oneitis. Admittedly, I am not against the prospect of pursuing something more serious with this woman, but I'm not sure exactly how to do so. My understandings of this theory tell me that telling her of my feelings would be blue pill. Ideally, she'd be the one pushing for a relationship with me, right?

    The way I see it, her commitment to me, while not worth as much as my commitment, is still worth a fair amount. She'd be sacrificing the right to sleep with any/all of the other people she currently is. Would that not mean that for me to expect to secure her commitment that I would need to be the best guy she has?

    And if I'm not yet the best, I'm guessing the advice would be to become the best by continuously improving myself for myself, and eventually she may come around. Ultimately I'm left wondering is there any course of action a man can take once he realizes he wants to date a woman other than be the best he can until she budges first?

    [–]Zeparic 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    As someone well-versed in Machiavellian understanding, when interacting with people do you have any particular internal process for sizing them up? Like a checklist, or a routine if you will, that you take into consideration before employing Machiavellian tactics?

    [–]3alreadyredschool 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    For me it happens naturally. If I think about it I can come up with plans.

    [–]Fulp_Piction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Hi IM, I've read a lot of Manosphere over the past year or so, and I've noticed that you speak on perhaps a deeper, more complicated level about things. A real dissection of the concepts. So in that regard, what is your thoughts on ego, validation and how to use them to your advantage with respect to the red pill, and life in general? It's something I've recently been grappling with after watching a lot of Alan Watts.

    [–]rp_question 0 points1 point  (4 children)

    Is it hypocritical for a man to expect physical faithfulness in a long-term relationship without giving it in return?

    I've seen a lot of highly upvoted posts/comments (example) in support of polygynous relationships on /r/theredpill, but there are also a lot of people who say that it's only fair if the relationship is completely open (as opposed to open for one half only). Curious what an expert has to say on the matter.

    [–]3alreadyredschool 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Fair? Do you know what is fair? Everything both parties agree to.

    [–]rp_question 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    I agree, but a lot of people here seem to think differently. I've only been here for less than a month, so I'm not sure who to listen to...

    [–]3alreadyredschool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This is just about opinions, my opinion is always correct so you can listen to me or you read my comment again and decide for yourself if it makes sense.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Honestly how likely do you think it is that north American countries actually face a beaureacatic restructuring of sufficient calibre to actually save us from our own slow inevitable demise?

    Expanding on that note, what do you feel is the best approach for ensuring ones happiness in the long term whilst living in a society where the future remains uncertain?

    This is totally unrelated but could you define love? I'd be really interested in how you view the sensation in a traditional monogamous sense, seeing as the primary advocacy around these parts is constant cycling of mates.

    This is more philosophical than anything but I enjoy reading your opinions on the rest of life so it's neat to postulate the question.

    [–]bz1028 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    What rites of passage do you think a modern boy has to go through before he can consider himself a man? I ask this as a student about to graduate high school. With a summer full of free time ahead of me, is there anything I should work on besides lifting and reading books?

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Give me the one thing I can hold onto when I hit rock bottom and I see no hope of future change.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    What are the beliefs and practices that uphold masculinity or rather, the basic framework for masculinity that makes a man a man?

    [–]trpdownunder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    How do I increase my ability to manage time?

    [–]romanRai 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    If you could recommend 10 books for personal growth, what would they be?

    [–]topredhat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Automatic or manual?

    [–]AvatarStinky 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I have a guy that I was friends with up until last year. He's been married for 5 years and been with his wife for 14 years and they have a child. He's a high school dropout that has never worked and used to get by selling weed until he married his wife. Since he has no work history, no marketable skills, and a lengthy criminal record, he has no career prospects so he relies on his wife. His wife's father is very wealthy and she runs one of her father's companies that he gave her to run. They do okay financially, but he spends all of her money trying to appear more successful than they actually are (more on this later).

    I've been lifting for a long time and have an exceptionally good physique. I started getting him into lifting, and with lifting came more attention from women. Still, if you can imagine the type of women that are interested in high school dropouts with no career prospects then you can imagine the type of women that he cheats on his wife with. He sees all of these women as inherently good, special, snowflakes and places a high value on them even as they excoriate him behind his back.

    I internalised a lot of TRP concepts and I don’t treat any of these women special just because they’re women. In fact, many of these women are shitty people (as one would expect) and they call me an ‘asshole’ yet continue to talk to me because I’m interesting and I’m constantly improving. He isn’t really interested in getting better, but he spends all of his wife’s money buying things that make him appear successful in an attempt to get validation from other people (especially from women). At one point he even confronted me and said “listen man, I know we’ve known each other for 15 years, but some of the girls say they don’t like you and they have the pussies so I have to listen to them.” In effect he’s loyal to shitty women most of whom he’s not even having sex with.

    I've completely cut him out of my life and I haven't tried to communicate with him in a year. The thing about this person is that he's constantly out for himself. Because of this he has no friends. If trust is a commodity he’s squandered his trust by ripping people off and stealing from friends and family members (he sent his brother to prison for several years over a tiny amount of money).

    I have read the essays on Powertalk and it has worked beautifully so far in marginalising him. The ex-friend has always been at the bottom of the social hierarchy. Our group consists solely of my friends; his friends are mostly career criminals in prison/rehab and everyone in our group is my friend as he only knows them through me. The problem is that he's definitely of the clueless group that mistakes Powertalk for Straightalk. For example he'll show up at a place by himself if he knows we're going to be there. I don't want to hang out with him so I'll say "You know what I'm going to check out a different place. You guys just hang out and I'll meet my other friends." Since he’s at the bottom of the hierarchy everyone wants to come with me, and he tags along. This is a problem because no matter how often he gets ditched he is unable to see the false narrative that is being laid out for him. He tries to contact my friends and invite them out to events, and he’s constantly attempting to undermine me in an attempt to gain more social status within our group. I don’t really care about his behaviour, as my place in the group is secure, however it’s starting to get on my nerves. It’s been almost one year and this guy isn’t taking the hint. Any advice on how I might completely remove him from the group and cut him off from any interactions?

    [–]3alreadyredschool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Female entitlement:

    Ever since starting to improve myself my standards rose, not just because I am able to pull more quality girls but because I appreciate it when girls put in effort. Women learn how to do make up, apply it every day, read magazines to find out about new styles, take hours to select good clothes, spend tons of time on their hair, diet to stay thin...

    You will often hear that the root of the female entitlement syndrome lies in feminism, the feel good media and the fact that many guys swoon over them. But maybe this is a bigger contributor to it. What do you think?