42
43

Why am I treated like a punching bag? Coworkers like to AMOG in front of girls (self.asktrp)

submitted by Sitchnatio

It seems like the fact I'm a nice and polite is seen like an huge turnoff.

I just try to stay on my own and other males do everything to destroy my frame in front of girls. They try everything to make me uncomforable, they are childish and they usually make jokes on me because they know I'm an easy target who don't even know how to defend.

I have certified asperger too. I'm already fit, I'm training since 2010 so the ' go lift ' is not useful this time.

Women act like they are affectionate to me, they usually hug me but they do that in a non-sexual manner, they treat me with maternal instinct telling me I'm sweet like a teddy bear exc.

I hate the fact they see me as soft and tender, I don't really what to do. Why they do that?

It seems like women love bullies, they literally can stop themselves to be attracted to rude men


[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 100 points101 points  (7 children)

So you're figuring out that being a "nice guy" doesn't work? Congratulations. Now harden the fuck up.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (5 children)

So you are suggesting that he change his frame to become a “harder” person, to match their frames? Interesting advisement.

I wonder what would happen if he maintained his frame and found different friends, or a different job. instead of changing who he is and trying to be someone “harder”....

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev 36 points37 points  (2 children)

So you are suggesting that he change his frame to become a “harder” person, to match their frames? Interesting advisement.

I think he needs to harden up in general. Y'know, how we tell guys to lift and eat clean instead of whining how girls don't like "skinnyfat" guys.

I wonder what would happen if he maintained his frame and found different friends, or a different job. instead of changing who he is and trying to be someone “harder”....

If you put a doormat in front of a different door, it's still a doormat.

[–]Endorsed ContributorFeralRed 26 points27 points  (0 children)

If you put a doormat in front of a different door, it's still a doormat.

Nice.

[–]Endorsed ContributorFeralRed 11 points12 points  (0 children)

So you're suggesting that he go play in the Special Olympics instead of training and elevating himself to compete in the real Olympics.

That's not very Redpill of you.

[–]Flintblood 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know why this is getting downvoted. It seems they forgot that frame can be different for every person. Don't change who you are - but do try to use social lube and be socially calibrated. Asperger's makes it difficult. I would switch friends (f their crab bucket mentality) and find new venues, new ponds with plenty of fish.

[–]Endorsed ContributorFeralRed 41 points42 points  (8 children)

I'm a doormat. Why do people keep stepping on me?

Dude read the sidebar. You don't even know the basic alpha/beta dichotomy that is the fundamental building block of interpersonal dynamics.

Nobody can nor should help you until you get some basics down.

Get reading.

[–]Sitchnatio[S] 1 point2 points  (7 children)

I read this community but I'm not talking about women I'm talking about how men treat me

[–]Endorsed ContributorFeralRed 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Notice I typed interpersonal, not intersexual.

If you carry yourself as a nice guy beta, not only will women pick up on that, but men will too, and being men, will be a lot more overt and verbal about it, because it elevated them above you with no risk.

[–]frequentlywrong 2 points3 points  (3 children)

The way men and women treat you is entirely equivalent. That is how (friendly, non threatening) betas are treated by both sexes.

They see you as soft and tender because you are. If you disagree you are deluding yourself. The social proof is staring you in the face.

Since you're already training, I suggest going a step further and taking up martial arts. It will destroy your inner beta. MMA is best, if that is not possible go for brazillian jiu jitsu or muay thai.

[–]Sitchnatio[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I hate the fact I stand by myself and they verbally abuse me because they have nothing to do. They think they can.get away with it and even the stupidest thing is a season to destroy my frame. The problem is that all these people are okder than me too, they treat me like I'm not at their level.

Women on the other hand treat me like they are affectionate like I'm a puppy or a little kid. When other men try to AMOG they say things like : " poor guy " exc

[–]frequentlywrong 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I'm afraid growing social skills is very much like the saying "the beatings will continue until morale improves".

