Avianca flight 011 was flying a leg from Paris to Spain in November 1983. The pilot ignored the warning system that was telling him he was at an incorrect altitude and the approach controller had given the plane faulty information. The pilot crashed the plane into the side of a mountain killing 162 people on board because he was an idiot and acknowledged, then disregarded the warning alarm.
What does this have to do with me and my man?
There are always posts here where ladies are trying to be Mrs. Perfect for him. I want to be Mrs. Perfect too, there's no faulting that by itself. Some ladies may be innocent and unaware, but I think a lot of these kinds of posts are by women who are nervous and afraid.
They found TRP or rpw and through those lenses see that, along with their own damaging behavior, their man isn't a great or natural leader. He's tripping some red flags, but she wants to give him the benefit of her doubt.
She's basically here asking how to ignore it or fluff pillows around his bullshit to make it more comfortable. DONT FLUFF PILLOWS FOR BULLSHIT TO GET COMFORTABLE. You are his partner, point it out. Respectfully and tactfully acknowledging that he could better his position, leadership, whatever, is ok.
I'm not talking about nagging him.
I'm talking about things like, "He really hates my friends and my family and when I spend time with them. He must think they're not good for me, and I need to trust him." Or "He spends his paycheck in two days and is in debt to all his friends and he just needs a few dollars from me to pay rent and get groceries and beer and go to the casino. He needs his hobbies and his alone time, so I'm going to work on not being so guarded with my money. I need to trust him." Or "He wrapped a towing chain around my waist and shackled me to the radiator for my own safety. I feel a little uncomfortable but he says it's for my safety so I trust him but he's been gone for a week and I'm really thirsty, am I a harpy bitch if I ask for some water?"
You're not his mother, he's not perfect the way he is, and if he's worth a damn, he's not going to get salty and have a hissy fit because you let him know he could benefit from downloading YNAB or something. But if he's failing in major areas, you don't just say fuck it and fly into the side of a mountain!
Just because he is your man does not mean his a trustworthy man. Not all men are worth submitting to and following but ones that are sure won't complain about his lady wanting to keep him sharp. If you're six months in or a year in or however long into a relationship and he's a bumbling moron or a controlling, short-tempered micromanager then LEAVE!
Being a rpw does not mean ignoring all of your built in alarm systems and blindly trusting a man no matter how badly you want to!
Being a responsible adult who is in charge of yourself means taking an honest look at how capable and trustworthy the man is who you're allowing to lead you!
Yes, every man has flaws. You are wholly welcome to support your man. I support mine. But if his stomach starts getting soft I might give him a playful poke and ask him if we can have dead lifts for dessert.
Being a rpw is not about taking on all of his burdens and making his life a pleasure cruise and pretending he's perfect. It's about supporting a man in a way that enables him to be the best man he can be. He can't be the best man he can be if you let him fail and just cringe and hope it gets better. Maybe serve him a drink while the house burns down because you need to trust him!
A mans burdens are rightfully his to carry, so you help him to grow into the kind of man who can carry them.
There's shutting up and letting him do his thing, and there's ignoring problems and red flags.
Examples of ladies doing it right:
--Owning her misbehavior.
And this is interesting. The comments are important.
So basically, you're not only there to look pretty and blindly trust. Trust is earned, not given! You're there to look pretty and be a smart FO.
Not every relationship is perfect. Not every example of trust is something like a home repair. Sometimes you do have to cut the lifeboats and ride the storm out. I have, and it don't regret it. But I knew all of what I was getting into, and I needed to consult with no one because I was not looking for reasons to ignore a blaring warning and make myself a martyr.
Use your heads. There are times to be sweet and submissive, and times to gtfo of a sinking ship.