Yeah I know it sucks, but whining about it is not going to do anything. You knowing how to fight and carrying yourself like you do will be a drastic change in how others perceive you. This is why you must train in a sparring martial art like the ones I mentioned.

Pressure either destroys you or it makes you stronger. All that is required is some steps in the right direction.

[–]Sitchnatio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would just like to make my business and left alone. People is not helping me, it's like they release all their tensions on me because I'm their punching bag

[–]Andorli -1 points0 points  (1 child)

People will say this is a childish advice, but I know this works, escalate the joke or banter in amused mastery tone or ve sarcastic, whatever happens escalate until he loses frame and tries to get physical. Then kick the ever living shit out of the guy who got physical. Trust me it won't happen again.

[–]Sitchnatio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course but it sound like everyone can do what they want to me. If I stand up and reply to them they put right in my place or they say " it's a joke "

The next time they do something worse

[–]MrGoodStuff05 14 points15 points  (7 children)

I feel like you're making excuses for yourself when you say you have certified asperger. You seem pretty coherent in what you're writing there, I don't see why you couldn't communicate just as effectively in person.

Also, I've had "friends" in the past who also try to amog me all the time especially in front of girls. I have one cool trick to deal with that. It's called getting new friends. These friends will never respect you, and that's ok. You will get a lot more fulfillment from life if you change your circle of friends. Find people who value you. It might take a long time to find a stable group of friends but in the long run it'll be worth it trust me.

As far as girls and being nice, the problem I think these days is that girls confuse niceness with weakness. Girls think that a nice guy is weak and mean and asshole guys are strong and can defend themselves. You need to find a way to express that you're a strong man but also nice. Don't let people mistake your niceness with weakness. Once you figure all that out you'll be alright dude.

Stop making excuses for yourself, find new friends, and don't let people think you're weak.

[–]I_do_it4sloots 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Aspergers in 2018 = social inexperience and/or anyiety/shyness

[–]I_do_it4sloots 0 points1 point  (5 children)

Btw it's beta as fuk to change friends bcs they try to mog you. Mogging is normal masculine behavior and if you had to change friends everytime you would end up with the low t loser nerds. Instead grow balls and learn to keep frame and to mog back, to gain respect

[–]gram_bot 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Hello Ido_it4sloots, just a heads up, "Everytime" should be written as two separate words: every time. While some compound words like everywhere, everyday, and everyone have become commonplace in the English language, everytime is not considered an acceptable compound word. To stop gram bot from commenting on your comments, please use the command: "yourUserName ?ami"

[–]I_do_it4sloots 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This bot is low-T as phuck

[–]MrGoodStuff05 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Mogging is normal masculine behavior if it's done within the boys group while shooting the shit. It is not normal to mog your friend in front of girls. First of all, most girls can see right through you putting your own friends down and it just comes out as tryhard and pathetic. If you mog your friends in front of girls you're not only a beta but you're also a bitch, and nobody respects you.

[–]I_do_it4sloots 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Well yes it obviously depends on how you are getting mogged. Butthurt personal attacks which go into disrespect should not be tolerated. I'm talking about normal banter between trusted people

[–]Sitchnatio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's like when they start to act like that my option is being sarcastic but I never offend. I try to minimze what they are saying because I have to avoid fights in my.work place

[–]JustChopItOff 3 points4 points  (1 child)

If you struggle with social cues, then online dating may be fir you since every meetup is a certified date and there isnt any confusion.

[–]Sitchnatio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know what to do in dates cause social isolation

[–]2000inchbiceps 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Take no shit. Call people out on their bullshit. You can be a respectful person, but know your boundaries. If people cross that line, call them out. No matter how hot the woman is or how intimidating the man is, if they cross a line you will call them out on their bullshit right on the spot. Do not be disrespected and let shit slide. The moment you do, you will give off the pussboy vibe and people will treat you like poop. You don't always have to win an argument. And you will fuck up defending yourself at first. But when you start acting like you give a fuck about yourself, things change to your self esteem.

Outside your workplace, say what you want unforgivably. Do shit that scares you repeatedly, but know your limits.

[–]DamiensLust 2 points3 points  (3 children)

OP, you're only going to get vague advice because this is such a vague post. Why don't you post an example or two of the worst instances of this that you can think of and then you can get tailored advice to your actual situation?

[–]Sitchnatio[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

They say shit like :

" don't talk to her, you're virgin bro "

[–]Zhigaag 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"That's not what your mom said last night..."

Cocaine and Jiu Jitsu. Provoke them into a physical altercation and then rip their fucking eyeballs out and show 'em to them.

[–]DamiensLust 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are they right? Are you a virgin? The best way to handle this is making it so its totally self-evident that you aren't a virgin. If you are already considered to be a beta pussy in this group it's going to be very difficult to change their minds, and when you attempt to they will try their best to kick you back down to where you "belong". I hope this is just a job you're describing and not the career you're planning on staying in forever, since it would be infinitely easier to get a new job and make sure you don't come across as a virgin then to raise your status where you are.

In the class I took last year when questioned about my previous relationships/sexual history etc I would try to insist that I was a virgin, and not a single person believed it and would laugh at my ridiculous joke. This is how you want to present yourself - if it's believable and funny when people call you a virgin it means that there is something very, very wrong in the way you're socially presenting yourself, and you need to try and take a step back and let go of your ego a little to try and determine what exactly it is about you that makes their insults believable. If someone can call you a virgin and it's a genuine insult and get laughs because it seems accurate then you are definitely doing something wrong - guys don't just pick a random man in their group to start insulting and tear down, there's going to be a reason for it and you need to find it and correct it ASAP.

[–]djh860 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think you need to find a way to stand you ground with men. It may not be your forte but you have to give it back to the guys who disrespect you.

Some times you can get away with a standard response like “easy there spanky#. Or “cool it speedy”. I like these phrases because all you need to do is say them with attitude and people get your message even though the phrase itself doesn’t make much sense. It’s about presence and delivery. Make eye contact deliver the line with confidence and see what happens?

[–]Ricklogical 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Who gives a shit? You shouldn't be fucking women at work so it doesn't matter how people treat you there. That's just some hive level bullshit.

Let it go, not worth fixating on and you are not who you are at work.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Dont be an asshole. dont listen to those voices. you don’t have to change your character and ethics to make friends and be the big dick man.

I would recommend as others have on your post that you need to read the sidebar further.

cheap alphas are loud and obnoxious and that is one path. but a quality Alpha is kind to everybody, resilient, and commands respect from the inside out; be that guy.

People (including all women) will never respect you based on how others treat you. they respect you based on how you respond to others. motivations around sex or popularity may lead them to act like they don’t like you in order to meet the status quo, but on the inside they will always respect you if you react appropriately; you always command their respect for you there is no exception. So read the side bar bro, and hang in there.

[–]FlyingSexistPig 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Say less.

Be harder.

[–]LateralThinker13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It seems like the fact I'm a nice and polite is seen like an huge turnoff.

Worse, you come across as a pushover (to the manipulative) and a target (to the social climbers and bullies).

they know I'm an easy target who don't even know how to defend.

This is self-inflicted. Stop putting yourself out there for the women, and stop caring what they (the men AND women) think. Be aloof. Talk less. React less. Do your own thing.

Women act like they are affectionate to me, they usually hug me but they do that in a non-sexual manner, they treat me with maternal instinct telling me I'm sweet like a teddy bear exc.

See, this is where you still care what they all think. Stop it. It doesn't matter what they think, it matters what YOU think. Focus on yourself first. You're acting like a beta pleaser.

I hate the fact they see me as soft and tender, I don't really what to do. Why they do that?

We teach others how to treat us. If you're treated as soft and tender, IT IS BECAUSE YOU ARE. So STOP IT, suck it up, and grow a pair.

It seems like women love bullies, they literally can stop themselves to be attracted to rude men

I give up. You haven't read RP literature at all, have you? You deserve what you get.

[–]Aesthetic_God__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Read the sidebar and also read my post about frame, on how to make frame take a physical form so you become more dominant and fearful, it might help you. I've been there, had that. Don't tolerate anyone's shitty behavior, Progress into reading now.

[–]Zanford 0 points1 point  (5 children)

You've answered your own question. You are nice and polite and demure and seen as a beta by guys and frienzone by girls

Anyway, this is the workplace. Don't shit where you eat. Do whatever is best for getting ahead. Which is probably being more alpha and commanding more respect, but not explicitly hitting on women at work.

I'm already fit, I'm training since 2010 so the ' go lift ' is not useful this time.

Everyone can get bigger and fitter. What are your height, weight, and bf%?

[–]Sitchnatio[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

180cm 77 kilos abs showing

[–]satlinrabbow 2 points3 points  (2 children)

uhh. If youve been lifting for 8+ years 6'1 and ...77Kgs

You haven't been lifting have you?

you mentioned "Training" not LIFTING.

6'1 and 77 Kilos is small AF. (for 8 years of lifting wtf)

I know 45 year olds who are bigger than you and have been lifting for half the time youve been training wtf is this shit my dude.

GO LIFT! EAT BETTER.

For those who dont know,

180 is about 6 ft or 6'1

77kilos or 77kgs is 169 lbs. . .after 8 years. . . this is someone who doesn't LIFT.

So someone not wanting the advice of "go lift" when looking that small and getting pushed around. . .

this really isn't rocket science.

[–]redblueninja 0 points1 point  (0 children)

180 cm is 5'11

[–]Sitchnatio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you serious bro? It's not how much you weight it's how you look:

https://imgur.com/a/y1Vh0iU

[–]Zanford 0 points1 point  (0 children)

180cm

OK so you're a bit on the shorter side. That's probably part of it. And abs aren't gonna do much if you aren't going around shirtless at the office.

But 90% of this is personality. Like the other repliers here said...just read the sidebar. Your post is a fairly generic "I'm beta and want to be alpha" so we can't give you much more advice than the generic advice of read the sidebar.

[–]kyzen142 0 points1 point  (5 children)

You ever hear stories about guys that get bullied for years but then in a moment of anger they throw a punch back and then they report that the bullying stops? Thats how it is you are not throwing a punch back. Predators in nature prey on the weakest animal in other words the animal that is less likely to fight back. You are not fighting back.

[–]Sitchnatio[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

How to fight back when they are my coworkers/boss?

[–]kyzen142 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Mock them, make fun of em, pick on them there are many things you can do. You already know what to do I am sure u just need to muster up the courage to do it.

[–]Sitchnatio[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Ok and when it's the boss who yells at me for stupid things?

[–]kyzen142 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Strong eye contact, poker face and keep nodding in agreement. Thats my strategy at least and I find that he cuts the interaction short cuz in reality I am not giving him any emotions.

[–]Sitchnatio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, but I work with low class people who grew in the street...

[–]NitricTV 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Be an asshole.

[–]CalvinRichland -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Just smile

[–]EddTheEdducator -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Concentrate on the times you've been cornered like a weak little rat while more domineering males shattered your frame and women in the background think to themselves how you need to be coddled.

Now ask yourself, do you want to keep being a weak little rat? A joke at the expense of others? A teddy bear to women?

If not, next time your at work and the males approach you let it be known you wont be pushed without a fight. Visualize your enemy, look at them and analyze. What is this person most likely insecure about? From analyzing their personality what are their downfalls/shortcomings/weaknesses? When the shit test begin either ignore or play it off. When you've had enough show your fangs with a hint of wit/comedy.

They will soon catch on that every time they come for you their ego will be touched as well. Then they will think twice about pushing you around next time.

[–]huge_gap -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Because they perceive you as a punching bag.